Troye
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I feel Connor's lips press against my hair and I drift off to sleep with a huge smile on my face. This night has been so perfect. It's been everything that I wanted it to be, I got closer to Connor. Really that's all that matters to me right now. I want to make Connor happy because I really really like him and I care about him so so much. I don't really think I've ever been on a proper date and though that wasn't what is usually consider a date I have a feeling that that's exactly what Connor likes as a date. Alone, outdoors and enjoying each other.
I wake up to Connor moving out from under me, I reach out blindly trying to pull him back down but he swats my hand away. Usually I take rejection fine but that just doesn't settle well with me for some reason. I roll over and hide my face in his blankets, not wanting him to see my disappointed face. I can hear him moving around getting ready for work and I don't get up when he leaves the room. I stay right there and just think.
I have an assignment today. I have to take someone's life today and Connor doesn't know that. Connor won't know what I've done when I come home tonight. He'll have no idea what I've done and I'm sure that I'm okay with that. I don't think I can live with myself if I have to keep doing this. Connor is my only hope, he is the only one who can get me out of this situation but until we fall in love I'm stuck.
As if everything about this situation wasn't crappy enough someone wants to kill my soul mate. Dan and Phil refuse to tell me who it is and Connor has absolutely no clue as to why someone would want to kill him. This isn't fair at all. I just want to know who wants him dead. If someone is stupid enough to want an amazing amazing person like Connor dead then I wouldn't put it past them to take matters into their own hands now that plan A didn't work out. I am so fucking scared that someone is going to take away the one good thing that has come into my life. If someone takes him away from me I don't know what I'll do.
I get up knowing that I need to get ready for what I have to do today. I don't think they can really teach you how to prepare yourself for this. Especially when it's someone like me who doesn't like this at all. I think that some of my co-workers actually enjoy there job, as sick as that sounds. The majority of the people I've met in this line of work are the worst people in the world. I guess that's kind of expected as we do kill and hurt people to make money. I've never felt like I belonged around the people I work with and I'm am so relieved by that. If I was comfortable with them and fit in with them Connor would never in a million years want me the way that I want him.
I walk out of Connor's room and walk into mine so I can prepare my stuff. The kind of stuff that I wish I didn't own. I hide my "work stuff" in a chest in my closet so that I don't have to see it out in plain sight. My hit isn't until four in the afternoon, but seeing as I don't have a car and I don't really want to take a cab, I get dressed then start walking to the trail that Dan had described for me. I have weapons hidden under my coat and I'm sweltering in the coat. By the time I get to the trail its about two. Out of pure boredom I end up walking the trail a few times on about my third trip around the trail I start thinking about where the best spot would be for my assignment. I settle on one spot, a place that is on a hill next to the trail where I can be hidden by trees and thick bushes and tall grass.
I'm not left alone with nothing to do for very long. As the long blonde hair swept into a precise ponytail comes into view I know that she has arrived about ten minutes earlier than planned. As I pull the gun from my belt the thing happens. The thing that happens every time that I do this, save the time I tried to kill Connor. I black out, not like pass out not moving black out but like I don't remember a single thing until I'm walking off of the trail. It will all come back in flashbacks and nightmares, I'm actually somewhat glad that I am never aware of what I'm doing when I'm doing the most horrible thing a person could do. I send a text to Dan telling him the job is done and he replies with a good job with an array of stupid emoji's. I walk back to the apartment and I'm so glad that Connor isn't there when I get home. I put away my stupid work things and grab my wallet. I think I need to go get drunk.
I walk to a bar and order a drink then another and another and another. I keep drinking and when I am thoroughly drunk to the point where I can't even remember my own name let alone anything I did that day, I head out onto the dance floor. I hadn't realized it before but I must have stepped myself into a gay bar because all I can see is dude's grinding against dudes. I dance around not all that aware of my actions a few guys come up to me and we start dancing on each other. If I was sober I would not think this was right but I'm so drunk that I don't even care.
One of the guys I find particularly cute, he's introduced himself as Jeremy or maybe he said Jacob. I don't really know but he has an incredible jaw line that I just want to rub my face all over. He has the body of one of those Brazilian soccer players with skin about the same color as those soccer players. He has dark hair styled into a quiff and good damn he's so sexy. Caution is thrown the wind when I'm drunk and after a few minutes I do something that I regret as soon as I do it. He leans down and starts kissing me and I don't stop him. I tangle my hands in his hair and pull him closer. His hand grazes my side lifting my shirt a little and I pull myself out of his reach.
"I'm so sorry this was really stupid of me. I can't do this." I ramble on with my slow slurred speech for a few minutes before he walks away and I run to the door, tripping a few times. I'm not too far from the apartment but I don't want to go there because Connor's there and he doesn't know what I've done. I don't care that it's past eleven, I head up to my special spot knowing that if Connor really wants to find me that he'll come here and find me.
It takes me awhile to get to that spot, I fall quite a few times and I'm relieved when I finally get to the top. I lie on my back and look up at the sky that has no stars in it thanks to the lights of the city. I don't remember falling asleep but when I do it's because I hear a voice calling my name. I'm about to respond when I feel vomit coming up my throat. I puke all over the grass then wipe my mouth and look back to see Connor with a disgusted look on his face.
"Troye? Are you okay?"Connor says and kneels beside me, he must get a whiff of me because he crinkles his nose. "You smell like alcohol and a new cologne." When I'm drunk my brain doesn't really have a senor so I end up just blurting out what I'm thinking about.
"No I don't think I'm okay. I had to kill someone today, then I got drunk and kissed some fucking random guy and now I just vomited everywhere. I'm a terrible person. I don't deserve to live and someone wants to kill you and I have no idea who it is." I start crying and despite the words I have just said Connor sits beside me and let's me cry into his chest. What is wrong with him? I just told him I killed some and kissed another guy, he shouldn't be reacting like this.
"It's okay, Troye." He let's me cry and strokes my hair as we sit there in the dark next to a pool of my vomit. I don't know how long we stay there but it seems like it's a long time before Connor pulls me up and leads me back to the car. I'm leaning on his shoulder and he has a warm arm wrapped around my waist. We make back to the car rather quickly and we start driving. "Did you say that you kissed a random guy? Why?"
"I don't know why I did it, Connor. I'm really really drunk and it seemed like a good idea at the time. I honestly feel like shit for doing that. I know that I can't just go around kissing other guys. You are my soul mate. You're the only one that I should be kissing. You're the only one that I want to kiss." I cover my mouth after my last sentence knowing that I should have kept that one to myself. Connor looks irritated and maybe a little angry but he keeps his eyes forward and doesn't talk to me until we are back in the apartment.
"You're not getting in my bed until you've taken a shower." Connor says shedding his coat and his shoes.
"I think that you should shower with me. Like what if I fall over and die?" My mouth is running by itself before I can even think about what I'm saying. Connor scoffs at me then walks into his room without saying anything to me. I walk into my room to get a pair of boxers then I strip out of my clothes and go to the shower. I turn on the water and step under the warm stream, I wash my body and then I puke. The puke goes down the drain with the nice smelling soapy bubbles. I wash up then dry off and brush my teeth before slipping into my boxers.
Connor is on his phone when I walk into the room but he slowly puts it down as I slide into bed next to him. We lie down and Connor turns the light off and my mouth starts running again.
"Thank you for not outwardly judging me for all the terrible things that I've done today. You are really cute when you're worried about me which is basically all the time. So you're really cute all the time." I roll over onto my side so that I can see Connor's face and even in the dark I can see that he is blushing. I put and hand on his hip and he slides a closer to me. "I really want to kiss you right now but I can't because that's wrong. I shouldn't kiss you right now because I'm drunk and I want our first kiss to be special." Connor ducks his head and hides it against my chest. I can feel him smiling despite the fact that he doesn't want me to know that he's smiling.
"I had a really bad day and finding you drunk and you telling me that you killed someone didn't really help. This though for some strange reason makes me feel better. Even though you are drunk and probably don't mean a word you are saying." I move my hand from his hip up to his shoulder and I start tracing patterns on his skin with my fingers as he watches me.
"Connor I'm not just saying this because I'm drunk. I think those things all the time I'm just to scared to say them when I'm sober." I sit up and he follows my example and we face each other and I start talking, "You have the most beautiful eyes, Connor really. Your eyes always hold this certain kind of passion for no matter what you are doing. Your eyes are easy to read and they show all your emotions but damn are they pretty. It like two emeralds have been forced into your eyes sockets. Man, the way your eyes light up when you laugh has to be the most beautiful thing that I have ever seen in my life. You have such a pretty smile and such nice lips, full soft looking pink lips. You have such an amazing personality to like you get me on a level that no one else does. You laugh at my stupid jokes, you like the same music I do and you are always here for me when I need you, always. You are nice and forgiving and understanding and just you make me happy." I reach over and pull him into a hug, which he returns after sitting there for a moment confused. I can see the redness on his cheeks and the way that a minute ago he was covering his face like he was the monkey emoji. I'm glad that I finally did something right, I'm finally making Connor happy or at least feeling that fluttery stomach thing.
"I honestly can't think of anything to say. You just make me happy and I don't want anything to come between us. I know what you do for a living and I'm going to have to deal with it because we can't change it. I don't see any point in resenting you for it because you can't do anything about it. I don't really know. Let's go to sleep." We lie back down beside each other and Connor curls up in my arms, it's different from what we usually do but it feels right. "Goodnight Tro."
"Goodnight Con." I whisper and plant a kiss on the top of his head. I fall asleep quickly with the man of my dreams wrapped in my arms.
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A/N
Hey guys its Amanda and I'm kind of hungry and kind of tired. Anyways this chapter was interesting to write as I wrote about four hundred words a few days ago then stopped because I didn't have any idea of what to write. Then today I started up again because I finally now have everything (for the most part) planned out and man it is going to be so amazing. You just wait. If you liked any part of this chapter please:
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