tw: death, mutilation
Jasper's blood ran ice cold by the time he made it to the second floor of their hotel. He couldn't distinguish what was real and what he'd made up at this point.
His feelings for Ace — real. Reciprocity — real. Passion — real. Trust — had he made that up in his head?
Had they spent so much time together that Ace merely adapted to Jasper's unreadable nature, told him the things he wanted to hear? Or was their some underlying reason that Ace couldn't be fully honest with him?
A sharp knock on the door. Even though Jasper wanted to break it down.
He rung out his fingers. He was so close to knocking again, this time more feverishly.
But he never got the chance.
The door opened with a slow mechanic click and suddenly Ace stood before him with a dim luster. He looked exhausted — his pupils dilated and eating away at brown, his hair unruly and the rim of his eyes lined with a dull wetness.
But upon seeing Jasper, that fatigue seemingly dissipated.
Jasper was speechless. He took Ace in with everything in him. Like if he were to look away, the guard would disappear out of his sight line.
Neither of them had words, so they spoke with their bodies instead.
Jasper was the first to move. He pushed forward into the confines of Ace's room and immediately captured him in a stunningly intimate embrace.
The door shut behind them as Jasper's wrapped his hands around the guard's neck — Ace's naturally found Jasper's waist.
They were so close that Jasper could feel Ace's heartbeat pounding erratically. He's almost positive his would sound close to the same, or maybe even identical.
Two hearts beating rhythmically as one.
They stayed like that for what felt like hours. Jasper found solace in the crook of Ace's neck, inhaling the scent that he'd become so accustomed to.
In the weeks they spent in Ace's apartment, intertwined and alone, Jasper had found pieces of Ace he'd left behind for him to keep.
Being with him again was like all of those pieces coming together as one again. Where they should have never left. Where they belong.
"Jasper." Ace said his name like it was the only word he knew.
His voice rough with fatigue and scratchy on certain syllables. It sounded like he'd been crying.
The guard reluctantly pulled away to look at the man who consumed him whole — raw for the two weeks they'd been apart.
"You left me."
The way Jasper said it as a statement, like a law made Ace's chest constrict.
Accusatory.
Their eyes met, and their hands never left each other's body. They were both scared to let go on the off chance that they'd never get to hold one another again.
"I didn't," Ace said.
He wanted to tell Jasper everything.
"I didn't, baby. I was always going to come back to you."
A long tortuous stare conspired. One that stripped them both bare and revealed everything about themselves that they hated and loved all at once, which was each other.
Jasper's fingers glided up and reached the ends of Ace's hair, willing his head down slightly until their lips met gracefully.
When they kissed, it was with an urgency to rewrite the last couple of weeks and erase it from their memories.
That's what it felt like. Because when they kissed, the only thing that was on their mind was the taste of one another.
Their teeth and tongues glided against each other's and grace was no longer present. In its wake was raw unbridled passion, agony and fervor.
Upon kissing him, all of Jasper's anger and contempt had dissipated. And the way Ace kissed him told him something had gone terrible wrong.
The guard pulled away first, his forehead resting on Jasper's. When their eyes met again, and Ace began crying, Jasper knew.
"Tell me." Jasper demanded. his hands wrapped around Ace's neck as he tried to soothe his cries.
"Tell me everything."
So he did.
Jasper led him over to the bed, where Ace's clothes were still spread out — mindlessly strewn like he was in a rush when he'd unpacked.
They lied down together and Jasper held him and Ace told him everything through agonizing tears. He told him everything.
Starting from that first meeting he'd had with Karla. To when he texted her later that same night after Jasper was spent and fell asleep.
I'll do it.
Then, the whole month before he left for Boston and how everyday he felt sick thinking about it, but he stomached it because he didn't want their time together to be tainted.
How he needed Jasper so much that he didn't mention how during the day he couldn't stop thinking about the murder, and at night when Jasper returned, was the only time he could breathe.
Ace told him about when he arrived to Boston and everything in between.
How there was someone waiting for him at the airport who took him to a hotel, where there was a cold, older woman with red hair who gave him the necessary supplies and taught him how to use them.
He told Jasper about how everything was so meticulously planned out down to the last detail.
How, a week later, the same man who'd picked him up from the airport had dropped him off at an abandoned warehouse 45 minutes outside of the city.
How that week from when he arrived and when he got dropped off at the warehouse, he spent alone, looking at the supplies laid out before with disgust.
How he vomited almost every night just thinking about what he had to do.
How throughout it all, he was alone.
How, when Ace finally worked up the courage to go inside the warehouse, the smell was so heinous that it didn't leave his mind for days.
Jasper listened in anguish as Ace detailed the act of cutting up the nameless man, just as fresh and raw as it was the week before.
He didn't think it was possible to feel so much remorse and disgust at once.
It took him 3 days to finish cutting up the body, like the woman with red hair whose name he never learned, had taught him. The only reason it took him so long is because he was filled with such a debilitating disgust, it continuously hindered him.
How when he was finally done, the smell of blood and decomposition stuck to his skin so violently that he couldn't stop crying while he scrubbed his skin raw.
The man from the airport picked him up again, took the bag filled with limbs from him and drove him back to the hotel in complete silence.
He told Jasper about how the morning he left, he checked his bank account and there was an extra 30 grand in it, which filled him with such an anger it had turned into a dull, violent agony.
How in the end, Ace did it because he was doing it for Jasper. To protect him.
How he would do it all over again if it meant keeping him safe.
When Ace finished an hour later — his cheeks streaked with dry tears and his body spent from emotional and physical exhaustion — Jasper was filled with such ravenous rage for his mother that it could've consumed him.
The only thing that distracted him from this rage enough to keep him sane, was Ace who needed Jasper to be present with him more than anything.
"Say something. Please."
Ace's voice was barely above a whisper, rough and raw with heartache — anquish.
And Jasper wanted with everything in him to be able to comfort Ace in the way he needed. The truth was he didn't know how. He didn't know to make Ace feel better other than to hold him tightly and let him suffer.
"Ace," when Jasper finally spoke a few minutes later, he was hesitant. Scared of saying the wrong thing. "You should've — I could've helped. I could have stopped it. You should've told me. Why didn't you tell me before? Why didn't you let me help you?"
Jasper was close to hysterical. He was passionate but that doesn't mean it sounded any less like blame.
"Your mom, she said — "
"She was bluffing, Ace."
"She wasn't," he exasperated. "You don't think I would've fucking thought of that?"
Jasper was silent because he knew Ace was right. Deep down he knew what his mother was capable of and that she wouldn't miss a wink of sleep if someone had hurt him. As long as it wasn't done at her hands, her guilt would be absolved.
"That whole month," Jasper whispered tentatively. "All that time — when we were together, you were just carrying that with you?"
Ace thought back to the sheer amount of dread he felt during that time. As horrible as it sounds, he was glad he'd done it because now it was over.
He nodded.
"I'll admit, you were a good distraction."
"This isn't funny." Jasper said as Ace looked up at him to where he was lying down on his lap.
Ace saw the sheer amount of anger behind Jasper's eyes, but worry overrode it. Worry for him.
Ace felt his stomach tighten.
"I know it's not. I know."
The guard pulled Jasper's face down so they could finally look at each other. The blank stare Jasper had adopted seconds ago diminished once he looked down and saw how despite everything, Ace looked at him with clarity — like he was the only thing that made sense.
"Look at me," he demanded softly.
"I am."
"I don't want to think about it anymore," Ace pleaded as if Jasper could erase his memories.
"I can't or I'll go insane."
Jasper caressed Ace's jaw, kept his eyes on the guard incase he disappeared in front of him.
"I'm so sorry," his voice rough. "You- didn't- you didn't deserve that and I should've seen it. I should've noticed something was wrong earlier. I should've know she's never going to stop. I should've protected you from her."
"Don't do that," Ace urged. "It's not your fault. I kept it from you on purpose. And I wanted to tell you. I wanted to tell you so badly, but I didn't want you involved. I was scared of what she'd do. I thought I could handle it alone but now that it's been eating away at me, I couldn't keep it from you. I hated leaving you in New York, but it wasn't up to me."
Jasper hesitated before placing a soft kiss to Ace's skin, in the process Ace closed his eyes, simply basking in the feeling of Jasper's touch incase it was the last time.
"I hate her, Ace," Jasper's voice did not waver. "I hate her so much. Not just for what she did to you. I've hated her for a long time."
"I know, Jas," Ace sat up slowly.
He maneuvered so he was in between Jasper's legs and his is arms were wrapped about Ace's shoulders.
"I know."
It was slow but after a long while of them holding each other, exhaustion creeped in.
Neither of them had slept well in weeks because the only time they could get an ounce of sleep was when they were with one another.
"Don't ever leave me again," Jasper whispered against Ace's hair. "I need you too much."
"I won't," Ace breathed, place a small kiss on Jasper's forearm.
"I promise."
~
i love how jasper is becoming more vulnerable/mature with ace. i think old jasper would've been so blinded with rage once he found out the truth that the results would've been catastrophic, but now he's finally putting someone else before his emotions.
let me know your thoughts ✨