Heyyyy yall im back for a quick minute to let y'all know i'm still alive lol.
it's been a long ass few months for me and it's going to pick back up when i start school again next month. ugh i'm not ready but i know i need to figure out my future occupation instead of mcdonald's 😂.
also , i've been recently been so frustrated with myself so much. i am always calling myself dumb , stupid , etc. just bad words to myself again to the point i think i believe it. i want to talk to my therapist again too but she let me off because she knew that i am better off now stable to be out here in the world . i miss her❤️
i still hate my big headed ass daddy. yesterday when i was picking up my siblings from their meet with the sperm donor, i realized how abusive he was to us as children. i remember this one time i was doing homework with him, and i remember getting confused cause i wasn't understanding what the hell the homework was talking about and my father was getting frustrated with me. it wasn't no regular whooping no; it was so much worse. when he yelled at me to tell him what was the answer to the homework question and i told him a wrong answer, he took the back of my head and forced my head to make impact into the table. i remember the harsh instant pain in that moment and i remember peeing my pants from how scared i was .
my father is just an abusive man. i don't know how my mother, my brother and sister and i survived in our old home. i hate him. and i let him know that by not talking to him.
i don't know man. no matter how many times i say that i'm going to get better(it's never better) and trying to figure out loopholes to me acting "happy" when i'm not is so damn tiring. i just feel empty and alone and sometimes i wish that i could clone myself and have another me so they could understand my mind.
i just think i'm going insane day by day.
i don't even know what i'm talking about yall. it's just a whole lot of emotions from everything and is now being let out now. i hate it too.
well that's all for now. i'll be back next time❤️
ttyl y'all ;)