Warnings: Panic attacks
Hi guys, I'm so sorry I've been missing for the last few weeks. I got Covid and then some issues came up with my family that I just lost all my motivation to write.
Anyways, this one-shot was requested by @jayjayromanoff
I hope you like it. Sorry if it's horrible. I'm not sure how I feel about it but here it is.
Age: 7
It's all too real.
This can't be happening
But it is, and there's nothing I can do about it.
Today we were continuing to film the next installment of the MCU, and most days I'd be excited about this. Except for today. Today's scene hit a bit too close to home for me.
I scanned over my lines for the day, doing my best to decipher everything. Usually one of the other cast members would help me with my lines since I was only seven years old and still learning, but I didn't want any of them to catch on to the fact that the scene was going to be hard for me.
A sudden knock on the trailer door pulled me out of my trance. I wasn't allowed to have my own trailer since, again, I'm seven. The studio was originally going to get me a babysitter since my parents didn't want that responsibility, but Scarlett had volunteered. She was, however, off to hair and make up and one of the other cast members was supposed to come get me to look after me.
I wandered over to the trailer door and pulled it open to reveal Lizzie, all decked out in her hair and makeup.
"Lizzie!" I squealed, tackling her into a tight hug.
"Hi, y/n. You ready for another day of filming?" she asked, returning the hug.
At the mention of filming, today's scene played on my memory, and my mood instantly dropped.
"Yeah, I guess." I responded a bit tiredly.
Lizzie stared at me for a moment, picking on something being wrong, but ultimately let it go. If something was bothering me, I'd come to her or one of the other cast members when I'm ready to talk about it. That's what I always did.
"They're ready for you in hair and makeup. Wanna get going?" Lizzie asked, running a hand through my hair.
I just nodded.
She held out a hand for me to take, which I did, and she led me through the studio to the hair and makeup trailer.
"Good morning, y/n." Astrid, my make-up artist, greeted me with a bright smile.
"Good morning." I returned the smile while plopping down the chair.
I had been told that for a seven year old, I had good manners.
Astrid got to work quietly, and was done in just a few minutes. She had styled my hair in a simple manner, and had put very little make up on me. Astrid, plus the director, had agreed that a seven year old didn't need a full face of makeup, which I was grateful for because I had no idea how long I could just sit there and be still.
Lizzie was seated right next to me, going over her own script while she waited for me.
I racked my brain for some kind of excuse to get out of filming today. I could just say I wasn't feeling well or I needed more time to learn my lines. Both would work, but the first one would cause the cast to go into overprotective mode and the second would make the director frustrated. I was stuck doing this scene whether I liked it or not.
When Astrid deemed me finished, Lizzie walked me over to the next trailer for my costume, which she also needed. For today's shoot, we were to be dressed in more casual clothes. They put me in jeans and a t-shirt, pulling a hoodie over my head, something that wouldn't be too expensive to replace incase I had one of my usual accidents like getting dirty when playing with Florence and Hailee or spilling food on myself when eating. You know, the typical chaos that a seven year old can muster.
Lizzie was dressed up in similar clothes with the addition of a flannel. Once we both were dressed and ready, we made our way across the studio lot to the set.
The film crew was still setting up and getting everything ready for the day, so Lizzie and I went to find the rest of the cast.
Scarlett's pov
I spotted Lizzie and y/n when they walked into the set, and the first thing I noticed was how nervous y/n looked. In fact, she had been acting strange for the last few days. I'm not exactly sure what was going on with her, but she wouldn't tell me anything when I asked her if she was alright. For a seven year old, she was incredibly stubborn.
"Hey you." I smiled at y/n when she and Lizzie eventually found me, Florence, and Hailee sitting off to the side.
"Hi." she mumbles, motioning her hands in a way to ask me to pick her up. I did so, picking her up and placing her in my lap where she instantly cuddled into me.
Florence and Hailee both gave y/n and I looks, I guess picking up on her weird behavior this morning. Normally she's all bubbly and energetic and one of us has to chase her around to keep her from either breaking something or getting lost on the set. But today, she's quiet and clingy. Either something's going on with her or she's just tired.
Lizzie sat down in the chair set aside for her as we all waited for the crew to be ready. Y/n began playing with my hand and I immediately recognized it as one of her nervous habits.
"You doing alright bubs?" I asked, stroking the back of her head.
She just shrugged, keeping her mouth shut while she continued to fidget.
"Y/n, you wanna play? We can go raid the catering tent." Florence offered, knowing that always brought a smile to the seven year old's face.
Y/n, however, just shook her head without looking up at the blonde.
"Has she been like this all morning?" Hailee asked me while sipping on some water.
"She seemed a little tired when I woke her up but I had to leave pretty early to get ready." I replied, rubbing y/n's back gently.
"She was quieter than usual when I got her." Lizzie piped up.
"Main cast, please report to the set." a voice called over the intercom, ending our discussion.
"Well that's our cue." Lizzie mumbled to herself as we all got up.
I helped y/n off my lap and held her hand as we made our way across the studio to the set, which was all prepped with the lights, cameras, and green screens. The set itself was designed to look like a kitchen from your average house.
Y/n took her place on set and sat in one of the chairs at the kitchen table. I stood at that sink and picked up one of the many dishes it had been filled with by the set dresser. This first scene was between y/n, who plays Natasha's daughter, myself, and Florence. Hailee, and Lizzie were sitting off to the side by the crew since they would be needed for the next few scenes after we were done.
The background for this scene was that y/n, Yelena, and I were supposed to be laying low, off some people's radar, and we're held up in some apartment. I wasn't exactly too thrilled to film this scene because I had to yell at Florence, but she's a big girl and knows none of it is real.
The director came over to us three and began giving us the instruction we would need to make the scene happen. Y/n seemed distracted the whole time, but claimed she understood what she needed to do.
I made the decision that after filming was over for the day, I'd try to get y/n to talk to me. She's seven and stubborn, but I want to help her and make sure she's alright. I can tell something's bothering her, she just needs a little nudge to open up. She's like a daughter to me.
"Right, places everyone!" the director yelled after y/n, Florence, and I received our instructions. He went back to the monitors while the camera crew positioned everything for the first take.
"Scene 10, Take 1." Someone called out, followed by a loud clap. Out of the corner of my eye, I could have sworn I saw y/n flinch slightly out of the corner of my eye. Maybe it was a figment of my imagination.
"Action!" the director yelled, motioning with his hands for us to begin.
"Any word from the others?" Florence started, acting as Yelena as she began helping me wash dishes.
"No, not that it matters." I replied with a sort of mumble, taking the dish from her and beginning to dry it.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Florence asked back, sort of defensively.
"There's no way we can find him. Dreykov is too slippery. We've gone through this before and we almost died." I shot back, making frustration fill my voices.
I could see y/n reacting to the scene out of the corner of my eye, picking at the plate of food that some prop person had placed in front of her. She was watching quietly, taking in the interaction between Yelena and Natasha.
"We can't just let him continue to operate freely. He's too dangerous to be left alive. You know just as well as I do the kind of horrors he causes." Florence snapped back, making frustrated motions with her hands as she spoke.
"I'm not saying to let him continue to wander around freely. I know the consequences better than anyone." I shot back, slamming the dish down in the sink a bit too hard.
"Natasha, we can't just keep sitting on our asses, waiting! You wanting to do that is putting thousands of lives in danger." she countered, now getting more frustrated and aggressive with her tone of voice.
"Yelena, don't you dare insinuate that." I half yelled at her, feeling the broken pieces of the plate in my hand. I hadn't intended to break it, but I guess it added to the effect of the scene.
"I'm not insin-" Florence started, but was cut off by someone else.
"Cut! Y/n, you good?" the director asked into his microphone, causing myself and Florence to turn and look at her.
She looked a mess, silent tears streaming down her face as she was gasping for air. She looked panicked, like she was about to pass out or throw up. She was having a panic attack and seemed like she had no idea what was happening, like she was growing more and more disoriented as more moments passed. The added attention of the cast and crew, being the center of attention, wasn't helping her.
The girl began looking around frantically, taking in all the eyes on her and the unwanted attention that was now upon her.
"Honey, hey it's ok." I started, dropping the broken plate in the sink and beginning to move towards her to help. My movements seemed to freak her out more, causing her to look at me with more panic.
She took one look at me coming towards her, pushed herself away from the table and bolted for the nearest door.
"Y/n!" I called out, making a few movements after her.
Y/n pov
She yelled. They both did. And she broke the dish...the noise, the argument, it's all too real. It's supposed to be fake but it's real. I know it's real. I must have done something to make them upset.
I always do something wrong. The fights...they're all my fault.
I stumbled through the nearest door, pushing my way out of the set and studio. I needed air, I couldn't breathe.
I need to breathe.
My hands found my hoodie collar, beginning to claw at it to get some kind of air flow. It felt like I was being choked. I fumbled with the hoodie, pulling it over my head and tossing it to the side. But it wasn't working.
I leaned against a wall and began to slowly slide down, pulling at my shirt collar. I couldn't catch my breath. It felt like the world was closing in around me.
There was a ringing in my ears and I was barely aware of someone calling my name. I wasn't really aware of anything, actually.
I felt arms wrap around me as someone pulled me into their lap. Panic took over my actions as I pushed at the arms.
"Hey, honey, it's ok. It's just me." a voice said calmly, trying to get my panic to stop.
I didn't know what was happening.
"No, it's all my fault. No..." I gasped, pushing at the arms as I tried to force myself to breathe.
"Y/n, nothing's your fault. I need you to calm down, take a deep breath with me." the voice cooed, taking a dramatic deep breath as I continued to fight against the arms around me. I didn't know what was happening. I was being told to breathe, by a familiar voice.
I looked up at the voice, giving in and no longer fighting the arms around me. I made out the blurry outline of Scarlett and a concerned Florence standing behind her.
"Scar? Flo?" I croaked out, feeling my body calm down at the presence of two familiar people.
"Hi baby. Keep breathing with me." Scarlett smiled, threading her fingers through my hair as she continued to guide me through deep breaths.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. It's my fault, it-" I could feel my brain and my mouth going a mile a minute. I didn't want them to be mad at me. Whatever I had done, the fighting between them, it's my fault. I had to have done something to make them mad. Scarlett yelled, broke the dish, Florence yelled back.
"No no no, you didn't do anything wrong. Nothing's your fault. Just follow my breathing." Scarlett began rubbing the back of my head, holding onto me tighter.
We sat there for a while, Scarlett holding me while I tried to calm down, Florence sitting down next to us and doing what she could to help. Minutes passed and my breathing slowly normalized. I began playing with Florence's hands. She always had rings that I found interesting. She just watched me with a smile as Scarlett continued to hold me.
The door to the backlot of the studio opened as two more people stumbled through. I looked up and saw Hailee and Lizzie stare at the three of us with a confused and concerned look.
"Everything alright out here?" Hailee asked as she sat down next to Florence.
I didn't want all the attention, but I was fine with four of them being here. I just turned and buried my face in Scarlett's neck. She readjusted her grip on me as she turned to look at the others.
"She had a panic attack. I think that something in the scene we were shooting triggered her." Scarlett said to the others. The four of them had some idea of what my home life was like. They knew my parents fought a lot, often getting on the more violent end. I thought that was going to happen here between Scarlett and Florence. They were my family, I didn't want them to be arguing like my parents do at home.
"Oh baby." Lizzie cooed, sinking down next to Scarlett.
"Why don't we take the rest of the day off and just rest? The director and crew will understand. We can do whatever you want, y/n." Florence suggested, trying to help the situation.
I just nodded into Scarlett's neck, not wanting to go back in there and continue shooting. It's all too real.
"I don't want to go back in there. It's too much like home." I whispered to them, poking my head out from the crook of her neck and looking around at the others, continuing to play Florence's hands.
"It's ok, you don't have to go back in there. I know it's hard." Scarlett reassured me, holding on to me tighter.
"I'll go talk to the director." Hailee offered as she stood up and went back through the door.
"What do you wanna do, y/n?" Lizzie asked, rubbing my back.
"Can we make cookies and watch a movie?" I asked, looking up at Scarlett and Florence who just smiled at me.
"Of course, if Scar promises not to burn down the kitchen." Florence prodded, jabbing her elbow into Scarlett's side.
"Hey! I'm not that bad of a cook." she defended, elbowing Florence back.
"Scar...you're a disaster in the kitchen." Lizzie started with a laugh as she continued rubbing my back. A small smile crept onto my face at the others joking.
Hailee appeared a few moments later, returning to her spot next to Florence.
"Director said it's fine." she said, watching me with a slight smile.
"Great! We have some cookies to make and a movie to watch." Scarlett cheered as the others joined her.
Today had just barely started and I was already so tired. I wanted to take a nap, but I was grateful to have them with me. They were family to me, more of a family then my blood related one.