⸺"DO YOU WANT TO come and visit Jacob with me today?" Bella asks from my doorway, the first time she's even seen my bedroom in weeks. She was distancing herself from me again, but not for the same reasons... She had been at La Push everyday, all day this week, leaving me at home to do nothing but watch Friends re-runs and look at Rosalie's old photographs.
"Why?" I ask harshly. "It's not like I'd be much fun."
She sighs, shaking her head. "Andie... I'm trying."
"Trying to what?" I ask, "Get yourself almost killed, again?
She responded quickly, "No, Hanging out with Jake... It's keeping me afloat. I'm... trying to become a person again."
"No," I whispered. "I can't even think about any other girl but Rosalie... ever. I'm glad you're moving on, but I'm sorry, I can't."
"It's not like that!" She quickly defended. "He's just my friend."
"I see how he looks at you." I said. "But whatever you say. I want the truck today, Jacob can come pick you up."
"Where would you be going anyway?" She asks, rolling her eyes.
"Somewhere to clear my head." I say, and shut the door in her face so I can get dressed out of my pajama pants, switching them out for jeans. I keep on my shirt though, because it was Rosalie's. If I focus hard enough, I can still smell her scent on the fabric.
I walked out of the house around noon, Bella was already gone, Jacob must've picked her up fairly quickly. I climbed into the drivers seat, starting the engine, and traveling the short route to the Cullen's house.
I didn't listen to music or the radio on my way to their house, just to the rhythmic rain on the roof of the truck, wondering what I was hoping I would find at their house. In the early months after she left, I would sit outside their house, and cry there, in one of the only places I felt safe to let all of my emotions out, the only other safe place being my room at night. Now that Bella had been taking the truck out, I had stopped going there, now I was the one who spent all her time in her room. But I had never done what I was planning on doing today: going into the house.
As I pulled up on their rocky driveway, and got out of the car, all I could think about was how this was a bad idea. It will just make the grief of losing her worse. But I couldn't stay away. That would mean moving on, and I don't want to do that.
I fumbled with my keys, looking for the house key Rosalie had given me months ago in case of emergencies like hospital visits or vampires trying to kill us. It was never supposed to be used for breaking and entering.
As the door creaked open, the memories of that night came flooding back to me as I smelled the inside of the house. A sweet, wintery smell. I pulled out my oxygen tube to smell it more clearly, and inhaled until I couldn't anymore, replacing the nubbins in my nose.
I walked through the house, through the kitchen and living room. Being there was like being at a cemetery. I wasn't visiting them, just a shell of what we once were. I carried my oxygen tank up the stairs. I went straight to the end of the hallway, quickly opening the door to Rosalie's room. The scent of wildflowers and sweetness hit me instantly, almost like I was in her arms again.
I walked around the room, looking at what was left. Most of our photos that used to be on the wall were gone. I hoped that she kept them when she left, something to remember me by. Her closet was empty of most of her personal items, and her clothes. There was a sweatshirt still there, which I immediately took for my own.
Once I had explored all of her empty room, I sat on her bed. She bought it for me once I knew about their family, so I could stay over when I wanted. The sheets were cold, and the smell of her perfume overwhelmed me as I sat back. I hugged one of her pillows as the tears started to flow down my face. This was the closest I could get to her. And I don't think I'll ever get to feel her like this again.
.
The cafeteria of our high school was louder than normal, but maybe that was just because of the change of scenery. Bella had randomly decided today to drag me over to our old table, with all the people who thought I was weird for being gay. Except Angela. She was the only nice one.
Of course, now that Bella was doing better, I was doing worse. I wasn't taking care of her anymore, so now I had nothing to do with my time but think. I tried to stay present in the conversation, and turned to Bella. "You good?" She whispered to me. I only nodded in response. Mike tapped Bella on the shoulder, turning her attention away from me. "So... Bella's back?"
"Yeah..." Bella shrugged awkwardly. "I guess so."
I rolled my eyes, I'm back too. But it was better to be ignored than to actually have to have a conversation with these people.
"Alright well that's-" Mike stutters, failing to keep the conversation going. "Welcome back!... Um, well, now that you're back talking and... eating again, cause, you know," He touches her arm. I scrunch my nose in disgust. "You gotta get that protein in there!..." Uncomfortable silence followed each of his sentences.
"Um, I was just wondering if you wanted to go see a movie with me?"
I gasped silently, covering my mouth with my jacket, trying not to laugh. It was the first time I had genuinely laughed in months, and who knew Mike Newton could actually make people laugh? Of course, it was unintentional. It always is.
Bella stared at him for a moment, before snapping back into reality and putting on her best fake smile, which wasn't convincing. "Yeah. Sure. I do."
Mike was about to burst with excitement. "Cool! Cool, um, we could check out... "Love Spelled Backwards is love", um, dumb title but... It's a romcom."
"No." Bella cut him off. "No romance."
I decide mischievously to contribute to the conversation, "You could go see 'Face Punch'?" I suggest. "Have you heard of that, Mike?"
Mike looks a little annoyed. "I mean... It's an action movie-"
"Perfect!" Bella perks up. "Guns... Adrenaline. That's my thing."
I sigh. "Apparently it is."
"We should get a bunch of people to go." Bella suggests, scurrying to get an excuse out of going on this date, "Face Punch, guys?"
Everyone agrees, Jessica being a little petty about it. Bella turns to me, the look on her face saying, please? Even after all this distance I still know her. I shake my head, "I'll go too."
.
why hello there
this chapter stumped me a lot for some reason so i hope it's okay lol
thank you for reading!
- lola