Happy Birthday, Princess! Have a great day. May babies rock \m/
Aniya
x
Dee.
Dee was the first person that came into my mind as soon as my brain started working again. My clouded mind cleared when Sage left me alone in the clubhouse. The following moment, I was able to fully function again.
I knew Dee. She's my bestfriend and her heart is too big and soft to do something like this. I didn't want to believe it. She could never stab me like that in the back. Hindi ito magagawa ni Dee sa akin. Hinding-hindi.
"She was right anyway. You're nothing but a fake."
My eyes closed at Sage's voice echoing inside my mind.
"Masaya ka na ba? Now that you've made him fall in love with a fake?"
A crack made its way in my heart as Dee's voice reverberated in my brain. I opened my eyes and bit my bottom lip as hard as I could.
Umuwi ako nang lutang kagabi at wala sa isip. Hindi nga ako sigurado kung paano ako nakauwi nang ligtas. I wasn't myself when I walked out of the estate and waited for a taxi to pass by. Kung may nakaisip sigurong sumaksak sa akin kagabi ay hindi ko mararamdaman.
Maaga akong nagising ngayon dahil iyon ang nakasanayan ko. Maaga rin akong natapos sa pag-aayos dahil hindi ko na isinuot si Maria Celestine. It was pointless to be the ugly duckling anymore. The plan's over with. I've won but lost everything in process. Can I even consider myself a winner when I lost everything... Even my heart?
Nakatitig ako sa salamin at naninibagong makita ang sarili ko na nakasuot ng puting uniform na hindi maluwag sa akin at hindi nagmumukhang manang. My white blouse was fit, same goes with my white skirt. Ang mukha ko naman ay makinis at walang pekeng pimples at blemishes. Hindi makapal ang kilay ko at nakaayos iyon. I was wearing my daily make-up. My teeth were bare and the braces were gone. I've thrown it away.
I stopped making my hair look dry and even curled the ends to waste time. I've been staring at the mirror for half hour, thinking of everything and nothing at the same time.
Narinig ko ang sunod-sunod na katok. Naalis ang tingin ko mula sa salamin at napatingin sa pintuan. Hindi ko alam kung sino iyon pero alam ko na kinakatok ako dahil nakahain na sa baba.
Napabuntong hininga kong inangat ang bag ko. It wasn't the same bag that I used for my ugly duckling suit. This time, it's an expensive designer bag. I also got rid of my phone but didn't forget to copy Coach's number. It would be pointless to include Rome's, or Marcus'-especially Sage's.
Pagkalabas ng kwarto ay naabutan ko si Avis na palabas din ng kwarto niya. Napahinto siya nang makita ko at bumakas ang pagkagulo sa mukha niya. Kumunot ang kaniyang noo at sumimangot.
"Hindi ka papasok?" masungit na tanong ni Avis sa akin.
"Papasok." tipid at matamlay na sagot ko.
"Then why are you dressed like your usual self?"
I shrugged at Avis, my face lacking any kind of emotion. "The clock stopped ticking and the bomb exploded."
Nanlaki ang mga mata ni Avis sa sinabi ko. Bakas ang pagkabila sa mukha niya at halatang hindi inaasahan na marinig sa akin iyon. She already knew it would happen. Hindi niya lang siguro inaasahan na ganoon kabilis iyon mangyayari.
"Are you okay, Maria Celestine?" kita ko ang pag-aalala sa mukha ni Avis. Hindi ko naman maiwasan ang magbuntong hininga.
"I'm not." my sister's lips pursed. "But I don't want to talk about it. It's making my... head hurt." Or maybe a little lower.
Avis sighed. "Okay."
Nauna na akong maglakad at sumunod na lang sa akin si Avis. Hindi mapilit si Avis pero alam ko na hanggang ngayon ay nasa isip niya pa rin ang sinabi ko sa kanya. That's just how my sister functions. She appears stone cold, but on the inside-she's warm and soft like a marshmallow.
Pagkababa ay deretso agad sa dining area. I was silent the whole breakfast and Avis covered for me by talking non-stop about her work. She's trying to divert our parents' attention away from me. Kahit hindi niya sabihin o kahit hindi ako nagpatulong ay alam kong iyon ang ginagawa niya.
Kapag kasi napansin nila na wala akong imik ay malalaman agad nila na may mali sa akin.
After dinner ay nagpaalam na kami ni Avis. With a goodbye kiss on our mom and dad's kiss, we left the house. Nauna akong lumabas pero nararamdaman kong kasunod si Avis. She's tiptoeing around me. I audibly sighed.
"Do you want me to drop you off?" tanong ni Avis at tiningnan ko siya para lang irapan.
"Do you know how much I've missed driving my own car to school?"
"Whatever. Just-" Avis paused for a second, giving me a long intense look before resuming."A shot to the head, Les."
My forehead creased. "What?"
"Quickest and painless way to die. I'll buy you a gun." walang tono na sabi ni Avis. Ngumiwi ako sa kanya.
"Ha-ha. Funny." maliit ang ngisi ni Avis at saglit lang iyon. Ngumiti na lang ako sa kanya at pinindot ang remote ng sasakyan para buksan ang pinto ng kotse.
The whole ride to school, I was nervous. My heart was beating erratically against my chest and my stomach kept on turning up and down. I was terrified for what today will bring to me.
My steps from where I parked my car to my way inside the campus was measured and heavy. My breath was controlled and everything around me became clearer and vivid. I noticed the way each member of a certain group of friends laugh. I could hear every single step of the person behind me.
I was anxious. That's certain.
First class gone by and passed. I got dazzled and confused looks from my blockmates the moment I raised my hand when my name was called. Even my professor got confused.
When the class before my vacant time ended, there was still a part of me that hoped to see Sage waiting outside for me. I got used to seeing him leaning back on the wall near my room's doorway that my eyes automatically landed on his old usual spot.
He wasn't there, of course. I already knew he won't be there but I still didn't let go of my expectations.
It hurt.
The hole that was left on my chest last night was still there and I'm holding him responsible for it. He took something important from me and I'm not even sure if I want to get it back.
Sa library ako tumambay buong vacant time ko. Hindi na ako kumain at hinayaan na lang lipasan ng gutom. I wasn't in any mood to eat. I chose to log in to the university's wifi and just busied myself with a game application on my phone.
It was ten minutes before my next subject when I decided to leave the library. Tatawid pa ako sa kabilang building para sa susunod kong subject. I sighed, collecting my things before placing it inside my bag.
Pagkalabas ko pa lang ay naramdaman ko na may kakaiba. I feel like a lot of eyes were all on me and every stare was burning my skin. I bit my bottom lip. My anxiety was starting to suffocate me again.
I remembered Avis and tried to put on the facade that she usually does. Pakiramdam ko naman ay gumana iyon. Nagmamadali akong lumabas ng building. Isa nalang naman na subject at pupwede na akong umuwi.
The first thing that I noticed when I got out of the building was the crowd forming near the campus' trademark statue. Madadaanan ko iyon. I was curious and I wanted to see what the ruckus was about but I wanted to get out of the public's eye more.
My steps halted when an enormous poster stand was placed at the heart of the crowd. I zeroed on the content of the poster, gasping as soon as I saw a picture of me in my ugly duckling suit and another picture of my normal self was beside it.
There were capitalized and bold letters plasted below the image and the ink was red. PRETENTIOUS BITCH. Iyon ang nakasulat sa ilalim.
Nanlamig ang buong katawan ko at hindi ko magawang kumilos mula sa kinatatayuan ko. Lumakas bigla ang bulungan. Hindi ko maialis ang tingin ko mula sa malaking poster na nakalagay sa gitna pero alam ko na marami nang nakatingin sa akin.
Maraming tumatakbo sa isipan ko. Sa sobrang dami at bilis ng mga iyon ay ni-isa wala akong naintindihan. My thoughts were scattered in every part of my head. I couldn't process anything but how humiliated I feel at the moment.
Ngayon ko lang naranasanang ganito kaya hindi ko alam kung ano ang dapat kong gawin. Dapat ba akong tumakbo? Am I supposed to say something and defend myself? How the hell would I defend myself if I always fold whenever a confrontation's about to come.
Nang magawa ko nang ialis ang mga mata ko mula sa poster ay atomatikong inilibot ko ang tingin sa mga tao na ngayon ay nakatingin rin sa akin. Nag-aabang sila at naghihintay ng gagawin ko. They were probably waiting for me to cry.
My eyes stopped from scanning the crowd when it found Dee. Her face was alert and then red began to consume and take over my mind. Kung kagabi at nung mga nakaraang araw ay hindi ko magawa-gawang magalit sa kanya, ngayon ay kulang na lang ay sumabog na ako sa galit na nararamdaman ko.
I was more than enraged. Siguro ay ganito rin ang nararamdaman niya sa akin nang makita niyang hinalikan ako ni Sage sa harap ng maraming tao.
She was accusing me that I betrayed her when between the two of us, she's the one who did it intentionally. She did this because she wanted to see me hurt. She wanted to get even. This was her way of avenging.
My facial expression hardened and I was driven with fury. I was a woman in a mission when I made my way to where Dee was standing. She remained in her place and terror flashed in her face.
I wanted to slap her. I wanted to hurt her. But I couldn't make myself do it. Kahit na may nasira sa aming dalawa ay bestfriend pa rin ang tingin ko sa kanya. Even when I feel betrayed, hindi ko siya magawang saktan sa ganoong paraan.
My jaw clenched. I was frustrated. At her. At myself, for not being able to hurt her the way she's hurting me at the moment.
"I can't believe you'd do this to me."
"Les," bahagyang nanlalaki ang mga mata ni Dee.
Nanginginig ang mga kamao ko sa galit. Ang didbib ko ay mabilis ang paggalaw dahil sa paghabol ko ng hininga. I was a dysfunctional grenade that's going to explode spontaneously and without a warning.
"Ngayon, ikaw naman ang tatanungin ko." matigas ang boses ko at rinig ang pag nginig ng salita ko sa sobrang pagkasuklam. "Masaya ka na ba? You've embarassed me in public. You got what you wanted and lashed me. Are you happy now?"
Nanlalabo na naman ang mga mata ko. Hindi ko na hinintay pa ang isasagot niya at nagmamadaling tumalikod pagkatapos ay naglakad palayo sa lugar na iyon. Paalis sa campus na ito.
Dere-deretso lang ako at wala nang pakielam sa mga nakatingin sa akin. Malalaki ang hakbang ko at mabilis iyon. Mabilis ang paghinga ko at nakakuyom pa rin ang dalawang kamao ko.
Napaatras ako nang may bigla akong nabunggo. Umangat ang mga mata ko at nawala ang pagkalabo nang makita ko si Marcus. His eyes were all wide and his lips were parted, he was obviously shocked. "Maria Celestine,"
Ayaw ko siyang idagdag sa nararamdaman ko ngayon kaya pinili kong itulak siya palayo sa akin at ipinagpatuloy ang paglalakad. Hindi pa ako nakakalabas ng campus ay may biglang humawak sa braso ko. That pushed my button.
"Let go of me!" I shrieked out loud, grabbing the person's wrist before attempting to pry it away from me.
"Les," I stopped from moving when the familiar and soothing voice lingered in my ear. I removed my eyes from the hand and lifted it to see him.
My lips shook until my bottom lip pouted. I looked at him with a broken expression as I slowly shook my head. "Luke Dashiel," his eyes were soft and worry was all over his face. I puckered my lips and threw myself against his body, burying my face on his chest. I wrapped my arms around my bestfriend and hugged the hurt away.