When I retrieved my bike from the rack for the first time in days, I almost thought I'd forgotten how to ride it.
It took me three tries to mount it without losing my balance, and when I finally managed to get myself on the seat and my feet on the pedals and push forward, I almost skidded and tumbled to the pavement.
That's what I get for not biking for a week.
Still, as I grit my teeth and pump harder on the pedals, leaving the parking lot and heading out onto the street. I know the way by heart, as I always have. Down the street, across the bridge, through several dirt paths that cut across the neighborhoods. I let my feet do the work in taking me where I need to go, and within twenty minutes, I pulled up at a small house at the end of a street, the front yard looking overgrown and a bit forlorn. I passed by a familiar 2005 Honda Accord as I walked up the driveway, I leaned my bike by the side of the house as I knocked on the front door, not letting myself hesitate.
Danny seemed to take a moment to realize who I was, moving his long, curly brown hair out of his eyes so he could see me more clearly, his eyes widening as he took me in. I speak before he has a chance to first.
"Can we talk?"
I know my words are too little, too late. If this had been several days earlier, I know he would have immediately agreed. Now, though, enough time has passed for the conversation to feel expired; overdue; and too late to fix much of anything.
But Danny just nodded, opening the door wider for me to step in, and I follow him into the living room. It's a bare space save for the white couch, brown armchair, wooden table, a fake plant in the corner, and a TV on the wall in front. Danny's roommate is nowhere to be seen, and I felt a small sense of relief in that; I didn't want our conversation to be overheard by virtually a stranger.
We both settled on the couch, the silence punctuating the air before I spoke again.
"I know that I owe you — and Olivia and Ryder — an explanation. I know that I owe you guys an apology." I took in another shaky breath. "And the truth is-"
"Don't talk to me like a band member," Danny interrupted, and I gave him a quizzical look. "Violet, you've been MIA for a week now. Whatever happens with ECHO happens. But that aside, don't talk to me as another band member. Talk to me as a friend." His eyes gaze into mine. "A friend who was so worried about what happened to you that they called you sister every day just to make sure you were alive."
His words still me, and I'm left staring at him. Understanding flooded through me. Talk to me as a friend. Of course. I had been so worried about what Danny would say to me when he opened that door, about the questions he would ask about the battle of the bands withdrawal, about how I completely ditched our rehearsals and disappeared from the band group chat altogether that I hadn't even stopped to consider the other side of things.
Not only that, I had been so caught up in losing Jackie and — as much as I hated to admit it, feeling like I had lost Will — that I felt I had no one left to turn to.
Even when Danny; my support, my rock for so long, was standing right next to me the whole time, looking after me as he had just when we were kids in the middle school playground; when he was just a cinder block and I was just a kid who listened to old music, trying to drown out the world.
"There's something that I need to tell you," I started again, this time addressing Danny directly, meeting his gaze. "Something that I should have told you a long time ago, but didn't know how."
Danny doesn't say anything but doesn't take his eyes off me, letting me continue.
"I'm terrified of performing."
And suddenly it's out there, hanging in the empty space between us, feeling almost weird and foreign now that I said it aloud. "When you first told me about the battle of the bands, I wasn't thinking about all the opportunities this could bring the band," I swallowed. "I was thinking about how I would get through the performances. The thought of playing in front of others makes my knees feel all weak and weird, and my heart starts beating so hard that I could swear I'm having a heart attack." I press my hand against my chest, though my heart rate was, at least for now, somewhat normal.
"So when we were doing the flashmob..." Danny trailed off, and I finished the thought for him.
"I was basically crapping my pants, yeah," I said, looking down at the carpet beneath my feet. "I think everyone could see that. But even then, I had you guys and Will helping me along."
"What happened to you and Will?" Danny asked me abruptly, making me freeze. "He hasn't shown up to any of the band meetings in the last week, either. It's like you both decided to disappear at once."
Although I haven't heard from him since the last night in his truck, disappointment washed through me at Danny's words. I had no idea where Will was or what he was doing, and what pained me most of all was that I wanted to know so desperately that it was hard to think of anything else.
I shook my head. "It doesn't matter," I said, and Danny gave me a sideways glance as if knowing that was a lie, but doesn't push the subject. "But what I'm saying is, I always had to rely on you guys to make it through. I could never do it on my own, ever."
"And nobody expects you to," Danny said. "That's the point of a band, Violet. We work together. No one works alone."
"But I didn't want to drag you guys down. And that's what I would be doing if we went on stage at the Woodlands Music Festival and I froze as soon as I saw a crowd. I couldn't stand the thought of you guys having to go through the final performance watching me letting you down."
Danny stared at me. "And that's why you withdrew us from the contest?"
I nodded. There were a few beats of silence, and I felt smaller and stupider with every second that passed, my cheeks burning redder all the while.
"Violet, I don't think you're afraid of performances at all."
I glanced up at Danny. "What?"
"I think you're afraid of disappointing us somehow."
His words are like a punch to the gut.
"Do you really think that pushing yourself to do the contest despite your fear and giving it your best shot is going to disappoint us?" He continued with a resolute gleam in his eyes. "You've done nothing but made us proud for the last couple of months with the way you've pushed ECHO forward. It's because of your efforts along with everybody else that we even made it as far as we did. The only way you could possibly disappoint us, Violet, is by not even trying."
I stared at him, not believing his words.
"So what if you need help and support sometimes? We all do. No musician has made it to the top without some, and no one goes far in life without it. Spending all of your time being afraid of disappointing us or Will or anyone else is like always looking over your shoulder instead of looking ahead."
I finally found my voice enough to say, "If this band thing doesn't pan out, you should consider being a philosopher."
He laughed, the deep sound filling the room and making my heart lighter.
"But now, I really have let you guys down," I said. "I withdrew us from the contest. There's no going back from that one."
"Maybe so," Danny said, and the gleam in his eyes grew stronger. "But there is another way to get ECHO seen."
He reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone, tapping it a few times before turning it around for me to see. There was a bright, green-and-purple digital poster that popped out of the screen, and I squinted my eyes to read what was written on it.
WOODLANDS MUSIC FESTIVAL LINEUP
STAGE B
AZALEA, PURPLE HURRICANE, DECEMBER, LITTLE DIPPER, MOONLIGHT, PARADISE BLUE, PORCHSIDE, THE SAINT SKELETONS, ZIGGY AND THE TRIPS, STARCHILD, ECHO.
My eyes widened in disbelief, my heart beginning to thud. "No."
"Yep." Danny took the phone out of my hands, which had gone slack.
"How? I withdrew us, there should be no way to re-enter so suddenly and so close to the date of the festival."
"There isn't," Danny said matter-of-factly. "We're not technically in the contest anymore. But I managed to contact Woodlands staff directly and asked for ECHO to be put in the lineup, right after the battle of the bands participants do their thing. Took some convincing, but after they saw our flashmob video and realized it was us, it was a done deal."
I stared at Danny, my jaw agape, totally at a loss for words as he smiled back at me.
His words rang in my head again. Spending all of your time being afraid of disappointing us or Will or anyone else is like always looking over your shoulder instead of looking ahead. All this time I thought Danny had just been so angry at me that he didn't want to talk, or would turn me away as soon as he saw me at his door. Instead, he had been calling Willow to make sure I was okay while simultaneously securing ECHO's future that I had so single-handedly tried to sink.
But it seemed that I, once again, had completely, overwhelmingly, totally, and wholly underestimated Danny Green.
I tackled him into a tight hug, closing my eyes and letting the soft scent of pine laundry detergent fill my nose and he wrapped his arms around my back. "I don't know how I'm ever gonna pay you back for this," I told him, still clinging onto him tightly.
"The only way I want you to pay me back," Danny said as we pulled apart, "is to show Woodlands what you're made of. Deal?"
For once, I don't hesitate, cracking a smile for the first time in a week. "Deal."
danny and violet's friendship is honestly what i live for.
we're getting down to the final performance at the music festival! how do you think violet and the band will do now that violet's gotten her fear out in the open?
it's down to the wire now! till next time <3