❛❛I spy with my little eye, a little lie.❜❜
I watch the clock strike ten.
I stare into my hand, pulling my sleeve to see my purple wrist. I circle it, whinging in pain. Tears fall from my eyes; I stand up and begin dinner. It is not easy. People ask, why are you still with him?
Just leave.
That's the problem.
I can't leave.
I'm powerless to help. I'm imprisoned in my flat, stuck in the tornado of a life that I have to push myself to commit to. I needed to hurry up before he gets home, dinner should already be on the table by now. I open the refrigerator and take out a couple of vegetables, setting them into a bowl before washing them in the sink.
I look into the window before me, seeing my reflection. The spatters of rain slap against the glass, before leaking down. And it is then, i got confused if it was the rain drops or the tears covering my face. My lips quiver, my neck marked with many bruises.
People say, why are you upset? Your husband is a rich, well-known man.
You are living the life all women dream off.
No. I am living a life women detest, women fear.
This spreading purple with yellow blotches is only the surface wound. The real one is within, that feeling of betrayal, that breaking of trust that is so essential to true love. For what we love, we protect, right? I cut the vegetables down into squares.
The front door is slammed shut, and there are shuffles of garments heard. The vibrations of the glass and table cause me to jump. I'm aware of his presence behind me, his nose tracing down my neck. His hands graze the hem of my dress as they move around my midriff. My eyes widen as I notice my Law books stacking up on the table in the living room.
Oh no.
Fear catches my throat, "what did you make?" He asks, opening the oven door to find it empty. I'd just gotten home from university and was starting dinner. "Why aren't there any plates on the table?" Angrily, he inquires. I ignore him because I'm frightened to say the wrong thing.
"Am I not fucking speak to you!" He grabs the back of my head and forces me to look at him, I stutter on my words. He looks around, and i needed to distract him before his eyes caught my books.
But I am too late.
He releases my neck and makes his way into the living room. I drop the knife from my hand and watch him lift the book up from the coffee table.
My teeth dig into my bottom lip, he skims through it. His eyes locking with mine, "what is this?" I could lie. I could tell him that Maria came over to study and left her books, but my name was on them. "Answer me for heaven sakes!"
"M-M-My books..." I whisper, he chuckles. Not the type that is finding a joke funny, but the type of evil. He throws the book within second into my direction, I gasp and duck as the book flies over me.
I watch the pages fall out; all my notes cover the ground. I look up to see him walking towards me, I skimmer to the corner before he throws the second book into my face. I bring my hands and cover my head; he hits me again with my heavy law book. I cower, "what are you trying to fucking achieve?" I try to grab his wrist, the book slams into my nose.
"Maxwell stop!" I shout, the smell of booze intoxicating him.
"What! Am i not giving you money so you can have a wonderful life! Are you attempting to study in order to leave me? You simply cannot! I'm the only one who can fucking provide for you!" He grips the back of my head and pulls me to my feet.
I can feel blood streaming down my cheeks and tears welling up in my eyes. He tightens his grip; I wince holding onto his hand on the back of my head to loosen the pain.
"You're hurting me, Maxwell." I wince.
"It's your job to prepare my supper and make sure it's ready before I get home." He clenches his teeth and looks around the apartment.
He throws my head against the counter, releasing my hair before making his way to the fridge. He grabs a beer and makes his way into the living room. I breathe out. That was not as bad as last time. I lift myself up, feeling somewhat dizzy as i stare into the window.
I hold in my cries for agony, I grab the edges of the sink, staring into the window in front of me.
He was not always like this, he was loving, caring, and wanted me to study.
He treated my body like glass, afraid to do anything. But the day his parents died; he took his anger out on me. My mother told me not to marry him.
I was warned.
But i thought he was different.
They were right. I was too young to get married. I did not experience life. For rewiring back to empathy, to happy memories and a positive sense of self requires the patient layering of neurones daily. The damage of moments requires the healing of years. Being beaten up is, in reality, being beaten down. My body is struggling to recover, to repair the damage.
After finishing dinner, i set out his plate in front of him and make my way into the bedroom. I hear the television on, and i look around the bedroom.
Is this what i want? Is this the life i want to live for the remaining of my adult years? I have finally qualified as a Lawyer, today was my graduation.
Leave, the voice in my thoughts says. I grab a duffle bag from the cabinet and stuff my clothing inside. I walk to the safe, keeping an ear out for his footsteps while I enter his pin 6-7-3-2. I take out $50,000 in cash and place it into the duffel bag.
I zip it up and seal the safe before returning to my bedroom. I freeze in place, I can hear the creaks of the floorboards.
My heart is racing, so I stow the duffle bag beneath the bed. I put on a pair of leggings and socks, Sophia, you can do it.
I hear the shower turning on, and I have exactly fifteen minutes to get ready. I rush back into the cupboard and take out my passport, flipping through the pages to ensure it was the correct one before stuffing it into my bag. I grab a baseball cap and a zip up hoodie and place it onto the floor beside my bed rest.
The shower stops, my hands shake as i quickly slide into the bed. The bedroom door opens, and I look up to see Maxwell walking inside. He makes his way to his side of the bed and releases a soft sigh as i stare at the wall, i close my eyes pretending to be asleep. The cover raises, the mattress falls down as his body weight crumbles into the bed.
"I'm sorry, darling; I simply had a long day at work."
'I'm sorry darling.'
I heard those words before, I know i should leave. But i love him, I had my vows to him to not leave when things get hard.
I feel his lips on my shoulders and stare at the ring on my finger. He keeps kissing me till he gets to my neck. He swings my face around and kisses my lips, his tongue forcing its way into my mouth.
I could not do this anymore, none of this felt right. Not the way it did before, he pulls down my leggings. His hands sliding up my legs, a tear falls from my eyes and splashes against the pillows as his fingers rub onto my pussy.
"Forgive me?"
He whispers into my ears; I hear him slide down his towel off and rip a condom wrapper.
This is going to be the last time, Cathy. The moment he falls asleep, you are going to run away and be free. "Max stop, I don't want to have sex." I whisper.
"It's okay baby, I'll make you feel good." I shake my head, about to sit up before his hand pushes my head back down onto the pillow. I squirm lifting myself up, he straddles me back side. Lifting my dress up, he pulls my underwear down and i feel his body on top of mine. His stomach digging onto my back as he keeps a hold of my head.
"Max! Stop!"
"Come on baby, just one thrust." I continue crying for him to stop, his strength overpowers mine. I give up, letting loose. He thrusts into me, as i stare at the wall. He groans, pounding into me. "So, fucking tight baby." Tears leave my eyes; I mould my lips into my mouth.
ΣΣΣ
Hours pass by, he is fast asleep.
I lift the covers carefully and slide out of the bed as I pull up my leggings. I grab the baseball cap and shove it down my hair as I zip up the fleece slowly. Not wanting to wake him. I bend down and grab my duffle bag as carefully as I could before reaching for my phone on the bed side table.
I turn to face him, assuring he is still asleep. I tip toe carefully out of the room, twisting the handle as it squeaks slightly. I hold my breath; he shuffles around the bed. The covers sliding down his legs, i bite onto my lips as i open the door slipping out the chance i have it. I rush down the hallway, grabbing my shoes as i slip the on hurriedly. I grab the car keys from the orange bowl near the front door.
I open the front door, "Catherine!" My heart races as i rush out of the apartment, sprinting down the halls of the complex building. "Catherine!" He roars loudly, I turn around to see him running after me. I push open the staircase doors and sprint down them, looking behind me every five seconds.
I trip onto my feet, gasping as i feel the erring pain shoot through my ankles. I cover my mouth with my hand as i muffle into them. Tears forming in my eyes, i can't give up.
I take a minute, knowing I have dislocated my ankle.
"Cathy! Baby!" His voice is coming closer.
I grab onto the railing
I dash out of the apartment complex, limping one leg to the car. I grab the keys and unlock the car just as something grabs the back of my hood. Rain is pulling me down onto the ground and blocking my vision as I look up to see Max standing in front of me.
"Do you think you can just run away?" He punches me in the face, and I groan as I struggle to pull myself up off the wet concrete ground.
As he drags me to my feet, I can feel my injured ankle sending pain shocks through my system. Do not give up Cathy, he holds my jaw in his palm. I punch him right in the jaw, and he stumbles back in disbelief. He drops me and clutches his face.
I rush, throwing my duffle bag into the passenger seat as i slide into the drivers. I lock the doors, shoving the keys into the ignition as i reverse out of the car park.
I look beside me to see Max banging on the window, "baby, what are you doing?" He shouts. "Get out of the car and all is forgiven and forgotten."
"Fuck you." I whisper as i drive out of the car park, looking into my side mirrors. I see him rushing into the apartment, most likely to grab the keys to his other car. This is it. I drive to the airport, wiping the blood away from my burst lips.
Arriving a few moments later, i slam the car door closed and ditch the keys into the bushes as i make my way inside.
I rush to the front desk; she looks up at me. Her eyes widen, "Ma'am, are you okay?"
"Completely fine, can i have a ticket to New York please?" She nods, glancing down at her computer. I look around, mostly to the entrance. He is not there. My chest rises and falls, my fingers tap against the table.
"I only have a business ticket available, would that be, okay? All the economy seats are taken." I gulp, nodding my head. She begins typing on the computer. "Great, that would be three thousand-two hundred and fifty dollars, ma'am." I unzip my bag, bringing the exact amount in cash as i slide it in her direction. She skims through it and prints out my ticket, "have a good flight."
"Thank you."
I left.