"I can't talk about this right-" I stopped as emotion clogged my throat. I couldn't finish the sentence.
My eyes began to water as I tried to breath through the tears.
Aiden reached up to touch my cheek gently. "Okay. Then we let it go for the moment. But just for the moment."
I nodded. He was right. I couldn't ignore it I definitely but right now it was too much to handle.
That's what I needed more than anything right then. I needed to be able to ignore the mess of my personal life so I could focus all my energy on Lacey, who needed me to be strong for her.
I took a shaky breath as a tear slid down my cheek. His thumb brushed it away.
"It's okay Reece."
I nodded, feeling the emotion. It had to be okay because I couldn't deal with it right now. I wiped the next tear away, hating that I had lost control. I didn't know what was wrong with me. This emotional person was a stranger to me.
"Can I drive you to the hospital?"
"I'm not sure that's a good idea." I felt shaky and vulnerable. Maybe it was a mixture of stress and lack of sleep.
Every time we were close, things happened. Maybe it was just best to keep as far away from each as physically possible without causing people to notice. It's the last thing either of them needed.
"Just hear me out." He reached for my hand but them pulled back like he remembered what happens when he touches me. Things get out of hand.
"Fine," I said, crossing my arms.
"I know you're under a lot of stress and you're exhausted. I just don't want you to drive in that state. I would never forgive myself if something happened to you."
I frowned, I have never for a second thought about it. But he was right, the toll of Lacey's illness and subsequent surgery had put an unbelievable strain on all of us, including Aiden.
"You're just as stressed and tired." I pointed out. "Shouldn't I be worried something might happen to you?"
"I'm tougher than I look." He smiled but I could see the strain in his features. I wasn't the only one stuck in purgatory while we waited for Lacey to wake up, he was right there with me.
I touched his arm and his eyes went to the action. I cleared my throat and his eyes lifted to meet mine.
"I know things have gotten complicated but if you need someone to talk to, I'm here." I needed him to know that this wasn't just a case where he was there to support me, it worked both ways. I was there for him as well, even if I couldn't stop myself from wanting him physically.
I swallowed and released his arms when I saw his expression.
"Thanks."
There was an awkward moment where I was super aware of how close he was standing. I could just take one step and we would be close enough for our lips to touch. I shook my head, trying to get rid of the thought. We had already gotten ourselves into such a mess, I couldn't deal with more.
"Get dressed, I'll meet you downstairs. I'll take you back to the hospital."
I nodded. I stood watching him as he left the room. There were so many emotions inside of me I took a moment to take a deep breath and release it. I needed to get myself together, so I could be there for Lacey. There was no space for anything else, including a boyfriend who felt neglected or a friend who had become something more. All the complicated stuff had to wait until I could deal.
From that day, one day turned into two, then into a third. One day became another. We all held onto the hope that Lacey would wake up and be okay but with each day that passed it became harder to believe she would.
I had to try and catch up college work and when I wasn't doing that I was camped out at the hospital. Eventually I lost track of what day it was, the only thing that mattered was my friend. When I saw Aiden, I hated how my heart fluttered at the sight of him. I tried to keep things normal between us when all I could envision was his mouth on mine. My cheeks heated. I had never felt like that for anyone before and it was more than disconcerting. It was like with him I was very aware of my sexuality in a way I had never been before.
He was friendly but he kept his distance. It was exactly what I had wanted but not what I needed. I couldn't fault him even though his behaviour made me angry and annoyed.
I hated how I thought about him when he wasn't around, I was becoming some love sick girl that I didn't recognise.
I hadn't seem much of Max. He was trying to give me some space to deal with Lacey. It gave me the excuse to delay telling him the truth. I kept promising myself that once Lacey was out of the wood I would face it head on, no more hiding from it.
Maybe it was another excuse to allow me to cope but I tried not to think about it.
I was irritated, from lack of sleep and trying to finish an assignment when my phone rang.
It was Aiden. My hand hovered over the phone and I debated whether to pick it up. Finally, relenting I answered it.
"She's awake."
It took a few seconds for his words to make sense. I dropped my pen.
"She's awake?" It felt like it was impossible so I wondered if I had actually heard him correctly.
"Yeah."
He gave me a few moments. "You still there?"
"Yeah. I just can't believe she's finally awake. Did she say anything? How is she?"
The questions came out faster than he could answer them.
"She has some memory loss."
The relief I felt only seconds ago was stunted.
"Memory loss?" I echoed.
"Yeah. She doesn't remember me." There was a sadness in his voice. "Or her relationship with Gray."
I knew there had been a chance of memory loss but it was still hard hitting. But the main thing was she was awake. I took hold of the hope that my friend would recover completely and shut out everything other pessimistic thought.
"She'll remember," I assured him with a confidence that didn't come from any medical experience. My belief was if she had come this far what was a little memory loss. It seemed so small in comparison to the worst case scenario. Death.
I heard him sigh.
"Just give her time. She just needs time to heal." During the time I had needed him to hold me up and show me I wasn't alone he had stepped up and this was my chance to do the same for him.
"You're right. It just sucks right now. I just want to give her hug because I'm so glad she is awake and she has no idea who I am."
There was a moment of silence.
"She will remember. I just know it." She had overcome so much, remembering some forgotten memories felt like a walk in the park compared to my worse fears.
"I know."
"I'm going to head to the hospital. Will I see you there?"
It was probably not a good idea to see him but I wanted to be able to comfort him.
"No. I need to get some coursework done and I'm looking forward to getting a good nights sleep tonight."
We had all been living with the stress of Lacey's situation, twenty four hours for the last seven days. And now she was awake and we could all just relax for the first time.
"I get it. I'll keep you updated if you want."
"Thanks Reece."
He ended the call.
I sat there for a few minutes.
It felt like forever since I had been able to take a breath and relax for the first time. Then I thought back to all the stuff that had gone down between Aiden and myself. I couldn't put off telling Max the truth anymore and I would have to have the talk I had been delaying with Aiden on what was going on between us. I contemplated if my feelings and uncharacteristic actions would continue now that my friend was finally out of danger and awake. Only time would tell.