If you asked James what his comfort zones were he would have two answers for you. Severus and when he was on a broom in the air.
He can feel safe while 10 meters in the air and when he was in Severus' vicinity, otherwise he was overwhelmed by his own thoughts and trauma.
The ptsd wasn't getting easier to deal with. Every day felt like a new obstacle, something to get through just for the hope tomorrow would be better.
But it never was, unless he was with Severus.
He didn't realize but he's grown to love his best friend. The drunken kiss, the feeling of envy whenever Lily got too close.
The feeling he got when he saw Vanity get too close and the relief he felt knowing Severus kissed him and not her. That kiss has played over and over in his head until he couldn't think of anything else.
Maybe it was for the best. He didn't have time to worry about his scars knowing Severus liked him just fine with them.
The way he delicately ran his hands across his skin, the total disregard for the things that made him feel so ugly.
So useless and terrifying to look at. Severus didn't care, he still looked at him the same after knowing what his skin has been reduced to.
He wishes he could have his blemish free body again but that's a luxury he'll never achieve. But Severus' growing feelings for him felt like a blanket over his aching body.
Severus wrapped him in happiness and unconditional support, leaving him blissed out.
He wanted more. He was greedy and arrogant, eventually the friendship just wasn't enough to satisfy him.
So he did little things to push Severus' buttons. He got too close, he left lingering touches and flirted with him just to see his reaction.
He felt bad for feeling this way. Severus tried so hard to be his safe space and he was but James wanted more than Severus was willing to provide.
He missed his old days where he could talk to girls for entertainment then drop them. Where he flirted with a few guys and saw the confusion and amusement before pretending they never existed.
He wished he could go back to that, and little by little he did.
" Good to see you're back James." A girl from their year called Amelia said and the way her fingers trailed down his back made him shiver.
He looked up from his book and smile at her, flashing his signature smirk and looking her up and down.
" Good to be back." He responded, eyeing her new school skirt that was far too short for the dress code.
Lily started to chuckle and when he looked back Severus was glaring at Amelia as she walked away.
He looked mad, jealous and envious all rolled into one. If James played along with her games a little longer he wonders what other reactions he could get from him.
" Severus!" Emma said and ran over, leaning against the table and smiling wide.
The instant boost Severus got in his mood confused James. Just by her presence he was already smiling more.
" Oh hey, there's the star Seeker. Well, former star seeker." Emma laughed and Lily followed suit.
" What?"
" Its fine, reggie is pretty hard to beat. Speaking of quidditch, Severus i need a sub for our practice match." She pat his shoulder and he nodded.
" Okay. Do you want me to find someone?"
" Actuallyyy, i was kinda hoping you would?" She asked and Severus rolled his eyes.
" Absolutely not."
" Come on! My keeper is away this week and none of my bench warmers are keeper trained. You have long arms and you have good reflexes come on." She said and squatted down to the table.
She leaned against her arms and gave him the puppy eyes, Severus having barely any reaction.
" You're decent at blocking, please?"
" I hate quidditch."
" oh but you're so good at it."
" Ok now you're just plain lying to my face."
" I'm not! Ok maybe a little but it's good enough for a practice match. My beaters really need some help and we can't play with an incomplete team."
Severus sighed and leaned forward to be face to face with Vanity.
" Who are you playing against?"
" Hufflepuff, and Gryffindor."
" Then fuck no."
" Why?"
" Their beater is Frank Longbottom, I have a better chance at winning a duel with McGonagal."
" He isn't that bad. Mucliber told me you could."
Severus takes back every good thing he's ever said about Mucliber in that moment, not that there's many.
" I'll play for half an hour."
" 4o minutes."
" Emma." He said in a warning tone and she stood up to squeeze his shoulders in a fake massage.
" 45 and I'll buy you whatever you want next hogsmeade weekend. I'll even give you the good broom." She said and James rose an eyebrow.
" Five things." Severus negotiated and she sighed.
" Fine. But 50 minutes. One item for every 10 minutes you play."
" Deal." Severus brought out his hand and she shook it, smiling incredulously.
" Thank you Snape. Bye Evans, bye Porter!" She waved and pranced off.
" It's Potter." James yelled after her but she just kept walking away.
He turned to his friends and sighed.
" She knows my name right?"
" She definitely does." Lily smirked and James shook his head, not knowing if he should be embarrassed or mad.
" She's doing it to fuck with me."
" Obviously." Severus laughed.
Nevermind, he made his decision. He was definitely mad.
---------------------------------------------
He doesn't know how Gryffindor has managed to lose five goals already with an inexperienced keeper defending the Slytherin posts.
It only spurred his anger on, putting him in an even worser mood.
" Potter Potter POTTER!" Arthur yelled but it was too late, James already colliding right into the scrawny slytherin chaser.
He scowled at James but he didn't care, just sneered back and flew away. He almost fell off his broom, the tiny thing being half James' size.
" Whats wrong with you?" Emma yelled as she flew over to her chaser and helped them onto their broom.
James didn't talk, barely glanced an eye as his gaze settled on only thing on his mind.
Severus looked back at him and then eventually made the decision to give up and fly over.
" What happened?" He asked and James sighed.
" I'm just out of it."
" Do you wanna sit out? I'm sure Black can sub for you."
" I dont wanna be bothersome-"
" Its not bothersome if it's hindering your play." Severus said and instead of doing that sports team pat every guy does, Severus squeezed his forearm.
He did it so James knew he was alive. He was a person, skin and bones. Even though his mind was floating in space somewhere his body was still there, and Severus was calling his mind home.
" Okay." James said quietly and flew off to the bleachers where Sirius was sitting.
They had a short conversation then Sirius nodded, hopping on his broom and flying over.
" What the fuck is wrong with him?" Mulciber said and leaned onto Severus.
He rest his elbow on his shoulder so his broom got pushed down a bit.
" What?"
" He just slammed into our chaser."
" He's tired. He hasn't been sleeping well, it's just not a good day."
" Since when were you his personal defender?" Mulciber asked and Severus sneered.
" Since never."
" Then why are you defending him?"
" Fuck off Mulciber." He shoved his elbow off and the other clicked his tongue.
" Love doesn't look good on you Snape." He said as he flew away and Severus' eyebrows quirked up.
What does that even mean?
Love doesn't look good on you.
Can you really see the love on him?
As his eyes met James' across the field, as James gave him a little smile and his heart grew just a little when he did. He had his answer.
Yes, you can see the love clear on his face.
And unfortunately Mulciber was right, Love didn't look good on him.