Well, we've completely gone off course, haven't we? :D
Warning: Suggestive Themes, Alcohol, Language
"Ughhh..." Papyrus groaned as he awoke, a headache and malaise greeting him.
Ok, so he might've overdone it a little too much last night. So much that he must've blacked out because he could not remember going to Sans's room last night. Which was where he was currently located.
He groggily scanned the room. Sans wasn't in here apparently—What time was it? He hastily searched for his pocket watch, hoping to god it was still in his jeans pocket. Ew, jeans in bed. Just awful he thought.
Finally locating the watch, he read the time. 7:00 AM on the fucking dot.
If he hadn't been suspended, Undyne would've already come and collected him for duty. His head pulsed at the thought, he could just imagine the lecture now.
Where was Sans then? Why wasn't he in here too?
Papyrus felt a pit of anxiety swell in his magic stomach.
This was strange, too strange. Sure, sometimes the two brothers were spontaneous and did random shit for the hell of it. Especially when Papyrus was drunk but to end up in Sans's room the next morning was new and somewhat worrying considering the smaller was nowhere in sight.
He slowly rose from the makeshift bed, moaning in pain as his spine popped. He cradled his head and winced as he walked out of the room. The lights were too bright, and his arm hurt horribly. He was gonna have to change the bandages today for sure.
Before he made it to the stairs, he noticed that his bedroom door was agape.
A confused frown spread across his features. That was definitely not normal, he never left his door open.
He looked over the railing towards the living room. Sans wasn't on the couch. His gaze shifted to the kitchen, but he didn't sense a presence there either. He faced back around towards the door. So help him, if Sans was in his room.
"Sans?" He called out.
"Yes, Boss?"
That little son of bitch.
Papyrus stormed into his room, turning on the light.
And there Sans sat. In his bed with Doom. "Purple today Boss?"
"Why the hell are you in my room?"
Both Sans and the cat blinked at him like he was stupid.
"You... You told me to sleep in here last night." The smaller responded with a hint of sadness in his voice. He looked as if he was remembering something.
Papyrus felt himself deflate. What the fuck happened last night?
"Okay." He trailed off thinking about his next question. "Did I do anything else?"
"No!" Sans quickly interjected, "No, you didn't do anything else..." He added.
Papyrus swallowed anxiously. That pit from earlier grew even more at his brother's words. If he'd hurt Sans again, he would never forgive himself.
"Sans I- " He paused, a familiar feeling rushing through his stomach. "Fuck!"
Papyrus took off, stumbling his way down the stairs and towards the bathroom.
"Boss!?" Sans yelled as he quickly followed Boss, worried about him as usual.
When he arrived at the bathroom, he watched as his brother retched over the toilet, feeling his own insides twist. He didn't understand why Boss did this to himself. Why drink something if you know it's gonna fuck you up the next day?
No wonder the taller was so upset last night.
Sans sighed, walking over to sit down beside the other. He gently leaned his back against Boss' side, hoping that he found it comforting.
This was usually what Sans did when his brother was like this. He was unsure if it was effective but there were no complaints yet.
Papyrus lay on the couch, his arm lazily sprawled over his face. He seriously was never drinking again... Even though that's what he said last time he got himself into this predicament.
"How come we're not at work?" Sans asked, sitting in front of the coffee table with a bottle of mustard in his hands.
Papyrus peered out from under his arm replying, "We're on vacation for the next couple of days."
Sans jumped at that. "We are!?"
"Yeah. Something like that." Boss whispered.
Sans made an excited noise. "Are we going anywhere?"
"Huh?"
"You know! Vacation. You usually go somewhere for those, don't ya?"
Boss exhaled. This was going to be a looong suspension.
"To tell you the truth Sans. I'm actually the one that's on vacation. Not you. So go to work."
Sans eyes widened, "What!?"
"Yep, and you're already..." He trailed off as he checked the time. "It's 8:00. You're three hours late. Better get to your station before Undyne shows up here."
Sans jumped up; mustard forgotten as he rushed upstairs.
"Boss why didn't you tell me!? I'm gonna get in trouble!"
Papyrus chuckled tiredly to himself, "You should be fine. No one goes out that far to check on subordinates besides me."
There was a silent pause as if the smaller was considering what his brother had said.
"But if you're on vacation, they'll send somebody else!" Sans yelled from his room. Loud bangs and bonks from stuff being thrown around and knocked over followed.
For crying out loud.
"Sans! Stop throwing stuff and calm down!"
Sans suddenly teleported in front of him, breathing heavily. The action startled Papyrus.
"Shit don't do that!" He yelled, sitting up.
"I'll be back later, bye!" Sans quickly announced before disappearing again.
Papyrus sat there in silence before he frowned to himself. How come his threats couldn't get Sans to kick it in high gear like that? He didn't think he'd ever seen the little fucker move so fast. Teleporting and shit just to get to work. Papyrus never thought he'd see the day.
So much for telling Sans he was joking.
He took this time to get up and go upstairs to his room, turning off the lights on the way.
Since he was on suspended leave, they would have to save everything. That meant living in the dark and using limited water. He was also going to have to ration their food and drinks.
Good thing he was planning on sleeping for the majority of the day. His hangover was still present, so he gladly welcomed the dark.
He changed into a pair of black sweatpants and a soft red t-shirt before he crawled into bed.
Doomfanger hissed him, protesting as she was moved over.
"Yeah yeah, spoiled thing. You can make room for me too." Papyrus complained back before covering himself with the comforter.
Sans angrily continued trudging through the snow. So much for teleporting. He had tried to leap 3 times after he told Boss he was leaving. He barely managed to make it passed Grillby's before he just decided to walk.
Goddamn Boss and his goddamn hangover. What was he thinking not telling Sans he had work today? What if Undyne found out? She would literally kill both of them!
Now that he thought about it. Why was Boss even on vacation anyway? His brother was not known for taking days off. It was unheard of actually.
He felt worry twist his insides.
What if Boss was sick again? He should've stayed home with him today to make sure he was ok.
Sans glanced back in the direction of his house, considering walking back.
However, he decided against it. Boss would probably flip his lid if he went back but if he was sick...
He sighed, his station coming into view. There was no point in walking all the way back home just to get sent back out here, he reasoned with himself.
He sat down behind the counter, already feeling bored beyond belief. This was such a stupid job. Nothing ever even happened out here.
And there was absolutely nothing to do but sleep and daydream. Well, actually, there is a door just up the path where he could sometimes go and talk to this lady.
She was sweet and had a hell of a talent for jokes.
He glanced down the path towards the door. Maybe it couldn't hurt to go talk to his pun buddy for a while?
"And then I tell the guy good luck that. Camping can be quite in-tents."
He smiled as he heard a snicker from behind the door.
"That's a good one! I'll have to jot it down later." The woman spoke through her fit.
"I've been itching to tell you that one. I feel so much better now that I've released some tent-sion."
Another burst of laughter followed as he quietly chuckled himself.
After they calmed down, the lady asked, "So how's your brother doing?"
Sans stiffened, not expecting the question.
"Oh, ya know. Just being a brother, I guess."
"You know what I meant, silly." She giggled.
"Well, he actually got hurt yesterday."
"That's terrible, I hope he's ok." The lady responded with a sincere tone.
"He's fine. Just got a really bad burn on his arm." Sans paused. "Actually, there's something else..."
"Oh Really?"
"Yeah." He sighed.
"You can talk about it if you want." The woman offered.
He couldn't tell her what really happened. It was just too personal and he didn't think Boss would appreciate something like that getting out.
He needed to come up with a lie and fast.
"Well, he came into my room last night because I was screaming over this nightmare and..." He paused.
Where was he going with this?
Suddenly, an idea popped into his head. He didn't have to tell a lie. He just needed to avoid telling her what happened last night. That didn't mean he couldn't tell her about another night.
"And he comes in yelling askin' if I'm ok and what that loud noise was. I was already panicked because of the nightmare, so I had no idea what he was talking about."
"That must've been terrifying for you both."
"We have this cat. You remember her, don't cha? Doom?"
"Of course, I remember Doom. How could I forget?"
"Well, wouldn't you know it, there sat Doomfanger next to my dresser. She had just knocked off a vase and was acting as if she hadn't just scared the living shit out of us."
That got a laugh out of her.
"So Papyrus was all like, "I'm glad you guys woke me up for nothing." and then he left my room."
"Sounds like he was quite upset."
"Yeah, he was not happy."
"Have you talked to him today?"
"Yes but he still seems pretty mad at me. I wish there was something I could do to make him feel better."
"Hmmm..." The woman paused in thought. "Ooh, why don't you make something nice for him?"
"Make something?"
"Yeah, it could be anything really. Like a sweater or a pie or something you think he would like. "
"That's... That's actually not a bad idea. I think I'll go home and start on something now." Sans replied, picking himself up off the ground.
"I hope to hear from you soon." The lady giggled her goodbye.
"Of course. You know me, here one second then gone the next." He said before teleporting away.
"There's no way I can tell him, Alphys."
"Well, someone's gonna have to tell him," Alphys replied as she tapped away on her keyboard.
"It isn't right."
There was a certain silence in the room. Only the beeps of machines and ticks of a keyboard sounding.
"Look Undyne, regardless of how you feel about the situation- "
"I don't care about the situation. But this is ridiculous."
Alphys continued to watch the screen in front of her, not bothering to reply.
"If Papyrus got suspended because of a recommendation, then I should've gotten one for signing off on it." Undyne continued her rant. "Yes, I was pissed at Papyrus for recommending Samantha but that didn't warrant a suspension!"
"Then why didn't you say anything to the king?"
"Maybe because I was pissed off Alphys!" Undyne practically screamed as if it were obvious.
Alphys rolled her eyes, "Why do you care so much then?"
"I don't care! I'm just saying!"
"Riiight."
"I don't!"
"Whatever you say Dyne."
Undyne grunted in frustration, "You're such a bitch sometimes."
Alphys snorted but continued working.
And it was silent again. Until it wasn't.
"I've got to do something Alphys. We can't lose Papyrus. He's my first in command for a reason."
"Well then you're gonna have to- "
"I've already talked to the king..."
"W-What?" Alphys did a double-take. "What do you mean you already talked to him?"
"Exactly what I said. Are you deaf?"
The lizard deadpanned, "Well, what did he say?"
Undyne stared down at the ground, "Nothing good. He said that if Papyrus couldn't make decent decisions, then he didn't deserve to be on the guard. I mentioned that I was the one who signed off the recommendation, but he said that was no excuse."
"That doesn't... S-Something doesn't sound right here."
Undyne avoided the other's gaze and sighed, "Ok, look. If I tell you what was said, it better not get out. I'm serious. I will literally take you to the grave with me." She threatened, the feeling of a dark aura surrounding them.
Alphys stared at her incredulously but shook her head in agreement.
Undyne exhaled once more, this time in what seemed like relief. "It's a mission plan. Last week, we got an anonymous tip that Jonzax and his people from the Otherside are secretly plotting to take over this part of the underground and you know what that means?"
"We're fucked?"
"Kind of!"
"T-Th-Then why in the world is Asgore trying to get rid of Papyrus!? Wouldn't we need our strongest guardsmen for this fight?"
"No ok listen! That's the thing, Jonzax is only threatening to attack us because we have all the strong monsters, and he thinks Asgore is gonna try to attack his side first."
"Isn't that kind of stupid on his part then? He'd have to have some kind of ace in the hole."
"RIGHT! See, Asgore thought the same thing! So just to be safe, he sent Cassie to the Otherside. Ya know. Because she can shapeshift and shit. Anyways, she found out that one of Jonzax's guys built a weapon that is so dangerous, it can kill monsters with an LV of 200."
"TWO HUNDRED!?"
"Yep! Crazy, right!? With a weapon like that, we are in some serious trouble! But here's the thing. Since Cassie found out what's going on over there. She's now been assigned to bring the weapon back here for us to examine."
"Alright so in short, Jonzax, the leader of the Otherside, feels threatened and thinks Asgore is gonna use our ever-growing elites to take over his land.
Feeling cautious, Asgore sent in Cassie as a makeshift Othersider to trick Jonzax into showing her their secret weapon. A weapon that is so dangerous, if multiples were manufactured, Jonzax could easily take over the whole underground.
And since we don't know anything about how the weapon is made. We can't replicate it or find ways to counteract it yet.
So, in turn, Asgore has currently reassigned Cassie to retrieve the weapon so that it could be brought in for analysis. Once we have the weapon, we can create more and build upon it."
"Pretty much."
"That still doesn't explain why Asgore is firing Papyrus."
"It's not just Papyrus... Look it's a precautionary."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean that even if we get the weapon and make a shit ton more than Jonzax's side, it's still too risky to put our elites on the front lines. One hit from that weapon and it's game over, even for our strongest! All we know is that right now, Jonzax is pissed because of our numbers so it's not too far-fetched to believe that his goal will be to kill as many elites as possible. Even if that means he'll lose some of his own men. The weaker we are, the better for his people."
"So basically, Asgore's temporarily firing our elites because he doesn't want to sacrifice them if we go to war."
"Exactly."
"Then who's going to operate the weapons?"
"Well from what Cassie told us, the weapon doesn't require a strong monster to use it. It only causes damage to whatever it hits."
"You mean..."
"We'll be sacrificing our subordinates instead, yes."
"O-Oh my fucking god. That's morbid!"
"We don't have a choice! Someone's got to stand on the front lines and Asgore won't allow any of us to fight! I'm not even allowed to fight when the time comes!"
"Well, what's Asgore planning on doing after everything's all said and done?"
"If all goes according to plan, he'll hire back all elites that were excused from duty. Once that's fixed, he'll make a call to destroy the remaining weapons over in the Otherside and in our possession. He said he didn't want to risk a weapon like that getting into the wrong hands. It would just be better to continue the way we have been."
Alphys nodded, "That makes sense. If someone lost their shit and started firing that thing off, it would be chaos."
"Now does everything line up?"
"Well... There's still one thing. If you were already planning to tell me all this, why would you bother giving a sob story earlier about how it was unfair that Papyrus got suspended and you didn't? "
"Because I still need advice on how to tell him he's fired Alphys!"
"Wow. We really are fucked."
"Shut it! I'm not supposed to tell anyone about the plan, including my command team. Only Asgore, Cassie, and I know about it."
"But you just told me- "
"I was informed to let you know as you will be the one that examines the machinery once Cassie gets a hold of one."
"Ok- "
"And before you ask, Asgore can't risk letting every elite know about the plan, so we're playing it safe and firing them for any reason we can."
"Yeah, I got that part but for any reason?"
"Any reason that is deemed fit under the rules of the capital. That way it seems like we're being legitimate. It would be suspicious if we just started picking them off left and right!"
"But Papyrus didn't break any rules though. Don't you think he's gonna be a bit confused and quite possibly hurt over being fired for something like that?"
"That's the problem Alphys! That's what I've been trying to tell you all morning! What? Did you think I was just talking about it because I wanted to!? It's obvious it's been bothering me!"
"Uh-huh. I can see that." Alphys whispered.
"I've fired so many people in the past two days, but I just can't bring myself to tell Papyrus!"
"Look, I know you're worried about hurting him- "
"I'm not."
"But everything will turn out fine. Sure, Papyrus will be upset when you fire him but I think he'll understand once he's hired ba- "
"I don't care about that! He may be a bonehead but he's sharper than you think! He'll immediately be suspicious as to why he's being fired for such a petty reason!"
"Well, I don't know what to tell you there. You should've found a better reason."
"No shit sherlock, but it's too late now. He's already suspended."
"He ain't the type to start bawling his eyes out, is he?"
"I don't think so..." Undyne recoiled at the thought. "At least I hope not." She added.
"Well, even if he is. It won't matter because you're only worried about him being suspicious of the mission."
"I don't want him to cry over it Alphys!"
"You literally just said you didn't care about Papyrus' feelings on- "
Undyne took this moment to suplex her woman, "Do not question meeee!" She yelled.
Papyrus awoke, his headache significantly soothed away. He looked over at his alarm clock. 6:24 PM.
He would have to start dinner soon. What to make today, he wondered. He was saving the spaghetti noodles for last because it was the easiest and cheapest thing to make.
Maybe they could have some bread and porridge? Sans didn't really like porridge though. Perhaps rice then?
He would just ask Sans himself, he supposed.
Getting up, he stretched. This time a satisfying pop was heard, and his spine felt better.
Sans should be home now. He only "worked" for 6 hours after all.
Papyrus left his room, walking down the stairs and then stopping. He gawked at the scene before him.
"What have you done?" He asked pure shock and terror in his voice.
There was paper, glue, pencils, paints, and oh god please no, anything but glitter!
It was everywhere.
Sans sat on the floor; his focus remaining on the current sheet in front of him. His jacket had been spared from this destruction, as it laid safely on the open counter by the kitchen.
"Boss, go back to bed."
Boss's eyes flared purple, "Sans you've destroyed the living room!"
"It's not that bad."
"Sans look at you! You're covered in paint! What- " Papyrus cut himself off with a sharp inhale.
Sans just continued to draw on the paper, acting as if this was completely normal.
"What is all this!? What are these papers!?" Papyrus' throat tightened, "Please, don't tell me it's my forms!" He felt panicked just asking.
"No, they're cards."
"For what!?"
"For your vacation. See!" Sans held up a card. "I made one for Hotland, one for Waterfall, one for- "
"B-But why?"
Sans paused in thought before answering, "Well, I wanted to make a postcard to send you, but I wasn't sure where you were planning on going. So, I made a bunch of them.
"There's not that many places under this rock!" Papyrus yelled, gesturing to the cards.
"I had to start over on some of them."
"Sans, I wasn't being literal about being on vacation! I'm just taking a couple of days off work right now!"
A moment of silence was gifted to the carpet and furniture.
"... Oh."
Papyrus exhaled, his brow twitching. Lord help them all.
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////
Author's Notes:
Yeah, that's right. They have stomachs!
Ok, the best way to explain this is when a skeleton monster eats or drinks something, the food/drink is immediately absorbed. Meaning there's no need for a stomach most of the time.
However, when they eat or drink something that their bodies can't immediately absorb. (Like alcohol. Because poison, duh.) It goes to an ecto gut, I guess lol.
It's Undertale (in this case Underfell but ya know), they break physics all the time. Don't think about it too much. ;D
Basically: Until the opposing "nutriment" is gone—as in vomiting—the magic stomach stays.
Fun fact: The "Otherside" is a place I made up for Underfell. Since the queen left, the underground fell into ruin, causing monsters to defy the king and branch out, creating their own spaces away from the kingdom. The Otherside begins just across the forest where Snowdin is.