y/n sighed, staring into her water as she kicked her foot. the after party for the AMA's was already in full swing, and here y/n sat, alone, and at the bar.
people that walked by her knew not to try and bother or talk to her after seeing the look on her face. she looked upset, and no one wants to mess with someone like her when she was upset. except her friends.
"y/n/n, babe!" alexa called after her as she stumbled over to the bar, miles following close behind her until he stopped, engaging in a conversation with a girl.
y/n looked over and smiled, leaving her water at the counter as she slid off of the stool. she wrapped her arms around alexa and lifted her feet off of the floor, hugging her tightly.
"that was so good! not gonna lie, i did get a bit choked up, but that's besides the point." alexa giggled, turning her head to kiss y/n's cheek. "i'm so proud of you, casanova."
y/n smiled again as she put alexa on her feet, letting her arms fall to her sides. "thank you, lex. c'mere." she grabbed alexa's cheeks, pulling her in for a quick kiss to cool down her nerves.
she could feel familiar eyes on her as she pulled away, but she ignored them, just wanting to have a good time with her friends.
ariana shifted uncomfortably from across the room as she watched y/n and alexa kiss each other happily, and she was suddenly remembering the party she had thrown five years before when the two were together originally.
"i'm so fucking tired of competing, y/n!"
"competing? competing with who, ariana? who the fuck have you even seen me with? can you answer me that? can you?"
she felt her heart clench as she thought back to those years ago, crossing her arms over her chest as she leaned into lucas's arms, trying to forget about the girl that was always in the back of her mind.
she had broken up with y/n for the dumbest reason. she had thought that y/n wouldn't accept her or would blame her for everything if she ever told her. weeks and weeks passed and her worry and depression only grew worse, and she decided that the sadness of breaking up would be better to handle then y/n blaming her for something she now knows she couldn't control.
she'd rather end their year long relationship than have the person she loved more than anything break her more than she already was.
"hey baby, you okay? you look a bit zoned out over there." lucas asked sweetly, gently nudging her shoulder.
ariana looked over with a fake smile that she knew lucas couldn't read like y/n used to. "no i'm alright. just thinking a bit." she shrugged, leaning her head against his shoulder to try and not worry him.
he took it as a good enough answer and he turned back to the guy he was talking to previously. ariana couldn't help it when her eyes drifted back over to where y/n and her friends were, her heart breaking all over again as she saw y/n on miles's back, the biggest smile on her face.
y/n kissed his cheek as alexa reached up, handing her a drink. she immediately downed it and handed it back, pouting as miles put her back down on the floor.
ariana swallowed thickly as y/n walked up to alexa, wrapping her arms around her from behind. she pushed alexa's now longer and red hair off of her shoulder, pressing a soft kiss to her skin before she pulled away, leaving her hands on her hips.
she watched as y/n gave alexa a look she knew all too well, leaning back down to whisper something in her ear. alexa smiled as she bit her lip, reaching back to pat her cheek. y/n chuckled, and ariana swore she could hear it in the back of her head.
alexa smirked as she said something ariana couldn't decipher before she walked off towards the bathrooms. y/n grabbed a water bottle off of the table her friends were occupying, downing about half of the bottle.
she made a cute face that made ariana smile slightly. y/n started to look around the room like she felt someone's eyes on her, and as she did, her eyes connected with ariana's. the small smile on her face dwindled as she stared back, but a feeling of awkwardness swarmed through her veins. so, she lifted her hand and gave ariana a small wave.
ariana felt her heart skip a beat as she subtly waved back, and she couldn't fight the smile that crossed her face. y/n gave her the awkward, what she liked to call "white person smile," before she forced herself to look away.
y/n sighed, pushing through the crowd until ariana couldn't see her anymore.
"ah, shit, sorry man." y/n apologized as she bumped into someone, continuing her way to the bathroom. alexa emerged from the bathroom and y/n sighed again, making her way to her.
alexa frowned as y/n grabbed her hand, leading her back into the bathroom. "hey, what's wrong? did something happen?" she asked, brushing her hair behind her ear.
y/n sighed as she closed the bathroom door behind them, happy when she realized there wasn't anyone inside. she wrapped her arms around alexa as she brought her into another hug, nestling her head into her neck.
"she's here. i saw her. and i smiled really weird." she mumbled against her shoulder, relaxing as alexa's arms wrapped around her waist. "god, i feel like such a fucking pussy."
alexa scrunched her nose, pulling away from their hug but keeping her arms around y/n. "shush it, hot stuff. you have the right to feel like that. you loved her so much and she broke your sweet heart into pieces. okay?"
y/n licked her lips, looking down at her shoes. alexa laid her fingers under y/n's chin, tilting her head up. "okay?" she asked, this time with much more sternness in her voice.
y/n shivered, a small smile spreading across her lips. "yeah, okay." she nodded as alexa smiled, reaching up to kiss her cheek.
"good. do you wanna come to mine and we can watch a movie when we leave?" alexa asked again, wrapping her arms around y/n's shoulders. y/n nodded, her smile growing.
alexa always knew what she wanted. she knew when she needed a hug or a talk, she knew when she needed a friend. any other person would probably just try and comfort her with sex, but alexa knew when she just needed someone to hold.
alexa smiled, grabbing y/n's hand. "now let's go dance with each other and rub it in that bitches face." she laughed, pulling y/n out of the restroom. "alexa! oh my god!" y/n laughed, dodging people in the crowd as alexa led them back to their friends.
"yo, don't tell me y'all just had a fucking quickie in the bathroom," miles groaned as they returned to his side on the floor. they both laughed, alexa shaking her head.
"nope. y/n saw the wicked witch of the west and went all sad mode. didn't you?" she teased her, nudging her side with her elbow. y/n blushed, but there was no point in denying it.
"man, i guess." she shrugged, wrapping an arm around alexa's waist. miles nodded. "i still get depressed when i see my girl from high school. tiana, you remember her?"
y/n raised her eyebrows, nodding with a wide smirk. "yeah, she was cute." alexa scrunched her nose and slapped y/n's stomach. y/n giggled, pulling alexa closer.
"just jokes, just jokes. but let's go, i wanna dance now." y/n whined, pulling on alexa's arm to get her moving.
ariana swore her eye twitched as she watched alexa grind on y/n as the latter laughed, nuzzling her nose into her neck.
she sighed, grabbing lucas's hand and standing from her seat. he looked up, his brows furrowed in confusion. "i wanna dance. come with me?"
lucas smiled and nodded, standing with her as she took them to the floor. she stopped when they stood about thirty feet away from them, but they were still slightly covered by other people dancing in their line of sight.
ariana stood in front of lucas as she pushed her hips back on him, his hands finding their place on her hips. she ground herself against him furiously, making him chuckle.
"what're you doing, gorgeous?" the nickname just reminded her of y/n again and she groaned silently, trying her hardest to clear her from her head.
the crowd of people ever so slightly dispersed, and ariana caught a glimpse of alexa reaching back and grabbing the back of y/n's neck, pulling her down for a kiss. y/n quickly reciprocated it, her hand gently wrapping around alexa's throat as she tilted her head back more against her shoulder.
the two looked like they didn't have a care in the world as they practically made out in front of everyone. they clearly didn't care that people were taking pictures of their friends and possibly catching them in the back. y/n had posted a few...incriminating pictures of them before on her instagram, so what was a few more gonna do?
ariana closed her eyes. that should've been her. it should've been her dancing with y/n as they celebrated the eve of their fifth anniversary with rings on their fingers and no one else in their heads. she sighed.
fuck, she missed her. she missed her voice, her laugh, her smile. she missed the feeling of her touch and how she took care of her. she missed her love. and she missed loving her too.
guilt began to swirl up in her stomach like it did anytime she thought about y/n or heard her name, and she shot away from lucas. he looked at her worriedly and she held her hand up, the other finding her mouth.
"i-i just need to use the restroom. i'll be right back, i promise." she spoke hurriedly before rushing through the crowd to the bathroom.
she pushed open the door and sighed, noticing no one was in there yet again. she slammed open a stall and shut it, locking it behind her. kneeling by the toilet, she held her long hair behind her ear as she emptied her stomach into the bowl.
tears stung her eyes and the rolled down her cheeks, her mascara slightly running as she started to cry. she spit into the toilet before pulling back and flushing, laying her back against the side of the stall as she basically curled into herself, crying into her knees.
she still hasn't told anyone why she had really broken it off with y/n. not her mom, not nonna, frankie, courtney, or victoria. it was just her, carrying the burden by herself.
she hiccuped and sobbed quietly as she picked up her head, wiping her cheeks and under her eyes. she was so tired of keeping it to herself; pretending like everything was fine.
she had to tell y/n.
she of all people deserved to know.
——
hello there 😏
hope you like it bitch 🙄
but i looovvees yooouuu <3333!!!