ϟ Ezra POV ϟ
I feel like I'm losing my fucking mind.
And Martín chewing a corndog loud as fuck definitely isn't helping.
It's been 33 days of searching. 33 days of driving to a new state, spending the day searching it, then moving to the next.
Washington. California. Nevada. Idaho. Montana. Wyoming. Utah. Arizona. New Mexico. Colorado. Texas. Oklahoma. Kansas. Nebraska. North Dakota. South Dakota. Minnesota. Iowa. Missouri. Arkansas. Louisiana. Wisconsin. Illinois. Tennessee. Mississippi. Michigan. Indiana. Kentucky. Alabama. Florida. Georgia. Ohio. Pennsylvania.
And today, New York.
And once again, nothing. The sky's pitch black now as we sit in the booth at a fast food restaurant before starting the drive to New Jersey.
I miss Lilac so fucking much. It feels like my heart is literally getting stabbed every waking moment. All I want is to see her, just for a second.
"Will you shut the fuck up," I spat at Martín before reaching across the table, grabbing his corndog and throwing it onto the floor.
God, was I fucking irritable.
Martín looked at the empty stick in his hand, then slowly glanced at the half-eaten corndog on the floor. He pursed his lips, "Think I'd die if I ate it off the floor?"
"Oh Jesus fucking Christ," I muttered under my breath, rubbing my temples.
Eliza sighed and pressed the palms of her hands against the table while standing up, "Let's go. We'll get there before sunrise if we leave now."
I didn't wait for even a second before standing up.
I fucking miss her.
I reached the car before the rest of them. They all got in once they reached the car, Eliza sitting in the passenger seat and hitting Asher when he tried to.
We were back on the highway in just a few minutes. I knew I'd probably come back home to thousands of dollars in speeding tickets - but I didn't give a shit. As long as I come home with her.
I can tell me tapping my fingers anxiously was bothering Eliza. But I couldn't stop.
What if this is all for nothing. What if she's already dead.
"Ezra!" Eliza screamed, snapping me out of my thoughts.
I hadn't even noticed I was driving at 200 mph. I released my foot a little, going back to 120.
She sighed before running her hands through her hair. She spoke in a kind and happy voice, "We just need a good song to cheer us up!"
"Eliza, if you play Taylor Swift one more time I'll push you out-"
She cut me off, "No more Taylor Swift. I'll play something better."
I sighed while waiting for the song to start playing.
The song began, and Eliza started singing it, "Yeah, breakfast at Tiffany's and bottles of bubbles.."
"No fucking way," I muttered before turning the radio off.
Eliza smacked her hand down onto her thigh and complained, "Ezra! Come on! Not everybody just wants to sit here and think about death like you do."
"I'm not thinking about death."
"Yea? What are you thinking about then?"
Crashing my car to end this nightmare of a road trip.
"Let's just sit here in silence until we arrive in New Jersey," I spoke like it was a suggestion, but it was an order.
Eliza rolled her eyes. She hadn't been complaining about this trip too much, because she was enjoying visiting each state. She takes a picture of herself at each state sign, then makes me take some of her until my arm feels like it's gonna fall the fuck off.
"Uh - hey, Ez?" Martín spoke up in a nervous voice from the backseat.
While keeping my eyes on the road, I responded, "What."
"I need to pee."
My eyes moved to look at him in the rearview mirror. He shifted around in his seat nervously, acting like he couldn't see the look I was giving him.
"You're fucking with me, right?" I raised my eyebrows at him.
He scratched the back of his neck, not answering the question.
I hate this fucking trip.
"Why didn't you go at the restaurant?" I asked.
His voice raised an octave as he moved his head down a bit, "I didn't have to go then."
"It was 5 fucking minutes ago!" I yelled.
"I was too busy looking at my murdered corndog!" he yelled back.
I started yelling, calling him every insult under the sun in Bulgarian. He started yelling at me to be nicer, until Eliza yelled louder than both of us, "Shut the fuck up, both of you!"
We both went quiet.
Eliza pointed to an upcoming road, "Turn there - it says there's a gas station. He can pee there."
I muttered a string of curse words under my breath as I turned onto the road.
A shitty-looking gas station slowly came into view. I turned into it, parking sideways in the parking spots since nobody else was here and we wouldn't be long.
I unlocked the door for Martín to get out. And when he didn't, I turned around in my seat.
"You gonna get the fuck out, or what?"
"You're not gonna come with me?" he asked like a scared kid.
My eyebrows lowered and my hands raised a little. I stared at him in disbelief over what I just heard. I shook my head, "No, why the fuck would I go with you? Are you that bad at aiming or some shit?"
"Dude, look at this place!" he gestured at the gas station.
I rubbed the bridge of my nose.
"Whatever," I muttered before getting out. I only got out so that we could keep driving as soon as possible.
I walked with him to the bathroom, but the door was closed. We stood outside of the door together, Martín shifting his weight from foot to foot while I stood there with crossed arms.
"So, what's your favorite-"
"Shut the fuck up," I cut him off, and he slipped his hands into his pockets and nodded.
We continued to stand there, listening to the sound of crickets.
Then we kept standing there.
And kept standing there.
Until my patience wore out. I started to pound my fist against the door, "Can you hurry the fuck up?"
No answer.
"Shit your tongue out or something?" I pounded my fist again.
No answer.
I glanced at Martín, who just shrugged.
I'm not wasting any more fucking time.
I kick my foot against the door, making it open. But only slightly. I try to push it open, but something was blocking it.
I went to put my head in to look at what was blocking the door, when the worse smell I've ever smelt in my life burned my nose. I made a face of disgust and covered my mouth and nose with my shirt while Martín gagged behind me.
"What the fuck," I whispered to myself.
While continuing to cover my mouth and nose, I poke my head through the door. A dead body lays on the ground with dried blood on the floor. The number of bugs on the body and the fact that it was decaying told me it had been here a while.
"Suddenly I don't have to piss anymore," Martín said between gags. "Lets go."
I stared at the dead body in disgust. Definitely a murder by the fucking hole in the guy's neck.
The light reflects off something shiny in the corner on the floor. My head instantly lifts, my eyes fixated on it.
"Can you guys hurry up?" Eliza complains from behind me, and I hear her and Asher's footsteps. "Wait, what the hell is that smell? Close the door, Ezra! It stinks!"
I barely hear her words as my eyes continue to stare. I push the door all the way open, moving the body a few inches. I step over it, before bending down and picking up the golden earring on the floor.
"Ezra, what the hell-"
I cut Eliza off by quickly stepping out of the bathroom and holding the earring up, "This is the one I bought Lilac. I'm sure of it."
"How do you know?" Martín asked me.
My eyes looked at the engraved lilacs on them, that I had custom-made just for her.
"She's here. We're finding her - tonight," I slip the earring into my pocket.
Eliza nodded. Her and Martín instantly started walking toward the car.
I felt relief knowing that I was close to her. But I also felt sick to my stomach finding her earring next to a dead body.
Worry pulsed through my veins. What the hell happened, and what has she been up to?
"Ezra," Asher spoke from in front of me.
My head snapped up. I nodded once, "Lets go."
I took a few steps past him, but then he grabbed my arm and turned me around. He gave me a serious look, and I removed my arm from his grip.
"Are you sure about this?" he asked me.
"Yea, I'm positive it's hers. I-"
He shook his head, "No, not about the fucking earrings. Are you sure that you want to find her?"
I don't think a stupider sentence had ever been uttered on earth before.
"Ezra, she doesn't love you," his words were harsh, although his tone was even. "She lived miserably in hiding for 5 years to get away from you. Then you find her, and a month later, she leaves again. She's been gone for a month, and never tried to contact you once. She doesn't want you to find her."
His words felt like a knife to the chest, although I knew they were true.
"She will never love you the way you love her," he spoke again after my silence.
It felt like a bucket of ice-cold water got poured onto me. I know she doesn't love me. I know she doesn't want me to find her.
She'll never love me.
Asher took a step toward me. He looked at me with a little bit of sympathy, "You need to let her go. Do you seriously think you two can keep this up forever, until you're 90 and in diapers? You gonna be searching every nursing home for her when she runs away again?"
Let her go.
The right thing to do. The selfless thing to do. Let her live her life away from me. Let her marry a boring ass bank teller named Mark and live in a gated community with a fucking ugly white dog.
"I care about her life more than anything," I stared at him, face-to-face. "And as long as there's a 20 million dollar bounty on her head, I'm not going to let her be out here alone. Once she's back in Oregon with me, and we've figured out who the fuck put the hit out on her, then I'll think about your little philosophical question."
The truth was, as selfish and evil as it made me, I could never let her go.
He just stared at me for a few moments. It nearly looked like he scoffed.
"Okay. Fine," he said dryly.
I watched as he turned and began walking toward the car.
This night's not ending without me finding her.
❀ Lilac POV ❀
Why did women have to be given the right to work? I hate this. I hate work.
It's been a full month of working here, and I'm still not used to the loud music and bright lights. But I do make really good tips.
"I'd like a glass of your time if that's available?" Alex smirked at me as I poured shots for a group of girls.
I glanced at the clock, "I'm not off yet. 15 more minutes."
"Guess I'll have to wait," he did a disappointed shrug.
I slid the shots over to the girls as Alex walked away.
Alex came in here one night a few weeks ago when I was working. He started talking to me, and I started to do shots with him. Unprofessional, I know.
One thing led to another and I shamefully hooked up with him in the bathroom. It won't happen again. But even though it's been three weeks, he still hasn't taken the hint, and still comes here to talk to me sometimes.
It wasn't even a good hookup. I didn't finish. I had to fake it - and I'm pretty sure I sounded like a dying animal. Wasn't pretty.
It was so fucking frustrating. Franco didn't make me finish. Alex didn't make me finish.
Only Ezra fucking Atlas.
I'm not going to lie, I've googled his name a couple of times. But nothing new ever came up. It's as if for the past month, he's vanished. If what Asher told me was true, maybe he was still searching the country for me.
I almost called one time.
Two weeks ago, I lay in bed, a little drunk from work. It was 5 am, and the sky was starting to turn light. I grabbed the phone that Asher gave me, and typed Ezra's number in. But with how much my eyes were dancing, I typed the number wrong.
I wanted answers. I wanted to know why he was going to force me to marry him.
The person on the other end picked up.
"Ezra..." my voice was tired since I was seconds away from falling asleep. "Why?"
"Why do you want me to be a prisoner, forever? Why would you force me to marry you?" I slurred, talking quickly. "Why do you even love me? But what I want to know most, is why the fuck don't I hate you, even after everything?"
It was silent on the other end.
"Why am I starting to feel something for you?" I barely managed to whisper.
My eyes shut and I felt like I was swaying against my bed from the alcohol.
And right as I fell asleep, I heard a voice I didn't recognize come from my phone, "I'm sorry...you have the wrong number."
Every day has been the same. Sleep during the day, work at night and spend my free-time watching cheesy TV shows.
Basically, I just distract myself so that I don't think.
"What's on your mind, Rose?" Maria smirked at me, always finding it funny when she called me that nickname.
"Huh?" I tilted my head at her, then I noticed I was still refilling the cup I was holding and it was spilling onto the floor. "Shit!"
Maria giggled before grabbing a rag and bending down to help me clean. She looked at me through her dark brown eyes as we both cleaned, "You seemed distracted today."
"No, I'm not distracted," I shook my head, and she gave me an 'I don't believe you' expression. "Okay, fine. Maybe a little."
We stood up and tossed the rags into a bin under the bar. I gave the person their drink, smiling extra wide since it took me way longer than it should've.
"This have anything to do with...Ethan, was it?" she asked, calling Ezra by the name I made up for him.
Of course I didn't tell Maria the full story. But I told her pieces - like that I came here to hide from him, how he's been obsessed with me for 5 years, and how he pleased me in a way that still keeps me up at night.
"Nope," I lied.
"Mhm," she hummed.
I pointed toward Alex and told her, "Have to go let him down gently."
She nodded, "Ah. Need any help? Want me to come with you, in case he's an asshole about it?"
I smiled at her offer as I took my nametag off, "No, I don't think that'll be necessary."
I hope.
I did a few more things before my shift ended - including refilling a few drinks and listening to a guy high off of some drug tell me that he saw Bob the Builder in the bathroom.
The clock hit 3:00 am. And I was finally free to go back to my apartment.
"Okay, Maria. I'll see you tomorrow," I smiled at her, turning around to go and talk to Alex.
"Wait, Lilac. This drink was ordered for you," Maria put her hand on my arm to stop me and held a glass out for me to take.
I let out a sigh and took it.
Holding the drink in my hand, I made my way over to Alex. Once he noticed me walking over to him, he basically sprung out of his seat.
"Finally. Feels like we've spent no time together," he laughed.
I joined in his laughing and nodded, "Yea - that was kind of the point."
Shit. That wasn't very gentle. You're not talking to Ezra, Lilac.
Both of our laughter slowed down until we were both just standing there awkwardly. I told him, "Look, Alex. You're really sweet, but I'm not looking for anything. Not a boyfriend, not another hookup, I'm just trying to keep my head low."
He blew a raspberry and looked to the side.
"Yea. Okay, that's fine," he looked back at me, and I gave him a sympathetic smile.
I held the drink out for him to take, "Here, take your drink back."
"My drink?" his eyebrows lowered.
"Yea, this one that you ordered for me," I said in a 'duh' tone and held the drink up higher.
He made a weird face before shaking his head, "No, I didn't order you that."
My eyebrows knitted together.
"See you, Lilac," he forced a smile at me, and I forced one back despite my confusion.
I held the drink in my hand as I walked back over to the bar. I called out, "Maria!"
She turned around, stopping re-filing somebody's beer.
"Who ordered me this?" I asked her.
She gestured her head behind me, "That guy."
She turned back around and continued working. I looked down at the drink, and when I did, I felt myself freeze a little bit.
It was a whiskey and coke.
Time suddenly felt way slower. I set the drink down on the counter, my stomach feeling heavy.
I turned around to look behind me.
And then, I saw him.
Ezra sat at a table alone, staring straight at me. I felt like I couldn't breathe, a million questions filling my mind. The flashing lights lit up his face as he sat with his legs spread apart, staring at me like a predator does to its prey.
A smirk formed on his lips, as he raised his hand, and waved at me.
Word count: 3016