yet again, i was very much late to the studio. just like i was nearly six years ago. lucas and i had a stupid argument about him leaving his dishes and shit everywhere, but luckily we solved it quickly.
i ran down the hall until i made it to studio 16, the studio where we met. i took a deep breath as i raised my hand, knocking on the door. i could hear some shuffling behind the door until her voice broke through.
"it's unlocked," y/n's voice was monotone-a way i had never even heard her before. i swallowed thickly as i opened the door and peeked my head in before stepping inside slowly. i quietly closed the door behind me.
y/n glanced up at me with sharp eyes before looking back at her lap. "hi. let me finish this verse really quick." she said, her shoulders rising as she sniffed a little. i could tell her voice was groggy and her nose was stuffed a little, so i assumed she was just getting over a cold.
i nodded, brushing my hair behind my ear as i stepped towards the couch and sat across from her. "hey. and okay." i spoke softly, not wanting to come off so strong.
it really wasn't supposed to be like this.
we were supposed to be happy.
y/n squeezed her eyes shut as a cough came up and she let it out, covering it with her elbow. i scrunched my nose at how rough and painful it sounded, already reaching inside my purse for the DayQuil i always carry.
"sorry, just getting over a cold." she apologized, returning to her notebook. i smiled softly, holding out the bottle. "do you want some? might make you feel a little better?"
y/n looked up at me through her eyelashes, her stare sending a shock down my spine. she looked for a second before nodding, leaning forward and taking the bottle from my hand. she popped open the cap and took a large gulp, clearly not caring that i had already drank out of it before. i mean, we had already swapped spit so many times before so why would that bother her.
she made a cute face as she pulled back, sticking her tongue out a little. "holy shit, ew. uh, thanks." she thanked me, reaching forward and putting the bottle down on the table in between us.
i smiled again. "of course."
y/n took in a shaky breath as she returned to her notebook yet again, scribbling down something i couldn't see. she sighed, laying down the pencil as she scanned over what she had written.
"okay, i wrote a few ideas and like, storylines i guess. a few verses and shit too, if you wanna look." she held out her open book to me, not looking at me at all. i nodded again and carefully taking it from her, laying it down in my lap as i read over what was on the page. written in y/n's usually unintelligible scribble that i had learned to read was:
i just wanna see you shine, cause i know you are a stargirl
where you go i'll follow, no matter how far
if life is a movie, oh you're the best part
not really sure how to feel about it
something in the way you move
makes me feel like i can't live without you...
"this one's pretty. the uh, the last one in the left corner. do you have more of that or no?" i asked, biting my lip as i looked up at her. y/n shook her head. "no. not yet."
i frowned at how short and cold she was being, but i guess i deserve it.
"okay, what's it about? or do you not necessarily know yet?" i asked again. i was following what y/n asked me of and kept our conversation strictly about the song, even though i desperately wanted to blurt out how sorry i was.
y/n nodded, slowly sinking in her seat. "uh huh. my parents, i guess." she shrugged her shoulders, messing with a loose string on her sweats. my eyebrows stitched together i worry, and i could feel my features morph into the worried-girlfriend look i used to give her.
y/n looked at me and her face softened as she quickly looked away. i could tell there was a story behind that and all i wanted to was ask her; but i respected what she asked of me.
"alright. we could really do something with this, y/n/n." really, bitch?
y/n didn't react. "sounds good with me." she nodded to herself before sighing and standing up. i watched as she walked over to the mini fridge and pulled out a water, taking a large sip of water as she walked back to the couch.
sitting down the water on the floor by the couch, y/n sat down backwards as she laid back, sitting upside down. her head hung off of the couch as she closed her eyes, her legs spread as the underside of her knees hooked on the back of the couch.
i couldn't help but laugh as i thought back to when we first met. y/n's nose twitched as she slung her arms out beside her, a loud and dramatic sigh escaping her lips.
"shhh! i am thinking." y/n spoke, holding up her finger to her lips, basically telling me to shut up. i stifled a laugh with my hand as i nodded, even though she couldn't see me.
i shut my eyes as i tried to put on my own thinking cap, trying to remember all of the memories and stories y/n had told me about her parents.
--
after two hours and lots of scribbling down possibleverses and choruses, there was a soft knock on the door. it shocked both of us since it had been quiet for the entire time, both of us being too focused on the song to even talk.
"who is it?" y/n called out before i could, crossing her legs as she laid her book in her lap. i looked over my shoulder to the door as it opened, and a flash of red hair poked through.
i automatically knew it was alexa and turned back around, grasping y/n's reaction. my heart burst and shattered all at the same time as the first smile of the day broke out on her face.
"hey! i brought food! for both of you!" alexa said as she looked in. y/n smiled and nodded, waving her in. alexa came in with a big smile, her dark green corset-shirt contrasting perfectly with her hair.
y/n stood up and walked to the door, embracing alexa in a hug. i tried to ignore it as i looked back to my own notebook, reading over what i had written down over the hours.
"your shirts pretty," i heard y/n sat softly behind me. "yeah? i got it yesterday when micah and i went shopping." alexa replied, walking into the room.
she put down the food on the table in the middle of the room before turning to me. "hey, ari! how are you?" she asked happily, leaning down to give me a gentle hug. i leaned up and hugged her back, not wanting to be rude.
"doing as best as i can. how about you?" i asked as she pulled away, taking a seat next to me. she reached for the bags and pulled out the food, pulling out two salads and a small sushi platter.
y/n gave her a goofy smile as alexa handed her the platter, plopping down on the couch. "thank you!" she cheesed, breaking apart her chopsticks as she immediately dug in.
alexa sent her a sweet smile. "here you are, miss." she tells me as she hands me my salad. i took it thankfully and smiled. "thank you as well. you really didn't have to do this."
alexa shook her head as she popped the top of her container off. "no, it's no problem girl. i knew that big baby over there was sick and probably hungry, but i thought it'd be rude if i let her shove her big mouth with food and leave you sitting here."
we both chuckled as she shaded the twice, and the said girl was eating her sushi with a pout.
"thank you again, alexa." i laughed, taking a bite of my salad. she nodded happily, her hair bouncing. "so, how's it going in here? yall's brains moving good?"
we both nodded simultaneously. "yeah, i've gotten pretty far. you?" y/n asked me, taking a sip of water. i nodded, "i'm doing good too. we still have to check up on each other and tweak shit to make sure it flows well, but i think we're doing good."
"ugh, you both are so good, i'm jealous! i'm a boring ass youtuber and y'all are like little geniuses. y/n/n likes to shove it in my face because she's an asshole." alexa rolled her eyes, sticking up her middle finger at y/n.
y/n returned it before she groaned, throwing her head back. "fuck i have to piss again." she yelled, putting her sushi down on the table as she stood up. "be right back. don't talk about me, lexa."
alexa made a face. "can't promise anything, mkay!" y/n flipped her off again before she left the room, shutting the door behind her.
alexa hummed, looking at me with a smirk. "she's cute, isn't she?"
i swear i nearly spit out my salad.
i looked at her with wide eyes and red cheeks. she laughed, throwing her head back. "you keep stealing glances at her. i mean, i can't blame you, though." i just sat there, staring at her.
"i-i don't know, i'm-i'm sorry if i'm like making you uncomfortable. i just haven't, uh," i stumbled over my words, my eyes nervously darting around the room.
alexa giggled again, waving her hands to cut me off. "hey, hey! it's okay! i'm not mad, i don't have a reason to be." i was extremely confused. "you aren't? aren't you guys together, though?"
alexa went wide eyed this time, shaking her head. "absolutely not! i think we'd both rather die than date each other for real. we just hook up like we used to."
i don't know why i was so relieved-like i still had a chance with y/n.
"oh. i didn't know that."
"yeah," alexa nodded. "people get really shocked when we tell them we aren't together. but, we just can't see each other in that way. you know, we're attracted to each other but we know we work great as friends, not girlfriends."
i nodded again, shoving a forkful of salad into my mouth. i think i was in shock. i had no clue that they aren't dating, i mean fuck, they really act like they are. but for some reason, i could find myself feeling disappointed that they weren't.
after all i did to her, y/n deserves to have someone that'll treat her right. she deserves to be happy with a girl that loves her with all of her heart, someone that just wants to make her feel loved. and i knew that, that girl could be alexa. she treated y/n so well, honestly i feel like better than i may have.
i just wanted y/n to be happy.
alexa sighed, closing her salad as she finished it off. she leaned back on the couch, turning towards me as she lifted her legs up. "okay listen. i'm still so extremely pissed off at you for breaking her heart, but i still feel like you care for her. and so do i, which is why i'm telling you this.
"y/n thinks about you all the time. she is still so helplessly in love with you, even after all that pain you put her through and all these years later. she loves you, ariana. and i can tell that you still love her too. now i might be reading too far into this, but i don't think you left her because you were jealous. you loved her too much for that. so whatever it is, if you ever want to try and get her back, tell her. wherever it is, she'll forgive you. she's still the same old y/n, and she loves you."
holy fucking shit.
"i-uh, oh." i whispered, my hand shaking as i placed my empty salad down. "t-thank you."
i think that had knocked some actual sense into me.
alexa smiled softly as she leaned over, grabbing me into another hug. i quickly reciprocated it, my arms wrapping around her shoulders. "you're right. i really needed that, alexa."
"of course, girl. i'm tired of seeing her mope around. she deserves love, and i know you're the only one who can really give her that." she whispered, rubbing my back comfortingly. "if you ever need to talk, i'm here."
god bless for alexa.
we slowly pulled away and alexa gave me a soft smile, reaching up to wipe my cheeks. i hadn't even realized i was crying until now. "oh shit, sorry. i'm such a baby." i laughed through my tears, wiping them from my eyes.
alexa laughed with me. "you're good, babe. you're all good." she gave me a thumbs up as she grabbed her coffee, taking a sip.
just as i finished wiping my eyes, the door opened from behind us and we knew y/n was back. she walked in with a starstruck but traumatized look on her face as she sat back down.
alexa raised an eyebrow at me. "what happened out there? you look like you saw a damn ghost."
y/n shook her head, downing nearly half of her water. "y'all. i'm on my way back from the bathroom and i ran into justin. and i don't know, but seeing him when i'm in this state triggered something inside of me, and i just had to throw up. i ran back to that bathroom and justin literally followed me and held my hair while i spilled my fucking guts. he laughed at me."
"that's why you were gone so long? bitch i thought you had to shit or something." alexa laughed, throwing a pillow at y/n. she yelled as she curled into herself.
"i'm sick. i wanna go home now."
--
hello 😏 we're moving y'all, but DONT get too comfy because i'm coming to bite you in the ass ❤️
i love you though <3333!!