Chapter 16
Press con
"What the hell happened to your face?" my make-up artist, Shea, yelled at me as soon as I pulled my sunglasses.
I groaned. Fuck. I look that bad?
"I cried last night," I said with a sigh as I sat down on the chair in front of the budoir.
"You cried?" she asked incredulously, para bang imposibleng umiyak ako. "You didn't cry last night! You bawled your eyes out!"
Oh. Well, I guess I really look that bad. I look at my face in the mirror and instantly wince at what I saw. Damn, mukha akong maga na tinubuan ng mukha. Naningkit na ang mga mata ko at sobrang pula ng ilong ko!
"Asher, your face is so puffy! Magang-maga! Anong gagawin natin niyan ngayon? Paano na ang press con mamaya?" tanong pa ni Shea, nagpa-panic na.
Nginitian ko siya, na lalo pang nagpasingkit sa mga mata ko. "I'm sure kaya mong gawan ng paraan 'yan, ang galing-galing mo kaya."
Napailing ito at nagsimulang magbanat ng buto. "Naku, huwag mo nga akong binobola. Pinapasakit mo lalo ang batok ko." Mukha ngang mahihirapan nga siya sa pagpapawala ng ng maga sa mukha ko, pati na rin ang kahit anong bakas ng pag-iyak ko kagabi
"Sorry," I mumbled. Sorry na. Hindi ko naman alam na ganito ang resulta ng pagda-drama ko kagabi.
Pumwesto siya sa likuran ko at pinatong ang kanyang mga kamay sa magkabilang balikat ko. "Seriously, though. Are you okay? What happened?"
I looked at her reflection and saw how worried she is about me. I flashed her a small smile. "I don't want to talk about it."
She squeezed my shoulders. "Well, sorry ka na lang. Pag nakita nina Sir Red at Sir Simon 'yang ginawa mo sa mukha mo, lagot ka. Hindi ka tatantanan nang mga 'yun hangga't hindi ka magsalita."
True. "Subukan lang nila," I grumbled. Those meddling fairy godfathers of mine.
"You're underestimating how much they care for you," she said as she started gathering my hair and tying it in a ponytail. I guess magsisimula na tayo sa pag-aayos ng mukha ko. "Mag-aalala 'yung mga 'yun."
I just closed my eyes and smiled. I'll just let her be.
"Okay, I'll try my best to help with the swelling. Sana makatulong 'tong mga face rollers and massagers ko."
I smiled, though I kept my eyes closed. "Thank you."
"Kung kailangan mo nang kausap, I'm just here sa likod mo. Literally."
I reached for her hand on my shoulder and squeezed it. "I appreciate it." Really, I do. Sinwerte ako sa pagpili ng TMA. They really do care about me. At minsan kahit sobra na ang pag-wo-worry nila, lalo na sina Sir Red at Sir Simon, I really, really appreciate it.
Lalo na't wala naman akong nakukuhang suporta sa parents ko... at mukhang nawalan na rin ako ng best friend.
"What's going on? Someone told me you've been crying, Asher."
Speaking of the devil... or rather, one of my fairy godfathers.
I opened my eyes just to glare at Sir Simon. "'Yung totoo? Sinong spy mo dito?"
"Tell me what's wrong, Asher." Lumapit ito sa akin. Agad-agad na hinila ang isa pang foldable chair at umupo sa tabi ko. "Is it your parents?"
Umiling ako. "No, hindi po."
"Alright. So kung hindi parents mo, anong ginawa mo kay Yap?"
"What? Bakit ako agad ang may ginawa? Hindi ba pwedeng siya lang may ginawa na nagpaiyak sa akin?"
Hindi niya pinansin ang pagprotesta ko. Instead, tuluy-tuloy lang ito sa pagtanong. "What happened? Anong pinag-awayan niyo?"
I corrected him. "More like nag-FO."
"FO?" nagtataka nitong tanong. I really need to educate them about my generations slang. Napaghahalataan ang edad ni Sir Simon!
"Friendship Over po," paglilinaw ni Shea.
"Oh, friendship break-up," sabi ni Sir Simon. Nagkatinginan pa sila ni Shea bago muling tinignan nito ang mukha ko. "Why? What happened?"
"I don't want to talk abou it."
"Too bad, you're going to," mabilis nitong sagot. "C'mon, hija. Spill."
I looked at him and saw how serious he looks. Mukhang hindi talaga niya ako titigilan hanggat hindi ako mag-open-up sa kanya. Well, I'm starting to love Sir Simon because he's one of my father figures now, but I still won't tell him about my messed up problems in life. So I just gave him a heavily-filtered version of my fight with Yap and our eventual... friendship break-up.
Sir Simon heaved a deep sigh as he pat my now moussed up hair, thanks to Shea. "Bigyan mo lang ng time to cool down 'yung best friend mo. I'm sure magkakaayos rin kayo ni Yap. You've been friends for so long, imposibleng mawawala na lang ang samahan niyo just because of one argument."
Umiling ako. This fight is different. "But this is different..."
"Give him space muna, Asher. And then kapag okay ka na, talk to him and apologize."
Napaatras ako nang marinig ang payo nito. "Bakit ako ang mag-aapologize?"
"C'mon, Asher," he chided. "I know we've only known each other this year, but I know you, kids. I'm sure you guys said some mean things to each other that both hurt you. Ikaw man nagsimula o siya, you both need to apologize to each other and talk about the main issue. Rip it in the bud."
***
Masusuka yata ako. Bakit walang sumasagot sa mga tinatawagan ko? Oh God, hindi lang ba si Yap ang ayaw na ako maging kaibigan? Why can't I seem to reach out to someone? Why am I fucking panicking?!
Shit. I'm acting like a fucking brat.
Of course, no one is answering! Oras ngayon ng mga trabaho at klase ng mga kabigan ko. They're all busy! Aside from Yap, no one is hating on my whiny ass! But I really need someone to talk to me now and calm my dramatic ass now. Ayokong magsuka sa kalagitnaan ng presscon dahil sa anxiety!
I scrolled down on my contact list and stopped at one unlikely person's name... well, I know this already graduated and currently sin't working. Baka sumagot siya since we're kinda friends now.
"Hey, what's up?" Jamie answered after just two rings.
"I'm freaking out."
I heard her scoff. "Okayyy... and?"
"I need you to calm me down," I said, no time to beat around the bush when I can feel the anxiety slowly choking me.
"You're calling the new mom to calm you down," Jamie deadpanned.
Bakit parang biglang attitude na naman 'to? Baka nakakalimutan niya siya nag-post ng pictures namin ni Jeric sa Instagram ko. "You're partially at fault why my life is falling apart, you know that?"
"Oooh, I heard! So, tell me? Ano reaction ni Yap?"
Napaatras ako at napatingin sa paligid. Ako lang naman ang nasa women's restroom. Paanong may nakaalam ng pag-aaway namin bukod sa mga napagsabihan ko dito sa studio?
"Paano mo nalaman? I haven't told L or K about what happened."
"K heard you crying when she went back home, hours after she opened the door to Yap."
Oh, damn. Kim heard me bawling my eyes out? At hindi ko man lang siya narinig na umuwi kagabi?
"Ano na ngang update? Was he jealous? Was he mad at you for looking at other guys?"
Jamie's excited voice brought me back to our convo. "FO na kami," I said to her.
"Oh."
I nodded. "Yeah."
"Kaya ka nagda-drama ngayon? That's why you're saying na you life is falling apart?"
I sighed. She wouldn't understand. Why did I even call her in the first place? But she's all I have now, siya lang ang sumagot sa tawag ko. I want her to know why I am being like this.
Why I feel so lost...
"He's my best friend, Jamie. And... I think I just lost him."
Hindi siya umimik. I took that as an indication to explain myself.
"We only fought once. Sa Singapore pa 'yun but this one, this one is different. It's like a break-up."
"A friendship break-up," Jamie muttered. "I heard some of those are more painful than real romantic relationships."
"I don't know what to do. I'm about to go on a presscon and I am freaking the fuck out. He's the only who could calm me down but he's gone from my life now. And I'm starting to doubt myself, kung tama bang inaway ko siya. Kung dapat ba mas pinili ko na lang lunukin ang pride ko at maging okay na sila ulit."
"You're just like me, Asher. We couldn't pretend if our lives depended on it."
"I want my best friend back."
Bigla siyang natawa sa sinabi ko. "Parang ewan 'to! Edi tawagan mo siya ngayon! Bakit ako kinakausap mo, girl?"
"I don't know what to say to him. I don't even know if he'll pick up the phone!" I cried to her. "Tsaka baka kasama niya ngayon si Stella, she's been dropping my calls and deleting my messages to him."
"I don't know what to say to you, Asher," she said, not budging with her suggestion. "It's either you call him now, or you let him go."
I chose neither. I chose to listen to Sir Red. I chose give him space and so he could cool down. And I armed myself with fake courage to face the press once again for a presscon that I know I will fucking bomb.
***
We're in the middle of the presscon now for my one of my endorsements. I don't know how I got here or who even pulled me to this stage. I feel like I am disassociating because of how fast the people around me were talking. The fucking lights are blinding me, too.
Gosh. I just know this presscon is going to be a disaster.
"Hi, Asher! I'm Jay from Ender Media!" sabi ng isang media person na unang inabutan ng mic. "Everyone is curious. Are you dating someone? May nagpapatibok ba ng puso mo ngayon, Asher?"
Seriously? 'Yun agad ang tanong na gusto nilang sagutin ko? While I am on the verge of flipping the fuck out?
I flashed him a fake smile as I answered. "It's actually none of your business, so no comment." Nagtawanan ang lahat. Mukha ba akong nagpapatawa? I am being sarcastic.
I looked around and saw Sir Simon looking at me like a parent horrified of his kid acting out in public. Shit.
Be nice, Sir Simon mouthed.
Ugh. Asher, focus!
Fine! I'll be as nice as I can be. I looked back at the guy from Ender Media and continued answering his walang-kwentang question. "But seriously, nagpapatibok? Isn't it obvious that I am dead inside? No. No one is currently making this heart flutter or even beat at all."
Tumango ito at nagpasalamat sa pagsagot ko, candidly.
Agad kinuha ng pangalawang media person ang mic pagkaabot nito sa kanya. "Jonny from CBBC," pakilala nito bago tumayo at ginawang tanga ang sarili. "Wow, Asher! You really are breath-taking in person—"
Natawa ako sa sinabi niya. Hindi ko tuloy napigilan ang sarkastiko kong bibig. "Oh, asan inhaler mo? Hinihika ka na pala diyan."
"It's true! Ang ganda-ganda mo pala talaga!"
I rolled my eyes at him. "Ganda lang. Walang ganda-ganda sa dictionary."
The press continued to throw questions at me. Some of them are good, so I gave them serious answers. I gave snarky answers to most of the annoying-ass questions, syempre. Can anyone blame me?
"As a new style icon of this generation, do you have any advice for those who are just starting to build their wardrobe," tanong ng isang reporter galing sa isang teen-oriented magazine.
"Honestly, huwag kayo sa akin magtanong about fashion, please. I'm just here to work as a model, I am not a style icon. I am so far from it and there are so many people in this room who are highly respected in the fashion industry, their opinion on fashion is much more important and reliable than mine ever will."
"Fair enough," sabi pa nito. "Pero may favorite trend ka ba ngayon? Like streetwear, loungewear, monograms?"
"Sorry, but I don't like monograms and logomania. Ang mahal-mahal tapos letters lang naman ang design!"
"What style do you prefer, though? Usually those that showcase monograms or logomania, 'yun ang kadalasan na well-made at gustung-gusto ng lahat."
Umiling ako, walang pakialam sa pinupunto nito. I'm sticking to my guns. "No, it's not for me. I'd rather wear locally-made clothes na locally-sourced din ang tela and other materials used for it."
I saw Sir Simon scratch the back of his neck, a tell-tale sign na mali ang sinagot ko. Shit. I have to backtrack or else baka wala nga naman na akong mga damit from high-end brands na i-model!
I riased my hand to get their attention. I need them to listen to my clarification. "Wala akong sinasabi na i-ditch niyo 'yung branded items ha, I'm just saying that it's not for me. I'm dunking on anyone's taste, I just like to use my hard-earned money for something else."
"Like what?"
"Food," I answered right away. "For traveling... and for spoiling my friends' babies." Like Jamie's baby girl, I need to buy her something. Pa-thank you sa pakikinig sa akin ng nanay niya kanina. "Yeah, I'm working on being the Rich Cool Auntie that the kids will turn to for cool clothes, fun times, and money."
"Speaking of your friends, we heard that you're best friends with Stella Irizari's boyfriend," biglang sabat ng isang reporter na biglang humablot sa mic ng sa kausap ko from the teen mag.
Shit. Bakit naman sila napasok sa usapang ito?
Chismis reporter yata itong may hawak ng mic. I can smell her bad intentions and thirst for a chismis scoop from a mile away.
"Paano kayo naging best friends? Through Stella ba? Buti hindi siya nagseselos!"
"Oh, she does. She does get jealous," I scoffed, hindi ko agad napigilan ang bibig ko. "Yap and I have been friends since we were kids. But she really doesn't have any reaosn to get jealous of me."
"Why not? Looks like you know her boyfriend more and mas malalim ang history niyo."
I know this chismis reporter is egging me, but I just couldn't keep my mouth shut.
"Well, the funny thing about that is FO na kami ng boyfriend niya. So history or no history, she doesn't have any reason to get jealous of me. Not anymore, at least."
Oh, God. Shit. Bakit ko sinabi 'yun?
Shit. I think I over-shared to the press again. Bakit ba hindi ko magawang magpaka-plastic muna? I should've said 'Nothing will ever come between our friendship,' not the truth! Bakit kasi ang hirap magpaka-showbiz!
I really need to get media-trained, ASAP.
"Oh! Bakit naman kayo FO na?" the chismis reporter ask, relentless and really hungry for chika.
I faked a laugh and pointed at the product I'm endorsing. "I think we should get back to talking about the product, not my personal life. I think I've over-shared a lot already. Balik na tayo sa trabaho!"
Nagtawanan ang mga tao sa press habang nagtitinginan naman ang mga tao sa kampo ko. I am a fucking PR nightmare. At least, I am aware, right?
Fuck.
I just hope this press con won't get viral tomorrow.