Severus slept in the same bed as James that night. Even though Severus insisted the floor is okay, James wouldn't have it.
After spending the entire day together, Mrs. Potter making them snacks any chance she gets and Mr. Potter showing Severus some exotic potions ingredients he had stashed, they finally fell asleep.
It was hard for Severus to sleep. The bed was too soft, the sheets smelled like James so much it overwhelmed his senses.
It was so intense he couldn't think of anything but James and it didn't help he was sleeping just a few centimeters away from him.
His brain was rattled by everything that's happened. Drinking, going to a party and doing something stupid he doesn't even remember.
He doesn't like how he can't remember what he did but it was taking such a toll on their friendship. James avoiding him, asking him to leave his dorm and not being able to be as close.
The fact Sirius Black was back as best friend #1 and how James slept as far away from him as possible. How he didn't feel as comfortable with Severus as he once did.
It bothered him. It really fucking bothered him.
" James?" Severus shook his arm lightly but he didn't move.
Severus sighed and sat up, rubbing his eyes and feeling the arm that propped him up sink under him.
The bed is too soft.
He quietly snuck out of the room, closing the door behind him and walking down the hall to Lily. It was 12 am but he knows Lily never sleeps early.
" Lily?" He knocked on the door and he heard shuffling.
" Severus?" She asked and he opened the door, seeing her sitting there with a book she borrowed from the Potter's library.
" What are you doing here?" She asked and lifted her duvet, signaling him to get in.
They did this as children. Whenever Lily's parents were away he would stay over to escape his dad and they got under the covers together.
Lily comforted him, listened to him. Provided warmth and a home he didn't have back at his house.
" I'm gonna sleep in your room." He said quietly as he got in.
Lily put her book down when Severus laid his head against her shoulder, instantly feeling something off about her best friend.
" What happened?"
" Nothing."
" Whats wrong?" She asked and Severus stayed quiet, looking down to fidget with a loose thread.
" The bed is too soft." He admitted and Lily hummed.
His bed at home was thin, hard compared to everyone elses. His father wouldn't get him a new one.
" If this one is too soft as well we can sleep on the floor. I'll lay the covers down and make if soft enough to not hurt your back. We can sleep like a proper sleepover." She offered, gesturing with her hands the way she'd lay the comforter down.
She had a smile on her face to cheer him up and it worked. He found himself smiling without even trying.
" Thank you. But it's okay. I dont want you to sleep on the floor for my sake."
" I'd be happy to sleep on the dirt if it made you comfortable." She said and Severus chuckled.
" Why would we ever do that?"
" I dont know. Soil smells nice- y'know what. I'm trying to be nice can't you just accept it?" She said and Severus threw his head back in quiet laughter.
He rubbed his head against her shoulder as she picked her book up again.
They looked at the pages together. Severus was a faster reader so he waited for her to flip the page to read next. He made small snippets at how slow she reads but every time it would end in a mini argument.
" Ok then sleep if you hate how slow i read."
" No the book is interesting." He argued and she would just roll her eyes.
They stayed like that for a while, completely content in their bickering. Something still plagued Severus' mind and he knew Lily could sense it.
" Do you know?" He said quietly and without missing a beat Lily nodded.
" Mhm." She said and Severus frowned.
'Know what?' He asked using legilimency and his voice rang in Lily's head.
" That you like him." Lily said casually and Severus shook his head.
" Not that."
" Then what?"
" Why he's being distant." He asked and Lily stopped reading.
' He's being distant to you?' Lily asked and Severus nodded.
They pretty much mastered legilimencg a year ago and they had a bad habit of slipping into it mid conversation. It drove other's crazy when they would randomly stop talking then burst out laughing the next second.
" I think i did something when drunk."
" Like what?"
" I don't know." He shrugged.
It's always on his mind, what did he do? Why is James so distracted all the time?
" You think you did something wrong?"
" Probably."
' Maybe you should ask him.'
" I cant just ask. It'll be offensive. I clearly did something wrong but not knowing what i did is weird."
" It's not offensive. It was your first time drinking, he must think it's reasonable."
" What if he doesn't?"
" It's James, he'll understand."
Severus hummed. It's true, he probably would. It can't be that bad righ-?
*Thud*
Both Severus and Lily's head whipped towards the door where the noise came from outside the room. It was very quiet but heavy, like something fell.
" What was that?" Lily asked and Severus stood up.
" I'll see."
He got out of the room, looking in the hallway and seeing nothing. Then he heard soft cursing coming from James' room and he ran to his door.
When he flung it open James was sitting on the floor next to his bed, rubbing his arm and hissing. There was a bruise forming, a large one where he was holding his hand over.
" Are you okay? What happened?" Severus asked and helped him up, James looking up at him with frightened eyes.
Severus took his hand but James snatched it away fast, looking down and panting. Severus recoiled in shock and just looked down at him, still sitting where he clearly fell.
" I....i woke up and you weren't here. So i freaked out and accidentally fell out of my bed." James admitted quietly and helped himself up, still holding his elbow and upper arm.
" Are you okay? Does it hurt?" Severus asked and lifted his sleeve to see the bruise forming.
He ignored the jagged scars that lined his arms. The faded bite marks and rough patches of scar tissue taking up residence on his otherwise blemish free skin.
" Yeah." James' shoulders tensed as Severus' fingertips lightly roamed the area.
Severus sighed and sat him down on the bed, sitting across from him on the floor. He held his hands in his, looking down at his lap with closed eyes.
James freaked out and he wasn't there to help him and he got hurt. He's hurt.
" I'm sorry. The bed was too soft and i couldn't sleep." He said James nodded.
His face dusted with pink, staring down at where their hands connected.
" Where did you go?"
" Lily's room. I wanted to talk to her." Severus rubbed his thumb over James' knuckles.
" Do you feel better?" Severus asked and looked up at him, making his stomach flip.
" Yeah." He said in an impossibly soft tone.
Severus nodded, standing up and James' eyes followed him.
" Then lets sleep."
Severus guided him back to bed, pulling the covers over themselves with their hands still together. James turned to his side and breathed in deeply, trying to get his heart to calm down.
He half expected Severus to hug him, touch him but when he ended up pulling his hand away he looked back at him.
He had his back turned to James and he felt the anxiety building up.
He tentatively switched sides so he was facing Severus and reached a hand out. He couldn't find the courage to touch him so he pulled on his t shirt.
He held it between his fingers, the soft material that Severus found too light to wear outside being the only thing James could reach.
Severus was awake, felt the tug but didn't move. He didn't even dare to breathe as James slowly came closer. He inched in an unbearably slow pace and all Severus wanted to do was turn around and make the process faster.
But eventually James was close enough to rest his head on his back, his hand still holding onto the small bit of his shirt.
Severus' breath caught in his throat but he steadied it just as fast. If he didn't James wouldn't be able to match his own breathing and sleep.
He knows James uses his mundane, every day living actions as a grounding tool. So when there is a skip in his heart, or an unevenness in his breathing he fixes it.
Because James needs the stability more than Severus needs the thrill.