I was pretty nervous about this. I hadn't seen him in so long and he's already so grown up. I keep thinking he's going to hate me. I would hate me. I haven't been around long enough to say that I'm his mother. He's only seen me through a screen. After everything that's happened over the past couple of years, I doubt anyone would want me as their mother. I'm hoping he's excited to see me just as much as I'm excited to see him.
Callie told me that she'd been teaching him English. I knew it was a just in case thing. Just in case I decided to take him to America with me. Just in case he had to live with some extended family in another English speaking country. It was good he learned Spanish, too. Melinda and Renée speak it every chance they get with me. I never feel like a native speaker until I'm with them.
Callie's house was the same as I remembered. I could see they added a smaller house, but that was all that changed. I pulled into the driveway, reciting what I was going to say if Joël didn't want to see me. This is so frustrating. I just want him to accept me like I'd never gone away. If only I hadn't gone away.
I hit the horn as I leaned over to grab my purse. Crap! Now they know that I'm here. Goodbye to surprising my son.
Callie peeked out of the front door and smiled. I knew she couldn't see me, but Lin's car is too recognizable. Anyone who knows her, knows the model and color of her car. It hasn't changed since she got it.
I got out and looked at myself in the side mirror. Ah, I look good enough to say I have an actual life. Before I could knock on the door, Callie opened it again.
"Ruby!" She greeted me. "Ah, you haven't changed at all!"
"Callie!" I hugged her. "You've changed. It's a good thing. You don't look a day over 25."
"You don't look a day over 18."
We laughed and she let me into the house. It's good to see a lot hasn't changed. She still has two mirrors just a few feet apart in the front hall. She has three girls, so that's understandable. The last I heard, her eldest son was well on his way to graduate early and head off to college this year. I couldn't be more proud of him.
"Where's Léon?" I asked. "I thought he'd be home by now."
"He's out with Milo. They wanted to check out a hardware store that had just opened. You know how men are when it comes to tools." Callie led me to the living room. "I'll go get Joël. He is so excited to see you."
"You sure you aren't saying that to make me feel better?"
"Why would I lie to you? You're the best mom anyone could ask for. He's been talking nonstop about you."
I bet he has.
Callie walked away before I could protest further. I don't want to get this over with, but I want to see him. This is frustrating! I couldn't sit down. So much nervous energy. I decided to look at the pictures on the mantelpiece. They looked like the perfect family. I spotted a photo of me and Joël. It was the first time I'd shown him to Callie.
"Mom!"
I turned around to see Joël running towards me. I help out my arms to catch him.
"Joël!" I hugged him tight. "How have you been? I'm so sorry I didn't come to visit sooner."
"It's okay, Mom. I missed you a lot!"
I couldn't hold back my tears. Joël will never know the real reason why he wasn't able to live with me when I moved back home. He'll forever think it was because of his grandparents. That's part of the reason, but I never want him to learn about the man who calls himself his father. The last thing I want to do is bring him into his life and he tries to ruin us again.
"Je suis tellement désolé, bébé," I muttered into his curls. "Pardonne-moi."
"Je te pardonne, maman." Joël pulled away. "Am I going home with you this time? I packed just in case. What about Dad?"
I completely ignored that question and chose to focus on him wanting to be with me. Home? With me? He said he wants to go home. Did he never think France was his home? I looked at Callie, but she wasn't standing in the doorway. She must be with her girls. She's always understood private time.
"Why don't we sit down and I'll explain everything, okay?" I looked into his huge, brown eyes. "I want you to know that whatever happens from here on out, you'll always be my baby."
Joël took a seat on Callie's expensive, sectional leather sofa. I'd always wondered why she spent so much on a couch she barely sat on. No one was allowed to sit on it unless they were having family time. I doubt that was often. I sat next to Joël and prepared to explain everything that I could without making anyone seem like the bad guy.
"I know you're going to ask about your father and why he hasn't come around to see you. I don't want to speak ill of him, but he's sick right now. He doesn't want to get better. I tried helping him, so he'd be in your life more often." I sighed. "It was working, but he chose to do his own thing and I started to shut him out. I shouldn't have, but it's best we're not together. It's for your safety."
"Is Dad a bad man?" Joël asked.
"Not exactly, chér. He's a good guy. He loved me a lot and he loved you. He just didn't want the doctors to help him."
"Do I still get to go home with you?"
"You don't mind leaving your cousins behind and moving across the world with me? I couldn't do that to you, love." I squinted at my son.
"I've been dreaming of the day you came back and told me I was leaving with you. I know Lyon is my home, but wherever you are is where I'm supposed to be."
How? I couldn't wrap my head around the way he was talking. He sounds way too calm and intelligent for his own good. He's taking this better than I thought he would. I mean, he's only seven. What could he possibly understand about his parents not being in love?
"Is it because you found someone else?"
What have I missed? Who's been raising him when Callie isn't around. I've been around her kids long enough to know how they act. He's acting too grown. I wasn't this interested in my parents' relationships at this age. I like to think I wasn't.
"What makes you think I'm with someone else?" I asked with a smile.
"Aunt Callie and Uncle Léon always talk about you and him. I thought he was either Dad or someone else. Did I guess right?" Joël giggled. "I don't mind it. I really don't. I'll love him just as much as I love you."
"Joël..."
"I promise I'll be a good boy. I won't argue with him or even get mad that he isn't my real dad. I just wanna go home with you. Aunt Callie even got me a passport and ID."
I couldn't not say yes to his request. I had been planning to speak to Lucas about it anyway. We weren't living together, but it's something we need to agree on. If Lucas doesn't want Joël, because of Roberto, I don't think we can stay together for long. I want my son to come home with me. I can't leave him again. After seeing him again for the first time in years, I don't think I can go home without him.
"It's not that I don't like living with Aunt Callie and my cousins, but...I want to explore the world. I want to be with you all the time. I don't want other people laughing at me, because I don't live with my mom. It's bad enough they seem to know who Dad is."
"What?"
"I'm not one to tattle, but school hasn't been going well. I'd love to start at a new school far from people who know me better than I know myself."
If I had known how Joël was being treated in school, I would have come to get him sooner. Leaving him here for seven years is a mistake I can never undo. Joël deserves better. With or without Lucas's permission, I'm going to bring Joël home with me. He'll definitely fare better in California. I won't have to worry about him every minute of the day. I'll definitely know when things aren't going right at school.
"Get your things, Joël. Mommy's taking you home."