I looked outside, to find a blue Moon illuminating the darkness of the night. Our Moon shone her brightest, indicating that tonight, she was honoring Kavitvana.
Father always said that our Moon chose to show blue, for more than one reason. She wanted to honor her sister, who had sacrificed her wisdom for us. So her blue color represented just that, the Wise Moon gift.
But it also represented grief. Wise Moon indicated a new year had begun. One more year our Moon had been forced to spend alone. One more year in a desolated eternity.
Maybe that was why I couldn't find Jerr celebrating. Perhaps it had been tradition in Wise Moon to follow our Moon, to mourn with her.
It wasn't really custom for the packs to excessively celebrate the other Moons, so I knew that tonight wouldn't host any great festivities. Not like the night of the Wolf Moon, at least.
But I still found it odd that Jerr was nowhere to be found. He'd still lived in Wise Moon for fifteen years before he came to Rahas. Since he has never minded me calling him a Wise Moon, I figured he still thought fondly of Kavitvana's descendants.
But no one had seen him, and there was no trace of him in the bars I'd visited or in the Manor.
Yet, as my feet started moving, I knew there was only one place he could be.
I finally reached the black rock formation that covered the Temple of Sariranyasa. I hadn't even thought of the dangers that might be awaiting me here in the dark, alone, outside of the city walls. Then again, in Fire Moon, I'd grown so used to this wary feeling, I barely noticed it anymore. It was more like a silent voice, shushing the reckless thoughts that came peeking in my mind. Sheltering me from making any foolish mistakes that would result in my untimely end.
As I approached, I could see him sitting on the edge of the rocks, facing our Moon in the skies. I walked around the Temple's stone roof and found my way up.
The closer I got to him, the more his scent seeped into me. Spicy wood, with a hint of incense. Only now, there was some liquor involved too.
"Weren't you the one to tell me it was rude to sneak up on somebody?" Jerr asked as he took a sip of a bottle filled with amber fluid. Whatever it was, it smelled strong.
"It's not sneaking up on someone if they can hear you coming."
Jerr looked at me sideways and nodded at me to sit down next to him. "I smelled you before I heard you. A fresh spring morning."
My lips dared to curl upward. "That's what I smell like?"
"That's what it reminds me of, anyway," he shrugged. He offered me the bottle after he took another sip.
I immediately felt the golden drink burn at my insides, and my stomach wasn't willingly cooperating with processing the liquid substance. It still hadn't entirely recovered after last night.
Jerr chuckled as he took another sip himself. It didn't seem to affect him as much as it did me. "You had a wild night, huh?"
"I did," I nodded, reminiscing about my adventures of the previous night. "I had the honor of joining Lotta and Vince on one of their escapades."
"That surely is an honor," Jerr whistled. A small smile appeared on his face, but it felt forced. It didn't compare to that wicked grin I'd grown so used to by now.
"I stole an egg," I declared.
"You stole an egg?" Jerr asked, confused.
"I stole an egg."
"You stole an egg," he huffed.
"And then I threw it at someone's window," I breathed out, my admission floating in the wind.
Jerr looked at me, confusion written all over his features.
"I returned the favor of his warm welcome in this pack," I clarified, which unlocked a small smile from Jerr.
"Good," he said softly, before he took another big sip of his burning liquor, and stared out into nothing.
I wasn't used to seeing Jerr this way, to not see that sunburned grin of his, to not hear all his jokes and his teasing. I had never seen him so grim, and I knew I probably never wanted to again.
"Can I ask you something?"
"You just did," he joked. But the humor fell flat against the somber tone of his voice, however much he tried to hide it.
I rolled my eyes in a failed effort to cheer him up. "Back in Wise Moon, how did you celebrate tonight?" I asked him.
A small, more genuine, smile grew on his lips as he kept staring ahead. "My family and I would celebrate at home. My sister and I were still too young for the bigger festivities in the town, so my parents stayed in with us. We'd drink hot, homemade beverages and then we'd dance and laugh all evening."
"That sounds lovely," I said. "Don't you want to celebrate tonight with them?" I realized I barely knew a thing about Jerr. I hadn't even known he had a sister.
He shrugged his shoulders. "It'd be better than celebrating alone, I guess." But just as quickly as his hopeful gaze appeared on his face, he shook it off and sighed, "But I can't go back."
"Why?" I asked him. "I'm sure they miss you." How could they not?
Jerr just shook his head. "I just can't."
It was clear this was a story he didn't want to share with me. It stung, but the grim feeling that grew on his face stung even more. "Let's dance," I said softly.
Jerr raised his eyebrow at my proposal. "What?"
"You heard me," I continued as I got up. "You used to dance with your family. So tonight, dance with me."
Jerr shook his head again, only this time, his familiar grin had made an appearance again. "There's no music, Sari," he laughed.
"So? We can dance without music."
He looked up at me, the shining fierceness of his green eyes now returned to where they belonged. "How would you like to dance with me?" he asked, a light teasing tone underlining his question.
"Just pretend I'm your sister," I shrugged. "Dance with me like you dance with her."
Jerr smiled softly as he got up and moved closer to me. He guided my hands towards his shoulders before he laid his own down on my lower back. His face inched closer to mine as he whispered, "I already have a real sister. I don't need a pretend one."
"Just for tonight," I whispered back. He couldn't get too close to me. I couldn't give him that power over me. But I also couldn't leave him alone tonight, in his clear misery.
In answer, Jerr's feet started shuffling, guiding mine to follow him. His warm breath caressed my hair, chasing away the chills that the blue wind was softly sliding past us.
I felt peaceful like this. And Jerr's softened stance, told me he did too. The warmth of his easing muscles circled me, keeping me in our bubble as our feet were slowly picking up the speed.
Jerr took my hand and twirled me outwards, quickly, before pulling me back in again. His hands were firmly holding me again before my body had the chance to harshly bounce into his at the sudden movement I just made.
I had to laugh as soon as I regained my balance, and found my way back to the rhythm of our dancing. Jerr laughed along, and it sounded genuinely happy. Even if it was only for a fleeting moment of this night.
"Thank you," he whispered again as he lowered his hands back to their former place on my back.
"Don't mention it," I answered, a small lump in my throat. My insides were fluttering at the proximity between us - our bodies touching and mine aching in the places they didn't. Longing for the warmth and comfort he had to give, especially in the coldness of the night.
Jerr kept guiding me, and it was easy to follow his lead. The next few twirls went more smoothly than the first one, and we were finding our rhythm as we kept on dancing through the Moonlit night.
Our bodies separating in twirls and spins, but reconnecting again shortly after, resuming the flowing shuffling where we had found our pace. Our laughter when it didn't go right and I stepped on his foot, or tripped over my own.
I doubted this was how he danced with his sister, but I let myself pretend, just for one night. One peaceful night where nothing mattered but this, dancing in our Moon's wake.
It was a feeling I hadn't experienced before - to feel this calm and this safe, out in the open darkness. I wanted to indulge in this feeling, I wanted to hold onto it as long as I could.
"How did you celebrate?" Jerr asked gently.
I looked up at our Moon before I answered, and her blue color seemed more intense than it had been before. Or maybe it was me that was feeling and seeing everything more intensely. "My parents and I always celebrated all our Moons equally," I began. "We'd have a night in, with something nice to eat that they had saved up for. Usually a piece of meat - we didn't have enough coin to eat meat regularly. And afterwards, we'd eat some local fruits mom had gone picking somewhere. She knew a woman who let her pluck some seasonal fruits every now and then, in exchange for some favor. Sometimes she let me come with her to gather them, but I always ate them before we'd reached back home, so she only did that when there was a good harvest."
The memories of my parents made me chuckle. The lightness of the night held off on the grief I felt. It was there, but it didn't take over. The happiness was too overpowering. "We'd do that for every Moon. We had twelve peaceful nights where we forgot about the miseries of our daily lives. Twelve nights every year where we only allowed ourselves to be happy."
"That sounds like a wonderful way to spend the nights," Jerr said, his voice gentle and kind.
"It was," I laughed. "On some very rare occasions, we'd even go to the market and buy some cheese. But that was only if we had been able to save up on enough coin."
I let out a small sigh before I finished my story, not wanting the good memories to come to an end. "After they passed, I stopped celebrating. I honored them still, but I never had the possibility again of an actual celebration."
"Why didn't you leave?" he asked me. Our twirling had halted a few moments ago - as had our rhythm slowed. We were now calmly shuffling, passing over Sariranyasa's Temple in a gentle tempo.
"I had nowhere to go," I admitted.
"And your parents - why didn't they leave? Why didn't they get you out of there?"
I looked away before I answered his question. I had asked myself that same question often, especially after they had been killed. Why did they stay? Mom came from the city, why had we never gone back? "I don't know," I whispered silently, barely hearable.
I felt Jerr's cheek rest on my hair when I rested my own head on his shoulder.
We stayed like this for a while, silently dancing as Kavitvana's light bounced off us.
Until Jerr spoke again, his voice still soft, even if his words weren't. "We're leaving tomorrow, you and I."
"Why?" I asked as I looked up to him, to find his gaze already locked on me.
"Aven's orders," he sighed, a smile contouring his face.
"Again, why?" I reiterated. Our dancing had halted - because I had stopped dancing. I took a step back, out of his warmth and into the chills of the night.
"You're coming with me to Hidden Moon," he answered. "To train."