Time was such a weird concept. One moment it flowed effortlessly, barred by nothing, seeking out the next day.
Other moments, it seemed as if that quick rush, the never-ending flow of time was stopped. Becoming sluggish, thick, like honey that oozed slowly, dragging on until it became unbearable.
Jesse blinked, staring at the barely moving clouds in the sky. His cup of tea was hot against the palms of his hands, steam circling up in a hypnotizing pattern.
Xavier had went out earlier, forced to perform his job as leader of the Compound. Leaving reluctantly as Jesse had smiled hesitantly and nodded when Xavier had assured he was but a thought away.
Now, Jesse felt as if he was trapped in a bubble of time. Or rather lack thereof. The young Fey felt like he had sat there for several hours at least, but when he turned his glance to the ticking of the clock on the kitchen wall, he found that only ten minutes had passed.
He didn't quite know what to make of this. This...jittery feeling that sank into his bones, the restlessness that made him kick his foot to an unheard beat.
Raising the cup to his lips, he sipped from the steaming liquid, sighing contently as the hot fluids warmed him from the inside out.
I think... I'm bored...
Boredom wasn't something that he had felt since before his capture. In Draco's hands or being forced by one of his many clients, the last thing on Jesse's mind had been boredom.
Fear and disgust, yes, those emotions had been plentifully present. Hopelessness that bit at his heels, despair that eagerly devoured his heart and above all, the everlasting yearning to get back what was lost forever.
But now, thanks to the multiple therapeutic sessions he received, the proper care that was slowly but surely putting weight on his bones, Jesse had more time on his hands than before.
Time that he was quite unsure of how to utilize properly. His fingers drummed against the wooden table, eyes flitting through the empty street just outside the window before he sighed.
Knocking back the remainder of his tea, Jesse let out another drawn out sigh before pushing to his feet. Barefooted, he padded to the kitchen, rinsing out the cup and placing it to the side for later use.
Without any real thought, his feet took him upstairs before he found himself dressing for the weather outside. Donning a thicker shirt and soft knitted sweater. Tucking his shirt in the thick but stylish sweatpants that looked more like dress pants, Jesse, slowly made his way back to the front door.
With each step closer, his heart started racing faster and faster, skipping a beat as his fingers settled on the cold handle of his front door.
"Relax. I'm allowed outside. I'm allowed anywhere on the Compound. This isn't anything like back then."
However, his heart didn't react to the quiet reassurance. With a dry mouth and shaking fingers, Jesse slowly turned the handle, squinting his eyes shut as if anticipating a sudden slap to the face as soon as the door opened.
When nothing happened, he opened his eyes on a stuttered breath, shivering at the gentle breeze that flowed through the street.
Jesse's hair streamed through the wind, lashing behind him as he slowly closed and locked his front door before pocketing the key.
He followed the paved road, letting the wind pull and push at him with each step he took. Before he even realized it, Jesse had already reached the edge of the forest, a smile circling on his lips as a familiar set of hooves emerged from the darkness within.
"Good morning." Jesse murmured, raising his hand to pat the boney exterior of the Leshen's face. The male shivered, purring deep from within his chest as it nuzzled against the touch.
He didn't feel weird or awkward for petting the intelligent creature on the head. While most would balk at the notion of getting anywhere near what most considered a monstrosity, Jesse didn't see the Leshens like most did.
He saw them for what they are ; guardians of their domain, protectors of those they deemed worthy of their protection. While they may be highly territorial, Leshens were also far more intelligent than their instinctive Spriggan brethren.
Which made the Leshens more dangerous. They could be vindictive, calculative about their approach to someone, holding a grudge that could last several lifetimes before it was settled.
Jesse staggered on his feet, a soft chuckle surprising himself as he scratched the Leshen's flank after the rather gentle nudge, considering the massive creature's raw power.
The breeze calmed, no longer fed by Jesse's stress and anxiety. Instead it became natural, flowing through the forest and carrying scents from deeper within.
Today was a...relatively good day, Jesse realized. He hadn't awoken in a cold sweat, nor had he screamed himself, or Xavier, awake.
He hadn't gotten a panic attack and had even managed to eat a bowl of oatmeal with fruit and honey.
So why was this lack of suffering so unnerving?
It was almost as if his body had latched onto the sensation of being stressed. Wanted to feel depressed, to be shoved so deep in despair and agony that his senses were blunted. Drowning underneath the memories of his past.
Yet none of that was currently present. Instead, Jesse felt empty at the lack of emotions, void of anything really. He wasn't angry or upset, nor was there sadness pulling at his stomach.
Instead, there was just.... Nothing.
Nothing was unknown.
Nothing was a frightening feeling to experience. He rather wanted to feel some emotion, any emotion, anything better than this... void acceptance.
It was something that Serena had tried to explain to Jesse. He had mentioned his emotions before, or the lack thereof, making the Improba smile kindly, a hint of sadness peeking through.
"A lot of people don't realize, but depression can be addictive." Serena murmured, making Jesse blink with confusion. "Not that you're faking your depression or are willfully trying to fight against getting better."
She doodled on a piece of paper, drawing Jesse's attention to it as she drew a small version of the Fey. "Depression becomes something you know. It becomes safe." She stated while drawing a small box around the doodled Jesse.
"You know that moving outside of your safe haven, you might yet hurt again. Be it physically, mentally or emotionally, opening the door to your safe haven means letting others in."
Jesse shivered at the memory before looking out over the compound. Let others back into his life? Jesse couldn't imagine facing his former coworkers at the club, to see their faces full of sadness, pity and disappointment.
Because he knew they were waiting for the old Jesse to return. The boisterous, mischievous pixie that thrived on pranking others.
The young man who cared for others, made them laugh while he teased and pranked his way through life.
Not this hollow, broken shell of who he used to be. It was hard thinking back about who he used to be. Imagining a life so free of fear and horror.
The breeze picked up, gently pulling at his hair before twisting and turning it in his face. Jesse spat out the few strands that managed to get into his mouth before sighing.
"Good morning, Jesse." A voice murmured softly, making Jesse's heart leap in his throat as a branch snapped to his right.
The young Fey spun around before letting out the breath he had subconsciously held. Sylvar smiled compassionately, inclining his head with remorse.
"Forgive me, I was out on a walk myself and didn't mean to frighten you." The elf spoke, bowing respectfully to the Leshen who seemed to only give the elf a sideways glance before snorting.
"It....It's f-fine." Jesse murmured softly, tucking his clothes tighter around his body. Wishing he could disappear into the Leshen's shadow, to not be noticed.
After all, if he hadn't been noticed with the Improba in the club, all of this wouldn't have happened.
No. Jesse shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut as he reminded what Serena had said. No matter what would've happened, the Improba would've noticed him, no matter how much Jesse tried not to stand in the spotlight.
They had been out hunting for new prey, had been highly aware of anyone and everyone they encountered. For all Jesse knew, those Improba could've encountered his scent somewhere around town and trailed him back home.
After all, how did they know where to find Jesse, when he and James had went out for dinner? At that point, they must've already been hunting him, following his every step and waiting for the right, opportune moment to strike.
And if it wasn't Jesse, it could've been one of his coworkers. Several of them were mated, if not newly mated. If they had drawn the Improba's attention, they too would've been abducted, forcefully rejected and tormented into a Deprived.
"Are you alright?" Sylvar questioned softly, his gaze showing a sadness that surpassed years. Jesse wanted to nod, reassuring his father but he hesitated mid-motion before slowly shaking his head.
Not wanting to utter a lie. Because Jesse wasn't fine, couldn't be fine after everything that happened.
"N-No. I'm not...but...but I'm...trying to be." He managed to croak, shivering until the Leshen leaned closer, sharing his body heat with Jesse.
And he was. Even if it was something as mundane and stupid as taking a walk outside, Jesse was trying his best to return back to his normal state.
Normal. What exactly is normal?
Sylvar hummed slightly, averting his gaze from Jesse to watch the compound as well. "And that is very commendable. Thank you for telling me the truth, Jesse."
He hummed softly, showing he was listening but unwilling to speak. His father didn't seem to mind and instead started to speak about his past, the life he had lived before meeting Jesse's mother.
In his story, he spoke about brilliant landscapes and sights he had seen. Strange creatures he had encountered within hidden corners of the world.
He described them in detail, motioning to the Leshen as Sylvar added, "I've encountered several of your kin as well, my friend." He smiled, tilting his head as he added "Though not all of them were willing to have a conversation, or provide a listening ear."
At that, the Leshen snorted once more, harder this time. "We don't see issue with the Children of the Forest, unless they break our sacred laws. We are not roaming the world in search for a discussion partner, Elf."
Sylvar snorted with amusement, shaking his head "And I believe you. Not to mention that your imposing stature is quite intimidating to those who don't know what you are."
The Leshen shook its head, withdrawing from Jesse's touch, who felt a slight spark amusement. Watching the conversation between Elf and Beast.
"Might I add, not all of your kin are as...hospitable." Sylvar raised his brows as he looked pointedly at the Leshen. The later let out a rumble of amusement.
"Yes. Some of us are... territorial. We observe from a distance and those that are innocent are led out of the woods on the fastest route. Those who aren't..."
Strings of saliva snapped as the Leshen opened its maw and Jesse hummed in understanding. If a murderer, rapist or other filth crossed paths with a Leshen, they wouldn't live to tell the tale.
Another soft hum escaped Jesse before he looked around curiously. "Where is your...mate?" He asked, not spotting the female Leshen anywhere.
At that, a deep, slightly disturbing sound escaped the male and Jesse could imagine a wide smirk as it replied "She is out hunting. There was a faint trace in the air, carried on the wind. The stench of blood and sin clung to it."
It clawed at the soil, breaking the moss and twigs in its path. "She'll make sure that the issue is dealt with properly."
Jesse shivered but not from fear. Instead, he leaned his forehead against the bony one of the Leshen. "Thank you." He murmured genuinely.
Because these creatures of the forest, Eternal Guardians of those that dwelled within, were putting in the time and effort to make sure they were safe.
That all the Deprived under their care, were safe. It only intensified Jesse's emotions, but this time in a good matter.
I'm safe.