COMPLETED Nellie Lovett (The Virgin Widow of Fleet Street) #Wattys2016 Sweenett

"Not While I'm Around"

Chapter XVI

"Toby...?" Nellie walked slowly to the bed where Toby was. She can still hear him sobbing even in his sleep. She sat down on the corner of the bed and reached his back to rub it gently.
"Toby, love..." Again, he sobbed. Nellie felt bad, she knows he was hurt and frightened by what happened that afternoon.
"I'm so sorry, love..." She gently squeezed his arm and snorted, she wiped the tear that fell from her eyes. All the things that happened to her, she put them into words as finally she was able to speak of them right in to Sweeney Todd's face, but this is still so wrong. No matter how much sadness and grief she is going through, she needs to get a grip of herself and control her emotions for Toby. She has to stay strong for her son.

"I'm really sorry, son." Her voice is broken. Slowly, Toby shifted to her direction. His eyes were red because of crying all afternoon. Nellie touched his face and he sat down to embrace her tightly.
"I'm sorry mum." He cried in her chest.
"No, it wasn't your fault, it was I who couldn't control myself. I'm really sorry." Nellie kissed Toby's head.
"You've been really good to me mum. You kept me safe, you gave me home and you treated me like your own, and I couldn't do much for you. I'm sorry that I'm being a terrible son." He lifted his head and looked her in the eye.
"N-no, Toby. Don't say that... I love you." She embraced him again and cried.
"I only want the best for you. I can't see you get hurt, I can't allow myself to let anything or anyone harm you." She said sincerely. She loves him dearly, and she doesn't want him to be hurt because of Sweeney, but she's also aware that Toby has gone to care for the devil. The kid looks up to him like he's some kind of a noble man and she can't stain or break his heart by telling him what happened between Sweeney and herself. Toby is till too young to understand things like that.

"Nothing's gonna harm you, not while I'm around." She softly said in her angelic singsong voice.
"Nothing's gonna harm you darlin', not while I'm around." Toby looked up to her and she smiled.
"Demons are prowling everywhere, nowadays, I'll send 'em howling,
I don't care, I got ways." She sang to him and went up beside him, her back resting on the headboard of the bed while Toby's head is leaning in between her arm and chest.

"No one's gonna hurt you,
No one's gonna dare.
Others can desert you,
Not to worry, whistle, I'll be there." Nellie continued while combing Toby's hair with her fingers.
"Demons'll charm you with a smile, for a while,
But in time...
Nothing can harm you
Not while I'm around..." She kissed his forehead. Toby lifted his face and replied to her in a singsong voice.
"Not to worry, not to worry
I may not be smart, but I'm not dumb.
I can do it. Put me to it. Show me somethin - I can overcome.
Not to worry, mum." Nellie smiled at Toby, she knows he understands her fears in spite of the confusion he has in his eyes as to why she's in such fears.
"Being close and being clever
Ain't like being true
I don't need to,
I would never hide a thing from you,
Like some..." Her palm touched his cheek, Toby frowned a little.
"What do you mean mum?" He asked. Nellie just stared at the little kid in her arm.
"Do you think... Mr. Todd will only harm us, mum?"
How can she tell him? How can she break his heart with the truth that Mr. Todd already and is still hurting her? Technically, he never did any harm to Toby. But she can't just sit there and wait for him to do so.
"You have to get used to not having him around, dear. We can't have him in our life for so long." She said simply, hoping that Toby can understand.
"But he's been so good to us, mum. He's been taking care of you the most..." His eyes were sad, it seemed as though she'd told him to stop seeing and to stay away from his closest friend.
"In time, dear, you'll understand." She pulled him back to her chest and tapped his arm gently.
"Nothin's gonna harm you. Not while I'm around.
Nothing's gonna harm you, darling
Not while I'm around." She sang again. "Sleep now, love..." She whispered to him.
"Demons'll charm you with a smile, for a while,
But in time...
Nothing can harm you
Not while I'm around..." For the last time, she kissed Toby's forehead and held him like that until he fell asleep.

The night is already deep, but Sweeney still can't get himself to sleep. He remained seated on his barber's chair, a razor in his hand. He was just staring at it, as he slowly moves it side by side; looking at the reflection of light bouncing to it from the lamp.
Everything just sinked in to him the moment he layed his back on that chair. How many people did he kill on that chair...how many throats did he slit with that razor... Memories of the hot thick blood that showered on his face whenever he did the kill is drowning him now.

He closed his eyes tightly, shivers run down his spine as he remembered the face of his dear Lucy. He killed her. He killed his own wife. She fell from that very chair down to the empty room below, drenched and choking with her own blood.
Angrily, he threw the razor to the wall and covered his face with both hands, growling in frustration until his tears fell...until his shoulders went up and down as he cried.
"I'm so sorry Lucy... I'm so sorry for everything." He begged for her forgiveness while gritting his teeth in anger.
Then and there, he knows he doesn't deserve any forgiveness. He doesn't deserve a new start like what he'd always been thinking since he realized his feelings towards Eleonor Lovett.

Now, he realized he's only trying to get away from his crimes, making himself believe that he can actually start anew. No, he can't, who is he to think of such things?
He's the demon barber of Fleet Street and everything that Sweeney Todd has ever done will be part of him until the day he dies, a devil like himself could never change, a devil like himself...can never get a new life. That's exactly what Nellie's words made him realize. He ruined her as much as she ruined him.

"I'm sorry that I killed you...Lucy...and I'm sorry that I'm killing Nellie too..."

That's the only way... Nellie and himself, none of them will be able to live well.

Sweeney lifted his face, his eyes were red and full of anger and grief. He stood up from the chair as he made up his mind. He has to do it. He WILL do it.

"Nellie will never be ok, she'll never live... Not while I'm around."

(What is happening to Sweeney?!
What is he up to?! What is he planning to do to our dear Nellie?!
I hope you are enjoying this story as much as I'm enjoying writing it. A feedback will be very much appreciated!)