It's like the universe has left me
Without a place to go
Without a hint of light
Luke was on edge all the fucking time. He felt like Dan's roommates might attack him again any time he accidentally made eye contact with them, and he wasn't sure whether it would be with questions or a baseball bat. He felt paranoid and he didn't even know why.
The only person he felt vaguely comfortable with was Dan himself, but the more Luke thought about it, the more he realised how little he knew about the other boy. Luke just suddenly felt like he couldn't trust anyone anymore. He felt like he was going crazy.
He was stood in work at the current time. Apparently, because they saw each other nearly all day, Dan had no reason to come to the coffeeshop, not even to keep Luke company, so his shifts were now particularly lonely.
That's what Luke truly felt, just alone. He didn't have anyone to properly talk to, playfully insult, the occasional suggestive comment which didn't mean anything, Luke missed being able to do that. It was selfish to crave one person's company for his own use, but it was all Luke wanted.
Luke sighed, he was sick and tired of everything, of him acting like a dick and Michael acting like a dick and of what led from that, he just wanted it to be back to the way it was before. He didn't want to have to stand in a coffee shop waiting for something to happen, when he knew it wouldn't. He was done with this stupid routine, he needed more.
Luke shut up the store early, because no one was there and no one was coming and he only had half an hour left so why the fuck not. He wasn't sure what to do when he did reach Dan's, he couldn't quite tell what he felt.
In a way, he didn't want to leave, not until Michael apologised. So far, Michael hadn't tried to contact him in anyway, not even by email, because knowing Michael he'd probably be a nerd and do that thinking Luke never checked his emails. (He checked them everyday)
But there was the nagging fear in Luke's head that Michael had actually moved on, and didn't need or want him around anymore. That idea stung though, so Luke pushed it away as quickly as it had come up, filing it in the 'emotions I don't want' compartment of his brain.
The walk to Dan's was in the opposite direction of Michael's, and a little further. The area wasn't nice, not at all. Everywhere you looked there was the mixture of people smoking who knows what, other having drunken arguments and Luke had had multiple people coming over thinking he was a prostitute. Luke just wanted to leave already.
Luke hurried himself into the complex, the cold air leaving his skin for something vaguely warmer, not much, but maybe a little. The whole building was pretty cold, even in the warmer weather.
The elevator was old and creaked horribly, so Luke preferred to take the concrete stairs now a days, scrambling up the annoying amout of flights of them, but it was better than getting trapped or dying in the other elevator.
Random bits of trash littered the stairway, plastic cups and takeout bags, and it smelt disgustingly of sweat and puke. Luke hated this building.
Groaning, Luke got to his floor and then apartment, which was not number 420 or 69. No hilarity.
Surprisingly, Luke had actually been given a key, so Luke unlocked the apartment, stepping in, taking his shoes off by automatic movement, shuffling inside.
It was pitch dark inside, which was expected honestly, Luke thought no one was around, until he heard a plate or something of he kind being put away in the adjoining kitchen. Luke couldn't see anyone though, so he flicked the lights on, shedding light on everything in the room and the kitchen as well.
Luke saw it was Dan and instantly relaxed, glad it wasn't one of his psycho roommates, ready to attack him, and Luke wasn't sure whether it would be verbally or physically this time. He wasn't particularly scared of them as such, more just anxious.
"Hey," Dan said, voice rough, probably from not speaking from a while, because Luke assumed he hadn't been asleep, considering he was fully dressed. Luke had no flutter in his heart at the idea of Dan staying up for him like he had when Michael stayed awake for when Luke got home the first few weeks of his job.
Luke didn't reply, sitting down on the sofa, expecting Dan to leave for bed so Luke could curl up and cry in peace, but he couldnt have that, of course not, Dan sitting beside him, a mug of tea clasped in his hands, but he placed it down on the coffee table once sat down.
Dan placed a hand on Luke's knee, and Luke wasn't sure whether it was because he could see how anxious Luke was or what, but Luke tried his best to suppress a flinch, his skin heating up uncomfortably where Dan's hand was, and he wanted nothing more than to fling it away.
Dan started talking, but Luke couldn't focus on his words when all his concentration was on the heat searing on his knee and up his leg as Dan fiddled with a small lose thread on Luke's jeans, just at the bottom of his thigh. The action seemed innocent enough, but Luke could feel his stomach twist anyway, and honestly he had no idea why.
Apparently Luke should've concentrated on whatever Dan had said, because he found himself nodding to whatever question that had been asked of him, and Dan's gaze turned from sleepy to sultry, his hand slipping up Luke's thigh, making Luke flinch harshly.
"Dan what are you-" Luke's word were forced back into his mouth when Dan's lips collided along onto his, rough and harsh.
Luke choked for air, pushing Dan away with a disgusted expression,"What the fuck?" he spat, leaping up and area from him, the hot, claustrophobic feeling lingering on his skin even as he stood a good few feet away.
"Awh, come on Luke, you ruin all the fun," Dan smirked, and Luke shuddered, the expression formed on the boy in front of him looked closer to evil, at least in Luke's eyes. Luke continued stepping away as Dan stepped forwards, audibly gulping as his back hit the wall with a thud.
Dan was in front of Luke, who had a sheen of swear across his whole body, causing his shirt to stick to his body and jeans become inexplicably uncomfortable, though that was the least of Luke's problems right then.
"Dan, wait, just listen to me please," Luke pleaded, as he felt himself being 'eye-fucked' from where he stood, making him shudder further, he couldn't believe he'd ended up in this fucking situation. It made him sick to the stomach, and Luke was actually surprised he hadn't thrown up yet.
Dan didn't want to listen to him though, closing the space too quickly, Luke's lips and his together awkwardly, but Luke threw him away again, whole body shaking at the taste of Dan on his lips. It was fucking disgusting.
"Dude, just stop," Luke said, trying to keep his voice down in fear of roommates being awoken, because that was the last thing he needed.
"Why?" he asked, genuinely confused, and Luke wondered whether his eyes were too fucking clouded with whatever lust to realise how disgusted Luke was with him.
Luke shook his head, raking his brain for any good excuse. None came up though,"I just don't want to," Luke replied, as close to honest as he could get. He should've realised something like this would've happened eventually. He was so stupid.
Raising an eyebrow, Dan gave Luke a incredulous look,"What does that mean? What the fuck is wrong with you?" he snorted sharply, and his comment hit Luke harder than maybe it should've, because he really was messed up apparently. What the fuck was wrong with him?
Luke looked down at the ground, not being able to keep any form of eye contact anymore, not when Luke could already predict the next reaction to the statement he had,"I'm asexual," Luke whispered, but he knew Dan had heard him loud and clear by the half snort half laugh he made.
Luke wasn't sure what to expect when he said what he had. It tended to revive a mixture of reactions. This was the first time however that Luke had received a harsh slap to the side of his face, loud enough to echo in the apartment, and Luke cradled his face, which already had a harsh red outline of the hand, as Dan spoke.
"So you're totally fucked up," was the first thing Dan said,"You need to go to a doctor and get you're fucking penis fixed, asexual isn't an actual thing, you're obviously just deformed or something," Dan spat, laughing as if what he had said was hilarious,"Fucking unnatural," he added harshly, looking at Luke as if he was trash, and honestly he probably was.
Luke felt himself shrink back, stomach twisting further and tears pricking at his eyes,"I think I'm just gonna leave," Luke murmured, voice coarse from trying not to let out the sob that was stuck in his throat.
Dan just rolled his eyes,"Yeah, I don't want something like you under my roof, disgusting," he spat, his words stabbing further, and Luke couldn't keep back a sob this time, the sound forcing itself from his throat, and Dan didn't look guilty, just wrinkling his nose in disgust.
Luke didn't have to wait long before he had his things, scrambling out of the apartment in silence, Dan just watching his every movement sharply, until Luke was opening the door, his hands shaking violently, along with the rest of his body.
"Don't come back unless you're fixed," Dan yelled after him, and Luke didn't say anything in return, hurrying down the hall and into the stairway.
It didn't take long, going down the stairs, for Luke's knees to give out, and he slid to the floor in the stairway, the sobs he'd been holding back taking over, making his whole body convulse violently, his whole body and mind feeling dirty and wrong. He was fucked up, that was what Luke realised. He was completely and totally fucked up. Calum and Michael and Dan were right about him, he was unnatural, he really was.
Luke wasn't sure how long he was sat there, salty tears staining his cheeks, as he sat cold and alone and completely disgusted by himself, but it was long enough for the crying to exhaust him, and for him to fall asleep in the corner of a concrete stairway.
Um yeah so sorry i guess umm