Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. Period. Also I don't own Monopoly.
Warning: Bad language, as always. But then again, they are in detention now.
"Shikamaru, why are ya gaping like a fish?" Naruto cheekily slapped him across the back. "That's how you catch flies, they fly into your mouth! At least that's what Iruka-sensei said the last time I fell asleep in cla-," Naruto paused mid-sentence.
A faint rumbling noise began to sound in the background.
But, he didn't seem to take notice, as Shikamaru watched Naruto's eyes catch sight of the new girl before it flickered back to him. Then at the girl again. Then back at him again. A disgusting smile spread across Naruto's face as he began to unsuccessfully giggle. Thankfully, the girl had already walked past them in the aisle and settled in the very back seats with the guy with the purple makeup.
"YOU LI-"
He was interrupted by the now deafening rumbling noise that seemed to increase in volume from down the hallway. Shikamaru wasn't sure which would be more troublesome: Naruto thinking that he actually liked this new girl (which isn't true, just to make things clear) or that the cause of this stampede of elephants was-
"IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT THAT WE'RE GONNA BE LATE FOR DETENTION SAKURA."
"IF YOU WEREN'T SO BUSY TRYING TO ASK SASUKE-KUN OUT ON A DATE WE WOULDN'T HAVE THIS ISSUE."
The two girls pushed back and forth at each other in the hallways, struggling to be the first one in Kakashi-sensei's class. It didn't really matter who entered first to be honest, though, since they're arriving at the same time anyways. Shikamaru lazily picked at a piece of rice that had dried up on the edge of his shirt.
Ino and Sakura were now both caught in the doorway, neither one willing to make room for the other to pass.
"UGH IT'S NOT LIKE SASUKE-KUN IS YOUR BOYFRIEND ANYWAYS. STOP BEING SO OVERPROTECTIVE."
A vein popped out of Sakura's forehead, and just as she opened her mouth to retort, Kakashi-sensei appeared before them. In the words of Naruto, "NINJA MOVES *cue swooshy noises*".
Kakashi-sensei picked up the two of them by their shirt collars with ease and plopped them on their feet on the classroom floor. Patting their heads, he said, "Let's worry about more important things, like detention." He pointed a finger towards the empty desks in his classroom. "Take a seat and let's get started."
Ino and Sakura begrudgingly began walking to take a seat, until they realized that they were going for the same seat. They shot each other an offended look, then turned the opposite direction to sit at the desks that were on either side of the original desk, leaving the one desk in between them empty. Shikamaru finally successfully picked off the piece of rice and flicked it in a random direction. Yep, these two were more troublesome. They had a good memory, unlike Naruto.
Kakshi-sensei was back in his desk in no time, reading a book that Shikamaru was pretty sure was against school rules. He even had earbuds in, clearly uninterested in actually supervising detention.
Shikamaru just slumped into a random desk nearby and put his head down. As long as nothing too eventful or troublesome happened during detention today, he might be able to enjoy a nice nap without interruption.
"So," a voice said seductively from next to him. "Whatcha doin'?" A puff of air blew into his ear. Shikamaru sat up faster than the time his mom found out he paid their five year old neighbor to do his art project, slapping his hand over the ear that had just been assaulted.
"Naruto, that's disgusting what the fuck."
Said person cackled with delight. "No it's not!" he sniggered. "You have no idea how many guys fall for that here!" A light suddenly lit up in his eyes. "There was one time I did it to Sasuke and YOU'LL NEVER IMAGINE WHAT HIS RESPONSE WAS. But he beat me up after that..." Naruto looked down dejectedly. "... and he made me promise not to tell anyone..." He wiped away a fake tear.
"Buuuuuutt," Naruto grinned suddenly, emphasizing the tt in 'but', even though there shouldn't be an extra t. "I'll share with you what he said... for a price." He rubbed his thumb against his fingers to make the hand gesture for money.
"No thanks, not interested," Shikamaru said shortly. No amount of money could compensate for the trauma and pain he would receive from finding out and being targeted by the Uchiha after he finds out that he found out. He put his head back down in an attempt to show Naruto that he wasn't interested in talking, without explicitly saying it.
"What'd you guys say?" Sakura called out from two rows in front of them. "I heard something about Sasuke-kun." Shikamaru groaned.
"Girl, what is it with you being a Sasuke-kun detector??" Ino asked bewildered. "It's like you can spot him and hear his name being mentioned anywhere." Sakura attempted to hide her glee at this unintentional compliment but was unsuccessful as the tips of her mouth rose up in an unnatural manner. (Could this even be considered a compliment though?? Shikamaru thinks being a fly detector would be more useful, since this talent could be used to help eradicate all the flies that somehow made their way into the house.)
Naruto sighed dramatically before laying his body on top of multiple desks, placing his hand delicately against his forehead. "Oh, I wish I could tell you, but Sasuke's words were too indecent for me to replay to you girls, even if you offered me money." What a ham.
Sakura's brow furrowed in confusion. "Replay? No one asked you to replay them."
Naruto sat up, scratching his head. "Hmm, maybe I used the wrong word then. What's that word where you tell people stuff."
She cocked her head to the side, thinking for a moment. "Do you mean relay?"
Naruto nodded confidently. "It must be that, yes. As expected of Dictionary Sakura-"
A strange object whizzed past Naruto's head. Shikamaru watched as it landed on the desk behind them and plopped to the floor. It was a cute eraser in the shape of an ice cream cone. Naruto immediately cowered and started making noises that Shikamaru assumes was his attempt at whimpering. There's no way Naruto would be afraid of a flying eraser (even though they couldn't initially tell what it was due to how fast it was going). Naruto, although not particularly adept at academics, upheld his reputation as Konoha High's best batter for a reason. He could take on any type of ball thrown at him, no matter how fast, it was almost inhuman how unflinchingly well he played baseball.
However, that did not stop Sakura from picking fights with him. But in her defense, it was often warranted. Besides, Naruto owed her for a lot of things. Like being able to stay in school and play baseball. Or not dying from jaundice from eating too much ramen. (True story.)
"What are you even doing in here anyways, Naruto?" Sakura scowled. "I thought we talked about not getting into detention this year."
Naruto sat up and made the stupid decision to make blah blah blah motions with his hands while talking back to Sakura. "Says the person who's also in here-" Another eraser whizzed by his head (this time in the shape of a cupcake, Shikamaru noted). By the blanched look on Naruto's face, it seemed that (Shikamaru hoped) he was done talking his mouth off.
"I'm sorry, ma'am. This will not happen again, ma'am," Naruto apologized solemnly, folding his hands behind his back.
"Good."
Ino shifted her body towards them, leaning forward onto the desk behind her, with her head resting in her left hand. "I'm seriously curious, though, why are you here, Naruto?"
Naruto started picking his ear. "I depleted the ramen supply in the cafeteria."
Both Ino and Sakura blinked. "What."
"I depleted the ramen supply in the cafeteria," he repeated simply. "At least that's what Iruka-sensei said. I didn't know that I ate ALL of it, I just thought I ate part of it."
Shikamaru mentally applauded him. Congrats Naruto, now you know the word deplete. Never mind the fact that eating all of the ramen supply in the cafeteria meant-
"YOU'VE LITERALLY EATEN MORE THAN $2,000! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THE SCHOOL SPENDS ON THAT RAMEN??!" Sakura shrieked.
Ino looked slightly sick to the stomach. "HOW CAN YOU EAT THAT MUCH??"
Naruto let out a satisfying burp. "But it was good."
Sakura clutched her head, mumbling, "How is Naruto gonna pay for that kind of damage?? Is this even considered damage??? It's certainly a loss to the school and mumble mumble mumble..."
Shikamaru made eye contact with Ino. He indicated at Naruto, then at Sakura. She seemed to get his message of "This is why I don't do detention with Naruto", since she shook her head in defeat.
Sadly, Naruto seemed to somehow understand his nonverbal message too, since he decided to loudly declare. "Gather around, underlings! If you think that measly story is surprising, wait till you hear about all of my exploits!!"
Naruto may have had a reputation for having a poor vocabulary, but the words that were coming out of his mouth today were definitely of a higher level than Shikamaru had expected. High school really did wonders sometimes. Or maybe it was all Iruka-sensei and Sakura.
However, he had to nip this one in the bud. "Allow me, Naruto," he said semi-sarcastically. "There's too many stories."
Naruto seemed to ponder his suggestion quite seriously, as his facial features all got scrunched up. "Hmmm... well I guess you can this time. It will be good practice for you in the future, when you tell people stories about the Great Naruto!"
He looked off into the horizon, probably in an attempt to seem grand or heroic or mysterious or whatever. It just resulted in the three of them silenly watching him as crickets croaked in the background. Shikamaru sweatdropped. "Okay, sure.
"There was one time Naruto had detention in third grade because he spilled oobleck all over the hallway floors. Apparently it was Sasuke's oobleck for the Science Fair that year, cause Sasuke and I were in the same class," Shikamaru suppressed a yawn before continuing. "Then, when Naruto went to detention, he brought buckets of slime and splashed it over the classroom windows."
Naruto puffed his chest up proudly. "It was to get back at Sasuke's teacher! That old fart called me a turd!"
Sakura had a look of disbelief on her face. Whether it was from Naruto stealing Sasuke's oobleck or from the fact that a teacher would call a third grader a turd, Shikamaru wasn't sure.
"Another time, Naruto set our math teacher's hair on fire in sixth grade. This was because... In the end, the classroom he was in for detention had to be abandoned because of the damage from the firecrackers that he brought.
"Oh that reminds me, backtracking to fifth grade, Naruto drew on the Hokage portraits hanging in the main office with Sharpie and...
"And then when we were in eighth grade, Naruto picked a fight with a high schooler, and it eventually led them to having a dual in the school garden and... That high schooler later came back to find Naruto in detention, and then he proceeded to break the classroom windows and..."
As Shikamaru continued to list all of Naruto's... adventures, Naruto nodded confidently in confirmation, albeit occasionally interrupting him to tell an exaggerated version of the story. Sakura would disappointedly shake her head every once in a while, muttering, "I remember that."
"And this," Shikamaru concluded, "is why having detention with Naruto is a bad idea."
"How do you even know all of this??" Ino asked incredulously.
"The teachers kept putting me in cleaning crew for sleeping during class, so I had to clean up after all of Naruto's messes," Shikamaru answered dejectedly.
Naruto had the common sense to look a bit ashamed. "Hehe, sorry Shikamaru." Naruto scratched the back of his head. "Don't worry, I'm gonna be a NEW ME! A new me that looks after my caring underlings while causing more trouble!" He pounded a fist against his chest earnestly, although in reality, this isn't the kind of thing one should be so determined to do. It's too troublesome, really.
"Hey." An inhumanly emotionless voice spoke from behind Shikamaru and Naruto. Immediately the hairs on the back of all four of their necks stood up. An image of ice cold eyes flashed before Shikamaru's eyes. He was pretty sure the voice belonged to that boy, but geez, oh geez, he prayed that it wasn't him. And yet, he couldn't stop his body from slowly turning around as the instincts in his body screamed RUN.
Shikamaru struggled to gulp as he made eye contact with the kid behind him. He was right.
Up close, the kid's eyes seemed even more unforgiving, and Shikamaru fought the urge to hide. What the hell is wrong with hi-
"All of you need to shut the fuck up before I get angry." The kid's tone sent shivers up Shikamaru's spine again. His eyes frantically darted back at Sakura and Ino. Even though they were much farther from this kid than he was, he could tell they were experiencing the same level of terror as he was.
"Why."
Shikamaru's eyes bulged out as he whipped around to the source of their soon-to-be cause of death. Naruto even had the audacity to start picking his nose after asking the question.
The boy narrowed his eyes at Naruto, almost snarling. From the corner of his eye, Shikamaru could see the other two new kids stand up from their desks and begin to make their way towards them. This couldn't be good. (Shikamaru started to wonder why they weren't sitting with this kid even though they came in together, but he immediately brushed that thought off. What was important right now was that they seemed to be ready to back this kid up.)
Naruto apparently lacked any survival skills whatsoever, because he continued to open his mouth. "You don't own the place. And even if ya did, I wouldn't listen to you. So suck on that." To put the cherry on top, Naruto blew a raspberry at him.
Shikamaru watched in slow-motion as drops of spittle landed on the kid's face, and even his two goonies seemed to be horrified.
He wanted to faint. Actually, no, he wanted to die. Even if they didn't die today, he was pretty sure that he was going to die a premature death from a heart attack. Because all of the stress Naruto has been causing him is definitely taking a toll on his body. There's a reason why he actively avoids troublesome incidents like these.
The kid silently wiped the spit off of his face, before raising his hand towards Naruto.
Ino whispered urgently behind them, "Oh no! He's about to slap a bitch!"
"Ino, don't say that!" Sakura scolded quitely.
However, his goonies seemed to be in agreeance with Ino, because they grabbed the kid's arms. "Gaara, no! You can't get angry!" the boy with the purple makeup nervously seemed to be reminding him.
"We just got here, we can't afford to get kicked out now!" the blonde girl cried. Shikamaru couldn't help but notice that the strong façade that she had been keeping up until now had crumbled a bit as she spoke to Gaara. (Not that he had been secretly watching her since she entered the room, it's just that strong people tend to have this aura that's hard to ignore, you know?)
Gaara growled like a feral animal. "You think I can forgive him?" he spat. "I can't let him get away with this."
A lightbulb appeared over Naruto's head. Did Naruto finally realize how badly he fu- "Wow, that's what Sasuke says to me all the time!"
Nope. Shikamaru regretted forgetting to take out the trash this morning like his mother told him to. If he knew he was going to die today he would've been a better son.
"I gotta great idea!" Naruto continued. No you don't. Stop. Get some help. Naruto pointed a finger straight into Gaara's face. "I challenge ya to a competition."
Everyone froze, even Gaara. Either Naruto didn't notice or he didn't care, cause he kept going. "If you win, you can beat me up! No complaints! But if I win, you have to buy me ramen for a week! MWAHAHAHA."
Sakura quietly groaned. "Okay, I know what he's doing now..." Shikamaru didn't. Someone please explain how Naruto was going to win against this kid? He looked like he wanted to gut everyone here!
Gaara's two goonies exchanged nervous looks with each other before looking back at the boy in question. "Don't, Gaara-" the girl started.
Gaara ripped his arm out of her grasp. "Shut up, stop acting like you're doing what's my best for me," he glared. Oooh, teenage angst. Shikamaru was not impressed. The girl reluctantly stepped back.
He turned to look Naruto straight in the eye, then gave him an unnerving smile. "I like your idea."
Naruto fistpumped, like the poor oblivious person he was. "Alright! I'll choose the competition then too!" Shikamaru nervously looked to Gaara's face.
His smile only seemed to grow more sinister. "Sure," he agreed simply.
Naruto excitedly ran to Kakashi-sensei, tapping him on the shoulder. Kakashi-sensei lazily took an earbud out to hear Naruto as he whispered his request. He shrugged nonchalantly, then reached under his desk to pull out a colorful box, handing it off to Naruto, who exclaimed "THANK YOU" loud enough for all of them to hear, even in the back of the classroom.
As Naruto bounded back towards them like a puppy running towards the edge of a cliff, the words on the side of the box came into view.
"Monopoly?!" Ino read in shock. Shikamaru wanted to groan. He really should've known better and left the classroom the moment he saw Naruto. Who cares if he gets more detention? 20 detentions without Naruto would be less troublesome than 1 detention WITH Naruto.
Sakura only merely raised her eyebrow. "Really?" she asked uncertainly.
Naruto nodded fervently in response. "Of course! It's the best way to make friends! And besides, this isn't Monopoly guys!"
Shikamaru stared at the box. Nope, pretty sure the words say "Monopoly".
Naruto shook his head as if they were all four years old. "It's okay, guys. We can't all be as smart as I am." Shikamaru kinda wanted to strangle him right now, and it seemed like everyone else agreed. Gaara had that look to begin with, though, so he wasn't sure if that counted. And except maybe Kakashi-sensei, who was minding his own business.
Naruto set the Monopoly box down on a desk and slowly took off the cover. Shikamaru was dumbfounded when its contents were revealed. Instead of fake money and cards, the box was filled with mini Play-Doh containers.
Naruto picked up a Play-Doh container with an orange lid and shook the Play-Doh out. Instead of being just orange, it was a strange mix of orange, black, pink, and blue (and to be honest, it looked kinda gross). He held the Play-Doh out in his hand towards Gaara as if it were an amulet.
"You! I challenge you to a clay molding contest!"
A/N: Sorry folks, the encounters with the Sand siblings got pushed off a bit. But that's usually how it goes in real life, doesn't it? You're interested in someone but they're not. You don't get to talk to them until later. You realize they're older than you and you have an unrequited love towards them. Anyways, boohoo Shikamaru's love life. Sorry for so many commas this chapter.
Disclaimer: I do not own Play-Doh either. (Sorry I didn't mention it at the beginning, I didn't want to spoil it. :p)