5 minute later, Sodapop an I are climbing the bleachers, beside the track.
"So kie." Soda says, sitting down.
"So soda." I sit down next to him.
"It's pretty aint it?" He smiles looking over the track. The sky is overcast and it's windy. The trees are still green.
"It really is." I smile.
"You look really pretty today, by the way." He looks at me smiles.
"Really? Everybody keeps telling me I look like shit". I laugh.
"Well then they aren't actually looking at you." He says softly. I feel myself blush and look away.
"Thanks." I say staring out over the track.
"This reminds me of a poem I read once."
"Oh yeah? Let's here it."he says. I take a deep breath.
"When grey clouds
Are always spilling over
With the ebb and flow
Of their seas
Those with soft hearts
Will soak it all in
Only to pour it back out
A greedy catharsis
Under overcast skies" I recite.
"That's beautiful. Where'd you learn that?"
"I'm not sure. Maybe from my book of sonnets?" I laugh. He smile and nods.
"Yknow something?"
"Hm?" I respond
"You puzzle me."
"Oh yeah? How."
"Even when things are bad, you stay positive. Sure you have your moments where your mad or annoyed. But you always have something good to say or a poem or whatever. You always see the good in people."
"Yeah, I guess so. I guess I just want people to see the good in me, so I see the good in them." I look down at my hands.
"I see the good in you." Soda says, taking my hands in his.
"Yeah? Like what?" I smile looking into his eyes.
"Well," he says scooting closer so our legs are touching.
"You are kind. You never judge anyone without reason. You talk to the trees." He laughs.
"You are quiet yet you think a lot. You always scrunch your nose when your thinking hard about something. You always ask people how they're doing. You talk to people on the street. You aren't afraid of other greasers. You don't show fear towards the socs. You read. You are just a real amazing person." He smiles.
"Thanks." I giggle. "I see the good in you too."
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah. Your very kind. Your super smart. You have a contagious smile. You are kind to everyone with no reason. You give your heart to everyone, even if they don't deserve it." I said. He looked at me and leaned in close. I felt the hair on my neck stand up and my stomachs did a roll.
"Kiara I have to tell you something."
"What?" I say. He looks at me and smiles softly. Looking down at me then back at the trees.
"Uh, what's your favorite color." He asked. I was confused, it was as though he decide to change his question last second.
"Uh, sage green." I laughed
"Ah." He nodded.
For a moment, we sat there looking out at the trees. It was calm and peaceful, yet there was a strange tension between us that we never had before.
"Kiara?" He asked softly.
"Hm?"
"Who's Colby?" He asked. My heart stopped and I breathed in sharply.
"Uh. What do you mean."
"I heard bob yell something about a Colby? He took off before I could get to him but he sure was loud." He rolled his eyes.
"Nobody just a stupid boy." I shook my head.
"Was he the one who hurt you?"
"Uh," I looked around anxiously. I looked at my watch and saw there were 5minutes left in the period.
"It's almost time for lunch, we should head back." I stood up but he gently grabbed my wrist.
"Kiara, if he's the reason you got hurt I-." He started but I cut him off.
"No soda he's not." I lied. "Just please leave it okay? I'll tell you when I'm ready to talk about it." I said. He looked at me for a moment before sighing and standing up.
"Alright." He said, grabbing my hand and interlocking outs fingers.
"Oh," I smiled. "Why are you holding my hand?" I laughed.
"So you don't fall." He smiled, leading me down the bleachers.
"Oh!" I laughed.
** 5 minutes later we were walking through the halls and the bell rang. We let go of our hands, and walked to lunch. I couldn't stop smiling.
As we walked in, soda took his usual seat next to Steve and I took mine across from pony.
"Hey pone." I said still smiling.
"Hey kie." He smirked and put his head in his hands.
"Anything new?" He smiled wolfishly I glared at him.
"No, except my math teacher doesn't believe I was in the hospital." I smiled sweetly.
"Are you for real?" Johnny said.
"Yup!" I rolled my eyes.
"What a bitch." Two-bit said.
"You got that right." I grumbled laying my head on the table.
"Kiara." Someone said. I looked up and met Johnny's eyes.
"Johnny." I mimicked his tone.
"Your not eating again." He whispered.
"I'm not hungry, I had an apple earlier." I groaned.
"Kiara. Your lying. Your loosing weight."
"No im not I'm as sticky and short as ever. And I'm not lying." I said, then looked at Steve who was talking with soda and there other friends.
"Steve!"
"What?" He said
"I had an apple this morning right?" I said pointing to Johnny.
"I don't know I wasn't paying attention." He furrowed his brow rolling his eyes, then turned back to his conversation.
"Your no help." I grumble looking back to johnny.
"Look. I'm not lying so just leave it alright?" I said as nicely as I could.
"Mhm alright." He grumbled and turned away.
I started to feel dizzy, so I later my head down and closed my eyes.
"You good?" Steve called. I just put my arm in the air with a thumbs up and then dropped it.
"Alright." He said then once again returned to his conversation.
I stayed like that until the end of lunch. At the end, soda accompanied me.
"So what class is next?" He asked.
"Art." I smiled knowing he doesn't like art.
"Ugh" he groaned but smiled.
"It'll be fun." I said, limping towards the art room.
**
5 minutes later, soda and I are painting. The assignment was pick a song and paint how it makes you feel. I chose, 'can't help falling in love' by Elvis Presley.
Soda chose 'here comes the sun' by the Beatles.
I painted a girl in black, nothingness. She's falling and trying to gab onto something but can't find anything. Below her is a dark red pit, there is red lightning and birds flying.
"Damn, that's good but." Soda pauses. "What does it mean."
"Well 'Can't help falling in love' makes me feel like a girl who can't help but fall in love with someone. She falls and keeps falling. She try's to grab something and stop, but she can't. She keeps falling until she hit the red pit below and she dies." I explain.
"Damn" he shakes his head. "That's dark."
"Yeah I guess so." I laugh. I look over at his and he has painted a girl.
"What's that?" I smile.
"It's you." He smiles sheepishly.
"Really?" I say, it's actually quite good.
"I really like it, it's looks really good!"
"Mhm. You don't have to be nice." He laughs
"No I'm being serious." I smile.
"Thanks."
"But why me? You were supposed to paint or draw how a song makes you feel?" I said cocking a brow.
"I know." He smiled. "Here's comes the sun. It's you, your kind of Like the sun. I was really lost after sandy. And you pulled me out of my daze and helped me. But you've always helped me. Your my sun." He smiled looking into my eyes, I felt myself blush.
"Soda." I grinned. "That's so sweet. If I am the sun. Then you are the moon."
"Why's that?"
"Because you remind me of the moon. Even in darkness, the moon lights up the sky. You are the light that lights up the darkness. You can make anyone happy just by being yourself. And I love the night. It's so beautiful."
"Hm. I didn't know that how you feel." He smiled.
"Yeah," he laughed and turned back to my painting.
**
The next three periods were gym, then a free period then my acting class. Soda is amazingly talented with acting. He's a natural, I'm gonna try to have him try out for the spring play.
After the last bell rung, we went our separate ways and I found Steve.
"Hey Kiwi" he said wrapping an arm around me as we walked/limped out the doors.
"Hey goof." I laughed.
"How was your day?"
" it was actually pretty good," I smiled.
"Mhm." He smirked.
"What?" I asked.
"Nothing." He laughed.
"Mhm. How was your day?" I asked as he helped me into the truck.
"It was pretty good" he said climbing into the truck and turning it on.
"Mm." I hummed.
"So." He said as he pulled out of the parking lot.
"So."
"Soda told me, some soc was being an ass to you in English."
"Yeah, just some stupid guy. I handled it." I said annoyed with Jason.
"Mhm. And he said he had to be in your acting class?" He laughed.
"Yeah, he was actually really good!" I laughed.
"Really? I would've paid money to see it." He shook his head laughing.
"Yeah, he was almost as good as me." I grinned. "Almost."
"Damn really that good?" He asked.
"Yeah I was surprised to be honest. But he actually seemed to enjoy himself."
"Hm." He said pulling into the Curtis driveway. He hopped out and helped me out, helping me to the door.
"Steve you don't have to help me to the door I'm fine." I groaned.
"I'll stop helping you when you stop limping." He said, opening the door and helping me inside.
"Anybody home?" He called.
"In here!" Two voice said simultaneously. I shrugged steve off and limped into the kitchen.
"Hey pone." I smiled. Taking a seat across from him. He was reading a book at the kitchen table, while soda was sitting on the counter
"Hey kie." He said, not looking away from his book. I sneaked a look at soda. He was looking at me with a small smile on his face. I smirked confused and shook my head, turning my attention back to pony.
"What are you reading?" I asked him.
"Romeo and Juliet."
"Oh! I love that one!" I exclaimed.
"Really?" He asked.
"Yeah! It's a good one. Not my favorite but still good." I smiled. "Actually. Speaking of Romeo and Juliet." I looked to soda.
"Soda." I smirked.
"What do you want?" He said narrowing his eyes.
"I think, you should try out for the fall show."
"Haha, no!" He smiled.
"Oh Cmon please! You are super talented and you'd be real great." I tried persuading him.
"Really?"
"She said your almost as good as her." Steve said grabbing a beer from the fridge.
"That good?" He smiled.
"Yeah! Your a natural at it."
"Mmmmmmm" he groaned.
"Please?"
"Mm I don't know." He grumbled.
"Please? It'll be fun. And you'll be great." I begged.
"Mm fine," he sighed. "But only if you do it too."
"Alright." I smiled. "I was already going to anyways."
"Ugh." He groaned. "What's the play anyways?" He asked leaning his head against the cabinets behind him. I smirked, knowing he's not gonna like this one.
"Uh, Romeo and Juliet." I smirked.
"Romeo and Juliet?!" He exclaimed.
"So if he gets cast he has to wear tights?" Pony laughed.
"Yup." I grinned.
"You set me up!" Soda exclaimed yet smiled.
"Yup!" I said triumphantly.
"I'd pay money to see that." Steve laughed real hard.
"Oh honey I'm home!" Twobit called, walking in the front door.
"In here darling!" Steve called in a high pitched voice. Twobit came running in and jumped into Steve's arms. I laughed as did the rest of them.
"Right here." He said, pointing to his cheek. Steve looked at him then dropped him on his ass. He hit the floor with a loud thud making everyone crack up.
"Alright. That works too." He said. Steve helped him up and threw him a beer.
"Speaking of couples." I laughed. "Where's Evie?"
"Haha real funny." He sneered. "She's at work right now. You should go see her, she's been asking about you." He said taking a sip of his beer.
"Really?" I smiled.
"Yeah don't get too excited." He laughed.
"Haha. Alright I'm heading out." I said standing up and limping towards the door.
"Hey! Your not going alone." He said sternly.
"Steve. I'm fine I've got my blade. And besides I'll be in town within 5 minutes. No one's gonna jump me in town." I said limping quickly out the door. Steve called after me but I ignored him and continued to the street and down the road.
**
With 5 minutes I am standing out side of 'Danny's Diner'. I limp in and instantly spot Evie. I limp over to the counter and sit down in front of her.
"Hi just a minute please." She says looking down at her clipboard.
"Alright." I smile. Instantly she looks up, her eyes widen and she smiles.
"Kiara!" She exclaims. She leans over the counter and gives me a hug.
"How are you? I haven't seen you in forever!" She exclaims. I break away and laugh.
"I'm okay doing good." I smile.
"That's great! How are you feeling?" She cocks her head slightly.
"I'm feeling better." I lie.
"That's great! I really missed you." She smiles.
"I missed you too! How are you doing?" I ask.
"I'm alright. Still working me to the bone." She rolls her eyes. Her boss is always making her work long hours and takes advantage of her kindness and time. Steve is always telling her she needs to stand up for herself but she always says she's fine and that it's okay.
"Boss still an asshole?" I rolled my eyes.
"You know it!" She smiles annoyed. "Oh well, at least I get payed. How's school?" She asks. She goes to the same school but we never see each other. We don't have any classes together or the same lunch.
"Don't even get me started." I groaned holding my head in my hands.
"I heard about the knife and the locker." She grimaced, wiping the counter.
"Yeah. Some asshole socs thought they were real funny." I rolled my eyes.
"Boys too I bet. All boy suck." She grumbles. "We'll except maybe your brother." She laughs.
"Mmmm. Maybe." I laugh.
"Actually speaking about boys." I say slowly. Instantly she stops wiping the counter, and looks at me with wide eyes and a grin.
"Kiara!" She exclaims.
"Promise you won't tell Steve. Well actually don't tell anyone."
"I promise, my lips are sealed." She said bouncing anxiously.
"We'll I uh. Think a boy asked me out today."
"Kiara! Who?" She grinned.
"Uh, well." I smiled, looking down at my hands. " His name is Leo?"
"Ohh?" She smirked
"Yeah" I whispered back. "He said I was pretty and asked if I wanted to go out on a date. I said maybe, I don't know. He seems like a nice guy, I think I might take him up on it.
"Oh, Kiara. I'm so happy for you!"
"Thankyou. I'm not used to people actually talking to me at school, much less ask me out" I smiled.
"That's awesome, kie. I'm happy for you." She smiled, continuing to clean the counter.
"You know I'm not really surprised someone finally asked you out." She said
"Really?" I smiled.
"Yeah. Everywhere we go I see boys staring at you. Practically drooling over you." Laughed.
"Oh. I guess I never noticed." I shook my head,
"Don't worry. I didn't even know steve liked me until we had been talking for 4 months." She laughed.
"Yeah and he fell hard. But he picked the perfect girl." I smiled.
"Oh your to sweet." She laughed. "I'll be right back." She said walking off to help a customer who had just come in.
I picked up a menu and contemplated wether to buy something.
"Kiara?" I heard someone say behind me. I turned around and met eyes with a girl. My heart stopped and I breathed in sharply.
"I, uh. Lexie?" I stuttered. My hands began to shake.
"Hi." She said coldly.
"Uh hi, what are you doing here?" I asked quickly.
"I'm here picking up lunch for my family and I. You remember my brother right? Colby?" She glared.
"Of course I remember him." I said with a tinge of growing anger.
"Yeah, you should. After what you did to him." She said loudly.
"Look i don't know what you've been told. But I didnt do anything to him." I said.
"Bullshit. Your just denying it cause you a guilty stupid bitch." She hissed, her bright green eyes staring daggers at me. Her brown hair spilling over her shoulder.
"Hey, can I help you?" Evie said, stepping between Lexie and I.
"Yeah, I'm here to pick up takeout under smith." She said, glaring at me.
"Alright I'll get that for you in just a minute." He said slowly. "Kiara can you follow me please?" She said turning towards me and pulling me to the back.
"What the hell is her problem?" She said, once we were alone in the kitchen.
"I,uh I don't. I uh." I stuttered. A pit in my stomachs formed and i felt sick. My hands shook and my heart was beating fast.
"I uh, she doesn't. Like me." I said.
"We'll that part obvious. But why?" She asked softly.
"I uh. I don't. I don't know." I stuttered again. "I'm gonna go now." I said, limping towards the back door.
"Kiara!" She called.
"I'll be fine okay? I'll come see you soon." I smiled before quickly limping out the door.
I felt tears forming and I made it a few steps before I grabbed onto the wall and bent over, throwing up. It was nothing but water. I coughed, and gagged. My hands shook.I felt tears form in my eyes and I began to breath fast. I couldn't breath. I despretly tried to breath in but I couldn't. I gasped for breath, but it hurt and I couldn't. My ribs burned and my chest. Tears started falling. I clutched my chest, gasping. But all that came out were strangled cries. I slid down the wall and sobbed, shaking and gasping.
"Kiara?" I heard someone say, but I ignored it and kept trying to breath.
"Kiara!" Someone yelled worriedly, I still didn't look. I felt myself being picked up. I was set in a car and then we started moving. I finaly looked to see who picked me up.
Tim Sheppard sat at the wheel.
"Kiara, what's wrong?" He asked worriedly.
"I." I gasped. "Can't." Gasp, "breath." I sobbed. I was in pain, but I couldn't breath. I was embarrassed. Why was Lexie effecting me so much.
"Kiara, what happened?" He asked. But I could speak all that came out were gasps, and sobs.
"Jesus Christ." He mumbled, pulling into the Curtis driveway. He hopped out, ran to my door and stopped me up. He ran to the front door. And knocked. The door opened within second.
Steve opened the door, his face went from smiling to terrified in seconds.
"Kiara? What the fuck happened?" He asked Tim, taking me in his arms and bringing me inside.
"I don't know, I found her behind Danny's Diner in a ball crying. She said she couldn't breath." He said quickly. Steve set me on the couch and crouched down in front of me.
"Hey, your okay." He cooed.
"What's going on?" Twobit asked. Coming in From the kitchen.
"She's having a panic attack." Steve called.
"Kiara it's okay, breath,"
"I." I sobbed.
"Kiara look at me." He said patting my face. "Breath with me okay?"
"In." He said taking a breath in. "Out." He exhaled. I tried to do the same.
"In." He paused. "Out" I copied him and my breath steadied a bit.
"In." He said softly. "Out." My breathing evened out and I stoped sobbing. My body shook, and my heart was beating fast.
"That's it. Just breath. Your doing good." He said rubbing my back.
"I'm okay." I whispered, shakily.
"Soda can you get some water?" Steve called. I looked to see Soda, Pony and Two-bit staring at me. Soda looked terrified, he nodded and went to the kitchen returning seconds later with a glass of water.
He handed the water to steve and sat down next to me. He placed a hand on my back and rubbed circles.
"Here." Steve said, gently bringing the cup to my lips, and slowly tipping the water to my mouth.
"There you go. Your okay." He said taking the cup away. I swallowed and took a deep breath.
"Now, what happened?" He said softly. I cursed myself, Nobody knew anything and I wanted it to stay that way.
"N-N-Nothing." I stuttered. "I just got scared."
"Kiara." He said more sternly. He was getting mad.
"Steve. Nothing happened." I said.
"Kiara.I'm not gonna ask again." He said sternly. "What. Happened." His nostrils flared
"Uh I'm gonna go." Tim said quickly and ran out the door.
"I said. Nothing happened." I said as convincingly as I could. "I just got scared."
"Kiara. Your lying." He stood up.
"No I'm not. Nothing happened I promise. I just got scared."
"Why won't you just tell me!" He said loudly.
"Because there's nothing to tell." I said trying to keep my voice at talking level.
"Kiara! Something had to have happened so just tell me!" He shouted.
"There's nothing to tell I just got scared!" I said a little loud.
"Why are you so stubborn?! Just tell me!"
"No!"
"Why!"
"Nothing happened!"
"Kiara! Why won't you just let me help you?!"he yelled.
"Because you can't help me! There nothing you can do to fix it! You can't make this go away! Or scare it off! So just leave it!" I shouted
"Fix what?! Just tell me?!"
"No just leave it!"
"Kiara! Just tell-." He shouted but I cut him off with a slap to the face. I instantly pulled my hand away and stared at it. The entire room went silent.
"I." I stuttered in disbelief. "I'm sorry."I whispered before running out the door. My ribs hurt horribly. But I ran. I heard the gang calling after me but I ignored them. I ran and ran until I collapsed in the lot.
I let out a pained scream. My ribs felt like they were being broken into a million little pieces.
I sobbed out, I'm pain. I was angry. I was angry with myself. I was angry at Lexie and Colby. I was angry I hit steve I was angry at bob. I was angry.
"GODDAMIT." I screamed, pounding the ground with my uncasted hand.
"MOTHER FUCKING GOD DAMN!" I screamed. I laid my head in the grass, and sobbed. I hit steve. He would never hit me and yet I hit him. And I hated myself for it. I heard foot steps behind me. I shielded my face and yelped.
"Kiara it's me." Soda said softly.
"Soda?" I said and leaped into his arms. He wrapped his arms around me and held me tight.
I buried my face in his chest and sobbed,
"Shhhh, it's okay." He cooed.
"No it's not!" I yelled into his chest. "I hit steve!"
"Kiara. He's a big boy he can take it."He laughed.
"No soda. You don't understand." I pulled away.
"What what's wrong?" He shook his head.
"I couldn't bring myself to tell him anything! And I hit him! And I'm angry!" I exclaimed.
"Kiara, everyone gets angry!" He exclaimed shaking his head.
"No! Your not listening! IM angry! I'm angry at steve. I'm angry at my parents. Im angry at Colby. I'm angry at bob. I'm fucking angry at everything!" I yelled, tears streaming down my face.
"Kiara, you have a right to be angry." He pleads.
"No." I whisper. "No I don't want to be angry!" I groan.
"Everything fucking sucks! School sucks! My parents suck! My relationships suck! Socs suck! I suck! And I can't fucking get away from a stupid accident that happened half a year ago! It just keeps coming back to bite me in the ass! Life fucking sucks and I just need it to stop!" I yell falling to my knees.
"You need what to stop?"
"Everything! I just need everything to stop! There's no fucking point in anything anymore! It hurts! My body hurts! My brain hurts! I can't deal with this anymore! I'm so fucking tired and I'm full of hate! I fucking hate myself! I dont want to be in this body anymore I just want out!" I scream. shutting my eyes. I feel Soda hug me tight. And I felt horrible. I felt horrible for dumping this on him. I don't like the way I feel. And I don't want people to worry. I don't want people to know.
"Baby no. Dont talk like that." He cooed.
"Soda. I'm tired." I whispered. "I'm so fucking tired. And I don't wanna be angry anymore. I just wanna give up. I'm fucking done." I cry into his chest.
"No. Your not allowed to give up. And I'm gonna help you. We're all gonna help you. Your gonna be okay." He said, his voice broke.
"Soda. I dont want help. I just wanna give up. I don't want help."
"I know you don't. But your gonna get it. Because Kiara." He whispered, pulling away and taking my head in his hands.
"The gang and I wanna live in a world without you." He said, his eyes filled with tears.
"Soda." I whispered. "I'll try." I said. And I want to try. I want to try because, I don't really want to die. I don't really want to. I just want everything bad to go away. And I don't know if it will.
"Good." He hugged me tight.
***(A/N) Wow. That was an emotional rollercoaster. Did you like it? Also that was a super long chapter! I felt it was time for Kiara to realize that her reality is shit, and that she doesn't have to pretend to be okay all the time. Anyways, lmk your thoughts!! <3<3<3