Today was awfully quiet in my mind. Thoughts were fleeting and none ever really stayed to accompany; nor to drown me with cruel, relentless realities. I spent time with friends and eventually pulled myself back into the territory I am familiar with, my prolonged misery.
Nothing ever really happened these days. Mortal life is nothing else but being preoccupied with tedious work, unchallenging routines and uninteresting pedagogies.
I think the analogy works well for me. The goddess will continue to exist in my mind; playing her part as a reminder for my soul and the inadequacies of my beliefs; in myself, and in love. Fanaticism has its downsides, and the price to pay for its withdrawal will always be too expensive for one single lifetime. She either exists, or cease to exist, entirely up to my choice to believe.
The Sun and the Moon plays their part continuously, moving the oceans, the sands, the winds and the trees. They will continue to fulfill their roles and eventually fall apart when the universe decides them to.
And for me, I am just a mortal man; stuck in the past, surviving the present, resenting the future. And only God Himself knows what He makes of me, and I have no other choice but to patiently wait, and see.