It seemed like only moments later when she next woke. Bright light was flooding through the windows. A dazzling blue with white fluffy clouds peered at her through the dirty glass. Kaitlyn sat up, then vaulted to her feet. She rushed outside.
It was real. It was all real. No more gloom or screaming or madness. This was no illusion. During her short time in hell, she'd forgotten how bright the world could be. She looked towards the beach as the light glinted off the water. Waves crashed upon the sand with a rumble. Other than that, it was utterly quiet. I could live here.
'Can we stay?' Kaitlyn said, hearing someone's approach.
'Only for a short time,' came David's voice. 'You need your life back, Kaitlyn. It is God's wish.'
'But I like it here. I would like God more if He let me stay.'
'How will you feed and clothe yourself? The building provides little warmth or shelter. We will not stay with you forever.'
'You're angels. You could build me something, couldn't you?'
'Our powers do not work like that.'
'Then convince a builder to come and help me.'
'No, Kaitlyn. You have more challenges yet to face.'
Kaitlyn turned on him with a scowl. 'I've met enough challenges for a lifetime!'
David was impassive, his violet eyes calm. He had kept his long red hair loose, allowing it to tumble down his broad shoulders. Kaitlyn's fury burned away. How could she be angry at him?
Kaitlyn sighed. 'Whatever you say.'
She turned towards the house, took a step, then turned back towards the beach. It was quite a cool morning, goose bumps were budding all over her skin, but she began stripping off anyway. The place was deserted and quite frankly, she just didn't care if anyone did see her.
She ran for the water, the sand soft beneath her feet, the sun beating down on her shoulders. The water was surprisingly warm as it splashed around her. She dove under a wave.
David didn't stop her. Nobody demanded that she come back in. She could see Samuel and Catherine keeping an eye on her from a distance.
After probably thirty minutes, she exited the water, shivering, water dripping form her hair. Catherine met her on the sand and wrapped a towel around her.
'We have breakfast waiting for you,' she said.
And that was when Kaitlyn realised how hungry she was.
Breakfast was only simple, cereal and fruit, but Kaitlyn wolfed it down like it was a feast. She was alone, the angels leaving at her request. It felt almost ... improper to eat in front of them.
When she was done, she went over to their supplies and rummaged through them. She'd dressed in a clean pair of shorts and an overlarge shirt since her swim but there were plenty more clothes.
Kaitlyn paused when she came across a pack of sanitary pads, her mouth suddenly dry. She might have returned to Earth but the consequences of her misadventure were hardly over. She grabbed for her necklace before remembering that she was still wearing Lucifer's necklace. She released it and laid her hand on her abdomen. So much had happened over the past day that she'd completely forgotten about her pregnancy. Satan was gone but his progeny still lived on. What did that mean? What was she to do?
Heart pounding, Kaitlyn looked towards the door where her angels waited outside. They must know that she was still pregnant, so why buy pads? Had they forgotten? Or did they know at all?
Kaitlyn looked at her feet, biting her lip. What if they didn't know? How could she tell them? She was already showing a little. It wouldn't be long before she showed a lot.
She sighed. 'Why can't things just be easy?'
'Why can't what be easy?'
Kaitlyn turned to find Zeke ducking inside. His amber eyes searched hers. 'Are you all right? I sense distress.' He looked around the room, as though looking for an enemy.
'I'm fine.' She quickly shoved away the pads. 'Just ... thinking about things.' She gave a wan smile.
His eyes returned to hers. He stepped towards her, holding out his hand. 'I can make you feel better.'
'No ... no. That's okay. I've got to deal with it, right?'
'I suppose.' His forehead was pinched and his perfect eyebrows sat low over his startling eyes. 'I just don't like the feel of your pain.'
'I'm sorry.'
'We care for you, Kaitlyn. Remember that.'
Kaitlyn's throat turned thick. 'I care for you too. Maybe ... maybe you could just hold me?'
Zeke smiled. 'Of course.'
He stepped into her arms and held her. Kaitlyn sighed into his hard shoulder. She needed to tell him. She could feel the urge on the tip of her tongue. But the words wouldn't come. They'd forgiven her of so much already. She didn't want to complicate things.
Not yet.
They stayed two days at the little shack, Kaitlyn filling her time with swimming and sun baking and mindless walking, eating and resting, not doing much except being in the company of her angels. She couldn't remember a time where she'd been more content. Even happy.
No. That wasn't true. She could remember it with Jacob.
On the third day, they left. Kaitlyn wasn't completely dreading the move. Not everything was perfect; the shack had no power nor running water. The cold food and the novelty of using the outside for a toilet was quickly wearing off.
'Where are we going?' she said as Catherine loaded the trunk with her belongings.
They were all dressed in the usual overlarge sweaters, though they hadn't pulled their hoods over their heads yet. The red sedan was clunky and old with a soft top and tacks stuck in the ceiling. As usual Samuel slid into the driver's seat.
Zeke opened the rear door for her. 'We are going where we are safe and welcome. David is already there.'
Kaitlyn pursed her lips. 'It's a church, isn't it?'
He twisted his mouth.
She chuckled. 'It's okay. I don't hate churches. At least, not since you guys came along.'
As she slid into the backseat, she tried not to think about what had happened at the last church she'd stayed in, when she'd deceived them all and turned to Satan. It was probably a pile of rubble now. Kaitlyn grimaced as she strapped herself in.
'No blindfold?'
'No blindfold.' Zeke took his seat beside her.
Kaitlyn glanced at the empty seat on her other side where Jacob would usually sit. Zeke rested his hand on her knee. It helped to stem the flow of tears as she worried about him—and Lucifer. It seemed every time she thought of Jacob, thoughts of Lucifer would follow. She would never forget how they looked together in those final moments ...
Kaitlyn was sad as she watched the shack and the pristine, isolated little beach disappear behind them. The place had made her feel like she was the only person left in the world. Even the road looked unused; Samuel had to take it slow over the many bumps.
It didn't take long before the illusion shattered. Soon, they were driving fast on smooth roads, traffic racing past them. There were traffic lights. People everywhere. Trucks and buses and cyclists. Though she couldn't determine what state they were in, she could definitely tell they were back in America.
The angels had pulled up their hoods. They left the busyness and were soon out in the country somewhere: rolling fields, long stretches of nothing, farmland and isolated homes. And yet it felt crowded. It had been a while since she'd seen so many people. So many living, breathing humans. Not the Damned nor The Fallen nor the innumerable demons.
Strangely, it made her shake. Her heart kept skipping beats. The last time she'd properly interacted with a human was difficult to remember without feeling waves of guilt.
I've done some bad things in my life, it's true ... but nothing as bad as you.
Kaitlyn shifted awkwardly in her seat as she wondered where she was now, the woman who had killed her baby. She glanced up at the sky through the window, into the fathomless blue. What was God's judgement? Had He chosen to punish her? Or had He forgiven her?
Kaitlyn imagined a throne room similar to Lucifer's: great white pillars topped with orbs of light; a great, marble floor that seemed to stretch into infinity; a white sky gleaming in through the tall, arched windows. Kaitlyn saw the woman lying prostrate before the podium. No longer in pain. No burns or torments. And looking down on her from atop that podium was a light so bright it gave Kaitlyn a headache.
Maybe, even now, the woman was holding her baby in her arms again, reunited in heaven. Tears pricked her eyes. She liked to think so. It was such a different feeling from what she'd felt down in hell. Away from Lucifer and all his misplaced hatred, it was hard to feel the same rage anymore.
Kaitlyn rolled down the window, allowing the smells and sounds to wash over her as she watched the little town they were driving through pass by. It was cute, clean and neat. As they stopped at an intersection, she watched a man walk his dog, a woman push her pram. How could everything be so normal? It was strange to think that normal life was still going on. That they had no idea what had almost happened; how close they had come to losing everything.
And then she saw it: the steeple, the large, brass cross perched on top of it. It stood over the nearby buildings, catching the sunlight. They drove past the church entrance with its neat gardens and handsome front doors and turned down a side street, pulling up with a bump at the rear of the building. Kaitlyn shrank in her seat—people were already waiting.
Samuel and Catherine got out of the car as a priest, along with a man and woman, came to meet them. Kaitlyn gripped the door handle tightly as she watched them.
'You okay?' Zeke's eyes were penetrating.
'Just nervous. Do they ... do they know what happened? What ... what I've done?'
'They know very little. Only that we have succeeded against the dark forces and that you are a part of that. They don't know the specifics.'
'I'm sure they can fill the gaps.' How could she forget Father Bartholomew? You're an ideal vessel for the Dark One's rebirth. Biting down on her lip, she tried to control her trembling but her teeth wouldn't stop chattering.
Zeke gripped her knee. 'We'll have them leave. They don't need to see you. I shall tell the others.'
'Th-thank you.'
Almost immediately, David leaned in close to say something to the priest, his hood pulled low over his face. The priest glanced at the car, then nodded. As a group, they turned and walked back into the church.
Zeke released her knee and Kaitlyn took a shuddering breath.
Zeke got out, then walked around the car to open Kaitlyn's door. She felt stiff as she stood. Her heart hammered against her ribs as she gazed at the church. The door seemed so far away. The cross loomed over her.
'It feels like I have no right to go in. After all I've done.'
Zeke gripped her shoulder. 'The church itself means nothing, Kaitlyn. God is already with you.'
'It's not God I'm thinking about. It's people.' She gave an ironic smile. 'They judge more than Satan does—or did.'
Arm around her waist, Zeke steered her towards the door. Kaitlyn's heart was in her throat as he opened it. She released a breath of relief; there was no-one inside. Just a small, mostly bare room with a couch and coffee table. To her left was a basic kitchenette.
Zeke led her inside, walking down a narrow hall, meeting Catherine along the way. Wherever the priest and his companions were, they were keeping their distance.
After a trip to the bathroom, they took her to a small courtyard where Kaitlyn sat in the sun. The garden was pretty: flowers, colourful shrubs, butterflies. There was a small pool of water, a duck drifting on the surface.
Kaitlyn cleared her throat. 'Catherine, can I talk with you a moment?'
The angel raised her head. Zeke glanced at Kaitlyn, then left without a word. Sitting beside her, the angel removed her hood, her black dreads falling over her shoulders, beautiful face serene.
'I ... I need to tell you something, and I don't feel comfortable talking with Zeke. When I was down there ... in-in hell ... I ... we ...' Kaitlyn bit her trembling lip. 'I'm not sure you know ... you see ...'
'We know about the child, Kaitlyn. It's okay.'
Kaitlyn grabbed the angel's wrist. 'But what does that mean? What are we going to do?'
'Nothing. We do nothing. That is up to God.'
Kaitlyn stared at her, then sagged. She hung her head, gritting her teeth as she struggled not to break into enraged tears.
'I know it's not the answer you want. I am sorry.'
'How much did He tell you? About our ... our relationship?'
'He did not go into details. He only speaks of what we need to know.'
Kaitlyn closed her eyes.
They sat in silence until clouds gathered and it began to rain. Catherine led her inside and showed her to her room. It was tiny with a bed shoved into the corner. Dinner was a bowl of stew and a hunk of bread. A plate of fruit was her dessert. It was nice enough but so far away from what she'd experienced down in hell, with her four-poster, extravagant dresses and countless feasts.
Over the next couple of days she barely did anything other than sleep and eat. She saw no one, except for her angels and the priest, who she glimpsed twice.
Zeke kept her updated of their plans. Together, they sat on the edge of her bed. It was another cloudy, gloomy day, and it was not helping Kaitlyn's mood.
'The Church has agreed to provide you all that you need for the rest of your life,' Zeke said.
'What do you mean?'
'They'll protect you. Provide you with shelter. Feed and clothe you.'
Kaitlyn raised her eyebrows. 'Why?'
'Too many know of who you are. And there are many yet who make dangerous assumptions. It is no longer safe for you to live a normal life.'
'The police ... they were looking for me.' She turned her head as she recalled the dead cop when The Fallen had broken into the station at Bowdie. What about Father Bartholomew? And the dead occultists! Had the police figured out she'd been involved? So many questionable encounters. She started to panic. How was she going to get away with this?
'The Church will keep you hidden. They will not find you.'
'Ha!' Kaitlyn burst out. She clapped a hand to her mouth. 'Sorry.' She took a breath and spoke more calmly. 'I shouldn't be here. I told you that. I told God that. If I were in heaven ...' I'd be with Jacob.
Zeke didn't speak.
'Where will I live?' she continued anxiously. 'You're not going to send me to some kind of convent or something, are you? I'd die!' Along with Father Bartholomew, she would never forget Sister Beatrice.
'If you do not wish it, it will not happen. Whatever your destination, you have to agree with it.'
'And what happens after you leave? What happens when I'm alone and they can do whatever they want with me? "Her heart is full of snakes", Jacob said. How can you trust them?'
'Just because we will leave in the physical sense, doesn't mean we are not watching.' Zeke took her hand and squeezed it. 'No matter what happens, we'll always be with you.'
'They will ask me questions, so many questions. They will judge me. I will repulse them and they will hate me. And I'll have to live with it.' She looked into his bright amber eyes. 'I do not trust them. And I ... I don't trust you'll come back to help me. It'll just be me and my dark thoughts.'
Again, Zeke didn't respond.
Hot, angry tears built behind her eyes. Kaitlyn sniffed them back. 'Go. Before I lose it.'
Later that night, Kaitlyn stared up at her bedroom ceiling, unable to sleep. Worried about the future. Guilty about the past. Yearning for Jacob so deeply it made her stomach cramp up. Kaitlyn rolled on her side but it did nothing to ease the pain. In fact, it was getting worse. She sat up with a grimace, holding her belly.
It wasn't guilt and it wasn't because she missed Jacob. Slipping her feet to the floor, she switched on the light. Making sure the curtains were drawn over her window, she reached down into her underwear. It felt wet. When she pulled her fingers back out, she sucked in a breath.
Blood.
Her chin trembled as she stood frozen on the spot. She didn't know how to feel about it. All she knew was the sickly coldness running down the length of her body, turning her extremities numb.
Using her clean hand, she opened the door. An angel was close by. Where they once protected her from demons, now they protected her from her own kind. It satisfied her to know that they didn't trust the Church fully.
Samuel looked down at her, one perfect eyebrow raised.
Hiding her hand behind her back, Kaitlyn said, 'I need Catherine.'
Moments later, Catherine had joined her and Samuel vanished down the hall.
'What's wrong?' she asked.
'I know you're not a real woman, but I don't want to be alone for this.' And Kaitlyn showed the angel her bloodied fingers.
Catherine joined her in the bathroom. The door was locked. The light was on. And Kaitlyn did her best not to make too much noise. It was worse than the first time, which made sense, since she was much further into her pregnancy.
'Let me help with the pain,' Catherine said.
'No. I deserve this.' Taking a shuddering breath, Kaitlyn yanked at the toilet roll, ripping off a large wad of paper just to have something to hold onto. 'What is it, do you think? Is it really just an empty body? No personality? No soul?'
'I do not know. Is that what Satan told you?'
Kaitlyn tightened her mouth. 'So much of what came out of his mouth were lies.'
'Does the truth matter?' Catherine said steadily, her blue eyes searching Kaitlyn's stricken face
'I guess not. It has to go. I'm glad ...' She grimaced. 'Better than the alternative. I wouldn't know what to do with it. I wouldn't know how to feel about it.' It would torment me.
'Perhaps God has looked into your heart and agrees.'
'Maybe.' Kaitlyn ripped off more toilet paper. 'Though I get the feeling God does whatever He wants, no matter anyone's feelings.'
She wiped herself, then dared to look into the bowl, turning away with a wince.
'Have I passed it yet?' Kaitlyn said.
Catherine touched her shoulder. 'No.'
Kaitlyn sighed.
It was thirty minutes later when the last of her cramps finally started to resolve. An eery silence followed her grunts and groans. Sweat beaded her face. She felt so tired, exhausted, but relieved. This time, she didn't dare look into the toilet.
Fixing a pad to her underwear, she stood. 'Should I ... should I flush it?'
'Leave it to me, Kaitlyn. Go rest.'
As Kaitlyn passed, Catherine brushed her wrist with the tips of her fingers. Kaitlyn felt a shot of warmth that knocked the last of the pain on its head.
Still, she staggered as she walked back to her room. By the time she crashed into bed she was breathless and sweating.
She burst into tears.