"Bakit pala wala kang kasama?" Justin asked me.
I stared back at the two of them. Hindi naman malapit ang Alabang sa Centrex, a? Bakit napadpad sila rito? By their looks pa naman, mukha silang galing sa klase.
Nakatuon ang buong atensyon nina Racel at Justin sa 'kin. Pinipigilan kong lingunin si Racel kaya kay Justin lang ako nakatingin.
"I was with my friends earlier pero naghiwa-hiwalay rin kami," I said after taking a sip from my drink.
Kanina pa kami umorder, treat daw ni Justin. Nagprotesta ako, medyo may kamahalan din kasi dito, pero wala pa rin akong nagawa nang mapagtulungan ako ng dalawa kaya nagpasalamat na lang ako.
"Are you going somewhere else ba after this?" he added, eyeing my dress.
His question confused me at first. But when I saw where he was looking, I understood what he was referring to. Iniisip niya sigurong may lakad pa ako mamaya dahil nakaporma ako ngayon. I was wearing a black dress under a denim vest, matched with ankle boots.
"Baka I'll go home muna saglit pero lalabas pa kami ni Kuya ulit," sabi ko. "Tagaytay maybe."
"Oh. I thought you'll go raving after this. You look stunning, by the way. 'Di ba, bro?" He nudged Racel with his elbow.
Inadvertently, my eyes darted to the quiet creature sitting beside him. There was a still, light smile visible on his face as his hooded eyes took in my appearance. I fought back the urge to look away as he raked his gaze across my form, my cheeks heating up.
Without meaning to, my breathing halted for a second.
Shit, that stare. Pakiramdam ko, nalulusaw ako.
"Mm." Tumango siya. Huminto ang mga mata niya sa labi ko bago niya inangat 'yon sa mga mata ko. "As always." That Gutierez smile widened slightly.
"Right?"
"Yeah, she does," Racel answered smoothly. Sinabi niya 'yon without taking his gaze off me.
It was getting hard to breathe. Thankfully, they slipped into a steady conversation about the UAAP season and their next matches after that.
"Marco might not make it tomorrow, though. Sa game na siya makakasama," Justin told him.
"Why?"
"Ikaw ba naman mapahiya nung kailan lang e. Natural magla-lie-low muna 'yon."
I tried na hindi pansinin si Racel kahit na ramdam na randam ko yung weight ng tingin niya sa 'kin habang nag-uusap sila. Justin was oblivious to it, though, dahil patuloy lang siya sa kakakwento. If he even noticed, he probably didn't care.
I decided to focus na lang sa pagkain ko para matapos na rin ako.
Few minutes later, Justin excused himself to answer a call, suddenly leaving me alone with him.
Great. Now, what?
"Are you going home straight after this meal?" came his velvet voice. "Or is someone coming to pick you up?"
"My brother, mamayang five."
Tumingin siya sa wristwatch niya. Bumalik na si Justin at umupo sa tabi niya.
"You have two hours left. You're going to wait?" patuloy na tanong ni Racel.
Justin also looked at me, waiting for my answer.
"It's okay. I can find a cafe." I cheered at my voice for not betraying my heart.
"Ah, susunduin ka ba?" Justin piped in. "Gusto mo hatid ka na lang namin?
My brows raised in surprise. I didn't expect that he'd offer.
He sighed, looking frustrated. "I get it, I get it. Bawal. Stupid issues."
Silence ensued after that. What he said made the three of us think deeply.
Kung may concern pala si Justin sa issues nila, bakit pa niya ako hinatak dito? Was he risking a fight o sadyang wala lang siyang pakialam?
For the first time, nawala ang atensyon sa 'kin ni Racel. Nakatingin siya sa kung saan, nag-iisip din.
Justin spoke up again after a minute, breaking the quiet.
"How is she? Your friend?"
"Ahron?" taas-kilay kong tinanong. "She's doing well. Busy, as usual."
"Laging busy? You know she doesn't even return my texts?"
"Curious lang. Paano mo ba talaga nakuha number niya?"
He grinned. "Sources. Connections. Almost everyone knows her." Sinabi niya 'yon without sounding arrogant.
"Payong kaibigan lang." sabi ko. "Kung ano man ang intention mo, I suggest you quit na lang. She'll roast you alive."
"She already did. Not giving up though." He chuckled, and then added with a grin, "So, kaibigan mo na pala kami?"
Racel seemed amused by what he said because the corner of his lips tugged upward.
Feeling nervous under his attention, I wasn't able to answer Justin.
"Wala ka ba talagang balak i-accept yung friend request ko?" Justin continued.
"You know why I can't."
"Yeah, yeah. I know. Issues again. Ang suplada niyong magkaibigan. No wonder . . ." Hindi niya tinapos 'yon at bigla lang siyang ngumisi kay Racel na ngayon diretso na siyang tinitignan. Like they were signalling each other through their eyes.
I didn't know what they were trying to do but it didn't look good.
Justin playfully furrowed his brows at him, causing Racel to shake his head in amusement.
"'Di ba 'ko sagabal sa bromance n'yo today?" I couldn't help but tease, to dispel the growing discomfort they were making me feel.
Sabay silang napabaling sa 'kin, parehas mukhang natawa sa tanong ko.
I couldn't help but watch them in wonder.
Ito siguro ang side nilang dalawa na hindi ko pa nakikita. The other side of Racel Gutierez that people barely see. Relaxed lang, playful. The cool version of him outside the fierceness of the court. I sort of liked it.
I could get used to it.
But I shouldn't.
"Fuck no," Justin said with a laugh. "May kasama kami kanina pero nauna na. Which reminds me, I need to go soon. I need to see my mom."
Naputol siya sa sunod na sasabihin niya nang may tumawag na ulit. He wrinkled his nose at his phone.
"My sister. I think I really need to go. So, pa'no?" he asked us.
Sasabihin ko pa lang na mauuna na rin ako, naunahan na agad ako.
"Go. I'll stay with her," Racel said, startling me.
He's staying? What?
Justin nodded and stood up. Sumunod na rin kami at lumabas ng restaurant.
"I need to run now. Dude, ikaw nang bahala kay Javee?" May binulong si Justin kay Racel na hindi ko narinig bago niya tinapik sa balikat.
Then he was walking away.
Totally leaving me alone with this guy. Hoshet.
Huminga ako nang malalim at nilingon si Racel. "Ikaw din, mauna ka na. You don't need to keep me company."
"But I want to."
I gave him a dubious stare. The butterflies in my stomach were going wilder by the second at the thought that we were left alone.
"People will see us. We're in the middle of the season. People are watching you."
"I'll stay lowkey," sabi niya at sabay sinuot ang cap at glasses niya, as if they could completely disguise his tall physique.
I took a deep sigh. "Magsha-shopping pa ako."
"I'll go with," he said simply.
I frowned. Habang siya naman, nakangiti, obvious na nag-eenjoy.
Like he was riling me up on purpose.
"Fine, ikaw bahala," I said, my frown deepening.
Kung dati wala akong pakialam sa mga pagtingin niya, ngayon iba na. Kahit ayaw ko. Kahit hindi ko aminin. Something changed. And it was freaking me out.
Not to mention mas lalo siyang pansinin sa hitsura niya ngayon.
But what could I do? By now, alam ko nang hindi siya susunod sa gusto ko. He could be stubborn too.
So I walked off, making sure there was a good distance between us as I made my way to the bookstore.
All my concerns about him immediately flew away when I entered. Mabilis akong dumiretso sa YA section. I picked up a book to read the blurb on the back.
I felt his presence behind me.
"You like romance books?" Racel asked, spying the book I was holding.
"Selective few," sagot ko with a nod.
"How about this?" The corners of his mouth lifted when he pointed to Fifty Shades of Grey.
I tossed him a dry look. "Ganyan pala gusto mong genre. Nice to know."
He laughed freely, the warm timber of his voice ringing in my ears.
Flustered, I drew a deep breath, pretending that laugh just now didn't so sexy.
I was starting to think this was really a terrible idea.
Hindi ko gusto na lahat ng bagay sa kanya, kahit ang maliliit na detalye, nakakaapekto sa 'kin. Na napapansin ko lahat. Na kinikilig ako doon.
Lumayo ako sa kanya. I distracted myself with Jenny Han's book, To All The Boys I loved Before.
I knew he was still right behind me.
"Interesting title. Any reason you chose that one?"
"If you're asking in a roundabout way if I have many exes, then no. Isa lang naman ang ex ko."
After finding four good books, pumunta na kami sa counter para magbayad. Ilalabas ko pa lang ang wallet ko, bigla na siyang naglapag ng card doon. Sinubukan kong pigilan but he was insistent. Hindi nagpatinag. In the end, siya ang nagbayad at hindi naman niya tinanggap ang binabayad ko sa kanya.
Nang makalabas na kami, bigla ulit siyang nagsalita.
"Just one ex?"
Diretso lang ang tingin niya at wala rin akong mahimigan na kung ano sa tanong na 'yon. He was curious? O nagtatanong lang siya for the sake of conversation?
But he wasn't the verbose type, wasn't he?
"Yeah," sagot ko na nagpangisi sa kanya. "Unlike you," I added as a joke.
"Unlike me?" he said. "I only had two."
"Talaga? Ikaw?"
"It's true."
Just two raw. Totoo ba 'yon? Parang imposible naman. He was extremely popular and in demand at maraming babae ang nakapaligid sa kanya. Imposibleng dalawa lang 'yon unless katulad siya nina Kuya Andrei na hindi nagko-commit?
But there were two daw, e. So that meant that at some point in his life, he committed twice. I briefly wondered about who those girls were but shook the thought away when I caught myself.
Magkatabi na kami nang bumalik kami sa mall. Useless din na dumistansya dahil naisip kong kaya niya talaga akong habulin sa iilang hakbang lang.
In an effort to lose his attention, I entered a store and walked toward a rack where I saw a beautiful blue dress that would look great on Anjo.
"Try it on," Racel said.
I gave him a weird look. Magmumukha kaming nagde-date kung gagawin ko 'yon.
"Not for me," sabi ko na lang, sabay lipat sa ibang racks.
I took my time to check each of the dresses. Tumingin na rin ako ng shirts at pants. Nasa kalagitnaan ako nang pagtitingin ng pull-overs nang mapansin kong tumitingin din ng ibang dress si Racel.
Hindi niya hinahawakan. Nakatayo lang siya sa tapat ng racks but his eyes were definitely roaming around.
Natawa ako. It was cute. Parang out-of-place siya sa mala-chic aura ng boutique na 'to. Hindi ba awkward sa kanya ang ginagawa niya? Usually kasi sa guys, naiinip sila sa ganitong bagay. I knew for a fact that my brothers hated shopping with me.
When he caught me looking, he nonchalantly placed his hands in his pockets and walked toward me.
"Finding a dress for your girl?" biro ko.
His brows furrowed, reading me, bago siya naglakad palayo sa 'kin.
"Suplado," bulong ko sa sarili.
I stifled a smile pero hindi ko siya sinundan. Umikot din ako para maghanap ng mabibili para kay Hiromi.
He emerged again after a minute.
"This one looks good."
Sinilip ko ang hawak niya. Maganda nga. It was a black and white sun dress.
I raised a brow at him. "Yeah, it's good."
"Try it?"
I blinked at him. And then I understood.
Pinasusukat niya sa 'kin para makita ang fitting? Magkakatawan ba kami ng girlfriend niya? I think not. Naaalala ko pa yung picture. Curvy si Claui. Balingkinitan ako masyado kumpara sa kanya.
"I don't think same size kami ng girlfriend mo. You don't know her size?"
I saw surprise register on his face. "What?" Then the gap on his brows creased as he studied me.
"What do you mean 'what?'"
"You keep saying that. What girlfriend? What do you mean?"
Now it was my turn to look surprised. Was he denying it? Hindi pa ba sila?
"The girl from your Instagram?" I said to clarify.
His brows furrowed even further and he looked confused. "What are you . . . "
Suddenly, understanding crossed his features.
"You thought . . . " He shook his head. "She's not my girlfriend. I don't have one. That was Claui, my bestfriend."
I stared at him, processing what he said. Not his girlfriend? Then what about the tweets?
Dammit, Javee. Wala ka dapat pakialam, 'di ba?
Ayokong magmukhang interesado kaya tumango na lang ako at naghanap ulit ng dress. Iniiwasan ko rin na tingnan siya dahil tinatamaan na naman ako ng mga ngiti niya. Parang iniisip niyang . . . bothered ako?
I went to the other racks but my concentration had gone haywire.
Nag-init ang mga tainga ko nang maramdaman kong nakasunod pa rin siya sa 'kin.
"So you checked it," he said.
"Checked what?"
"My IG. You checked it."
Natigilan ako. My heart was running amok in my chest. How to get away from this one?
Hoshet.
"Pinakita lang sa 'kin," I responded. My cheeks felt so hot now.
"Why?" he asked again.
Ayaw pa talagang bitawan.
"My friend was browsing several accounts. Then she saw yours."
I made a point to exclude that Anjo had a crush on him.
"And you assumed Claui is my girl?"
"Naturally. She's hugging you kaya."
"She's not, though."
"Okay," sabi ko na lang. "If you say so."
Nakangisi siya nang maglakad kami papunta sa counter. This time nagmadali akong maglabas ng card. I saw him taking out his wallet kaya agad kong hinawakan ang kamay niya para pigilan siya.
I quickly paid for the clothes. Habang nilalagay ang mga 'yon sa paper bag, napabaling ako kay Racel.
Nakatingin siya sa kamay namin at doon ko lang na-realize ang ginawa ko.
Agad akong bumitaw.
My whole face was in flames when I left the shop.
Nagpaiwan si Racel para bilhin yung sun dress.
Inubos namin ang isang oras na umiikot lang sa boutiques. Sa totoo lang, gusto ko nang mag-text kay Kuya Jacob na wag na lang ako sunduin nang makauwi na ako. Next time na lang siguro ang date namin.
I felt so awkward for Racel kasi. Sinasamahan niya ako kahit na boring naman ang mag-shopping. Hindi niya pinapahalata but I could see it on the minute changes on his face.
"'Di sundo ka lang ng mga kapatid mo?" tanong niya nang makalabas kami sa isa pang boutique.
"Yeah. No wheels yet, e," I said, darting my eyes around.
Wala na kaming mapupuntahan. Halos lahat yata napasukan na namin.
He nodded quietly.
I sneaked a glance at him. "Why? You like girls who can drive?"
He smiled. Yung maliit lang. "Not really. I like it better when she doesn't," dagdag niya, "Gives me a reason to pick her up."
Unfair. How could he say that so smoothly like he didn't just kill me with that line?
"Wow," I said, ignoring my nervousness. "Sweet ka pala."
"Only to the right people." Then he asked, "You want something to drink?"
"No, I'm good. But thanks. Ikaw ba?"
"I'm good too."
Tumingin ako sa wristwatch ko. One more hour pa. We ended up playing arcades na lang to kill the time.
I got too engrossed with the game that when I looked around, nagulat pa 'ko na wala na pala siya sa gilid ko. Kanina kasi, naglalaro pa siya ng hoops nearby.
I went out to search for him but I couldn't find him.
Since wala rin siyang text, I decided to wait for him outside the arcades na lang.
Good thing he returned after five minutes. When he did, there were two cones of ice-creams in both of his hands.
He handed me the vanilla ice-cream.
He went out to buy this?
"Sorry. I don't know what flavor you like."
"Vanilla's good, too. One of my favorites. Thank you."
"You like vanilla?" he said. "Noted."
Tumambay lang kami sa labas habang kumakain. We were both quiet, just watching the kids play arcades in front of us.
Napalingon ulit ako sa kanya out of curiosity. He was watching the kids na rin, his expression playing between serene and relaxed. He suddenly looked back at me and smiled that Gutierez smile. Yung ngiting parang smirk.
Shit. Ayan na naman ang mga traydor na kulisap sa tiyan ko.
I looked away, feeling guilty once more.
"Where do you want to go next?"
Bago ko pa siya masagot, tumunog ang cellphone ko, cutting me off.
Kuya Jacob:
Sorry sis. Something came up. Next time na lang tayo magdate. Andrei will pick you up.
Me:
Everything ok?
Kuya Jacob:
Meeting with the team lang. Hru? You good there?
Me:
Yup. Don't worry.
Ilang segundo lang, dumating na rin ang text galing kay Kuya Andrei.
Kuya Andrei:
Gonna be there in twenty. See you in SB.
I typed my reply and turned to Racel.
"I need to go. Kuya's nearby na."
His expression went from peaceful to guarded right away. He must be thinking it was Kuya Jacob I was referring to.
"Si Kuya Andrei," I cleared up.
Hearing that, he relaxed slightly.
"Where will you meet?"
"Starbucks."
"I'll walk you there."
As we walked to the cafe, bigla akong nakaramdam ng panghihinayang. Parang gusto kong pabagalin ang oras. Parang gusto ko pang makasama siya but I knew it was wrong. I shouldn't. Dapat makuntento na ako na nagkita kami dito kahit coincidence lang. And really, I should stop crushing on him.
When we reached Starbucks, I thanked him for staying around. I made a turn to enter when he gently caught my wrist, making my skin jump alive at the sudden contact.
I gave him a questioning look.
"I can't accept it," he said slowly.
My brows arched. "What do you mea—"
"What you said, I can't accept it. That we can't be friends."
I held my breath when he stepped closer to me. His palm was warm around my wrist. It was almost electrifying me.
"It's been on my mind the past few days," he whispered, his eyes softly set on mine. "I hope this cancels that day. I hope we're good now."
Inabot niya ang paper bag sa 'kin bago ako iniwan doon.
Napaupo ako sa sobrang kaba. Mabilis ang paghinga at kumakalabog ang puso.
He was hoping we were good now?
No.
No, Racel. You're very very bad for me.