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ASTRID HAD FELL FAST ASLEEP WITHIN MINUTES, both mentally and physically exhausted. Anakin held her tightly all night just to show her that he was there for her always. A sinister thought lurked in the brain of the Jedi, he had tried his best to push it away, but he couldn't ignore it.
He wanted to kill that slimy excuse of a Neimoidian in the most painful and slow way possible. Elongate the pain as long as possible till the point he's begging for death to take him. And he will, the minute Astrid was back to her normal happy self.
Having these thoughts as Jedi was dangerous, Anakin knew that. He just didn't care. Especially after all the distress that the walking dead man put Astrid through. If he got kicked out of the Order for these thoughts, so be it—as long as Astrid was happy and safe in his arms.
But he had yet to know what happened, every time Astrid tried, she broke down. It came to a point where Anakin had to just stop her from speaking so she could catch her rigid breath. He'd never seen Astrid so distraught and broken. She'd fallen apart in his arms and he'd make sure that he'd put her back together.
His eyes travel down to his sleeping angel, glimmering with admiration and so much love. Her cheek pressed against his chest, smooth breaths leaving and entering her nose, soft hands clutching onto his bicep. He knew that being in his arms comforted her—she felt safe, protected, at home.
He'd make sure she felt that way.
A small whimper falls from her lips as she stirs and snuggles closer to Anakin. Her grip on his bicep tightened as buried her face into the crook of his neck. Her eyes remained shut and she stayed in her sleeping state. Was she having a nightmare?
Anakin rubs her back, hugging her closer to him. He couldn't sleep, not when Astrid was this hurt by something he had no clue about. It killed him not to know, but he wouldn't force it out of her, especially with how she broke down every time she tried.
Another whimper fell from her lips as her body tensed. He had to wake her up, it was the only way he could reassure her whatever she was dreaming about wasn't real. Before he could, Astrid woke up with a startled gasp.
"Hey," Anakin quickly says in a soothing voice, his fingers delicately brushing back her baby hairs, "it was just a nightmare, sweetheart."
Astrid felt her muscles ease up instinctively as she came back to reality. Her eyes travel up to Anakin's who smiles reassuringly at her and holds her tightly. She lets out a small breath of relief and gently lays her head on Anakin's chest.
The heavy pit in her stomach was still there, but instead of the overwhelming agony of her new reality, she felt empty. She had shed every single tear in her body and was left with a giant gaping hole in her heart.
"I can't have kids anymore," Astrid blurts out in a whisper, shutting her eyes to block herself from seeing Anakin's reaction. She heard Anakin's heart begin to beat faster and her grip on him tightened. A mantra repeated in her head over and over again.
Please don't hate me. Please don't hate me. Please don't hate me. Please don't hate me. Please don't hate me. Please don't hate me. Please don't hate me. Please don't hate me.
Anakin looks down at Astrid with wide eyes. His heart shattered but not because he couldn't have kids with the love of his life—yes, that hurt, but it was the fact that Astrid thought he'd hate her because of it.
"Angel," the Jedi tilted her head up for her to look at him but her eyes were screwed shut as if she was scared to see his face, "look at me, please."
She listens, however, hesitantly. A small amount of panic spiked through her chest like hot flashes when she saw the hurt on his face. Doubt began to swim in her head, drowning her under the violent tides of her thoughts.
"Did you think I'd hate you for that?" Anakin asks, slightly bewildered. He frowns, gently caressing her cheek as he continues to speak. "Baby, none of this is your fault. I love you so much and that will never change. We can adopt a kid when we are ready. This doesn't affect your worth, I promise you that."
"But—"
"No 'but's', princess," the Jedi shook his head, "it's okay to hurt, but know that we'll get through this together. I'm not leaving your side."
"Promise?" Astrid sits up, looking down towards the laying down Jedi, her face slightly relaxed. She runs her hand through his hair, "Promise you'll never leave my side."
"I promise, my sweet girl."
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DESPITE HAVING THE REASSURANCE OF ANAKIN NOT LEAVING, Astrid still felt off. Her body felt drained. Normally, the temperature of the apartment would be at most 70 degrees Fahrenheit, but she felt so cold. Buried in one of Anakin's sweatshirts and one of her sweatpants, she wrapped herself up in a thick blanket as she watched some random show on the Holonet.
Anakin had taken three weeks off to be with Astrid as she recovered from both the toxins in her body and the devastating news. He'd pampered her severely, ordering a few small surprises from the Holonet and just being by her side at all times like he promised.
"Ash," a voice Astrid missed so dearly called out. The girl's head snaps toward the entrance of the living room to see Padme dumping the huge number of snacks and candies onto the coffee table. The Nabooian girl had no clue of what had happened other than the fact Astrid was poisoned. All she knew was that Astrid needed her company from Anakin.
The Jedi Knight knew how much Astrid relied on Padme for emotional support so he knew that calling her over would make his girl very happy. He lounged on the balcony so the girls had privacy, scrolling through his datapad.
"May," Astrid smiles lightly as she shoved off the blanket onto the couch and rushed toward the older girl. Her arms immediately wrap around the short girl. This is exactly what she needed. Some time with her best girl.
"I heard about the poison thing, how are you?" Padme pulls away and both of them plop down on the couch, reaching for their own individual bag of chips. Astrid liked the spicier chips while Padme couldn't handle spice.
Astrid bites her lip and shakes her head. She needed to tell Padme what had happened, but she didn't want anyone's pity. A familiar sudden burning in her eyes arrives, a feeling she had grown much too accustomed to in the last few days. Astrid frowns and Padme tenses.
"What happened, honey?" Padme's voice was laced with worry as she placed a comforting arm around Astrid's shoulder to pull her closer. The younger girl drops her head to rest against Padme's shoulder, tears welling up in her eyes for the hundredth time in the past afternoon.
"The toxins of the poison had damaged my ovaries so now I—uh...I can't have kids," Astrid mumbles, taking a bite of her chip as the tears begin to flow down her flushed cheek. The constant mood swings were something she tried to control because she felt so bad to put Anakin through them, yet it wouldn't stop.
Padme felt her heart drop, clutching Astrid tighter. She looks down towards Astrid who had hyperfocused on her chips to avoid this conversation. If Astrid didn't want to talk about it, Padme would try to take her mind off of it. The older girl sighs, "I'm so sorry, Ash, you know what, why don't we do something fun?"
"I don't know, I'm having quite a lot of fun sulking and eating if I do say so myself," Astrid says jokingly, wiping her cheeks dry as she forces her mind to stray away from the sore topic.
"Why don't we go out for dinner?" Padme suggests, hands gesturing towards the balcony Anakin was on, "all three of us, like how we were back on Naboo."
Astrid felt her face lighten up. That wouldn't be so bad. Plus, hanging out with her favorite people would definitely make her feel much better. She nods, "I like that idea. There's one more person I want to join us though. I promise you'll love her."
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𝐚𝐧𝐚𝐤𝐢𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐩𝐚𝐝𝐦𝐞 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰!
𝐚𝐥𝐬𝐨 𝐢 𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐩𝐚𝐝𝐦𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐝 𝐬𝐨 𝐢 𝐡𝐚𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐚𝐝𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭
𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐰𝐚𝐲, 𝐢 𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐢𝐭!
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