Cohen
I feel like a useless piece of garbage when I wake up on the beach the next morning.
I mean, emotionally, I'm a wreck. I saw my mom and my sister for the first time in over a month and things were going really well with the dinner with Teegan, until I freaked out. It's not my mom's fault for talking about selling the house, I know that. But she was being too pushy about it when I didn't want to talk. Now I'll have to pay to fix the wall and I'll have to deal with another conversation about everything.
At least Teegan is wrapped under my arm, her head on my chest. It's probably like 6A.M. and she's still fast asleep. I don't even have my phone out here. We fell asleep after coming out here so I could calm down. I almost told her I love her; she told me she's leaving in two and a half weeks. Everything sucks.
I lay there for what feels like hours until she stirs and wakes up, lifting her head off of me, confused.
"God, we actually stayed out here all night?"
"We did," I tell her, my heart swelling at the sound of her sleepy voice.
She hesitates, and then, "I didn't call my mom. I should probably call her."
Shit. I was being selfish last night in more than one way. I made everything about me and threw a fit about my mom selling the house, when I was just overwhelmed thinking about the summer ending and Teegan leaving. Teegan stayed with me all night out here because I needed her and she didn't think about calling to tell her mom she wasn't coming home.
"Right. Yeah," I say, but she's already sitting up and pulling out her phone.
I watch as she presses a few buttons and then puts her phone to her ear. God, she's so beautiful. Everything about her makes me feel better, and even with sand in her hair and her shirt all wrinkled, she's the most perfect thing to me. I know the feelings are too strong. I shouldn't love someone who's leaving.
"Hey, Mom. Yeah... sorry. I know...." Teegan begins. "I'm good, I just stayed at Cohen's... yes, I can do that. Okay... bye."
I wait, and she gives me a smile. "I have to go hang out with the kids for a bit."
I know I can't have Teegan all the time, but that's all I want. "Okay, yeah. I can walk you back. What time is it?"
She looks at her phone again. "7:45A.M."
I sigh and close my eyes for a minute. Teegan leans in and kisses my cheek, so I open my eyes and lean down to meet my mouth to hers. She's soft and warm and I just want her to tell me we will be okay, somehow. But I won't ask her to say that, because I don't want her to have to lie.
We stand up and start walking down the sand towards her mom's house. It only takes five minutes, barely, and we get there too soon. We're at the back deck when she pulls me close and kisses me again. Her dark hair is messy and in her face so I push it back and hold her head close. I want her to kiss her forever, but she pulls away, smiling at me.
"Teeg, I'm sorry I... you know... sorry I was so emo last night," I tell her.
She laughs and then shakes her head. "I get it. Don't say sorry for that."
"Call me later?" I ask, because I want to see her again tonight.
"Obviously. What are you doing today?" she wants to know.
"Rex said he wants to go to the drive in soon? Maybe we can do that tonight?" I ask, even though that's not what she asked.
"Oh. That would be cool."
"I have to hang out with my mom and Margo and stuff today, anyway..." I finish, and then pull her close to kiss her again.
"Alright, I gotta go in. I'll call you in a bit," she says and steps back.
I try to smile as she turns and goes up to the house and slips inside.
Back at my house, my mom is in the kitchen cooking bacon when I go in the back door. She looks over and keeps a straight face but then I see that look of relief flood her face. I swallow hard and walk into the room.
"I'm sorry I didn't come home last night," I say, before she can say anything.
She's never been one to yell at me or punish me, really. But she shows me when she's disappointed. I can see it in her eyes.
"Well, I was worried. I'm glad to see you're okay," she answers and turns back to the stove. "Bacon and eggs will be ready in a few minutes."
"Thanks," I tell her and then cross through to the hallway.
I take a shower and get re-dressed and when I go back down to the kitchen again, she's sitting at the table drinking coffee, a plate of scrambled eggs in front of her. I go to get a plate and fill it before going back to sit at the table with her.
"Margo still asleep?" I ask, already shoving bacon into my mouth.
"She's sixteen, of course she's still asleep," my mom tells me with a smile.
"Thanks for this," I say, and go back to eating for a few minutes.
"Where were you last night? With your girlfriend, I assume?" she wants to know.
"Yeah. I freaked out and I figured out staying away for a bit was a good idea. I'll pay to get the wall fixed." I look up at her before quickly looking back at my plate.
"Oh, Cohen. I can't imagine being eighteen and losing my dad, and then being torn away from the place I love for the second time," she says, very carefully. "I know this is going to be hard for you. Selling this house will be hard for me, too."
"Dad loved this house," I tell her, as if she doesn't know.
She nods, her long hair falling across her shoulder. "He sure did. Being here is so strange, without him."
"I know why you have to sell it, Mom. I freaked out because I'm also really on edge about Teegan. She's leaving in a couple weeks for college... in New York."
"Oh, man. Cohen, I'm sorry, I didn't know." She looks sympathetic now and I nod, shoving some eggs into my mouth.
"This summer has been... crazy. But in a month, I met and fell in love with this girl and now she's going to be so far away. I don't know what we're going to do," I explain.
My mom reaches across the table and squeezes my hand. "She seems so sweet and good for you."
"She is. But I know she's leaving and she has a whole plan for her life and it doesn't include me," I spit out, my heart racing.
"Do you know that for sure?"
"We haven't... she doesn't want to talk about it," I admit. It seems silly now to say it out loud.
"Well, try. Okay?" she suggests.
"Yeah. I know."
*
I take Teegan to the drive-in that night, forty minutes away, with Rex in the back seat of my mom's car. After spending most of the day a part, I really like having her beside me. I tossed some camping chairs in the trunk so when we get there, we set them up and I put mine close to Teegan's. She slips her hand into mine and we agree to let Rex go pick the snacks. Thankfully, he knows me. He gets two bags of candy and two big popcorns, and some drinks. The movie is a newer action something or another and that part doesn't matter. Rex has a good time and Teegan is there, beside me. We don't have to talk about my freak out or what it was really about. She doesn't have to see the sadness that is likely in my eyes. We just have a good night, watching a movie under the stars.
When we drop off Rex, it's already after midnight. He slips out of the back seat and waves, shouting that he'll call me tomorrow. He always does. I put the car into drive again and go to the end of the road turn. We are back in my driveway a minute later, but after I cut the engine, Teegan sighs heavily. The quiet surrounds us and it feels too heavy and too loud.
"That was fun," she says, trying to smile at me.
"Yeah," I agree.
"I guess I should go sleep at my mom's... since your mom and your sister are here?" she asks, but looks unsure.
"I guess," I say, then raise my shoulders before dropping them again. "I'll walk you back."
We hold hands the whole four minute walk and it's the same as when I walked her back early that morning. Except it's dark as anything and so hot that it's a bit hard to breathe. She seems tense. I am very tense. The calm that I felt during the movie is gone and all the overwhelming feelings are back. We do need to talk. It's so obvious now.
"So, they are leaving tomorrow?" Teegan asks, and I'm glad she's not trying to rush inside.
I nod. "Yeah. Afternoon."
"Okay, well.. text me whenever...?" She's looking up at me and I just want to pull her close.
"I will." I wait a beat and then two before pulling at her hip and pressing her against my body.
She makes a noise as her mouth crashes into mine and I'm kissing her like I need this to breathe. She's not pulling away or stopping so I just put my hands at the back of her neck and keep her there, where I need her. Her eyes are closed and she's warm and tastes like sugar. I can't lose her.
It feels like forever before she pulls back, breathing heavy. Biting her bottom lip, she half smiles. "Okay. See you tomorrow?"
"Yeah." I pull her back for one more kiss before I let her go.