Chapter XXIV
Nellie woke up to find him sitting beside her bed, his forehead is resting on the back of his own palms holding her hand. The sun was shining so brightly and she wondered what time it was. She didn't want to wake him up but she stiffened when she felt her stomach turning upside down again. Morning sickness, she groaned.
"Elle...?" Slowly, he lifted his face and smiled at her.
"Goodmorning." He kissed her hand he was still holding.
"Shave, will you?" She was surprised by what she suddenly said before she covered her mouth with her other hand when she felt like throwing up.
"Oh!" He lifted her to sit down and rubbed her back with his hand.
"Is it still like this every morning?" He asked as he moved his face to look at hers.
Nellie just looked at him and raised an eyebrow. He was amused that he grinned.
"What's funny about it?" She demanded.
"Pregnancy becomes you." He smiled and touched the tip of her pointed nose with his index finger. Nellie's eyes grew wide in surprise, then she pushed his hands away from her.
"Are you not going out?!" She shouted at him.
"You said you can't stand to be without me, love. So I stayed here the whole night."
"You, dirty old...!" She covered her mouth again but even before she can jump out of bed, the devil cupped her in his arms and before she can protest, she was already by the door of the bathroom inside her
bedroom. He even opened the door for her and stayed behind her as she threw up.
The water from the faucet just continued running while she held her aching stomach and kept on puking. When she felt like there's nothing else left inside of her, she breathed hard and calmed herself. The devil behind her held her forehead and pulled her against his tall frame as he started patting a cold towel on her face and neck.
"Feeling better?" He asked gently, his nostrils inhaling the overwhelming lavender scent of her wild hair. Nellie nodded. When he was about to carry her again, she pushed him and continued.
"I can walk... G-go out now." Sweeney just looked her in the eye.
"You look like a crook. Get a shave will you?" She continued and went out of the bathroom.
"Stay here Elle, just stay here. I'll get your breakfast." He spoke before he disappeared. Nellie just sat down on the edge of her bed trying to figure out if it was right to let him stay in her house. The man is still getting in her nerves, although she can't deny the oddly comfortable feeling when he's beside her as well. She touched her tummy, as if doing that can give her clear judgement of the situation.
"Wot are you two doing?" Nellie asked as she walked near Sweeney and Toby. They were hanging the blankets to dry.
"Mornin' mum!" Toby smiled so happily at her and waved before he ran forward to embrace her, Nellie combed his hair with her palm before she kissed his forehead.
"Dad and I did the washing already." He raised his hand towards the hanging blankets as if he was introducing a play. Nellie coughed loudly, she had to held her chest to calm herself.
"D-dad?!" Her eyes grew wide at Toby who was still smiling happily at her, then she turned to the devil himself. He too, was grinning but he wasn't looking at her, and when he did, he just slightly raised his shoulder as to dismiss what her furious eyes were asking. Nellie went beet red making Sweeney laughed.
"Your son is bored, love. So we played while washing the blankets. He wanted to play house but it wasn't as if I can be the "mum"." He even raised his hands and quoted the last word he spoke with his index and middle fingers swiftly moving down.
"So he started calling me Dad. Not a big deal really, Love. No reason to be bothered at all. Right, son?" He combed Toby's hair the way she did awhile ago.
"Yes, dad." Toby winked at him, making her even more furious.
"You...!" She stamped on her foot angrily and pointed her finger at the devil, she saw Toby stiffened in horror when she suddenly shouted and glared at both of them. Nellie breathed hard and gritted her teeth.
"I told you to shave, have I not...dear, "husband"?!" She quoted the last word as well, but with her fingers on the side of his tummy, pinching him until he groaned aloud in pain. Then she kicked the front of his leg making him twist in pain and reached for his aching bone where the tip of her shoes landed.
"Sweet wife...!"he shouted as she walked out from the scene and went back inside the house. She can hear them giggling outside which only made her more pissed off. Those two were obviously teasing her.
She started making lunch to divert her attention to something else. She started making the hot tomato pasta sauce with peeled shrimp and red peppers. And boiled the pasta to al dente. She doesn't even know what exactly she was cooking, she was merely following her cravings for spicy foods which she never really liked before. She then made another sauce which was spice-free for Toby. Feeling satisfied with the outcome of her new recipe, she came out again to call on the two boys.
Nellie witnessed them preparing something near where they hanged the washed blankets.
Toby immediately put down whatever it was that he was holding when he saw her. Nellie followed the glistening metal on the table; a razor!
Sweeney immediately ran to her when he noticed she began trembling at the sight of the blade.
"Elle... Elle it's ok..." He held her pale face and made her look at him.
He can still feel her trembling, so he embraced her tightly.
"It's ok... I won't hurt you Elle." He hushed her. That's the reason why he didn't want to shave, not when she can possibly see him. He cursed himself, there are still wounds left in her that would take long to heal.
"Relax, love..." He let her go and held her face again, his sad eyes pinned on her shocked ones.
"I was only planning to shave as you told me. I won't touch it ever again... If it makes you uncomfortable." He kissed her forehead.
Nellie just stared at him and closed her eyes tightly as she breathed hard; trying to relax herself.
"J-just... Just go on..." She uttered in almost a whisper.
That was then Sweeney pulled her and handed her a bottle of elexir.
"Shave me..." He said softly making her eyes grew wider.
"You're mad!" She screamed in his face.
"Well, there isn't any other way. You tremble seeing someone else holding a razor... You hold it then, and conquer your fear, Elle. I won't touch it ever again, but you'll have to be the one to shave me... You hate 'em..." He touched his beard and continued. "Then get rid of them."
He pulled her to sit down in front of him and handed her the elexir. Looking in her eyes, he lifted his chin to her, inviting her to start putting cream on his face which she did. Using the brush, she began putting on the cream like she was painting.
"Now grab the razor, love." He looked at the straight razor on the table and swiftly tilted his head to encourage her. Nellie's hand was shaking, the other one holding the warm face towel wrapped aroung his neck clutched onto it tightly as she tensed.
"It's ok, you're the one holding it Elle. You're the one in control." He lightly pressed her hand.
"That's right." He said when she finally touched and raised the razor.
"Hold it with your index, middle and ring fingers on the blade, your pinkie on the blade's tang, and your thumb on the side of the blade near the middle... That's it. Perfect." He smiled, Nellie breathed through her mouth.
Why on Earth does she had to do this for him? She closed her eyes tightly. No, he's doing this for me. She told herself realizing what he's making her do to overcome her trauma.
The devil smiled at her.
"Relax Elle... Now, begin with slow even strokes, following the direction of my beard growth." Slowly she raised her hand holding the razor and did what he said.
Her eyes were so focused on what she was doing so that she won't cut him. That gave him more time to just stare at how beautiful she is. Her luscious lips a bit parted as she concentrated on shaving the right side of his face, then the left...under the jaw as he tilted his face a little. How nice it feels that she's actually shaving his beard for him. That she's actually gently stroking the razor against his skin, with little fear in her eyes each time the blade glides on his skin.
Sweeney held Nellie's hand and put it in between his collar bones.
"Pull it downward honey." He smiled and raised his chin to give her access to his neck. Nellie swallowed hard and looked at his eyes again.
"Go on. It's ok." Again he pressed her hand telling her that it was fine.
Nellie moved the blade gently on his neck until she got the hang of it and finished shaving him.
She let out a deep breath she didn't know she was holding. Instinctively, she reached for the basin of fresh cold water and rubbed off the residues of the lather left on his face.
Watching her shave his face is already a wonder, but feeling her warm hand on his skin, on his face as she cleans it is another thing. He can feel his veins pulsing and his face turning red.
Finally, Nellie wiped his face with a clean towel.
"Keep it." He said looking at the razor.
"That's yours, keep it Elle." She just stared at him, confusion and fear were in her eyes.
"No, that isn't the same razor Elle. That's the oldest and most decent one I have. Keep it and use it on me if needed."
"You're mad." She frowned at him.
"Mad, I am...and hungry." He grinned and pulled her up from the chair.
"You look better, Dad." Toby greeted him while they were dining. Sweeney coughed out loud.
"Dad?" He asked then snapped at himself.
"Still playing huh?" He reached for the little boy's head.
"Stop it already." Nellie said awkwardly and put on some spicy shrimp pasta on Sweeney's plate. She didn't notice him just watching her every move and smiling in gladness when she handed him the plate.
It felt surreal for him to feel so close to Elle. She's always made him his breakfast, lunch and dinner from the past, but that day was actually the first time they will dine together looking so much like a happy family.
"Slowly, Toby." Nellie smiled at the young boy.
"I missed your cooking mum!" He smiled back and munched on the plate of pasta again.
"Eat up then, Elle." He said looking at her worriedly when she didn't touch her food.
"I'm fine... I've lost my appetite." She said wearily.
He grabbed his fork and twirled pasta on it before he lifted it to her. Nellie's eyes opened wide and looked at him then at Toby who was silently watching them.
"The baby needs food, Elle. Come on." He pushed the fork near her, giving her no choice but to open her mouth. He smiled triumphantly at her and she swear she could pinch his side again.
"Didn't know you like spicy foods." He said after he started eating as well.
"I don't..." She said simply, making him look at her.
"You don't?" He repeated, then she nodded as she gently tapped her tummy.
"What else are you craving for, these days?" He asked again before taking a sip on the lemon juice she pressed.
"God, that was sour!" His facial reaction was precious, Nellie just rolled her eyes and tried not to giggle.
"You purposely did that, didn't you?" He asked her and she just shrugged.
Sweeney looked at Elle lovingly. Now he can even talk to her. He doesn't mind the certain distance she'd always draw between them, these moments are more than enough for now. One day, he promised himself, one day he'll see her genuine smile again, he'll hear her laughter again and he'll feel her life in his arms again. But for now, he's contented knowing that Elle is gradually becoming herself again.
They spent the following weeks adjusting to the weather and environment of France. Sweeney met a few English folks who fish for a living and decided to give it a try, he used to sail with Anthony before he went back to London and thought that it would be an opportunity for him to have a job aside from being a barber which he'd abandoned already, for Elle.
It wasn't until that one stormy night during that summer season in France, when an accident in the sea happened, the boat they were in, almost sinked and got them all killed if Sweeney didn't adjust the sails and pulled them to a safer part of the sea where waves weren't as high. He had a huge cut on his palm in that accident while pulling the rope of the sail and went home to find a shock Nellie waiting for him at the porch of her house until he managed to go home safe at dawn.
"Elle...?!" He frowned when he saw her frantically pacing there, she was wrapped in a wool scarf.
Her eyes grew wide seeing him all soaked by sea water. Sweeney ran to her when he noticed a crystal clear tears running down her worried face.
"Hush...love..." He embraced her tight.
"Ssshhh, it's ok... It's ok..." Did she actually waited for him till now? And is she really crying for him right now? He asked himself.
"W-what happened?!" She pulled away and hit his chest, tears are still on her beautiful face then her eyes landed on his wrapped wound and she lifted his hand.
"Oh, God!" She exclaimed. There was fear in her eyes as she examined his wounded hand.
"I'll clean it." Elle pulled him inside the house and quickly went upstairs to get a towel and dry clothes and handed it to him commanding him to change while she goes to the kitchen to get the first aid kit.
He's already changed his trousers when she came back with the first aid kit in her hands.
He remained sitting at the couch, his muscled chest is bare and naked. He can't easily move his left arm because of the impact of the trunk that hit it awhile ago at the sea as well as the deep wound in his left palm. He knew he had a few wounds on his back too.
Nellie sat down beside him awkwardly, trying to avoid the sight of his upper body.
"Sorry, I can't..."he looked at the longsleeves she gave him. Nellie just closed her eyes tightly as new set of wounds greeted her from his back.
"Your hand..." She began undressing his wound, the blood has stopped now.
"The cut is deep. It'll take time to heal.." She informed him and continued,"This will burn." she poured the alcohol onto his wound and he groaned. Nellie closed her eyes as well.
"One more time..." She said softly and poured the alcohol to his hand once more. Sweeney stared at Elle, she has changed. He knew she was afraid of blood at least until an hour ago. She's never eaten meat and would tremble even at the sight of a drop of blood because of the trauma from their dark past. But now, she just cleansed the traces of blood on his palm, making sure it was clean before she wrapped it with fresh gauge. She then continued working on the scratches on his back, she wiped them gently with alcohol too before she cleaned his face with warm fresh towel and dressed him up.
"Thank you, love." He smiled faintly at her.
"You're feverish." She told him as she touched his forehead.
"Rest now." She stood up and cleared the place from his wet clothes and a few blooded cottons. He was already standing up when she came back to the living room.
"Rest, I said." She snapped at him.
"I wanna go up to my room, Elle. If you don't mind?" He opened his arms to her, asking her for assistance which she obliged to give.
"Stay with me, Elle... Please?" he pleaded as she assisted him to lie down on the bed.
"I thought I'd die and never see you again... Please stay." His warm hand on her wrist.
Nellie looked at his face for a long time. She can see the pain in his eyes, she can see him longing...For her.
She slowly sat down on the edge of the bed, she stiffened a bit when he leaned his head on her lap and reached his hand to touch her tummy, but she allowed him... Understanding how much he needs her like she needs him. Feeling how scared he was for the possibility of not being able to come back, like how afraid she was all night that something have already happened to him.
"I'm sorry Elle..."
"For what?"
"For all the troubles...and worries." Nellie just swallowed hard. Yes, she was so worried for him that she didn't sleep, that she kept on praying he was safe. A thunderstorm suddenly roamed angrily making her jump.
Sweeney pulled her to lie on the bed.
"So tough and yet so soft..." He pulled her to his embrace knowing how scared she was of thunderstorms.
"Thank you Elle." He said softly through her hair.
"F-for what?"
"For everything." He said and kissed her forehead. Another thunderstorm and she pushed herself closer to him unconsciously.
"Elle?" He called her softly as he reached for his trouser's pocket.
"Hmm?"
"I know this is the oddest of time to ask..." He pushed her a little bit so he's looking in her eyes as he flipped open the small box he has been taking care of the most even during the accident at the sea last night. It was a delicately designed gold ring topped with a diamond surrounded by ruby stones. He bought it yesterday before they sailed, thinking how beautiful and how much it resembles Eleonor.
"Will you be my wife, Elle?"
Nellie felt so lost, her eyes shifted from the ring to his eyes.
"I-I'm...sorry, S-Sweeney." She tried to rise, but he stopped her.
"I know you've said it before. I know you never want our baby to bear that name... I know Elle." He held her hands with his, the ring in between them.
"I love you. I want to marry you because I love you...and I'm not asking you to be Mrs. Todd, Elle." Nellie frowned at him, her eyes were asking him a lot of questions.
"I won't let you bear that name. Not Todd. I want you to love me and marry me to be my Mrs. Barker."
For a moment, Nellie can't utter any word. She just stared at him. She just stared at Benjamin Barker.
"I will be a better husband than I've ever been before. I will breathe for you and our child each day, Elle. You.are.the.only.reasons.of.my.life.now. Please don't give up on Benjamin. Please... Don't give up on US." He kissed her forehead as her tears fell and he slipped the glistening bond of unbreakable vows to her ring finger.
"I love you Elle...with all of me."
(A/N I just want to let everyone know that I regret not being able to update in like, three days? I got caught up with so many ideas for my next story that my mind got blocked for this particular one. I hope you're enjoying my story? Please let me hear from you! Thanks a lot!)