I stared at the number Archer gave me whilst the twins squabbled over the remote. Maybe it wasn't a bad idea. I had put off the call all weekend and I wasn't sure why.
Now I sighed and looked up at Josh.
"What's up?" He asked.
He was still so intuitive after all these years.
"I don't know. I had a conversation with Archer over the weekend and he suggested it was time to start dating again." I fiddled with a loose thread on my sleeve.
"Didn't you go on dates after we divorced?" He asked.
I shrugged. "Not particularly. I had a couple of group nights out that I was invited to but nothing particularly serious. I guess I decided it wasn't the right time, because of the divorce and the twins were so little."
"Do you think you'd like to try dating again?" He asked, pulling up a chair and watching me.
I shrugged.
"Look, I know it's none of my business when you start dating again." He said. "I would never want to push you on something like that. It's for you to decide if and when you're ready. But as the mother of my children and my ex-wife, I want you to be happy. I think if you want to start dating again, then you should do that."
"What about the boys?" I asked.
"You can explain it to them. We can explain it to them together if you like." He said, taking my hand. "You are an incredible mother. And you have put everyone ahead of yourself for five years, I think it's time you gave yourself a break and did something for yourself. You deserve that, Lizzie." He squeezed my hand and smiled reassuringly.
I hesitated.
"Remember last year, we had this same conversation when I decided it was time to start dating again?" He asked. "It's not selfish to want a life outside of the twins, Liz."
"I don't know." I said. "It's just...easier for you, I guess. The kids adapted so well to the divorce, and when we explained to them that you were going to date again, they didn't really notice anything different. I'm just so scared that one wrong decision could hurt them."
"Hey, Lizzie, listen to me."
I looked up at him.
"I worry about a lot of things with our kids." He said. "I worry that I can't provide for them properly or that they'll struggle in school. But I have never worried about you not protecting them enough. From the moment those kids were born, you have done nothing but the best for them."
He squeezed my hand gently and he wiped a tear from my eye. He could still make my heart skip a beat when he talked like that.
"Look, it doesn't have to be anything permanent right?" He said. "Why don't you just dip your toe in? Get a feel for things? We don't even have to explain it to the boys just yet, just have a look at what's out there and decide if it's really something you want to do."
"You think it's a good idea?" I asked.
"I do. I really do." He said. "Where's his number?"
I got the strip of paper out that Archer had given me and handed it to him.
"Honey, you know Archer wouldn't suggest something like this if he didn't think it was a good idea." He said. "I'd never push you to do anything you don't want to, but I think you should consider it, if it's something you want to do."
"Would you be ok with it?"
He smiled. "You don't need it, but as your ex-husband, you have my blessing. You do what you think is right, when the time is right for you."
He kissed my forehead and I closed my eyes.
"Thank you." I whispered.
~*~
Just call him.
The voice in my head sounded just like Archer's.
I looked at the twins. I hadn't been on a date in five years. It was time. But then again I hadn't been on a date in five years. I wouldn't know what to talk about. My main topic of conversation was the twins. I didn't want to bore the man by talking about my kids all the time.
He has kids too. You're overthinking this. Archer said.
Am I?
I dialled his number taking a breath.
"Ben White?" I asked.
"Speaking."
"Hi, Archer Williams gave me your number. It's Lizzie."
"Right, hi." He said.
"I was just wondering, would you like to meet up for a coffee sometime?"
It was silent on the other line and I bit my lip. I wasn't used to this. I'd been asked on dates before but it had been a long time since I'd done the asking myself.
Why is he not speaking? Should I hang up and cut my losses?
"Sure. How does Friday afternoon sound? We could go to the Costa on Maple Lane?"
"Friday works great." I said.
"Ok, 2pm?"
"Perfect. See you then." I said. Almost babbling with nerves.
I hung up and took a deep breath, before taking a pen and writing it on the calendar.
"Who was that, Mummy?" Liam asked.
"That was Mummy's date." I said, sitting on the sofa with them.
"What's a date?" Luke asked.
I laughed and wrapped an arm around each of them.
"A date is where two people go out to dinner and get to know each other." I said.
"Who is it?"
"A friend of Archer's." I said.
"Will we come?" Liam asked.
"No, it's Mummy's time. It'll be at lunchtime whilst you two are at school and I'll pick you up afterwards."
The twins nodded.
"Did you ever go on dates with Daddy?" Asked Luke.
"Yeah. All the time."
"Why did you stop?" Liam asked.
I paused, thinking back to why our relationship had drifted to an end.
"We just got out of the habit." I murmured.
"Do you still love Daddy?" Luke asked.
"Yes." I said. "I'll always love Daddy. I'm just not in love with him anymore."
The twins nodded and I kissed their foreheads.
"What should we have for dinner?" I asked.
"Pizza!" They yelled.
"Did you have pizza with Daddy?" I asked, suspiciously.
The pair shook their heads and I sighed. Who cared if they'd had pizza this weekend? I was feeling in a fun mood.
"Pepperoni or cheese?" I asked.
"Pepperoni." They chorused.
"You got it." I said, standing up to get the pizza out of the freezer.
~*~
We played Frustration whilst dinner was cooking and I tried to calm the boys down when they got too competitive.
The oven pinged and I breathed a sigh of relief when the kids sprung up with an excited cry.
"PIZZA!" They yelled, jumping up and down in perfect unison.
I got the pizza out of the oven and told the boys to get some plates.
"Do you want to eat in the family room?" I asked.
The boys nodded eagerly and I put a couple of slices of pizza on their plates. Following them into the room, I switched the TV on so they could watch Toy Story and sank onto the sofa.
I sighed and thought about messaging Archer to tell him I did it. I took a bite of pizza and watched the boys stare raptly at the screen, I wondered what I was doing.
~*~
"I can't believe you made me do that!" I told Archer later.
"But doesn't it feel good?" He asked. "It's time you got back out there. You'll become an old spinster type that people barely give a second glance."
"Thanks, I guess." I mumbled. "I don't even know what I would wear."
"Get one of the girls to help."
"Maybe." I sighed. "You owe me if this doesn't go well."
"It's going to go well."
"Yeah, whatever." I muttered. "I'll be round to pick the girls up after school."
"Sure. Don't lose track of time." He said and I could hear the smirk in his voice.
"We're not going to be doing that." I told him.
"Of course not." His tone didn't believe me.
"It's my first date in years." I argued.
"Do you think you'll remember what you're doing?" He giggled.
"You are so annoying."
"You're welcome, hun. Hope it goes well." He hung up, still laughing.
I shook my head and went back to the boys who were pretending to be Buzz and Woody.
"Do you want some ice-cream?" I asked.
The twins nodded and scampered into the kitchen where the ice-cream was set out waiting for them. I placed bowls in front of them and they ate happily.
"Have you packed your bags ready for tomorrow?" I asked.
They nodded.
"I'm going to make your packed lunch. Shout if you need me." I said, heading for the kitchen.
I realised I was looking forward to this. I hadn't been on a date in forever. My life had become consumed by fights and cartoons and packed lunches. It had been so long since I'd felt like a person rather than an robot conditioned to clean and cook.
Archer was right. I did need to get back out there. It would be good. Maybe it would even be fun.
Later, after the kids had their bath, I lay them into their bunk beds and kissed them.
"Tell us a story." They demanded.
I nodded, picking out a book and beginning to read.
"Not that one!" They yelled. "Tell us the princess story."
"Ok." I said. "Once upon a time, there was a young princess who was trapped in a tower for years and years. She was alone for hundreds of years until one day she looked out her window and saw a prince riding towards her on a white horse.
He was the most handsome man she had seen. But then she saw another man, equally handsome, riding towards her on his own white horse. She waited until the princes reached the door and together, they opened it and set the princess free."
The boys looked up at me with identical smiles as I kissed them goodnight.
"Sweet dreams, my princes." I whispered. "See you in the morning."
~*~
"Give it back!" Luke shouted.
"I had it first." His brother yelled.
"It's mine!"
"BOYS. STOP FIGHTING." I yelled from my room.
There was the sound of running feet and they catapulted into bed, snuggling next to me and kissing me.
"Mummy!" They said. "Can we have pancakes for breakfast?"
"I don't have time to make them." I told them.
"Aw."
I held up a hand to stop the imminent pleading and crying.
"I will buy the ingredients and we can make them for dinner." I promised. "I'll even let you flip the dud."
"Yay!" They cheered.
"Right. Come on. Up up up." I clapped and they scrambled to their feet and ran to their room to get dressed.
I got myself sorted and met the kids in the kitchen. I poured the twins some cereal and peeled a banana as they crunched on Chex mix.
"Drink your milk, too." I said, as I sipped my coffee.
"Why do you drink so much coffee, Mummy?" Liam asked.
"Well baby, you have blood running through your veins keeping you healthy and I have coffee running through mine." I said.
"So when you're old you need coffee to live?"
"Yeah." I agreed, sipping my coffee. "Now finish your cereal. We're late."
I handed the pair their bags and they climbed into the car.
"Come on, let's go." I said, starting the car. "You've not forgotten anything, have you? No? Good."
~*~
"Bye babes, have a great day. I love you." I called after them as I pulled out of the drive.
I sighed as I thought of the chores I had to do today. I'd much rather leave the shopping and cleaning for tomorrow and spend the day with Archer watching movies or something.
Sod it.
I grinned as I turned towards home, scrolling down to find Archer's number.
"Hey." He said. "You ok?"
"I'm taking a mental health day." I smiled. "Are you free?"
"I can be." He said.
"Ok. Key will be under the door and I'll buy some snacks and drinks for a movie date. Sound good?"
"Yeah. I'll be there soon."
I stopped at the shops and bought an assortment of snacks before driving home.
"Hey." Archer called as I walked through the door.
"Hey." I grinned, tossing him a packet of jelly babies.
"There's a coffee for you." He gestured to the cup on the table.
"Thanks." I said, opening the pack of M&Ms.
He laughed. "Ditching work today, huh?"
I wasn't exactly skipping work since I was freelance. But he was.
"Thanks for agreeing to hang." I said.
"No problem. Remember we used to do this all the time at uni?" He said, as I sat down and propped my feet in his lap.
"I remember failing a module for doing that, yeah." I chuckled.
He laughed and took a jelly sweet. Whilst I picked up the remote and scrolled through the movies until landing on Definitely, Maybe.
"So you called him?" Archer asked.
"Yup." I grinned.
"What are you going to wear?" He asked.
I rolled my eyes. "It's a lunch date. I'll wear something casual. Besides, it's not until Friday."
"That's only three days away." He reminded me.
I shrugged. "You can help me if you like."
"You sure you trust me to pick an outfit out?"
"You've got better taste now than when we were nineteen." I assured him. "Remember that goatee you tried to pull off."
"That was a dark month." He admitted. "At least you convinced me to get rid of it."
"I think it was getting shot down by Rhys Lennings that did that." I countered.
"Yeah, probably."
We shared a laugh and turned back to the TV.
"I need to decide what to make the girls for tea." Archer murmured. "Maybe we'll just go out to eat or something."
"I was going to make pancakes for the boys." I replied, picking up another sweet. "You could come over, I can buy the ingredients to make enough for you and the girls too. We were talking about a play date. Bring them over."
"You sure?"
"Yeah. We can pick the kids up and bring them back here. I'll make pancakes and they can play upstairs."
"Won't they have homework?" He asked.
"Not until Friday. My two do homework with Josh and I handle the day to day school stuff." I said. "Benefits of being divorced."
"Good bargain."
I chuckled. "Bring the girls back here. They can watch a movie or something."
"Sure." Archer leaned back.
"Would you mind watching the girls Friday evening?" He asked.
"Ok. Where are you going?"
"A date."
"Seriously?" I stared at him in shock.
"Yeah."
"You cannot expect to just say that and drop it." I said. "With who?"
"Lonnie. He keeps asking and I finally agreed."
"Good for you." I said. "It's time, Archer."
"I know."
"You need to get over him."
"I know." He whispered.
"Are you looking forward to it?" I asked, hopefully.
He shrugged. "I'm trying to."
"Please let me know how it goes." I said.
"Of course." He laughed. "You're the first person I tell about everything. You know that."
"Yeah, I know." I smiled. "And promise me that–"
"I promise." He said, looking directly into my eyes.
"I trust you, it's just after last time..." I tailed off, not wanting to complete the thought.
"I know." He said, rubbing my legs tenderly. "I promise."
I nodded and he smiled at me.
"It's going to be fine." He said. "I promised you, didn't I?"
"You did."
But you've broken that promise before.
"You'll tell me everything?"
He smiled. "When have I ever let you down?"
I smiled back at him. Trying not to think about the last time.