Everyone was dead.
Tyler was dead. Klaus was dead. Elena was dead. Her cousin, her friend, and the girl she hoped would be her girlfriend one day. Three more names to be added to the already-long list of people she'd lost.
She didn't know how to think. How to feel. She felt like she was being torn apart from the inside, and simultaneously compressed on all fronts by a machine that aimed to turn her into a small block of sadness and misery. She knew none of her pain was truly physical, but it felt like it was. Knives stabbing repeatedly into her gut as she forced herself to accept the truth.
Klaus is dead. Tyler is dead. Elena is dead.
Tyler's death was the easiest to accept. In the past year alone, her Uncle Richard had died, then her father, and now Tyler. Lockwood men seemed to be cursed, while Lockwood women lived on in their grief. She hated that he would never get to graduate, never get to decide if he wanted to continue down the same path as his parents or forge a new one all on his own. He'd broken the sirebond to be free and he'd died before getting to accomplish anything.
Klaus's death was harder to accept. A thousand years and no one had bested him until now. It infuriated her. More so because she should have died alongside him. All of them should have died. And yet, they were still standing. Maybe Klaus had been lying about siring Mary Porter, but it made no sense why Rosalind was still alive. She recalled drinking directly from his hand, the memory very vivid considering he'd been caressing her bare thigh while she fed. How could he be gone? How could she still be here? His death raised questions she couldn't answer.
Elena's death made no sense. And at the same time, it made so much sense that Alaric would meet his end this way. It made absolute sense that Rebekah would have been the one to end her life. But despite her involvement with the supernatural, nothing had yet torn Elena apart quite like this. Even with the ritual, John Gilbert found a way to keep her alive. Rosalind might have thought her immortal. But suddenly, she was nothing. The mark of Elena Gilbert was gone in the world. Rosalind thought she would die and that Elena would live on. But instead, the hybrid was meant to survive with a gap in her heart big enough to fit three people.
All three of them hurt badly. Tyler's most of all, because he was her family. It surprised her that she felt so distraught with Klaus's death. But when she wondered more about it, she was assaulted with the memories of him teasing her during training. Snarking back playfully and trying to teach her to win at chess because she was so terrible at it.
In all honesty, the others around her didn't feel like friends in the way Klaus did. The others had accepted her because she was Tyler's cousin. Klaus, however, had been someone she'd begun to build a real friendship with. One she chose and was chosen for not out of pity but because of a genuine interest (and maybe a little bit of bullying on her part). She was becoming his friend because of her own qualities, not because of who she was related to. She hadn't had an automatic in with him. It wasn't easy getting to the point where he relented to allowing her to lead with him.
Gone. Everyone was gone. All gone.
She probably shouldn't have driven herself to the hospital. She could hardly grip the steering wheel firmly, and she continuously had to blink harshly to get the tears out of her eyes. Miraculously, she made it to the hospital in one piece. No one could stop her from rushing down to the morgue and finding where Elena's body lay.
"No," she whimpered, feeling her cold face and confirming she was, in fact, dead. "No, no, no..."
She was still. Completely still and quiet. Rosalind had never heard such silence.
"Please, no," she pleaded, holding Elena's hand to her face. Cold. So cold.
Turn it off.
It was a thought lingering in the back of her mind, tempting her. Cooing in a soothing voice to see if she'd take the bait.
Turn it all off. It won't hurt anymore.
"No," she told herself, covering her face. "Stop... don't think that..." She was enough of a threat to humans the way she was. If she shut her humanity off, she'd become an apex predator and wouldn't be able to help her Pack properly.
Why push through more pain? It's a never ending cycle. Just turn it off.
Maybe if Klaus was still alive, she would have done it. He would have kept her in check, compelled her to turn it back on if she ever got to be too much. He'd probably like her better without a conscience. He would have stood to benefit greatly from her being more malicious. And he was too strong for her to deny if things got out of hand. She'd have become the perfect partner-in-crime and she wouldn't have hesitated to flip the switch.
Turn it off, Rosalind.
The names of everyone who she had loved and lost were coming to the forefront of her mind, tormenting her. Mason. Jules. Brady. Stevie. Georgie. Chance. Joel. Chris. Mark. Ryan. Klaus. Tyler. Elena. Too many names. Too much grief. And a switch so readily available for her to just flip and stop feeling all of it.
"Think of the pack," she whined, digging her nails into her temples. "Think of the pack, don't be selfish, you can't turn it off, they need an Alpha, and you have to be there for them..."
It will feel much better if you turn it off.
"Don't do it," she whispered, over and over again as she cried. "Don't do it. Don't, you're gonna regret it... you will... think of your aunt... if she loses you, too, she won't survive it."
Be selfish. Who cares about anyone else's pain? Your own is much greater. Much more hard to deal with. Your emotions are heightened, it hurts you more than it hurts anyone else.
Rosalind's thumbs were pressing dangerously close to her eyes. "No, stop saying that. I shouldn't, I can't..."
Can't, or won't?
"Stop encouraging me to do this."
You can't be a good Alpha if you're marred with grief.
"I can't be a good Alpha if I'm a straight-up psychopath, either."
Klaus was a good Alpha. You wouldn't have led with him otherwise.
"This isn't what I want for the Pack. They deserve better than an Alpha that's selfish."
Be selfish, or be weak. Your choice.
She tried to tune out the voice by focusing on Elena. Her hair was still damp from having been submerged in the water for so long. If Rosalind had just been a little faster, she could have saved her. She wouldn't have drowned. Wouldn't have had to give up her life for Matt's. They'd both still be alive.
She wanted to be furious with Stefan. How he, knowing what Rebekah intended to do, hadn't been there sooner. How he, a vampire, hadn't been able to pull both Matt and Elena out of the vehicle knowing Elena had been conscious. He could have still carried Matt out. All he had to do was break her damn seatbelt off and she could have swum out behind him.
"She knew how to swim," Rosalind sobbed into her hand, the other gripping the edge of the metal table hard enough to crunch it in her palm. "She knew how to swim, I know she did, she went to the pool all the time in the summer when I was there. She could have swum out if she was free..." she hit her own forehead. "I'm a strong swimmer, I used to save people that were drowning in an ocean, with monstrous waves. I could have gotten her out..."
She stifled a sob into her hand and put her forehead onto the table beside where she'd torn up the edges in her fury. Elena still felt unbelievably cold.
"I need to go back for Tyler," she told herself. "I need to go and get him... and then I need to find out where Klaus is being put to rest. I have to be there, I have to..."
And yet, she feared leaving Elena's side. Tyler would be on the Other Side, watching over her, and she'd be able to talk out loud knowing he was listening. She'd held him when he died, and she'd expected it. Elena's death caught her off guard. There was no Other Side for humans, not that she knew of. Elena would be at peace. And though that should have made her happy, it meant she'd probably never see her again. Rosalind would not go to peace. She'd likely linger on the Other Side for eternity. Or maybe drift off to Hell, after a few years.
The door opened behind her. She knew it was Stefan, and immediately sat up, tense. The urge to grab him by the throat and bite him was getting almost too strong to resist.
"I don't want you here," she said darkly. "Leave, or I will make you leave."
"I wanted to tell you that Matt is okay," said Stefan quietly. "I know you care about him, too."
"I'm glad Matt's okay. What I'm unhappy about is that Elena isn't. What is this, the fucking Titanic movie? Both could have been saved. Both of them, Stefan! What the hell is the point of you being a vampire if you're not strong enough to save two people? One of which was conscious and could have swam out if you just took an extra second to free her while you carried Matt up."
"I never meant for her to die, Rosalind. I got there too late. It isn't an easy task—"
"How fucking hard can it be?" she snarled, turning around. "The water isn't that deep! You are blessed with super speed and strength! You defy nature, and the basic laws of physics, so how fucking hard could it have been?"
"You can snap at me about that when you've saved someone from a submerged vehicle."
"I've saved people from undercurrents in the fucking ocean! People who were seconds away from dying, I saved as a mere human. You are a vampire! You weren't in an ocean with waves and currents, you were in a still body of water that wasn't even deep." She slammed her hand onto the table, denting the metal further. "If you all had just taken a second to think before you desiccated Klaus, none of this would have happened! Elena would be alive, Matt wouldn't be needing to stay in the hospital, wondering how the hell he'll replace his truck and pay his medical bills. Klaus and Tyler would be alive!"
"I'm sorry for what you've lost tonight, Rosalind, no one should have to go through that."
"Yeah, no one should, but somehow, it feels like we're always suffering. Maybe it's because the people we are supposed to rely on make stupid, awful choices."
"Don't pin this on me. I know a part of it is my fault, I don't deny that. I will regret this for the rest of my life."
"Yeah, and you should!" she sneered. "I hope the guilt eats away at you, Stefan. Elena's the one who stopped me from killing you, and now that she's not here, I will be more than happy to murder you after a few centuries of you being tormented by—"
There was a loud gasp behind them. Elena suddenly awoke on the table, gasping and looking around wildly.
"What the hell?" said Stefan quietly as Elena slumped back, her eyes rolling into her head as she started to go unconscious again.
"Elena," said Rosalind fearfully, grabbing her and sitting her up. "Elena, open your eyes."
The door opened once more, and this time, Damon had burst in. "She's in transition," he said, his voice wavering slightly.
"How the hell is that possible?" demanded Stefan.
"When she came into the hospital earlier, Meredith Fell gave her vampire blood," explained Damon. "She didn't have a concussion, she had a brain bleed."
"Wonderful," said Rosalind, her eyes darkening. "Take Elena home, keep her comfortable."
Damon caught her before she could leave. "And where the hell are you going?"
"Oh, I'm on my way to murder Meredith Fell," said Rosalind. "I can't kill Stefan yet, and I can't get my anger out in a training session with Klaus anymore, so I'm going to—"
"Listen to yourself," said Damon, grabbing her by the shoulders and shaking her roughly. "This is not why you turned into a hybrid, Rosalind, you didn't aim to become like the man that sired you, the whole fucking point was that you wanted to be better for the sake of your Pack."
"Funny you mention Klaus," she sneered. "You're the reason he's dead."
"Get over it," Damon snapped back. "Your dad didn't want you to turn out like your buddy Klaus, and now, you're just disappointing—"
She smacked him across the face. "Don't you dare mention my father to me! You go lay on empty roads and kill people each time someone mildly inconveniences you. Don't judge me for where I place my anger. What do you care about Meredith Fell for? Alaric is dead, nobody is going to miss that little bitch."
"Pull yourself together," said Damon, massaging his jaw. "You know damn well you are going to hate yourself when you calm down and realize what you've done. You may be tough, you may be fierce, but you are not a psychopath. You don't enjoy killing and you don't believe in hurting people just like that, so don't kid yourself into thinking you won't feel like crap about this later on."
She jabbed her finger in his face. "This is the second time that I know of that Meredith Fell's use of vampire blood against the patient's wishes or knowledge has resulted in them waking up from death in transition. The last time it happened, Caroline lost her dad. Who else is going to lose their parents, their siblings, their loved ones all because Meredith Fell doesn't know not to mix magic with medicine without enforcing that twenty-four hour observation period? Or at least telling them or asking for their permission! Elena might've said yes, Jeremy might have been fine with it. He never would have taken her out of that house if he knew!"
"Rosalind, stop it!" said Damon, grabbing her again before she could leave. "How about you focus on the people who need you before you go off on a killing spree, huh? Get Elena home, get Tyler's body, talk to your aunt for fuck's sake. Meredith might still be useful to us someday, so let her live until you've handled everything else, why don't you?"
Rosalind shoved him aside and picked Elena up, carrying her unconscious (but still breathing) form out of the hospital. She drove them to the Gilbert House and carried her up to her bed. Jeremy said he'd remain with her while Rosalind handled Tyler's body.
He wasn't in the cellar.
"What the hell?" she spat as she looked around, and found no traces of him. "No. No, no, no, you've got to be fucking kidding me!" She brought out her phone to call Caroline. "Did you take Tyler's body?"
"No," replied Caroline tearily. "I've been in the hospital with Matt. Stefan just told me Elena's alive, we're going to head home soon."
"Well, his body isn't in the cellar! Someone took it! Did you tell my aunt?"
"No, I thought you'd want to tell her. Rosalind, you're scaring me, do you really think someone stole it? My— my mom and your aunt, they wanted us to run, they said Alaric outed us. You don't think they—?"
"If they did, I am going to kill every last one of them," Rosalind fumed. "There isn't going to be a Founder's Council when I'm through with them. Klaus is dead, Tyler's dead, Elena's in transition to become a creature she never wanted to be! And Damon didn't want me to kill Meredith just yet, so I'll start of killing whoever the hell thinks they had a right to take my cousin's body!"
She hung up, and stilled as she sensed a presence behind her. But when she turned, she saw no one. Heard no one. Merely felt they were there.
She decided to call her aunt next. Maybe she'd come by to see if they were okay and had found his body. Maybe she knew something about where Tyler was. "Aunt Carol," she said, attempting to keep her voice level.
"Rosalind!" she said worriedly. "Please tell me you're calling from somewhere far away— actually, don't say anything, I don't want anyone to know where you are, you're in danger!"
She nearly crushed the phone in her hand. "Are you okay? Has anyone hurt you?"
"I'm fine, sweetheart, I thought you were dead! They showed up at the house and your room was a mess, there was blood—"
"As long as you're okay, then we'll stop the conversation here and I will contact you soon. Promise. Stay safe." She hung up, and had to force herself not to throw her phone into the wall. She obviously knew nothing about Tyler. She couldn't drop the bomb on her that her son was dead.
Rosalind made her way back to the Gilbert House, thinking maybe Damon or Stefan might know something.
Elena was asleep in her bed, looking quite pale. The two brothers were sitting by her, watching as Jeremy placed a wet rag on her forehead.
"Tyler's body is gone," she said, tempted more and more each second to flip that annoying little switch and save herself from the panic she knew she'd fly into if they didn't have answers for her. "Caroline says she's with Matt, you three are here, but Tyler's gone. Where is Bonnie?"
"Trying to find a way to fix this," said Stefan. "I—"
Elena suddenly awoke, looking around, very confused. "What happened?" she whispered, shocked to see them all there.
Stefan answered her calmly. "You were in an accident."
The doppelgänger seemed to recall that. "Oh my god. Matt, is he—?"
"Alive?" interrupted Damon. "Ask Stefan. The hero."
"He's fine," said Stefan.
"Thank you," said Elena softly. "I thought that I— how did you—?"
"He didn't," said Rosalind before Damon could speak. "Your concussion earlier turned out to be a brain bleed. Meredith fed you vampire blood. Damon's blood, I presume. You're in transition."
The little color that remained in her face was drained. "No, no, no, no! That wasn't supposed to happen!"
"Maybe it doesn't have to," soothed Stefan. "I talked to Bonnie, she says she's stronger than ever, there might be something that she can do to help you."
"What is she going to manage, Stefan?" asked Rosalind, rubbing her forehead. "Let's be realistic, the choice is feed or die. There isn't any way to go back after this has happened! Even if Bonnie tries something, it'll hurt her, and I think Bonnie's hurt herself enough because of you two desiccating the wrong guy.
"When are you going to stop being mad at me?" snarled Damon.
"Can you two shut up?" demanded Stefan.
Elena was in tears. "I was ready to die. I was supposed to die. I don't— I don't want to be— I can't be a vampire! If there's something that Bonnie can do we have to try."
"Elena, be realistic," said Rosalind, coming to sit beside her. "There probably isn't another way. Your choice is what you have in this, you remember? You mentioned it to Caroline when this happened to her dad. It's going to be time to make that choice, right about now. I don't want you to get your hopes up, because it will crush you if it turns out that Bonnie can't do anything. If there was a way to undo all this, I would think we'd have heard of it by now. Hey—" she cupped her face, "I know you didn't want this, and we will all respect whatever choice you make no matter how much it hurts, but there is no sense in toying with the idea of there being a way to go back. Even if it was possible, there is no way you wouldn't have some awful side effects from it. That sounds dark and dangerous for both you and Bonnie."
"Rosalind, you are not making the situation any better," said Stefan coldly. "I think you need to leave."
"Don't tell me where I need to be!" snapped Rosalind. "My cousin's body is gone and nobody knows anything about it. Before I go searching, I want to make sure I know what else I might fully lose, and I am trying to help Elena where I am able to, so I'd appreciate if you didn't fill her head with nonsense about going back to being human after this, because it isn't going to fucking happen!"
"Rosalind!" It was Jeremy that spoke this time, gesturing to Elena, who was wide-eyed and afraid, having never seen her so furious. "You're scaring her! She gets your point. It's been made. You should leave now."
"Yeah," agreed Stefan. "Leave."
Rosalind grabbed him by the throat, and lifted him off his feet. "Speak to me again and I will tear your tongue out and shove it so far up your—"
Damon separated them. "As creative as you're starting to get, and as much as I'm starting to like dark Rosalind, you're not helping anybody with your threats and the whole choking thing you've got going on. Go start the search for Tyler, I will join you as soon as I say my piece in agreement with you."
The hybrid's hand clenched into a fist as she tried her hardest not to punch him. She didn't even know why she wanted to punch him anymore, considering he was actually in agreement with her about Stefan being an idiot for trying to convince Elena that there was some way she could go back to the way things were.
She left the house, not even daring to look into any mirrors on the way downstairs. She knew there would be a crazed look in her eyes, she knew that the expression she bore would be unrecognizable to her.
Everything was out of her control. Everyone was dying, everyone was leaving. And all she could think about was her anger because once again, she was going to have to face more pain than she knew anyone ever deserved.
Turn it off. Turn it off and everything will be fine.
"Stop telling me that!" she moaned, holding her temples. "Stop it!"
Turn it off. Liberate yourself. There is no point in suffering any longer. Regardless of what Elena's decision is, you will lose her. Just like you lost Klaus and Tyler.
"I don't want to, I shouldn't, I shouldn't..."
Turn. It. Off.
She might have, if she hadn't been shot down with vervain and wolfsbane darts on her way through the forest.