Sairah saw the college compound as a world of its own. This place was like the town that she came from but as a school with intricate designs and long confusing hallways.
"Stick by me alright?" The student assigned to help her navigate had pale skin and brown hair. She was in most of Sairah's classes and liked helping people. That was why she signed up for this role.
Sairah did as she said. If she wandered off she was bound to get lost.
Marcy and Leigh-Anne had not moved to Oxford yet so Sairah was staying with her grandparents. Packing her stuff and saying goodbye to everyone had felt like a dream since she had practically just moved in. Jade had gotten her a special cake and had cried on her before she went into the car. Sairah almost called the whole thing off when those silent tears left her partner's eyes. Was this really what she wanted? If I don't do it now I'm gonna have to do it later. The best course of action was to get this out of the way as soon as possible.
"We've still got a long way to go but we won't be late. We started early." The girl's name was Susan. She was getting kind of breathless with all the walking but was pleasant anyway.
"The class is at nine so we got like thirty minutes." Sairah held some text books in hand since they hurt to hold in her bag. "Why are these so big and bulky anyway?"
"That's uni for ya. Huge textbooks with loads of info." Said Susan. "I'm rather excited to get started."
"Yeah me too. So I can be done with it." Sairah felt sick to her stomach. Everything around her was too much and nothing all at once. When I moved out of that shit neighbourhood to that rich ass town it wasn't this draining but for some reason I'm getting winded now. How annoying right?
"What? You're not buzzing to discover more about your major?" Susan seemed shocked.
"I mean . . . I don't know. It's just a thing I'm doing 'cause it'll help my business if I do. And my grandparents like that I'm doing this so yeah." Sairah shrugged.
"Hmm . . . usually the number one person for A-levels in the country is extremely invested in their school work. How did you top if you didn't care much about what you studied?" Susan knew this girl. She had come up in dorm conversations quite a few times since she moved here. Some people were impressed by her and excited to witness her brilliance up close while others could not wait to knock her down through exam rankings and test scores. Susan herself had just been surprised to know that she was autistic on top of being dyslexic. The people she told had been surprised too. Sairah Princewel did not strike anyone as being on the spectrum. I suppose I can sort of see it but only now that I'm up close. Was it meant to be a secret? Why hadn't anyone known?
"I cared enough to dedicate hours to reading pages and pages of tiny words in a text book." Sairah hated studying. "I had the audiobooks but sometimes I'd just read 'cause I get distracted when I gotta listen to some lady."
"Do you get easily distracted often?" Susan was very intrigued by her.
"Kinda. I dunno." Sairah held her books under her arm.
"Hmm . . . interesting." Susan looked forward. "What's your special interest?"
"What do you mean? What do I like?"
"People on the spectrum usually have a special interest. Have you got one? It's basically something you can get invested in and talk about for hours."
Sairah had heard of that. "Uhh . . . Don't think I have one. I don't talk for hours about anything. I like food."
Susan giggled. "How come you're not chubby then?"
"People are around to make sure I don't overdo it. I actually have a problem. That's what they say anyway. Like an overeating issue."
"Oh . . . oh my." Susan would never have guessed that. "Why's that?"
"Never had food growing up, have food now so I got no discretion. Also got addiction in my family." Sairah was getting bored of this walk. "This place is gigantic and everyone keeps staring at me. It's f*cking annoying."
Susan was still stuck on the eating disorder. "Are you gonna need help with that? Should I monitor what you eat too? I can do that if you want."
"No it's fine. I eat what they pack. My grandma gave me a f*cking lecture before I came here about not using my emergency money on food so that's that." Sairah frowned. "It's kind of annoying though. I've got my own money that I make but they won't let me have it 'cause I can't be trusted. I mean I get it but . . . grunt." She grew quiet.
Susan watched her in silence for a moment. "Your family seems to be doing a good job."
"Yeah well . . . they don't want me to die." Sairah would miss Jade at lunch time. She'd be eating by herself. Doesn't matter. She didn't mind being alone.
"Must be difficult being in a new city and new setting. Feeling overwhelmed?" Susan was also here to provide emotional support.
Sairah took a moment to respond. "The halls zoom in and out and people's eyes stay on my mind. Kinda like a horror movie. Ever seen one of those?"
"I have." Susan held her arm to bring her to a different hallway. "Does that usually happen when you go to a new place?"
"It's only happening now because I'm not in survival mode. That's my therapist's explanation to everything." Sairah kept her eyes on her shoes. "Things are weird. I dunno. Kinda wanna throw up."
"Oh." Susan was worried. "If you feel like going home during the day you can do that. Everyone understands your situation."
"Yeah. I guess so." Sairah had not slept last night. She had had problems sleeping in her grandparents house in New York when she and Jade had gone there over the summer once but that was for a different reason. Her guilt had been keeping her up. Now it was more like anxiety. Like when Marcy had been gone for a while to check on Leigh. Shit on me. How did it make sense that the fact that her body was more relaxed made it so that all the effects of autism were allowed to hit her full force? According to Dr. Jung, in the past, it seemed to only show itself through her sensitivity to noise and inability to properly emotionally connect with her older sister. F*ck. Sairah needed to lie down.
They made it to the class at last and Sairah took some time to stare at the crazy set up. This room was huge.
"Come on." Susan was a few steps ahead.
Sairah went after her and they sat together in the middle of the class. Other students were here sitting around and talking. The room was noisy actually. Grr. She frowned and turned around to look at a bunch of guys in Oxford jerseys.
"I told her she didn't stand a chance. I'm going to be the top and that's that. No contest." One of the boys sat on the desk.
"If she's got a weak spot for English then she'll definitely struggle. But I heard she's done a lot in her country. It's insane the brains in here man. I'm so excited to meet them all." The guys continued.
Susan noticed that their volume may be an issue. "You've got noise canceling earphones right?" She whispered.
Sairah placed elbows on the table and massaged the sides of her head. "I do. My mum bought them but . . ." She looked to her side at some girls who were talking about some science fair and then to her front at a mix of students conversing on some research paper. There were so many of them and they were all talking at once. At her old school the classes were a quarter of the size of this one.
"I think you should use them." Susan advised.
Sairah had found Marcy silly for getting her those and had even laughed when Marcy tried them on for her but maybe the woman had known what she was doing. Dr. Jung had had a chat with Marcy about how this drastic transition may affect Sairah and since then, Marcy had gone crazy on research and preparations. That was why she had been so prepared at the orientation. Ugh. "Fine." She pulled the headphones out of her bag and put them on. She had almost forgotten them. Her grandmother was the one who reminded her to toss them in her backpack 'just in case'.
Surprisingly, things were a lot better this way. "Oh cool." Sairah sat straighter. "This is awesome." She said to Susan. "It makes everyone ten times less annoying. Whoa. I should have started using these years ago." She looked around in fascination, not irritated by everything for once. "You should get these." She said to Susan.
Susan was smiling. "You're shouting."
"No I'm not." Sairah frowned.
"You can't tell because of the headphones but you are." Susan smiled awkwardly at the guys behind them who were staring.
"Why . . . is she wearing those?" One of them asked. "Are those noise cancellation?" This guy was black and sounded foreign.
"Hey that's the girl who's related to the famous chick. Princewel." This boy snapped his fingers. He was white and had long hair which was pulled into a ponytail. "She topped the whole country for A-levels."
"Heard of her already." Said a boy with blonde hair.
"She's autistic so she's wearing those to keep the noise out." Susan explained. "And I'll be her buddy this year to help her with getting to classes and taking notes."
Sairah could barely hear them.
"She's on the spectrum?"
"She is. I heard that . . . or was that her sister? They look alike."
"I read a study that said most people on the spectrum don't make it through uni. It's too demanding and overwhelming." The black guy seemed concerned. "Have you ever considered doing this online? It might be easier for you."
Sairah only heard him faintly. "Me being on the spectrum won't change anything. I did secondary school fine so I can do this."
"Mmm . . ." the guys looked at each other.
"Don't rule her out so quickly. She'll be fine." Susan was not sure but she wanted to remain positive.
"No seriously. This might be detrimental to your health." Said the black guy. "You may end up having a serious meltdown half way through the semester."
Sairah raised an eyebrow. "I won't be having anything."
"You don't know for sure." Said the blonde guy. "I didn't know you were autistic at all. How does one manage school with both autism and dyslexia?"
"I was in the school so I managed it." Sairah did not know what they wanted her to say.
The guys laughed. "What's your major?" The boy with the long hair asked her.
Sairah was not in the mood to talk. "Computer Science."
"That's a toughy." Said the blonde one. "Not everyone can make it out of- hey." She turned forward out of nowhere.
Sairah faced them again. "Oh sorry. I don't wanna talk anymore." She looked towards the front of the class once more.
Susan heard the boys whispering about Sairah. She caught their attention by hissing at them. "You lads seem nice. Maybe after having this knowledge you can make a point out of looking out for her? I mean, partly why people on the spectrum don't fair out well in university might be due to lack of support. So far Sairah's family has been incredibly supportive but it would be nice if her peers were too."
"Alright." They did not seem to mind. "Shall we get the whole class involved?" The black guy asked.
"Yous sit closest so that's why I asked you. You should be enough in terms of support for this class." She smiled at them when the bell rang.
Sairah was not even bothered by it. I've been living life wrong this whole time. These earphones were everything.
The teacher entered with a briefcase in hand. "Good morning students." He got started with some introductions and then dove right into the work.
Sairah wore her earphones around her neck now. She saw everyone taking notes even when notes were not written on the board.
"Don't worry. I got ya." Susan took notes on her i-pad. "I'll send them to you right after class is done." She whispered.
"Okay. Thanks." Sairah sat back to listen to the guy as he spoke. She didn't like it here so far but couldn't complain. I'll get to go to the house by five. That was a long time from now. It's not even my house but at least the gramps are there. She tapped her fingers against the table. Would things feel less cold when Marcy came by? I sound like a toddler. And she was also distracting herself from the lesson.
That guy looks tiny from here. Why are the seats so high? Sairah tilted her head. The design of this place was ridiculous. Why couldn't it just be normal like the other classrooms? She needed to stop focusing on how weird this place was in comparison to the school she had grown familiar with.
Sairah took a deep breath and pulled out a notebook. Writing would help her to focus.
The teacher had just called on somebody to give their own interpretation of something. "Excellent." He said when the guy was through. "So that's it. When we . . ."
Sairah observed his hand gestures.
The man walked up to the board to start explaining there. The board was digital so a diagram popped up.
That's insane. Sairah blinked to get a better look. How had she not noticed that before? Shit. I'm meant to be listening. She blinked to get sleep out of her eyes and tuned in again.
Sairah was able to grasp what was said towards the end of the lesson.
"This will count for forty percent of your grade so please do your bests. I look forward to seeing what you all come up with." The teacher ended the class at that point.
Sairah got up when everyone else did. She carried her books in her hands down the stairs with Susan behind her.
"Did you catch all of that? It was a two hour lecture. You're not used to that are you?" Susan asked beside her.
"I wrote about what he said with the assignment. Sounds long." Sairah yawned. "I got a bit of what he said before too. But yeah it took way too long." She was hungry. "When's my next class?"
"Now actually. We should move faster." Susan was running.
"What?" Sairah needed a break. "Fine." She caught up. If she remembered right, there would be a two hour break between her next classes. She would use the time to recharge by herself somewhere but for now she'd put up with the hustle and bustle of her schedule. Hope Jade's having more fun than I am.
__________________
"I consider it a stroke of luck that they just happen to be shooting in London. That means you won't have to move." Princeton spoke to Perrie as they all entered an arcade after school that day.
Perrie wore sunglasses because she had been sleeping before they called her to come out. I started homeschool classes online today. She never knew that something could be more boring than sitting in a classroom and listening to a teacher. Sitting at home and listening to a teacher is worse. Her mother was trying to work from home to spend more time with her by her request so Perrie had had to deal with listening to the woman chat her ear off in between lessons. Was she always like that? All her mom seemed to know how to do was sing her own praises and talk about what she had lined up for later. This lady was always planning something. She came to my room to tell me about some stupid game that she wants us to make for D's Angels. Perrie found the idea ridiculous but apparently her say meant nothing. She's thinking of asking dad to stick around for the rest of the year too. What did Perrie do to herself?
"It should also mean that all of us should try planning more outings because-because . . ." Jungkook started crying. "With Perrie not at school, the gang won't be able to spend as much time together."
"And this is our last year of school as a group." Ray Ray patted Jade's shoulders. "We came out today to cheer Jade up but maybe we can do stuff just to spend as much time together as we can before everything changes."
"Don't remind me." Princeton was crying too.
Jade had told them that they didn't have to do this but everyone insisted. "So this will be a regular thing for us?" She turned to Perrie. "Why are you wearing those again? They're your disguise?" No one here seemed to recognize her so far. The people here were mainly young boys and a few teenagers.
"No. Me eyes are puffy from sleeping." Perrie stopped in front of a race car game. "I think we'll eventually run out of things to do."
"When you're rich the possibilities are endless." Hoseok was waiting for someone to recognize him. They will soon. He popped his collar then kicked the side of the arcade game. "Hit it sad girl."
Jade frowned at him. "I don't feel as bad as I did this morning." She stepped towards the game and pressed play. "Sairah video called me at lunch remember? It's not so bad." The pit of her stomach had an ache she had never felt before in her life.
"What did you two talk about?" Jesy was dead as usual. Her eyes fixed on the movements taking place on the screen. This game was colourful.
"What her new school is like, how I felt not having her around, when I can visit." Jade saw her face in mind. "How much I miss her- sniff . . ." She sadly continued to play with tears in her bright brown eyes.
"Oh my." Hoseok became uncomfortable. "She's crying." He pointed to Jade's face.
"We can see that." Perrie came to Jade's side and wrapped an arm around her. "Don't worry babe. You'll see her again. She's only like f*cking . . . three hours away. Heck if you wanted to, you could drive to see her right now-"
"That's a plan." Jade seemed less depressed.
Jesy shook her head. "If you can't function without your girlfriend for a week then there's a problem. Yeah I know you love her and bla bla bla but according to some random person on twitter who wrote a tweet I read a year ago, in a relationship, the parties should be able to coexist without interaction. You can be two people without each other and still be in love." She said with no emotion.
"Exactly. Like me and Luke." Jungkook could provide some advice here. "We barely see each other but are still going strong. Hoping to marry next summer."
"Oh that's still on the table?" Ray Ray was hoping they realized how ridiculous they were being but apparently not.
"Of course it is." Jungkook would block out the haters at all cost. "The key to getting through your days without your lover is to throw yourself into stifling hobbies that overwhelm you enough so you forget how much you miss them." He rubbed his best friend's back. Perrie and I are one so that makes Jade my bestie.
Jade won the game. "Do you play what you're going to say in your head before you say it?" She got pushed aside so Hoseok could take a crack at the game.
"I usually just go with the flow." Jungkook moved his left arm to show what he meant.
"Don't listen to Jungkook." Perrie yanked Hoseok by the back of his neck and shoved him. "Princeton come play," she pushed the curly haired guy towards the game machine then wrapped her arm around Jade. "I believe in using hobbies as a way of occupying your time but don't let it be toxic." She was walking Jade down the hall lined with games and people playing them.
"Can't you draw? Do a drawing every day to keep you occupied." Jesy came with them as they left the boys to play their game.
Jade sighed with eyes on the floor. "I should be occupied with all I've got to do for school but me mind keeps drifting to her. I know she loves me but I'm sure she doesn't think of me half as much as I think of her. Am I obsessed?"
Perrie had been there before. "I don't think you are. You just love the ten you scored after settling for a five when you first started dating." She glanced at Jesy. "No offense."
"I'd say I'm at least a six now. Would you agree?" Jesy folded her arms.
"I have no idea. I'd have to date you to find out and you're not my type." Perrie continued speaking to Jade. "I read in an article that I found while I was bored that after finding out that we can be loved strongly and holistically, we go a little crazy in the head." She thought of a metaphor. "Oo! It's like eating mush as food your whole life then suddenly stumbling across a burger one day. You'd get addicted to the good stuff wouldn't you? Doesn't mean you have a problem."
"Your metaphor reminds me of her." Jade's eyes were glossy again.
Jesy found Perrie pathetic. "You can still call her so just make sure you do that at the end of the day. Soon enough you'll settle into a routine and things won't be so bad."
"Right." Perrie did not expect that from the likes of Jesy. "These are still the beginning phases so it's natural to be a wreck."
"It's been a week though but yeah . . ." Jesy saw some boys staring at them down the hall. "Perrie your cover's been blown."
"Ah?" Perrie saw a bunch of snot nosed brats coming up to them. "Ah crud. Act like I'm not me."
"Hey you're Perrie Edwards from the billboard and that stupid angel group my sister likes." The boys looked about twelve.
"They may be stupid but they're a ten out of ten in my books. Come to papa baby cakes." The other boy rubbed his hands together.
"They was on the tele that time. All free of 'em. I sor 'em when me mum was watching the tele. All free of 'em." Said another.
Perrie could puke. "Nah. I'm not Perrie Edwards. People think I'm her a lot of the time but I'm not. I just look like her and I guess they look like the other people you're talking about?" She moved her head from Jesy to Jade.
Jesy nodded. "She's definitely not Perrie Edwards."
The boys looked at them with mouths open.
"Then who are you?" The first one pointed at Perrie.
"My name is Gina but it's not all that important that you know right?" Perrie hoped they would leave now.
The boys seemed confused.
"You're in our way. I think you should run along and keep playing whatever game you were playing a while ago." Jesy shooed them off.
They left slowly in confusion.
Jade had not expected that to work. "Gina?" She asked the blonde.
"That's my official fake name when I'm out with yous okay?" Perrie whispered.
Jade was sure that paps would show up at the arcade in a second and that Perrie's identity would be revealed but for now she would let her have her fun. At least she's helping me out. Everyone was. Actually I don't know about Hoseok. Why was he here?
The guys came towards them after playing a few rounds on the game.
"Jade do you even like video games? You design them all the time but you were never a gamer were you?" Princeton was getting hungry.
Jade sighed. "Not really but I've got an appreciation."
"When's the next time we'll be planning something for the neighbourhood?" Ray Ray saw a game that looked interesting so he went towards it.
"Ooo." Hoseok bumped him aside to try to play. "Defeat the dragon. Never heard that one before."
"I want to defeat a dragon." Jungkook mumbled. "We should have a party for the neighbourhood. Celebrate them and their survival."
"I've never been there. What's it like?" Jesy placed hands in her blazer pockets. "We are talking about Leigh-Anne and Sairah's old home right?"
Perrie just realized. "Oh my. Jesy's the only person here who hasn't visited."
"I have not." Hoseok chimed in. "I like the plan to have a party over there. We can bring drinks to the poor people and have them feature in my video. I'll pay them all for appearing." He started swinging his hips. "Consider it my gift to the poor."
"What a noble man." Jungkook was touched.
Ray rolled his eyes. "Giving them money won't help. There's barely any commercial buildings over there to get what they need. They mainly buy stuff from the other community across them. What they need is a way to sustain themselves but we said that already. Perrie did you talk to your dad?"
"I did but the lad's busy as hell." Perrie seemed weary of her parents. "Jungkook's folks are crazy rich so they can do what we planned for my dad to do. Heck we should all chime in. Our parents."
"If they want to sustain themselves they can work in factories to produce the clothes for my clothing line. I will charge . . . uh . . . ten an hour? I don't know what's a good salary since I've been stinking rich my whole life and getting richer." Hoseok was winning his game.
"If there's barely any commercial places to get food, clothes and other essentials then it doesn't make sense to have money does it?" Princeton said. "Or a job."
"The place needs a redesign but we gotta talk to professionals to get that done." Ray Ray sighed. "We should have a meeting with all of our dads."
Jesy admired how seriously Ray Ray was taking this. "Can I visit?"
Things fell silent as they looked at her one by one.
"What?" Jesy did not understand the suspense.
"It's not exactly . . . we'd have to ask Leigh if she's comfortable with you going there 'cause she was pretty embarrassed at the idea of you seeing where she used to live the first time we talked about it. But that was before." Perrie said.
"You want to go just to see for yourself? When we visit, we try to come with something for the people." Jade was looking at Jesy.
"Like food and clothes?" Jesy saw them nod.
Hoseok wanted to come too. "I can make it a part of my 'keeping up with Hoseok' vlogs."
"No." It was unanimous.
Hoseok shrunk. "Why?"
"Because when we visit over there we don't record stuff. If you lived in that sort of condition you wouldn't want cameras in your face now would you? Not to look down on them but they're people. They have their pride." Princeton stated. "And Leigh doesn't want people seeing where she used to live. I don't think it's something she wants to make publicly seen," his voice was down.
"Oh." Hoseok didn't really get it but everyone was being serious. "If we go it will just be to bring goods and to do exploring?"
"I just don't want to be one of the only people here who hasn't been there. It seemed important to all your development." Jesy's voice dragged along.
Jungkook had not seen it as that. "That might be part of why we were able to be better." He was enlightened. "This is the perfect way to ensure that Jesy will be good for the rest of her short life."
"Short life? You got plans for me buddy boy?" Jesy pocketed her hands.
Perrie could feel people staring at her. Shit. "We'll have to talk to Leigh about it first. When will we even do this?"
"We can think about that when she says what she says." Jesy was getting a bit nervous. "Hey uh . . . on a scale of one to ten, how destitute and um . . . poor is it? Is it like what they show on BBC when they travel to those third world countries?"
Ray Ray thought back to the place they had visited. "At first it was pretty bad but we put up a shelter and people have heaters so it should be a bit better. We haven't been there in a long time."
"The plumbing's still a problem so it doesn't smell too good but eh. The shelter's got plumbing so maybe people use it?" Jade was beginning to think that they really were due for a checkup.
Hoseok made a face. "They used to use the bathroom outside before? Is that what you're saying?"
Jade scratched her head. "Some people."
Jesy and Hoseok looked at each other.
"Did Leigh-Anne have to do that?" Jesy whispered.
Perrie recalled what Sairah said about them having to go in a bucket. "Uh . . . a lot of stuff happened back then that Leigh doesn't want to talk about. I only know a few details by accident."
Jungkook became ill with sadness when his brain reminded him of what Leigh said about eating tissues. "We know a lot but still very little about what it was like living there. Poverty is not nice."
The friends were quiet.
Hoseok scratched his head. "Maybe we can hire plumbers to fix the plumbing issue once and for all. I can do that. They can come with us when we visit."
Perrie was pretty surprised that he wanted to help. "That's an idea but nothing comes for free. The way to get the plumbing in order is to connect it to the other village a few miles away and they gotta pay them. I think Sairah's grandparents are paying to keep things running at the homeless shelter but for everyone else they'd have to pay. If they can't then uh they'd be relying on us too much to do things don't you think?"
"That's why we need to give them jobs." Jungkook said.
"We need a professional on this." Ray Ray shook his head. "We'll think about it. Ask Leigh what she thinks about us going on a road trip to bring Hoseok and Jesy over there."
"Will do." Perrie would do so later.
___________________
Leigh-Anne had been at work for table reading on The Brit Life even though her brain was still a little loopy. She was much better compared to recently but sometimes she would become confused.
"Dr. Jung says everything will ware off soon so don't worry. The problem is what will happen once you start the processing phase. You know, when you gotta sit down and talk to her about everything you remembered?" Marcy helped Leigh to organize her stuff into boxes. They planned on moving by the end of the week.
"I don't want to do that yet. I have a lot piled up Marcy. Jennifer says I'm booked." Leigh-Anne found it strange to pack up things she had practically just gotten. She just moved here with Marcy a couple years ago.
"You really are booked. When did she say the promotion for the movie was starting? Next month? And you have that audition and Brit Life and- Jennifer talked to them about how clashy things are right? They can't write Christel out?" Marcy dusted her hands off after putting Leigh's shoes in a box. This girl only wears five out of fifty of them. Why did I buy her so many? It wasn't just Marcy. When Sairah and Leigh had come in, everyone Marcy knew had started sending them gifts.
Leigh shook her head as she went to sit on her bed. She was tired and they were not doing all the packing now. "They said we'd do things a lot differently. I'm free for September so they're gonna have to shoot all the scenes with me in it this month. It's gonna be crazy." She raised her arms and flailed them about with a giggle.
Marcy placed hands on her hips and tilted her head. "Okay . . . hope that works out. Uh . . . did Jennifer tell you about the bikini people and how they want you to model their new line and the underwear people who want you? This stuff is scheduled for November. Apparently there was some countdown going on for when you turned eighteen and people are trying to book you to do racy stuff. It is so weird. Creepy even. Are you comfortable with the idea of modelling underwear and you being on billboards with underwear?"
Leigh-Anne had Nemo in her lap. "Underwear? What kind of underwear?"
Marcy was pretty uncomfortable with this. "Racy underwear. Brand names. Calvin Kleins. I don't know if you know those brands."
Leigh swung her legs on the bed. "Wait." She widened her eyes. "Me in underwear on billboards? Won't people laugh?" She smiled.
Marcy shook her head. "Not if you're an underwear model. A . . ." She shuddered. "'Sexy' underwear model." She could not hold back her cringe. "It's icky isn't it?"
"Mmm . . . guess I don't mind." Leigh-Anne held Nemo's lucky fin. "As long as people don't get any ideas."
Marcy narrowed her eyes. "I wanna give you the freedom to do what you want but at the same time it's weird for me. But this isn't about me." She took a deep breath. "Wonder what your dad would say. Oh . . . he would not like this."
"Why?" Leigh-Anne was stroking Nemo's head with her hand.
"Because you're his daughter and he's your dad and he's protective and in his head you're just a little girl so this just might be the death of him," Marcy explained it the best she could. "Dads get like that. You understand right?"
Leigh-Anne supposed she did. "But I'll be an adult by the time I do that so it's not inappropriate."
Marcy had a good laugh. "Leigh, being an adult is defined by your experiences in life. I barely feel like an adult and I've been legal for more than a decade."
Leigh-Anne squished Nemo between her hands. "So you want Jennifer to say no? Or you want me to say no to being an underwear model?"
"Mmm . . . would you be comfortable having the world see you like that? The shoot would be only a month after your birthday." Marcy found this borderline predatory.
"I said that as long as people don't start thinking that because they saw me in underwear that they can come up to me and be freaky then it's fine. I have security most of the time so there's hardly a risk anyway. And . . . I know that for Perrie's birthday party that I'd been in swimwear but it's more or less the same thing right? But dry." Leigh-Anne smiled at Marcy.
Marcy sat next to her. "I guess you're right." She sighed. "Okay. But you'll only model for Calvin Kleins. I don't know about Victoria Secrets and the others."
"I liked the pictures I found of their panties. I won't mind doing that one." Leigh-Anne made Nemo fly around her head.
Marcy bit her lip, not liking that people were already approaching Leigh for dark sexy photoshoots. "Has Perrie told you about what it's been like since she turned eighteen? Have people asked her to do stuff like this?"
"Perrie doesn't talk much about her work unless it's to complain." Leigh-Anne had a good laugh. "She's so grumpy. I love her so much."
Marcy smiled at how cute they were but tried to keep focused right after. "People haven't been weird? Was there a countdown for when she turned eighteen?" She had been shown some disturbing posts from Twitter by her friends in their group chat. My baby. Leigh-Anne was too innocent for all this.
"I don't know." Leigh-Anne placed Nemo back in her lap. "Probably. Between the two of us isn't she more popular?"
"I'm actually not sure. Everything you do blows up- see? And that's why those underwear brands want you. They know that people will start talking if they get the baby of D's Angels to pose in their new lines. It's all about getting people to talk." Marcy massaged the sides of her head.
Leigh-Anne patted her back. "At least no one's asking me to pose naked. Then I'd hit them with a big fat 'no'."
Marcy cringed. "Jennifer told me about a magazine that wanted you to pose naked but she didn't even let them finish what they were saying."
Leigh gasped. "What? Why? I wouldn't do that. Is that allowed?"
"They'd get you to pose strategically so your areas won't be on display. It's a thing." Marcy adjusted some of Leigh's hair and brushed it down with her hand. "You're gonna be really busy this month and next so there's really no time for you to sit with Dr. Jung. November you'll most likely be filming for that show if all goes well and D's Angels might have something so . . . I don't know."
Leigh-Anne did not want her to be stressed. "It's not as bad as when I had to do the movie and everything with D's Angels."
"Didn't I say you were meant to go back to regular school for A-levels?" Marcy just remembered this. "That's off the table though. You're too famous. I really didn't expect D's Angels to be a thing and for you to keep getting roles after The Brit Life when I let you do those things."
"I can be homeschooled." Leigh-Anne recognized this tone. Marcy was questioning if this was best for her. "It's okay."
"I don't know. I've been reading a lot and my research says that going to school and interacting with human beings in a normal setting really helps with keeping child stars grounded. But I guess it's too late now." Marcy scratched her head. "Are you done with your production project?"
Leigh-Anne shook her head. "I finished two songs and started about three others but things are coming along really slowly. The therapy really set us back." She remembered when they had gotten mobbed. "I hope people listened to Jennifer's statement about me and Yoongi. He really doesn't like attention."
"They cooled off, don't worry." Marcy didn't want her feeling guilty. She planted a kiss on Leigh's forehead. "Alright, I'll give you some time to rest. It's been a long day." She got up. "Missing Sairah or are you used to not being around her?"
Leigh crossed her legs. "It's strange not having her around while I'm at home but not so bad." She went higher up on her bed. "I hope she's doing okay. I haven't spoken to her all day."
"I called her at work. Pretty sure you can guess what she said about being at a new school." Marcy was at the door.
"That it's weird and everyone's weird?" Leigh-Anne tried.
"Something like that. But with her 'weird' always means something deeper." Marcy blew air through her lips. "We'll be with her soon and then I can try my best to show my support. Did you know that most people with autism don't make it through college or university? It's just too much."
Leigh gulped. "Sairah's awesome so she'll be fine. She's not like most people at all. She's been through hell and back so a little university won't scare her."
"I guess so but her mindset is a lot different than it was back then." Marcy was staring in space. "Anyway, I'm going to my study alright?"
"Okay- wait Mum do you know how to release a song on one of those music platforms? I think Yoongi knows how but are you familiar with the process?" Leigh-Anne was curious to know if Marcy knew anything about such things.
Marcy was quiet for a moment. "I don't. No. Why would I be? And why would you ask?"
Leigh grinned. "Yoongi says the songs are too good and that I should share some of them with the world. It's about my inner demons but there aren't any words so maybe all the curious people who like having an 'inside scoop' on me will feel satisfied if they got an album about the inner workings of my mind."
Marcy was pretty sure that no one would be happy with a vague collection of music that didn't explain anything in detail. "I mean . . . I guess- actually. Leigh if the album is just music then I think that it'll only raise more questions."
"Listen to what we made. This one's called 'Worst Parts'. Listen Mummy- I mean Marcy. I . . ." Leigh-Anne wanted to disappear. "Okay never mind-"
"No, no I wanna hear it." Marcy was back at Leigh's side, all her energy restored. Aww. She's so cute when she calls me 'mummy'. She's just a baby. Noo! Why is she turning eighteen? This was hard.
Leigh-Anne breathed strained breaths with her eyes away from Marcy for a moment. She managed to compose herself. "Okay." She pressed play on her song and felt less humiliated when it started up. A smile slowly came to her face.
Marcy frowned as a haunting high-pitched piano started with sound effects that reminded her of doom.
The song was pretty slow at first but then these bass notes came in and threatened to steal the show from the higher keys. At some point they both sped up and clashed over and over in the most beautifully terrifying sound she could imagine. In the end, they clashed one more time and the music suddenly ceased.
"Yay!" Leigh-Anne clapped with her phone in hand. "Wasn't it beautiful? Did you feel the turmoil and the darkness and the-and the . . . wasn't it so great Marcy?" She was smiling in the woman's face.
Marcy . . . "Leigh . . . what was that song call-"
"Worst Parts. As for what it means? You decide. Mwahahaha!" Leigh-Anne found her upper body in Marcy's lap as she looked up at her. "What do you think it's about?" She was grinning.
Marcy was glad they were bonding but also concerned. "About the worst parts of something?"
"That's all?"
"Well the piano sounded angry and scary so the worst parts make people uncomfortable?" Marcy tried. "Was that what you were going for?"
Leigh sat in her lap. "If that's your interpretation then that's what it means." She placed a hand on Marcy's chest. "To you." She whispered.
Marcy felt Leigh crawl away from her. "Um . . . Leigh do you think-"
"You're right. I should release this glorious masterpiece as a teaser. People will love it. They'll say 'wow I didn't know Leigh-Anne Princewel and Agust D could create something so incredible. Repeat song!'." Leigh clapped. "And they'll be excited for what else will come." She smiled and looked synonymous to a small cat.
Marcy bit her lip. "Leigh-Anne I don't know if this really fits with your brand."
Leigh-Anne didn't get it. "What do you mean?"
"Well you're really cute and sweet and pleasant so it might scare people if you release a body of work with music like that you know?"
Leigh was still happy. "They don't all sound like that. Some are calming, some will be bright, some will be sad and . . . it'll be everything. It'll be me."
Marcy tapped her chin. This is her doing her own little thing so it doesn't really matter does it? "Do you intend on having people pay for it?"
"Yoongi said I should."
"Good idea. You'll be working really hard on this. I guess we're gonna have to make an itunes for you and all of that. Wait you really want to release this one soon?"
Leigh bounced in bed right as her phone buzzed in her hand. "Preferably- maybe when we move on Friday."
"That's pretty close. If you want people to listen to it then you're gonna have to promote it. Make a post about it on Instagram. You can be like Beyonce. Dropping stuff out of nowhere." Marcy laughed.
"Beyonce's the one that people call their Jesus right?" Leigh-Anne asked.
Marcy would never get over how clueless Leigh was. "Yes. Kind of." She chuckled. "People usually have visuals that go with their songs and albums so before you drop the song you might want to create a nice little art piece that people can look-"
"Whoa! That makes it all the more fun. I can draw a picture where um . . . I don't know. Maybe for this song it can look like sound waves but jagged." Leigh-Anne frowned to read Perrie's message at long last.
Pez: Jesy wants to go to your old neighbourhood. What do you think?
". . . contact a graphic designer. You have so many friends. One of them must be into th- hey Jade's pretty close. She's designed games before." Marcy was saying.
Leigh-Anne was drawn to this text conversation. She started typing.
Me: Why?
Pez: we were talking about improving it and she realized she's the only one who hasn't been there. Her and Hoseok. They wanna see it. Everyone also thinks it'd be a good form of growth for em. Hoseok was acting pretty humane when we told them about the plumbing problem. He wants to help. Maybe she'll officially be a decent person once she sees what it's like over there. And who knows? Maybe Hoseok will turn into someone who's not the living embodiment of a snake
Leigh-Anne read that message over.
"I'll let you think about it." Marcy got up. "But visuals for an album are important. Talk to your partner." She patted Leigh's head.
Leigh-Anne waved absently at Marcy.
Me: You want them to go there so they can feel so sorry that they'd be better people?
Pez: Uhhh
Pez: That sounds bad. Helping out and meeting everyone really helped the rest of us to be better so we were thinking it could do the same for them. And also they'd know you better and will help out more once they see what it's like
Me: Hoseok's mean
Pez: yeah he's a colossal dick. Ar ar ar!
Me: I don't want him to go there and make fun of people. And what if he runs around telling his rapper friends about it? He's not always careful
Pez: I'm pretty sure that if we pound it into him that he'll keep his mouth shut.
Me: He'll probably use it as a chance to make himself look good. Saying he helped poor people.
Pez: We told him that if he's coming he can't take pictures or videos
Me: Jesy wants to go for her own growth?
Pez: Yeah but also because the rest of us have been there and we talk about how we can help the people a lot
Pez: If you're not comfortable with them going you can say no
Me: I guess it's not about me. The people over there like when you guys visit from what I've seen so they can go ahead
Me: How much did you tell them about the plumbing issue? Did you tell them how bad it can smell? About how we had to go in a bucket at one point? About that time we didn't shower for a month?
Pez: I'm sworn to secrecy on half of that
Me: Okay
Pez: So you're down for us taking them there some time?
Me: You can go. Bring lots to eat for the people. Make them feel good
Pez: Yes sweetness
Me: Can Jungkook do digital designs?
Pez: uhhh maybe? He does it all that one. He's one of those people who're good at everything but do nothing *rolling eyes emoji*
Me: Like you?
Pez: Yeah but on a whole other level
Me: would he be interested in
Me: Wait I'll text him later. Bye Perrie
Pez: Oh um okay. Bye babe