SKYE HONESTLY WASN'T PARTICULARLY USED TO LOSS. she had grown up distanced from her mother, and with grandparents on her father's side already long gone. because of this, she'd been lucky enough to grow up without losing any of the people closest to her. when her mother died, she didn't even know how to process it.
truthfully, she assumed that she'd just blocked it out, like she did with a lot of her trauma. the loss of her mother felt fake even when she was in her late twenties and turning thirty. she oftentimes didn't even think of herself as someone who had ever had a mother, since she hadn't been close to the woman even before her death.
skye didn't know what someone was supposed to do when they were grieving. she hadn't ever been one to struggle with coping mechanisms, but she also didn't often have much to cope with.
she was thankful for this, of course. keeping her group of friends small (literally just katia and maybe a couple others in their squadron) helped her minimize the drama and stress in her life as much as possible. given her career pathway, any amount of stress relief was openly welcomed and greatly appreciated.
but now that skye had found herself falling in love, it seemed that the drama wouldn't end. specifically, rooster was dramatic. of course, she still loved him despite of it. but he was likely the most dramatic person she'd ever met. he had a tendency of starting unnecessary fights and arguments, specifically with hangman. that was a whole different story.
regardless, skye was experiencing a lot more stress than she'd allowed herself to feel in the past.. ten (fifteen?) years of her life. and she honestly didn't know how to do anything about it, so she decided the best solution was to merely avoid it and hope for the best. not a good move.
her lack of knowledge on what to do about her grief and stress was what landed her on her bed, by herself, her chest hurting from her sobs. her throat was burning from how hard she'd been crying, and she'd forgotten that feeling altogether. skye hadn't cried this much, she didn't think, since high school, when she'd still let things affect her. before she'd gotten more closed off.
skye still felt like the world was crushing underneath her. when she'd been in cyclone's office, that's all it felt like. the ground was simply giving way beneath her feet. she kept replaying it all in her head.
she could see katia before she even got to the office. the blonde had already been escorted from cyclone's office, and some other admiral was putting a hand on her back to comfort her. skye couldn't tell what her expression was at first, but she then noticed katia's shoulders heaving in a sob. that was when she already knew.
nothing in her wanted to believe that it was true. even when maverick walked into the room, tears in his eyes, his arms wrapping around her. even when her father squeezed her shoulders through his hug and said, "ice is gone", she didn't believe it.
it just couldn't be true, skye didn't think. iceman was immortal, to her. he had always been so present in her life, had always been the best at giving advice. he'd always shown her and everyone around her with nothing but kindness. had been to her father what katia was to her, had been everything she had aspired to grow into.
there was no possible way that he could be gone. and so, skye shook her head. "no. he's not."
that was when she started crying, her face pressed against maverick's shoulder. the man only hugged his daughter tighter, his eyes squeezing shut in some sort of remorse. he didn't say anything, which she appreciated. there wasn't anything to say.
when the father and daughter left the empty room, the hallway was completely vacant with no katia in sight. skye walked into the lot to find their shared car still in its normal spot. "she got a ride home with one of the admirals." maverick said. "they didn't want her driving."
skye nodded, but didn't say anything in response. it was probably for the best that katia hadn't driven herself home. but all she wanted was to find her best friend, to hold her tight. to maybe even pretend that both of them were just dreaming; that nothing in the past fifteen minutes had ever happened.
but katia wasn't there, and she was likely already back at their shared home. skye assumed that she was fully under the covers of her bed, maybe taking a nap to avoid her feelings. that, or she was crying more. regardless of what katia was doing, skye wanted to be with her. she wanted to find a way to process any of what had happened.
"you shouldn't drive, either." maverick said after they had both been standing in silence for a moment. "can i take you back to your house?"
skye considered this for a moment. she wanted to pretend that she was big and tough, that she didn't need anyone to do anything like that for her. of course she could drive herself, what was she, five? but her shoulders sagged after a second and she nodded. "yeah."
her father gave a small nod in response before she dropped her keys into his hands. they got into the car in complete silence, and skye became startled as her phone hooked up to the bluetooth. she reached out to turn the song off, but her hand recoiled almost as if it had been burned.
that funny feeling by bo burnham, but the phoebe bridgers version. my god, she thought. she couldn't tell if this was the exact perfect time for the song, or if it was completely wrong. but she couldn't bring herself to turn it off, so she just looked out the window and watched as the hangar sped by, pretending she hadn't moved to stop it in the first place.
soon enough, her father had pulled into the driveway of her house. skye moved to open the door immediately, but maverick stopped her. "hey." he said, getting her attention. "i know we.. we don't really talk as much anymore.."
skye felt her lips downturn into a frown at his words. it was true. she used to talk to her father about almost everything; she'd run into the kitchen with a model airplane and start gushing about her favorite paint schemes and layouts. she'd tell him about the annoying people in her classes, or about the funny thing that katia had said the day before.
but now that she was older, skye didn't really know how to talk to her father about the smaller things like that. and her lack of mentioning the smaller things turned into a lack of mentioning the bigger things. before she knew it, she wasn't talking to maverick hardly at all.
she constantly regretted this, though. he'd never done anything to make her stop talking to him. she just found herself always feeling like it wouldn't be wanted. like he wouldn't care about what she'd had for lunch, or what katia had said, or about who annoyed her. but maybe she'd been wrong about all of that.
"i love you." maverick said. he had always struggled with these words, even when saying them to his daughter. but he looked completely genuine, and unashamed of these words, as he looked into her eyes. "you are the best thing in my life. you are my only.. you're my family." he continued. "and i know i haven't been doing a good job of being there for you recently. but i'm going to do better, i promise."
skye shook her head. "dad, you're not doing a bad job-"
"i haven't been there for you as much recently." he repeated. "and i know that. but i want you to be able to talk to me, and i want to talk to you. and i'm here for you if you need anything."
a small smile came to her lips. "i'm here for you, too, dad." she wrapped her arms around his neck over the center console, pulling him into a hug. "i love you, too, by the way."
maverick chuckled, squeezing her in his arms. "hey, uh.. i do need to drive myself home.."
skye laughed at this, wiping the small tears away from her eyes. "you want to take my christmas present with you?" she had referred to the motorcycle she'd been gifted by him as her christmas present for years at this point. "the keys are here if you need 'em."
he gave her another hug before driving off with one of her two motorcycles, promising to get it back to her as soon as possible.
skye walked into her house to find it completely silent. she looked around for katia for a moment before seeing that her bedroom door was closed. skye attempted to open the door only to find it locked. she rested her forehead on the wood, hearing it respond with a small thud. "kat.."
katia didn't say anything at all, and skye was left with the silence again. she sniffled as she wiped her nose with the back of her hand, feeling the tears begin to flow down her cheeks again.
"i'm gonna.. i'm gonna be in my room. if you need anything." she mumbled.
when skye fell onto her bed, she immediately started crying with full force. she didn't remember the last time she'd had such a good cry; such a gut wrenching, soul shaking, pain-inducing cry. her chest heaved with silent sobs, and her face felt completely red.
this all got her to where she was, with her arms wrapped around a pillow and her face pressed into her sheets. everything had remained silent around her, the only sound being the occasional sniffle or wiper from her own throat. that was, at least, until she heard the knock at the door.
the last thing skye wanted to do was get up and answer the door. whatever girl scout was standing outside with cookies had the worst timing ever, and skye didn't want to have to face anyone offering her anything.
but something, some subconscious part of her mind, maybe, led skye to stand on shaky legs and move to open the door. she didn't expect it to be hangman, though. he may have, in fact, been the last person she expected to be standing on the other side of her door with his hands in his pockets and a concerned look in his eyes. "hey." she croaked, stepping back to let him inside.
"hey." he replied, instinctively moving closer to her. "i.. i heard what happened with the commander." he seemed to be speaking on eggshells, not wanting to say the wrong thing. "i wanted to come and check on you and katia."
skye nodded, looking down at her socks. "kat's.. in her room. she hasn't really left her room, and i haven't seen her. she's probably.. doing as expected, though."
hangman looked at his feet before nodding slightly and looking back up at the woman in front of him. "how are you doing?"
"why does it matter how i'm doing?" she countered. "it's not my dad-"
"it matters how you're doing to me." he seemed confused as to why she'd even question it at all. honestly, skye was confused herself. he was just trying to be nice, and she'd argued with him on it. "like i said earlier, i really care about you. i came here to check on both of you. i know you were close to him, too."
skye looked back at the ground. "yeah. yeah, i'm sorry."
he moved a little closer. "you don't have to apologize, it's okay."
she resisted the urge to apologize again. "okay. i.. i'm doing okay. i think. it just.. it just doesn't feel real."
hangman took another step closer, and his eyes were filled with nothing but concern. "is it.. can i hug you?"
skye didn't waste another second before she collapsed into him, her arms wrapping around his waist as her head pressed into his chest. he held her just as close, his chin resting on top of her head as his hands rubbed her back.
she didn't know when she had started to cry again, but skye was soon pressing her face into his shoulder as the tears flowed down her cheeks. her arms had somehow gone from his waist to be wrapped around his neck, forcing him to lean down with his hands lower on her back.
he didn't say anything during any of this. he didn't make a move as if he was startled or surprised, or to make it seem like he was upset about her crying on him, or making him uncomfortable, or squeezing him too tight. skye wasn't fully paying attention, but she could hear him mumbling words of subtle affirmation, telling her that he was there, or that it was going to be okay.
she was thankful that he hadn't really said anything, though, or made a big deal about how it was normal for people to die, or for people to grieve. he didn't really say much at all, which was honestly preferable. he just patiently held onto her just a little bit less tightly than she held onto him.
while she felt like she was clinging to his body, he seemed to be just holding her. he was trying to comfort her, to make her feel safe. and it was working completely. skye didn't think that she had many more tears after how much she'd cried in her room, but she may have just underestimated herself.
she was crying about ice, she was crying about the still recent sting of rooster's rejection. and she was crying in hangman's arms, and he was making her feel like it might all eventually end up being okay.
the next thing she knew, he was whispering something about wanting her to be comfortable, and then was walking the both of them to the couch. he sat down first, and skye sat next to him. her arms were still wrapped around his neck, and he was rubbing her back again.
skye didn't have an estimate for how long she had sat there crying into his shoulder, but she stopped after some time and just sat there with her head on his shoulder. her stomach felt weird, like it sometimes did after she cried.
hangman hadn't said anything since they'd gotten onto the couch, and he hadn't stopped holding her, either. skye moved her face so that it was pressed into his neck rather than his shoulder. she could feel his heartbeat, and she could feel the way his hands moved on her back to soothe her.
the whole situation reminded her of, years prior, when she'd sat with rooster in a similar position. when he'd cried onto her shoulder and she'd rubbed his back in an attempt to make him feel better at all.
skye sniffled after a few minutes, wiping the tip of her nose with her index finger and lifting her head from hangman's shoulder. "i'm sorry for uh.. all that." she said.
hangman seemed confused by her apology. "no, no, it's okay. you don't have to-"
"i don't have to apologize, i know." she said, rubbing her eyes. "i just.. you know. you just watched me cry my eyes out. kind of damaging for my ego."
he seemed as if he didn't know if he should laugh at this or not, but he ultimately decided not to. "sometimes crying helps, right? at least.. it helps me, sometimes."
skye chuckled. "you, hangman, have cried?"
"yes?" he seemed even more confused now. "what, is that.. is that amusing to you?"
she laughed again, her head dropping back onto his shoulder. "you just seem like the kind of.. the kind of toxic guy who just refuses to cry because it will make him look weak."
he rolled his eyes. "come on.."
"i'm kidding!" she said. "not really."
he shook his head fondly, his arms wrapping back around her. "did crying help?"
skye nodded into his shoulder, sniffling again. "yeah. yeah, that was helpful." she relaxed into the silence. "thank you."
"for what?"
"for being here."
hangman smiled, moving her head off of his shoulder so he could look her in the eyes. "if you need me, i will always be here."
it sounds so cheesy, and truthfully so stupid. but skye appreciated it. she appreciated that he'd gone out of his way to make sure that she was okay. that he had come to her house and had offered to hug her. that he'd held her as she cried, never once faltering or making her feel like she was overreacting.
she appreciated everything that hangman had been doing for her recently, and how much of a friend he had so quickly become. she felt like crying on someone's shoulder bonded you two together forever immediately, and this was definitely one of those experiences.
hangman left after skye had assured him she was okay, and had admitted to wanting some space for a bit to clear her head. he had given her a quick hug (which wasn't any less comforting) before leaving in his truck.
with the house silent again, skye walked back into the hallway to go into her room. when she'd barely passed the door to katia's room, she heard it open. skye turned around to see katia standing there, her face looking completely dejected and saddened. she was there, though.
neither of the women said anything as they fell into each other's arms. they hugged each other silently for a few minutes. neither of them said anything, and both of them had truly cried enough to not need to do so anymore. they just held each other, a silent reminder that they were together.
no matter how fucked up the world was; no matter all the shit it threw at them, skye and katia were together. they were there for each other throughout all of it, no matter what.
that silent assurance was all that both of them could manage to cling to as they stood in the hallway, their arms wrapped around each other.