Lauren
I spent the rest of the day thinking over my interaction with Noah that morning. He seemed as confused as I was on what had happened. But that's not really the part I was thinking about. Him grabbing my hand and holding it was the main thing running through my mind. His hand was so warm and solid against mine. And he looked so cozy I wanted to snuggle up with him. His hoodie looked so soft and those sweatpants did too. They also did nothing to hide the fact that he wasn't wearing any boxers.
But I'm trying to push that thought from my brain, even though the image seems to be on replay.
Respectfully, of course.
I'm so distracted I give up trying to keep the fifth graders I'm subbing for today in line and decide to pop in a movie. It's not even educational. That's how done with them I am.
I think I'm even more excited than they are when the final bell rings and I throw my purse over my shoulder, only stopping long enough to make sure the last kid makes it out of the room before I lock the door. I wave good bye to a few other teachers on my way out. They're all so friendly and have accepted me so quickly. It's like everything fell into place when I got here, just as it should be.
I decide to hit the grocery store before I head home. Only cooking for one has been a relief, especially because I don't have to worry about anyone throwing the food at me if it's not cooked to ridiculous perfection. But that means I don't keep as much food on hand and have to shop more often. Since the little grocery store in town keeps so much fresh, local food on hand I don't mind at all.
I wander up and down the aisles, sort of hoping I run into Noah. I stop to check the aisle I saw him in last time, smiling to myself as I remember the adorable blush on his cheeks. He was so preciously flustered. So unlike how he normally is, cold, distant, stoic. I'd love to see him smile. Just once.
I finish up and pay, loading my groceries into the car. As I go to close my trunk, I get that prickling sensation that someone's watching me again. It makes my stomach begin to churn, nausea threatening as I try to hurry. My pulse quickens as dread spirals through me and I do my best to stay focused. I look around, but don't see anything out of the ordinary. Just people shopping, waving to each other as they go in and out. I practically run to put my cart away and keep my eyes open as I walk back to my car, my keys ready to start it. I lock the doors as soon as I slide in, taking deep breaths as I make my way to the street. I drive around for a little while, making sure no one's following me.
When I'm convinced I'm alone, I drive back to my cabin. When I see the small structure appear, I start to relax, my breathing back under control as I park. I rest my forehead against the steering wheel, willing myself to calm down.
'I'm safe. I got away. He'll never find me. I'm safe. I got away. He'll never find me.'
I repeat this to myself over and over until I believe it. Some days are worse than others, but every day here is better than even the best day I spent with him.
I climb out of the car, my hands and legs no longer shaking, and grab a couple of bags from the trunk. I drop them off in the kitchen, shivering in the chilly evening air. The sun is almost ready to set and I know it'll be hard to warm up when it does, so I head over to the fire place and throw a couple of logs in. I'm nearly out and I know I'll need to ask Noah for more soon. I'm not sure if the idea of calling him thrills me or terrifies me.
I watch the fire grow, the embers glowing as they lick up the logs. It begins to crackle and warmth permeates the small room. I hear a clicking sound behind me. I think at first it's the spitting of the fire, but it's slow and methodical. I turn towards the door, ready to bring in the rest of my bags when I stop, my whole body going still at what I see.
I blink a few times, waiting for my brain to catch up with my eyes. I can't be seeing what I'm seeing.
There's no way.
A low sound emits from the panther's throat and I gasp, taking a step back. It's dark brown eyes meet mine and I still again. Scared to move a muscle. It walks further in the cabin, the light from the fire making it's dark black fur glow. It moves towards me at a slow steady pace, keeping it's head low and it's eyes locked on me. My heart hammers hard in my chest and I take another step back, nearly falling over the end table next to the couch. The panther stops moving when it sees me stumble and watches me curiously. I hold my hands up slowly, as if to show it I won't hurt it.
Then nearly laugh at myself. This thing could rip me to shreds.
"Nice kitty..." I coo, keeping my voice light and friendly. "There's some steak in the bag in the car. Why don't you go get a snack." I suggest, as if the thing could actually understand me. It cocks it's head at me as if it's trying to understand me and I can't help but laugh at the absurdity of this moment.
What a way to die.
The panther turns and walks back out the door and I wait a moment, wondering if it's really gone. I get up to shut the door behind it, but it barrels back into the room with the rest of my grocery bags in it's mouth.
What the fuck?
"You brought in my groceries?" I ask it, wondering if it's just going to eat me first and then my food.
The audacity.
The panther makes his way over to me, moving much faster than he did earlier. My heart is in my throat, fear making my body tremble as it gets close. I feel like I should run, but my body won't move. I could scream, but I doubt Gran could hear me from here and she's the only one within miles. In a moment it's as if the understanding of what's about to happen to me envelopes me. I accept that this is how my life ends and I wait for the inevitable.
The panther gets close to me and nuzzles it's nose against my hand. I lift it gently and watch in fascination as it rubs it's head against my hand. A low sound begins to emit from it's chest, a rumble that I feel when it rubs it's body against my leg.
"Are you purring?" I ask quietly. The beast stops to look up at me, before sticking it's tongue out and running it against my hand.
"Oh. You're just testing out the flavor. Worried I won't taste good?" I ask incredulously. The panther huffs a little bit and I wonder for a moment if I've gone insane. I would swear it can understand me.
"Look. I don't have all night. If you're gonna kill me then just do it. I don't have patience for dramatics." I snap. The panther stops rubbing itself against me to look up at me. The dark brown eyes meet mine again and I feel myself stop breathing for a beat. It nuzzles it's head against my hand one more time before turning back towards the door. It uses it's body to close it and I watch in fascination.
'What a civilized animal.' I think to myself, wondering if I accidentally injested shrooms at some point today.
I watch as it walks back over to me, gripping my shirt sleeve gently in it's mouth. It pulls me towards the bedroom and I follow, scared to piss it off. It drops my arm and hops up on my bed, circling a few times before laying down. It burrows down into my blankets, yawning and stretching it's legs until it's murder talons come out. But it's claws quickly retract and it watches me from my bed expectantly.
"What?" I ask. It lifts it's huge paw in the air and waves it at me before dropping it on the bed next to it.
"Oh fuck no." I murmur, shaking my head and taking a step away. The panther makes a sad little sound, like a whine and a shot of pain goes through my chest.
Why do I care if I hurt this thing's feelings? I question myself but before I can process it my feet are moving towards the bed. I slip my shoes off and sit next to the panther, watching it warily. It starts to purr again and if I were in a different situation, like this thing was behind glass at a zoo, I'd think it's adorable. I sigh heavily and throw my legs over the bed, laying stiffly next to it.
It uses it's teeth to grab my blanket and pull it over me, then uses it's nose to tuck it in around me. I smile despite myself and decide that if this is a hallucination, I might as well enjoy it. I wrap my arm around the panther, rubbing behind it's ear. It starts to purr again and scoots closer to me, wrapping a large paw around me and resting it's head on my chest. I giggle a little and use my other hand to scratch it's belly. It rolls over slightly and I find a good spot, making it kick it's leg in the air as I scratch. I laugh a little and relax as it curls itself around me, the warmth coming off of it warming me all the way through.
"I know when I wake up in the morning this will all have been a dream, but to be honest, I've had worse." I murmur as I lay with the panther for a long time until the sound of it's happy purrs lulls me into sleep.