"𝐌om?" I call once I enter the house. Shane follows me quietly.
I find her in the kitchen talking to someone on the phone when her eyes fall on me. She quickly approaches me with a relieved look.
"You're back," she says, placing a hand on my cheek. She smiles at Shane. "Did you both have a good time?"
I remove her hand from my face, squeeze it worriedly and ask in a whisper, "Mom, what's happening?"
She lowers her gaze and presents another smile. "They are here to see your recovery."
"Hell with recovery," I almost shout. "Why did you let them in?"
"Kate, don't act like a child––"
"Kate," Shane says in a warm tone devoid of any roughness. "I think you should think about your mom a bit. What would they have done if they came to visit you, shut the door on their faces?"
I smirk, looking away. "That's better."
"Please come inside the living room," mom pleads before patting Shane on his shoulder. I watch as she leaves for the guests.
"Spare me the lecture, Shane," I sigh. "I am already stressed."
"Oliver is to blame, don't punish his parents."
I blink, looking at him. "What?"
His jaw clenches slightly. "He cheated on you. Not his parents."
I roll my eyes and go for the kitchen. "If mom has been showering all this information to you, then she is trying not to be rude."
Before he can answer, I see a figure entering the kitchen. The same boy whom I broke up with long ago.
I ignore him, offering Shane a smile. "You wanted water?"
Shane notices him from the corner of his eyes and hesitates. "Umm..."
"Dad got your favorite juice!" I say and pretend to be searching in the fridge. "You said you loved it."
"Kate," Oliver calls but I act like he's invisible to my eyes and ears.
I manage to find a juice carton and pour some into a glass. "Here, drink."
Shane looks at the juice and cringes. "I hate pineapple."
"Just drink," I mumble, gritting my teeth. "Or I will make sure you limp like me."
He mutters something inaudible and pulls the glass up to his mouth. "I... can't."
"Don't be shy," I smile and glance at Oliver. "It's all for you."
Oliver looks down and sighs. "Kate, can I have a second with you?"
I laugh but keep my eyes on Shane. "Someone had five years and think they can solve the thing in some seconds."
"Kate, please."
Shane places the glass on the table and looks at me sharply. "Stop pretending to be okay."
I gulp seeing him in such a way. "Shane, are you––"
Shane takes his exit, leaving me speechless. Oliver doesn't waste a single moment fetching me and I don't react.
"Kate, please don't misunderstand me. It was my mother. She is hell-bent on seeing you after discovering your state," he explains. "Or I wouldn't have come here to make you uncomfortable."
I suppress rolling my eyes and take the juice glass. Shane didn't even taste it.
"Uh, I can drink it if you want," Oliver offers and I stop my movements.
"You're making this harder, Oli––" I grind my teeth before muttering his name, "Oliver."
He doesn't say anything, just stares. I eye him suspiciously. "What are you staring at?"
As if broken from a trance, he coughs out. "It's just... It feels like a lifetime hearing my name from you."
"Unfortunately it is the last time," I smile before shoving the glass at him. "Since you are so hell-bent on having this."
I leave the room and go straight to the living hall. Mom is sitting there by his mother and our fathers are engaged in a conversation.
His mother's eyes fall on me instantly, and they light up like a bulb. "Kate! It has been so long since we've seen you!"
She stands up and hugs me tight. I pat her back in return. "Same here, Lydia."
She detaches herself and takes a long glance at my figure. "You look so thin, Kate. You need to be healthy like before, now that Oliver is back."
I freeze.
Oliver is back. What is the meaning of this?
I squint my eyes at mom but she doesn't meet mine. Reluctantly, I smile at Lydia. "What... do you mean?"
Lydia checks her husband and he makes eye contact with me before standing up. "How are you, honey?"
Honey? Why is everyone reacting as if Oliver and I are still dating?
My heart races and an unpleasant feeling settles in my tummy. "I-I am okay."
"We are sorry you had to go through such things," he apologizes. "It's just... we never thought she..."
"Exactly," Lydia complains and holds mom's arm in a friendly manner. "I couldn't believe Alisha would do such a thing. I mean both of you were so good friends and..."
"Who knows what goes in someone's mind," mom says through her teeth. I know she is trying to hint at something else to his parents.
"Oliver couldn't sleep all night," Lydia sighs. "He is so ashamed."
"Of course, when your family member––"
"Zelda," dad interrupts and joins us. "Kate, how are you feeling right now? Do you want to go to your room?"
I lower my eyes and simply nod.
⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓
"Wait wait wait," Ashlyn pauses laughs. "You mean to say you went to Gloria's house?"
I sigh, fixing the phone on the dressing table while combing my hair into a ponytail. "Gloria is nothing that we imagined, Ash."
"Of course," she sneers. "Gloria is the angel who just accidentally humiliated you in front of the whole school. Accidents happen."
"Ash––"
"Kate?"
I stand up, for the sound didn't come from her but outside my door.
"Who is it?"
I wipe my forehead and whisper. "I will explain everything later. Bye."
I throw the phone on the bed and open the door. Oliver's eyes are on the floor when I spot him against the wall.
"Yes?"
"Um, I just wanted to give this to you." He holds up a blue-wrapped box. "Mom picked this up for you."
Liar, I want to scream at his face. Oliver's mother always ordered online for presents and the house maids for wrapping, and I am sure it's still the same.
Keeping in mind the least principles, I take the gift muttering a word of gratitude.
"Your room is still the same," he whispers, his eyes roaming behind me. "I remember when we––"
"Is that it then?" I ask referring to the gift. He quiets down and nods. I proceed to close the door. "Okay, bye."
The door closes and I exhale loudly. I throw the gift across the room and rub my chest over my loud beating heart. I am so pathetic to still get affected before my ex.
I slump on the bed, spreading my arms wide.
"Is he gone?"
My eyes widen as I look at the phone. "Ashlyn?"
"Sorry."
I instantly pick it up and disable the speaker. "I told you to cut."
"Who was it? Was it Shane?"
I moisten my dry lips. Ash has helped me a lot and it doesn't feel okay to lie to her about this. "No, it was... Oliver."
"Oliver? Oliver Hart? Why the hell?"
"He––his family came to apologize."
She scoffs. "Apologise. You throw him off a cliff."
I sigh. "I know Ash. I know exactly how you feel but I can't do anything. Moreover, it's not like we are getting back into a relationship. They are just... helping me."
"Hmm," she drones. "Hey, mom is calling me for lunch, I gotta go, bye!"
"Bye, and tell Cara to call me if she texts you."
She laughs. "She has gone crazy just to meet her favorite author."
I disconnect the call and lie down on the bed for a while.
"Stop pretending to be okay..."
Am I really pretending?
⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓
"Kate, you have to think practically," mom suggests at the dinner table. "We are doing this for your own good."
"Own good?" I shout. "You are planning to send me to a psychiatrist. Am I crazy?"
"Stop shouting," mom grumbles. "And who says going to a psychiatrist means they are crazy? You went through a lot and that's why we are suggesting––"
"We or the school?"
They both exchange looks. I get up from the table. "I am full, good night, mom."
"Kate––"
"Goodnight dad, sweet dreams," I sing, going upstairs, ignoring the tear that leaves my left eye.
⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓
The next morning, I wake up to a commotion. Usually, I am a heavy sleeper but these past few days, I am unable to remove these dark circles from my eyes.
"You go, I will stay with her," I hear dad say once I start climbing down sleepily.
"But––"
"The restaurant has many people to cover for me, you are a surgeon, Zelda," dad reminds in a serious tone. "People need you."
"You also can't avoid your restaurant which you have been ignoring for the past three days!"
By now, sleep has gone from my eyes and I feel like I am standing at the borderline watching two opponents fight.
"I can stay alone," I announce, appearing at the head of the stairs. Their eyes fall on me. I nod, "I can. Really."
"How do you feel?" mom asks, offering me a hand when I descend.
I shrug, smiling. "Better."
"Good," mom smiles and caresses my hair. "Let's change your dressing, yeah?"
"Zelda..." dad groans. "I can do it as well. You'll be late."
"Mom," I grab her hand in assurance, understanding their concern for leaving their daughter alone who was involved in a suicide attempt not many days ago. "I can stay home alone. Dad, I can also change the dressing, you don't need to stay at home as well."
Both hesitate.
"I am serious, guys," I huff. "I am eighteen, not eight. And it's just an injury on my... wrist."
Silence fills our home until dad questions, "You sure?"
I lift my thumb.
⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓
I am watching a movie on the tv when my stomach growls.
For the fifth time.
I get up from the couch and go for the fridge. Dad has already made lunch and instructed me to heat it in the microwave.
When I open the fridge door, I cringe finding a veggie-loaded frittata. I close the fridge aggressively.
Finding no other choice, I decide just to order something online.
Just as I am about to search for my phone, the doorbell rings. I check the peephole and open the door to Elyse.
She greets me with her clean smile. "Hello, Kate, how are you doing?"
"I am good. What about you?"
"Good as well," she grins and checks my surroundings. "Your mom isn't home?"
I shake my head. "My parents have gone to their work."
"Oh, it's fine. I came to return this box," she says, handing me. "Did you have your lunch?"
I blink scratching my head. "Um... no, but I will be––"
"Great," she claps her hands, "today, Shane just tried a pork dish, and grandma doesn't eat meat, so there's plenty."
My lips form a broken smile. "But––"
She slaps my back lightly. "Quickly bring the key for the door. I am waiting."
⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓
"The food was really tasty," I murmur, wiping my lips with a tissue. "Thank you."
"Don't mention it, you are family." She grins and eyes Shane. "You want to say something?"
I look at him. Shane just shrugs.
Throughout the lunch, he seemed to be stuck in his preoccupied air and didn't participate in any conversation, giving us a cold shoulder. I am not sure if this has anything to do with Oliver last day.
Did they meet again? Did Oliver say something offensive?
"Shane," his mother sighs and looks over at me. "Sorry for his behavior. God knows what has gotten in him."
I smile and attempt to leave. "That's alright. I'd better be going."
She gives Shane a stern gaze. "Shane, walk her to the door."
Shane chortles, playing with his fork. "That's unnecessary. It's not like the door is two kilometers away. She can walk herself."
"Thank you for the meal," I whisper and charge for the door.
"You are overreacting, mom," I hear him groan lowly and don't waste any more time to get out of the house.
⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓
In the evening, after a powerful afternoon nap, I feel energized. I text mom saying I am taking a stroll to the nearest café which has just opened around the corner.
As instructed by her, I wear light airy clothes to avoid suffocation and sweat. Thankfully my wrist has just one strip band-aid since the gauze was making my skin itchy and dry.
My hair has grown longer these months and have started going past my shoulders. Tying them with a blue scrunchie, I exit the house with the keys.
The evening wind is mild, great after the afternoon heat. I heard from dad that monsoon is soon arriving. I walk on the concrete pavement blocks, slightly faltering my steps. It feels like a lifetime since I have stepped out in my neighborhood.
I pass the unfamiliar houses with excitement. There is an outdoor party being organized some doors away. People are arranging tables, some on the ladders tying lights on the trees and others brooming the lawn.
"Hey."
I turn around at the voice but instantly resume my movements, ignoring the by-passer.
"Kate, wait."
"What do you want, Oliver?" I snap. "Are you following me?"
"I was just passing––"
"Your house is the opposite way, remember?" I flash a nasty smile. "Or did you even forget it like you forgot what happened some months ago?"
He slows down by me. If I didn't have a healing ankle, I would've vanished from this parasite long ago.
"Where are you going?" he asks and looks over my feet. "Is your leg okay?"
I finally stop and face him with pity. "Why are you pretending as if things are normal, Oliver?"
He examines my face before looking away. "Why can't we? We broke up but why can't we act normal? Pretend as if nothing went wrong? We aren't going back in a relationship."
"What?" I question but when he doesn't answer, I clench my jaw and start walking down the street. "True."
"So that boy..."
"His name is Shane."
"Oh," he nods and glances at me, "so he's your..."
I open my mouth to object but feel it will be too stupid to say the truth, and he might think I am still not over our relationship. "It's complicated."
He sighs.
Soon, the café comes into view and my eyes enlarge when he follows me in.
"Why are you entering?"
He blinks and clears his throat. "It's fine. I will sit at another table."
While I take the table closest to the window, he takes one far away, close to the backdoor.
For some reason, I feel guilty. Maybe sharing a table won't be that bad and as Oliver stated earlier, we are not going back into the relationship.
"Ma'am, your order?"
I look up at the waitress, startled. "I..."
I gesture to her for an excuse and hesitantly approach his table. He looks surprised at my presence. "Get up."
"What?"
I sigh and point at my table. "Just sit at my table. It feels weird for you to sit far away. Moreover, I will be leaving in fifteen minutes."
A faint smile appears on his face and he follows me back to my place.
I order myself some cheesecake, and a cold milkshake, and pack brownies for home while Oliver takes his bland black coffee.
"It's been a while, isn't it?" he initiates after taking a few sips.
Absent-mindedly, I look over at the flower tops dangling from the roof. "A while... A while for what?"
He doesn't say anything for the rest of the time in the café.
"It will be a total of 27.32$."
I am counting the coins in my palm when a hand goes straight on the counter, leaving some notes.
"Keep the change," Oliver smiles at the cashier and glances at me. "Let's go."
"But why did you––"
"Shh," he flashes his effortless smile and goes for the door, "your treat next time."
The door jingles as he leaves and the cashier's voice brings me back from a daze. "What?"
"Your brownies, ma'am."
I blink taking the box from the counter. "Thank you."
When I leave, I check everywhere but there is no trace of Oliver, as if he vanished into thin air.
"Your treat next time."
Why will there be any next time?
⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓
"Strange," Ashlyn comments once I narrate the whole incident. "I mean... why is he acting like nothing happened between you two?"
"Exactly!" I slap my hand on my thigh, agreeing. "He is pretending to be a gentlemen but I am telling you, he has an ulterior motive."
"Motive," she whispers, wiping her lips. Her eyes widen. "You mean..."
"Guys," Cara joins, "I mean I get it if Oliver––"
"Don't utter his name," Ashlyn complains, taking another swig of the lemonade. "My ears are ringing."
"So what should I call him?"
Ashlyn giggles. "Asshole."
"Ash," Cara groans. "Anyway, I get it if your ex is trying to... get in touch with you again, but what about his parents? Why are they acting all along?"
"Maybe they want a four––"
"Shut up, Ash!" I snap and rub my forehead in frustration. "It's confusing. The way his mother talked to me, felt like they are concealing the wound. They know we broke up; how we broke up."
"But did you ask him the main thing?" Ash interjects, picking up one brownie.
I narrow my eyes. "The main thing?"
"Psst!" she hisses. "The picture. The one that got you in trouble..."
I stand up, my heart throbbing. "I-I––"
"What if he still has it?"
"Katherine killed Gloria!"
"Hooker! Hooker! Hooker!"
"Slut."
"Pathetic."
"Desperate wh––"
My breathing canal constricts and I fall on the floor, frantically trying crawl.
"Kate." Both of my friends crouch around me. Ash rubs my palms. "Why are you sweating so much? Cara, give her some water."
Cara makes me sip some gulps while Ash sprinkles some on my face to reduce the redness.
"It's..." I inhale, my heart still trying to get to the normal level. "It's suffocating. Whenever, I think of that day... it's just..."
"Don't think about that," Cara suggests and rubs my back. "We won't mention that again."
I shake my head and lay my head against the sofa. "You don't have to avoid the topic before me. I am tired of running around."
Both of them silence down. Ashlyn clears her throat and leans against the couch like me. "By the way, what about Gloria? You said she got an abusive dad."
I nod but squint my eyes at her accusingly. "You swore you won't tell that to anyone, Ash."
"I didn't bro," she defends. "I am asking you."
"She is leaving; going to Canada," I say and smile. "It's good she is leaving. It must be hard for her as well."
The door bell rings and my mom comes in, greeting Ashlyn and Cara.
"Are you guys hungry? I can order some pizza," mom offers and looks over my pleased face. "And some vegetable soup for Kate."
I grimace, waving off. Ashlyn and Cara get up, telling that they need to leave or else they will miss the bus.
I walk them to the door, and spot Shane digging up the lawn in his grandma's presence.
"Isn't it funny?" I chortle, my eyes on him. "The moment he came into my life, my life screwed. Literally."
Both glance at eachother and back at me.
"No, Kate," Cara deadpans and gives me a short glance before staring at Shane. "The moment your life got screwed, Shane came."
⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓
"Mom!" I gasp, sitting up straight.
My heart thuds with each passing second and the dream floats over my eyes.
I was surrounded by the crowd at school, everyone tearing apart my clothes and Trevor was recording it.
I rub my shivering figure to feel the fabric of my night suit.
The door opens and my parents rush in, frantically.
"Kate, are you okay, baby?" Mom checks my temperature. "You are sweating so much."
"Here, drink some water." Dad hands me the glass and sits by me, stroking my hair. "Was it a bad dream?"
I try to drink but my heart beat resonates in my ears. I feel uneasy as if I can still perceive their touches on my exposed skin.
"Kate, Kate," mom holds my face and forces me to look at her, "don't think about it. Just look at me. Always remember you are the strongest girl we've ever met. It's okay."
I close my eyes and grasp her hands. "It was a very very bad dream, mom. They–– They were..."
"Shh," dad kisses my head, "can we talk in the morning?"
I embrace him tightly, tears exiting my orbs. "I don't want to go to school, dad. They will––they will kill me. They will circulate my pictures, my videos. Please save me, dad."
Mom sobs, covering her face. I break down even more. Dad rocks me, rubbing my back like an infant and soon enough, I feel slipping in some abyss.
⁓⁓⁓⁓⁓
KRRR... RING! KRRR––!
"Argh," I groan and press the phone against my ears, with eyes still closed. "Hello?"
"Kate!"
"Ash? Speak."
"...at school!"
"What?" I rub my eyes and adjust the phone. "Repeat."
"Kate! Uncle was at school!"
I sit up. "What?"
"Yeah," she breathes, "he apparently asked Cara and me about your behavior and..."
I get off the bed, looking around for a jacket. I come across my mirror and pat my cheek, hoping it's a dream. "Why my dad was at school? Is he still there?"
"No..." she trails off. "But he seemed pretty disturbed."
"Disturbed?" I run downstairs, searching for dad.
I spot mom walking across the hall in her scrubs when her eyes fall on me. "Kate? Where are you going?"
I cover the phone with my palm and face her. "Dad was in school?"
"He went to give your fees."
I put the phone on speaker. "Ash, are you there?"
"Yeah..." Her voice evaporates in a faint commotion.
"What is happening?"
"Um, there's a... actually..."
"Ash, please, for god's sake, tell me what happened."
"Your dad came; we were in the canteen; he asked us if you felt unsecured in the recent days and..."
"And?"
"Cara told him about yesterday's behavior."
"Shit," I mumble and mom looks at me in concern. "Then?"
"Then some students recognised him and he asked them about the situation in school and..."
"Ash, please, I don't have time for suspense."
"They said Trevor's name."