EVA
I was going to give myself a heart attack.
I was very sure that I was going to give myself a heart attack.
Over the past hour, I'd emptied the contents of my closet and I still hadn't found anything decent that I could actually wear.
Honestly, I didn't even know why I was so beat up about this. It was Axel. I could literally wear anything and he'd be okay with it. Or, more importantly, I wouldn't feel self conscious about it.
I wasn't even joking—I could show up dressed like a clown and at the end of the day, he'd be the one who would actually act like a clown if it meant making me feel better about what I was wearing.
Sure, he might tease me about it a bit, but he wouldn't take it too far. He would never do anything that would make me uncomfortable and that was exactly why I was more myself with Axel than I was with anyone else.
Well, except Omar.
Flinging a white shirt on my bed, I fell back against my closet door, leaning on it and wondering what the hell I was going to do now.
I didn't go out and the few times I did was when Laura wanted me to go to those parties with her. And those times, she was the one taxed with the job of figuring out what I would wear.
I'd never had to bother about it.
Naturally, I would protest at first and want to stick with my usual baggy clothes, but eventually, I would go with Laura's choice, because deep down, I knew that her picks were divine.
If only she were here right now, I'd ask her to pick out something for me and just sit back and let her do her thing.
Now that I thought about it, I always protested over several things at first before eventually accepting that the other person was right or that their suggestion was more fitting.
Was I really as stubborn as Axel often said I was?
Ugh. Axel.
My eyes fell on the small clock on my bedside table. It was three hours before the time fixated for me and Axel to go out and I still hadn't picked a place. Nor had I settled on something to wear.
God, I needed Laura in my life right now.
I didn't know how important she was until now that I needed her.
But she wasn't here, and I was going to have to figure this out myself.
Jesus Christ, why was I making this such a big deal?
I'd gone out with Axel wearing a baggy hoodie and equally baggy joggers for Christ's sake. If I could remember correctly, I'd also worn slides that were bigger than my feet simply because they were really pretty and I'd never had anywhere to wear them to since I didn't go out.
Okay, I was digressing a little, but the point still remained that no matter what it was I ended up wearing, it would be okay as long as I was comfortable in it.
Just pick anything, Eva.
Sighing, I turned back towards my closet and stared at it as though it was my opponent in a battle field and I wanted nothing more than to kill it right then and there.
Wrenching the door open once more, I proceeded to spend the next five minutes going through it futilely. Just as I was about to give up, my eyes snagged on a pale blue boyfriend Jean I'd gotten the last time we went shopping. It was ripped slightly at the thighs and it was very pretty.
As I reached for it, I imagined what Laura would pair it with. She would want me to wear a crop top with it, but hell was probably going to freeze over before I bared my stomach.
Before I could talk myself out of it, I swiped a slightly baggy T-shirt and kicked the closet door closed. It was black and I knew that it would look good against the pale blue of the Jean.
I finally had something to wear. I was so relieved. Now that my outfit was out of the way, I needed to think about where we would go.
Where could we go?
He lived here. Shouldn't that decision be up to him? I didn't know anything about the place and frankly, trying to come up with somewhere to go would only prove stressful. And futile.
Again, I didn't know anywhere here.
My phone beeped from the middle of my bed and I picked it up, knowing somehow that it was Axel.
Only three people texted me. Omar, Axel and Laura and over the past few days that Axel and I had drifted apart, we'd stopped texting. So it would make sense that I should have been expecting the message to be from either Laura or Omar, but I knew that it was Axel.
We were alike in that aspect. Reaching out to the other person hours before the stated time just to make sure that the plan was still on.
Unlocking my phone, I saw that I had been right. It was Axel. He'd sent me a picture with the caption, 'forgot to give these to you'.
Curious, I tapped on it and saw that it was a picture of my sneakers that I'd forgotten at Henri's house. The ones Axel had told me he'd kept. I'd forgotten to ask him for them on Wednesday.
Before I could reply, he sent another picture. The caption read, 'hey! I have the exact same kind'. On the picture was an exact replica of my shoes, except that these ones were way bigger.
Nibbling on my lower lip, I typed out a response.
That's so cool.
He typed back immediately.
Doesn't sound like you. Give the phone back, Laura.
There was a pause, then,
No, Laura wouldn't say that. She'd tell me to shove the shoes down my throat.
Or up my ass. Depending on her mood.
Okay, idk who has Eva's phone rn.
Give back the phone, whoeverthefuck.
I couldn't help it. A deep, unexpected laugh tore from my throat and I threw my head back, laughing. When the laughter had subsided, I typed back without thinking.
Oh my God, I missed you.
Oh God, why did I just tell him that? Somehow, the filter between my brain and my hands must have started to wane and I didn't know, because why on earth would I tell him that?
I didn't have the time to freak out properly before his reply came in.
Now I'm sure this isn't Eva. Hold up, I'll be at your gate soon. We'll figure out what's wrong together.
I knew that he'd added the last part just so that I wouldn't feel a type of way over my confession and my heart warmed at his thoughtfulness.
Blame Laura. She introduced me to alcohol.
What? No way. I thought I was going to do that :(
I'm joking. She didn't really. The title is still up for grabs.
Good. I'll do the official initiation.
I flopped back on my bed, a smile finding its way to my face as I typed back.
Just pick the date and time :)
The emoticon I added was all him and he was going to know that when he saw it. I wouldn't lie, I liked it. Far more than the actual smiling emoji, in fact.
We'd been texting rapidly back and forth, and none of us had to wait long for the other person to reply because our texts came fast. Which was why I frowned when I saw that he had read my message, but still not replied. Actually, the three dots showed that he was typing, but then they stopped. Started back up, then dissapread again.
Nervous, I started chewing on my lower lip. What did he have to say that was taking him so long to type?
Also, would waiting for his text be considered as pathetic?
It probably would, seeing as I was right there in his chat and the moment his message dropped, it would show 'seen' on his end, and then he would think that I had actually been waiting for his text.
I mean, sure, I was waiting for his text, but he didn't have to know that!
I'd just made up my mind to leave when his message dropped and, I swear to God, my heart stopped beating in my chest. It was like all the oxygen in the room had dissapeared and there was nothing left for me to breathe in.
It wasn't like the panic attack I'd had in the pool when I thought I was going to drown. Or the time when Axel had walked away from me. No. This was different.
Different good. But unexpected.
I miss you.
That's what he'd sent.
I'd sent it first, I knew that. But saying something and having it said to you were two different things entirely. The former had been an impulsive text I'd sent without giving much thought to what I was typing—even though it was true—but with the latter, I knew that he'd meant it.
He had to have meant it.
That was why it had taken him so long to type it and send it to me, because he'd probably been thinking about how I'd react to it.
Honestly, I didn't know how to respond. My head was completely blank, and for the life of me, I couldn't think of anything to say to him. But, God, it was just so bloody awkward.
What did a person reply to an 'I miss you text'? That would be 'I miss you too', but I'd sent it first—again, not that I'd wanted to—so that was cancelled.
Besides, we'd be seeing each other soon. There was really no point in texting back anymore. And I could only imagine how awkward it would be.
Glancing at the clock again, I saw that an hour had gone. Sighing, I decided to kill time by reading a book before then.
Speaking of books, I still hadnt gone to the bookstore even though I could now. I liked alone, but going into that place alone wasn't something I was sure I could do.
It was a store. I wasnt going to waltz in and waltz back out with the books I wanted to buy. I would have to pay and actually speak to the person I'd be buying them from.
No.
One and a half hour later, my purse was dangling from my finger as I made my way down the hallway.
Axel hadn't texted me that he was outside yet, but I was just too wired to sit still. I'd spent the better part of the last ten minutes pacing around my room and making and remaking my bed, and when it'd started to get too much, I'd told myself that when it was thirty minutes to go, I'd go outside and just hang around the compound until he showed.
As I walked down the hallway, voices drifted to my ears and from the closeness of it, I knew that they had to be coming from either Abi or Zoe's rooms.
A quick check confirmed that it was Abi's room.
I wasn't an eavesdropper. I really didn't eavesdrop. And I really really didn't want to eavesdrop. But I couldn't fight the urge to hang around the entrance of Abi's room and listen for a bit.
"I can't do this, Abi."
If the name mentioned at the end of the sentence hadn't been enough to let me know that it was Zoe speaking, that low husky voice of her's did it.
There was a sigh, then, "You can. It will be hard, but you can."
"No, you don't understand." Zoe sounded frustrated, her voice breaking on the last word. If I didn't know better, I'd say she was about to cry. "I just—I can't. I can't do it if he's doing it." Her voice sounded even more broken when she said, "I think I'll have to drop it."
My phone lit up in my palm just then and I saw that it was a text from Axel, letting me know that he was outside.
Quickly, before any of them came out and caught me standing there, I hurried away and down the stairs, unable to get Zoe's heartbroken voice out of my head.
What were they talking about? And who was the 'he' she'd talked about?
I'd have loved to find out who the person was, but I didn't want to keep Axel waiting. Plus, I didn't want to risk them catching me.
When I got outside and saw Axel's familiar car, a weird feeling started up in my chest. Maybe because it had been so long since we'd actually done something together—or maybe it was because I really terribly missed him.
No, that couldn't be it. Must be the former.
But was there any difference really?
Whatever. I am not going to think about it. At least not with him staring at me through his windscreen.
His eyes followed me as I walked around the car, pulled the passenger door open and got in. That rich scent—the one solely associated with him—filled my nostrils immediately I closed the door. His car also had this distinct smell that I really loved and that, mixed with his scent, had nostalgia gripping me.
Us that night at the party.
Us in his hotel room during our school trip.
Us going to check Omar in at a hotel.
Us at the school sports center.
I blinked, pushing the memories to the back of my mind. "Hi, Axel."
"Hi, Eva," he breathed. His eyes roved over mey form, starting from my hair, down to my jeans, then they made their way back up to my face. "I—" He shook his head, swallowed, "You look beautiful."
What was it I said about me not blushing some while back?
It was a lie.
A big fat one.
I blushed so hard, my cheeks flamed hot like they were on fire. There was no way that blush wasn't obvious as hell and I was pretty sure he could tell because his eyes were trained on my face and they had an odd light in them, like he was seeing something new and he liked it.
He'd never called me beautiful before—at least not directly—and maybe that was why I was suddenly lighting up like it was Christmas.
It was crazy that a simple compliment was doing this to me.
"Thanks," I muttered, more to myself than to him, but then we were sitting close to each other so he caught it and nodded, eyes still raking over me, almost like he was trying to memorize my features.
Another thing I'd missed about him?
How he made me feel.
I didn't want to ruin the moment. I really didn't. But there were pressing matters to discuss, one of which was where we were going. I'd finally come to the conclusion that there was no way I could come up with a place. Not when I didn't go anywhere.
Just now realising that he'd pulled out of our street and onto the main road, I asked, "Where are we going?"
When a full thirty seconds had passed and I still hadn't gotten an answer, I turned to him and found him alternating between staring at me and watching the road.
I wasn't even sure that he'd heard me to begin with.
"Axel?" I pressed, and his eyes fell to my lips on hearing his name. They lingered on said lips and my breath caught, before he snapped out of it and blinked.
His throat bobbed. "Yeah?"
Jesus. What was happening?
Was it possible that the strain between us, the fact that we'd been apart now made for a long time now made us suddenly hyper aware of each other?
That it now made us want to cherish every single moment between us more?
Giving myself an inner shake, I said, "I've been thinking and I wasn't able to come up with a place for us to hangout." I paused, taking in his reaction. "Do you have any suggestions?"
He chewed on his lower lip, thinking. "There's always eateries. They're the usual go-to." He seemed to hesitate for a bit, before speaking again. "Are those your scenes?"
My chest warmed and I was pretty sure I liked him more in that moment.
Typical Axel. Asking if I would be okay with it before officially deciding.
Eateries weren't that bad, right? Everybody would be doing their thing and wouldn't be paying attention to me.
My eyes were the only things that would make me stand out. Now that I thought about it, I should have taken shades with me.
But who wore shades indoors?
Asides from James Bond, of course.
That was when I looked up and my eyes snagged on the ball cap sitting on Axel's head.
"Yeah," I assured him and he nodded. "Axel?"
His eyes darted to me and he cocked a brow, probably wondering why I was suddenly unable to speak without calling his name. I was very sure that I'd called his name more times now than I'd ever done in total.
"Can I borrow your cap when we get there?"
He stared at me for a long time, before understanding why I was asking, then a small smile touched his lips and he nodded.
On a normal day, Axel was gorgeous. When he smiled, he was devastating and my fragile heart couldn't handle it.
We shared one last look before his eyes went back to the road and I turned, leaning on the headrest as I stared out the window.
Ello ello.
It has been a while fr and I'm not going to call myself an ass this time, no, my friend has recently started a mission to make me speak only positive things, so I am only going to call myself an ass in my head. :)
Anyway, main thing, I am so sorry for not updating last week and the other week. I lost Axel and Eva for a minute there and had to work on getting them back. I believe I have them now.
SO I've talked about writing a chapter in Axel's point of view once but nobody really responded, so I forgot about it, but today I was thinking and I know that some people might want to get in his head.
When I started this book, the initial plan was to write in both their point of views, but then I started the story and Eva decided to be greedy and make it all about herself. Or maybe it was Axel that decided to be selfish and keep his thoughts to himself.
ANYWAY, I have decided that if I do write a chapter in Axel's POV, it would be like a bonus chapter on a special occasion like Christmas or something. Or maybe when we hit a milestone like 5k views.
My A/N is taking up the whole chapter now, but what do you think? Let me know your thoughts.
ALSO, A BIG S/O TO TEMS FOR RECOMMENDING MY BOOK TO SOME OF HER READERS AND NOW I HAVE SOME NEW READERS.
NOW, quick question. Honest thoughts on this chapter, specifically Eva and Axel's moment. I wanna know.