Kaitlyn tried to forget. She tried to convince herself that it was nothing. That what she suspected was just her hopes and dreams and imagination.
It didn't work.
No matter how much she visited Lucifer's throne room, her anger wasn't enough. No matter how much she tried to drown away her fear and uncertainties with pleasure, it never lasted. And she was left feeling sick and daunted. It felt like she was shrivelling.
'I am his vessel. This was meant to be.' Trying to be rational didn't help either. Nothing about hell was rationale. And no matter what Lucifer thought otherwise, he was the most irrational of anyone she knew.
Finally, she couldn't take anymore. After three nights of restless sleep, she gave up on the fourth. At least Lucifer seemed not to suspect anything, she reminded herself, as she wandered down the hall. That had been her greatest fear. He was frightening when he was angry. But even more than that, it upset her to think she might disappoint him. Against all the odds, she had fallen in love with him. And if what she feared was true—it was going to hurt.
'It's not him,' she told herself as she descended into the darkness, her sandals clicking against the floor. At every turn, her shadow curved around the corridor like some great phantom out to catch her.
When she reached the door, she was surprised to see a familiar figure.
'You're back,' she said.
The demon stared back wordlessly with its bloodied eye. Strangely enough, she felt comforted to have some company, even if it was a demon.
She took the handle and twisted. She descended the stairs. It seemed quicker this time. She didn't feel dizzy or weak. Just numb, like her head was disconnected from her body.
She stepped into the room. It was the same as before: the towering fire; the figure writhing within.
'It's not him,' she whispered.
Kaitlyn looked over at the sound of a scuff. The demon had followed her in, looking like a grotesque ape against the flickering firelight.
'It's not him.' She squinted against the light. 'It looks nothing like him.'
The flames crackled, as though in agreement. With a roar, they reached towards the ceiling. Kaitlyn stepped back, arms raised against the force of its heat. What was she supposed to do? There was nothing she could do.
And it wasn't him.
Kaitlyn jerked in surprise as the demon shot ahead, leaping into the flames. Kaitlyn gasped at another loud crackle. The flames shot up so high that they licked the ceiling. Kaitlyn stumbled back at the blast of heat.
Then the flames shrank. The crackling stopped. The figure was gone. Heart in her throat, Kaitlyn stood frozen, uncertain, wary. Then she saw something move. Something on the other side of the flames. She squinted but it was hard to see anything against the bright light. Slowly, holding her breath, she circled the magical fire, making sure to keep her distance.
Two figures lay on the ground. One was the demon, sizzling and smoking. It wasn't moving. The other was obviously the creature rescued from the depths of the fire.
Kaitlyn gripped at her throat, her gaze pinned to the second stricken figure. She couldn't move. She couldn't think. Something sharp and dreadful turned her blood cold. It was lying on its side, facing away from her. It wasn't moving but it was alive. In the sense that something could be alive down here in hell. Its shoulder rose and fell as it breathed. She could hear the rattle of air in its lungs.
It looked like it had been dragged out of a grave, charred black with bits of bone sticking out all over the place. It stank. It looked sticky with whatever remnants of flesh and blood had survived the torments of the fire. Kaitlyn resisted the urge to turn and run.
'H-hello?' she said.
The creature stiffened. It gave a racking cough, then gagged. Slowly, it rolled onto its back. Gripping onto her skirt, Kaitlyn's eyes trailed over its flesh.
She licked her suddenly dry lips. 'Who are you?'
She looked into its eyes, then away again. Physically, its eyes didn't look familiar, bloodied and sunken, but the way they looked at her struck her like a kick in the chest. So sad. So weary. She'd never really understood that look before. That ancient look. A weariness of the world that was hard to grasp in her twenty-five years. An angel's look.
Kaitlyn swallowed.
The brilliance of the flames was hurting her eyes. She was sweating through her shirt. Her skin tingled. Her face was sticky and she realised that she was crying.
Racing over, Kaitlyn seized onto what remained of the creature's ankles and dragged it away from the heat and dangerous sparks. Its skin felt greasy in her hands, and when she dropped its feet, bits of charred flesh flaked away into the air.
The creature continued to stare up at her and Kaitlyn forced herself to stare back. 'It's not you. Please tell me it's not you.'
The creature opened its lips but it seemed to have trouble speaking. There was a scratching sound coming out of its throat, as though it was trying to reply but couldn't make the words.
Kaitlyn fell to her knees, hardly feeling the pain as it shot up her thighs. She hardly felt the heat now. She hardly heard the sharp crackle of the magical fire. She barely noticed the rancid stink of the creature as she leaned her ear in close to its moving lips.
'Kaitlyn,' it gasped, barely discernible and easy to deny. But she could see the word on his lips. Even more, she could see the truth in his eyes.
Something seemed to rise up inside her. Something warm and familiar and good. Perhaps there was something of her old self still alive yet. Even after all her heartache and all the terrible things she'd seen, it was still there.
He's after your humanity, your goodness. And there is so much of it. It blazes inside you as bright as our wings.
Her tears pattered the floor. 'Jacob. Jacob.'
He sucked in a rattling breath that made Kaitlyn's heart clench. 'Kaitlyn.'
'I'm sorry! I'm sorry!' She pulled him into her arms. He was surprisingly light. It made her feel sick.
He lifted his arms to try and hold her back but he didn't have the strength and they kept slipping away.
'He lied to me,' Kaitlyn said. 'He lied to me! He was always a liar! How did I not know? I hate him. I hate him.'
With a grimace, she buried her face into Jacob's neck. What was she going to do? How were they going to get out of this?
'I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.'
She turned with a start at a loud hiss from the raging fire. Right before her eyes it began to waver, then shrink until it became nothing more than a single flame lapping over itself on the volcanic rock floor. Kaitlyn narrowed her eyes, trying to see through the bright light burned on her retinas. Though she didn't need to; it was clear who was responsible. She knew it in her heart, in her bones, in her guts ...
Her heart sank as a familiar figure stood watching from across the room.
'I'm disappointed.' He spoke quietly and yet it was as though he was shouting.
Kaitlyn held Jacob closer. 'You're disappointed? You lied to me!'
'I've been watching you. How could you not know? Such a fool.' He shook his head. 'Your underestimation of me continues to be your downfall.'
'Why?' Kaitlyn said. 'If you knew.'
'A test, of course. You profess to love me and I wanted to see if it was true. If it was enough. Do not judge me without judging yourself.'
'Don't even try it,' she snarled. 'Don't try to make me feel guilty. You said he wasn't here.'
'I lied. I am Satan. It's what I do.'
She could see him properly now, shining through the mist of smoke in his angel form. He was standing by the entrance, arms folded, looking beautiful and rakish and hateful all at once.
'I hate you,' Kaitlyn hissed. And she was surprised and relieved at how true her words felt. She'd loved him, and yet as she held what remained of Jacob in her arms, it was like someone was sinking their fist in her belly, tearing away all the warm feelings she'd possessed for him only moments before. It was so sudden it made her feel sick. Really sick.
Kaitlyn tried to be gentle as she pulled away from Jacob. Carefully, she laid his head down as she scrambled to her feet. Her stomach seemed to be sitting high up her throat. She felt dizzy. Sweat beaded the back of her neck.
She vomited. Closing her eyes, she wiped her mouth with a shaking hand as she tried to catch her breath. 'Turn him back.'
Lucifer's blue eyes blazed brighter than ever. His white wings stood high and rigid at his back. His face was expressionless and beautiful.
'I said, turn him back!' Her voice rang around the room. 'Do it, or I swear to God ...' Gritting her teeth, Kaitlyn slammed her elbow into her belly.
She bowed over with a grunt. Spitting on the floor, she prepared to hit herself again. A warm hand seized her wrist so firmly she felt the bones crack.
'You want him back?' Lucifer said in a cold voice.
Kaitlyn met his eyes. They were like chips of ice. Lines of cruelty etched the corners of his nose and mouth.
'I want him back,' Kaitlyn hissed.
His cruel mouth pulled back into a smile. 'Your wish is my command.'
At a small wave of his hand, Jacob grunted and hissed.
'Jacob!' Kaitlyn cried, rushing over.
He was writhing on the floor. The room turned blurry as tears filled Kaitlyn's eyes. He was in so much pain! For all this time! How many weeks? Or was it months? She tried to help him but he flung out his arms, his fist missing her face by inches. He kicked out his legs. Rolling onto his belly, he screamed. A real scream. His familiar, heartbreaking voice twisted in a cruel and horrific way.
She felt the urge to be sick again but controlled herself. Instead, she turned on Lucifer. With a shout, she charged him, slamming her fists against his chest and face repeatedly, though it hardly seemed to do anything; it felt like she was pounding a brick wall. Lucifer didn't move, cold and aloof, letting her exhaust herself.
Behind her, Jacob continued screaming. His voice rang in her ears. It chilled her heart.
Finally giving up, she dropped to her knees at Lucifer's feet and bowed her head. 'Please, I'll do anything.'
The screaming stopped. She whipped around her head. Hardly knowing what she was doing, she staggered to her feet. She didn't run to Jacob—she flew.
'Jacob!'
He was lying on his side, his white wings draped over him like a cape. His white wings. Where once they were jagged bits of bone, now they were whole again. Perfect. Renewed. Every feather intact. She glimpsed the smooth dark skin of his back beneath them. No char. No burns. His shoulder raised and fell with every breath. Like the rest of him, it was shiny and perfect.
Dropping to her knees beside him, she touched him. 'Jacob.'
He stiffened and rolled over, turning his head. He stared, his eyes so wide they were almost terrifying, like he was looking back into the face of an enemy rather than his lover. Hazel. That wonderful hazel. She could see it now.
His perfect, soft lips spoke just as she'd thought they never would again. 'Kaitlyn.'
It snapped them both out of their disbelief. Something seemed to crumble and fall over in Kaitlyn's chest. Then she was in his arms and she was sobbing uncontrollably into that beautiful shoulder, her lips pressed against his warm, living skin, as Jacob repeated her name over and over again, like he couldn't believe it. Like he had to convince himself she was real. Like he had to convince himself!
'I'm sorry,' Kaitlyn said. 'I'm so sorry.'
It was as though a cloud was lifting from her mind. How could she have been such a fool? This was where she was meant to be. This was always where she was meant to be. Satan's vessel or not.
'I'm sorry,' she said again.
Seizing her head with his big hands, Jacob looked into her face, eyes bright with tears. 'Stop apologising.'
Then he pressed his mouth against hers and Kaitlyn melted into him as she kissed back. Desperately. Furiously. Who would have thought that down in the depths of hell, she could find herself in heaven?
'This is getting tiresome.'
Their lips ripped apart. Still holding her face, Jacob looked over her shoulder towards their enemy, the lines in his face deepening. Kaitlyn didn't follow his gaze; she'd seen Satan enough. Instead, she pored her eyes over Jacob's face, drinking him in, terrified that this was some kind of trick, something temporary. That it was just the carrot for the donkey. That in a few moments she would never see him again. Such was Satan's rage, she had no doubt.
'Let us go,' Kaitlyn said.
Satan gave a cruel chuckle. 'You're kidding me, right?'
Kaitlyn turned to look at him. His beautiful face was like a carving. Beautiful but cold. And yet, he couldn't conceal his feelings completely. Kaitlyn knew him too well now. The tiny crook in the corner of his mouth, the slight dullness in his eyes, how tensely he folded his arms—the pain was there, clear as a bell.
And his voice—that slight thickness to his words. It was the most telling of all.
'Then keep me and let him go.' She licked the salt of her tears from her lips as more tears continued to roll. They wouldn't stop. She didn't want them to stop. Happy tears. Ecstatic tears. She could feel all those good emotions rising up inside her like a balloon. Emotions she hadn't felt since the day she'd learned of Jacob's death.
'No, Kaitlyn,' Jacob said sharply.
'Let him go,' Kaitlyn continued. 'Let him go to God. Where he belongs. And I'll be everything ... everything you want me to be.'
Jacob seized her wrist. 'Kaitlyn!'
Satan's mouth twitched. The same mouth she'd kissed so many times. Despite his deception and the rage yawning in her chest, she still felt that tug; that instinctive tug deep in her pelvis that reminded her that she was made for him.
'I am not made for him.' Heat filled her cheeks. She hadn't meant to say it out loud.
Satan's lip curled. 'I should thank you. I should thank you for making me see my mistakes.' He raised his face to the ceiling. 'Just like God, even I make mistakes.'
'Don't compare yourself to God,' Jacob snapped.
'Careful,' Kaitlyn said, gripping onto his arm as he slowly stood. He didn't struggle to get up. He was no longer breathless. Not only was he whole again—but he was strong. Strong and fearsome. Her Jacob.
Satan sneered. 'Down here in my world, I am God.'
Jacob buckled over with a grunt.
'What's wrong?' Kaitlyn cried. An awful dread turned her skin cold. Was he dying again?
'It's okay,' Jacob told her. Taking a breath, he straightened. 'Cheap move, my brother, for someone like you.'
And Kaitlyn realised that Satan must have struck him with some of his magic.
They glared at each other. Satan's sneer smoothed into a conniving smile. 'Together at last. Somehow, I always knew it would come to this. Didn't I say so?' He turned his eyes to Kaitlyn. 'You want him, my love?'
Kaitlyn lifted her chin. 'More than you could ever understand.'
'Good to know.' His wings rustled. 'I'll leave you lovers to it.'
Turning away, he crossed the room.
Kaitlyn stared at his retreating back, waiting tensely for his final act of evil. But he ascended the stairs. Even as he vanished, she waited in disbelief. No revenge? No terrors or torment? He was actually giving Jacob to her?
'Do not be deceived, Kaitlyn. This is far from over for him.'
Kaitlyn turned to Jacob. Without Satan's aura, the room was dark and she could hardly see his face against the wavering light of the tiny fire.
Her words shook as she said, 'I don't care.'
Their lips sought each other out. She couldn't stop kissing him. She couldn't stop touching him, grabbing his arms, his shoulders, touching his face and gripping his waist. She dragged her fingers through his feathers. Alive. He was alive. Was she dreaming?
'Kaitlyn.' He pulled back.
She leaned in to kiss him again. He pulled back again. She kissed him again. Laughing, he pulled away a last time. 'Stop.'
'Why?'
He touched her face, then looked around the room. Kaitlyn could see the weeks of agony resting like a shadow upon his expression. 'Let's get out of this place.'
Kaitlyn took his hand. They walked across the room but before they reached the stairs, Kaitlyn stopped and turned. 'Wait.'
'Kaitlyn?'
Wrenching from his grip, she hurried over to the fallen demon. It still hadn't moved, smoke coiling away from its blackened skin. Was it even alive? She reached out to touch its malformed shoulder.
'Careful,' Jacob warned.
'It helped us, Jacob. It saved you. It made me find you.'
Kaitlyn touched it, then stumbled back when it suddenly moved. With a croaking gasp, it rolled onto its back. Jacob and Kaitlyn looked at each other.
'We can't just leave it here,' Kaitlyn said pleadingly.
'No. We can't.'
Jacob went to reach for it but Kaitlyn seized his wrist. 'No. Let me do it.'
'I'm strong, Kaitlyn. Have no fear.'
'You were burning. You were in pain.'
'Not anymore.'
Kaitlyn shook her head as she struggled to push back the tears.
'What's wrong?' Jacob asked.
'I'm dreadful. I don't deserve your love. I don't deserve happiness.'
'Kaitlyn ...'
Before he could reach for her, Kaitlyn went over to the demon, hesitating only briefly before kneeling beside it and sliding her arms under its sticky, rancid body. But that was as far as she got, her arms trembling with its weight. It might be much less than a man but it was much more than a child.
Jacob seized her shoulder. 'Stop. It's too heavy and it could hurt you.'
She stared at the forsaken creature. 'It could hurt you.'
'I'm already dead, Kaitlyn. Remember?' His kind, familiar smile made her heart flutter.
'Oh. I-I forgot.' She was unable to pull her eyes away from his remarkable face. Dead. 'It's-it's hard to remember, you know?'
He pulled her aside. Taking her spot on the floor, he lifted the creature with a grunt. A long monkey-arm lashed out, which Jacob was quick to dodge.
'Careful!' Jacob told it. 'We're helping you.'
Its eye darted over Jacob's face. It relaxed.
'I wonder who it once was,' Jacob said.
'What do you mean?'
'Demons were always ... somebody.'
They walked up the stairs together, Kaitlyn ahead, Jacob following behind. At every turn, her heart seized in her chest, expecting to see some terrible demon or horror or worse—Satan himself waiting for them. But they reached the top of the stairwell without event.
They continued walking down the hall. Kaitlyn took a left. It was her intention to go to the balcony but was abruptly met by her bedroom door instead. She jerked back, almost crashing into it. It was as though Satan had slammed it in front of them.
'I guess he doesn't want us to go out,' Jacob said.
'I don't want to go in there,' Kaitlyn said.
'Why not? What's in there?' He shifted the demon in his arms.
'Memories.' She looked at him regretfully.
'You have nothing to forgive, Kaitlyn. You are ...'
'Satan's vessel. I know.'
She rounded her shoulders. Taking a breath, she shoved open the door.