We arrived near a sea shore . It was all calm. The brisk unsettled wind. The chilly scent of air. No noise. Just the sound of the sea. For a while I enjoyed being here. It brought back my memories with Sunghoon and Heejin back at the high school days. Does Sunghoon remember this place? Our memories? I look at him. His eyes shut. A little smile across his face. His facial structures are so admirable. This man himself is so admirable and desirable. Will I ever...He opened his eyes and looked straight into me. His eyes locked my eyes for a while. My face was heating up. Stop Yoona! Look away! I hurriedly moved away my face before Sunghoon sees my face as a red tomato.
"Yoona, do you remember our high school trip? When everyone was sleeping, you, me and Heejin slipped away from the dorm and came here to play."
He remembers.
He continued."And then we caught Mr. Lee with Ms. Jung enjoying their secret date.."
"And then he began to chase us and kept yelling. We three were running, laughing." I completed his rest words.
We both laughed.
"Ah those times", He said while ending the laugh.
"Yeah. Those times.." I replied.
Once again, that breezy wind marked its prominence.
"Yoona, can't we return to those old good times where we both were good friends?" He looked at me.
I looked at him.
"Yes,I was a complete jerk towards you last night and I regret every second of it. I lashed out at you and spoke sharply to you which was absolutely uncalled for. I have to get a grip on my temper and treat you with respect.."
His each and every word was so sincere. But I have to tell him that it's not for him. It's for me. If I continue to be in a delusion that I can actually be his wife, it will eventually hurt me.
"Sunghoon-"
"I know I screwed up and after the kind of jerk I was toward you I wouldn't blame you if you didn't want to talk to me for a while but I hope that you will. I'm truly sorry for the way I acted. Can't we please make up?"
He was so genuine. His guilty feelings and regrets were so visible that it made me tear up. It was hurting him resulting in hurting me. Whatever decision I make , it ends up hurting us both. If I continue to be like this, he'll blame himself and feel sorry forever and I don't know why that will make me sorrowful. And even if I reconcile, later it will hurt me.
Should I just be selfish?