TW: Mathew
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36.
Flashback
18 Years Ago
••••
"I love you Soso."
"I love you to, BB!" The four year old responded to her sister, wrapping her tiny arms around her waist.
The two sisters were sitting on the cream colored abstract rug in the spacious living room watching one of their favorite animated series, The Proud Family, patiently waiting for their beloved mother to complete Sunday dinner.
"Get up Beyoncé, you're coming with me." Their father's voice boomed off the four walls, grasping his daughters attention from the east-end corner of the room.
Every moment they heard an once of the base in his tone, they knew it was rarely for a good reason. Fear ached throughout their bones not knowing what they had done wrong this time.
He didn't exude love to them, in private that is. However, in the mist of the doors of their church home, he pursued a profuse facade, forging as if the Knowles family were so perfect in the eye of the public.
Solange instantly began shaking, an reaction she divulged frequently whenever their father was anywhere near by. His face, let alone presence, was equivalent to a monster—a monster whom instilled fear, anger and anxiousness into her.
Beyoncé being her sisters protecter, gently pulled Solange into her lap and rubbed her back for comfort.
"C-Can Soso go?"
"Did I say Solange's name?" He questioned sternly yet, in a rhetorical tone.
Solange's movements continued to tremble, shoving her face into Beyoncé's chest as she emphasized her sniffles.
"It's okay Soso, I promise I'll be back, a-and we can play Barbies and color, or do whatever you want." Beyoncé whispered, consoling Solange.
"Want sissy stay." Solange voiced, barely audible.
"I can't Soso, I'm sorry."
Beyoncé felt a tad defeated, not having the alternative to remain home, where she'd rather be, alongside her baby sister.
Unlike Solange, Beyoncé didn't view Mathew as a monster, nor some rogue creature she felt no connection to. Beyoncé seen her father as what he was, a father who believed in discipline and questionable authority. At times, she did fear him but it wasn't extreme like her sister. She just knew to obey his demands and speak when spoken to, to avoid getting in trouble or causing abrupt ruckus.
On the other hand, the sisters looked to their mother for love, care and guidance. Tina had a warm aura and gleamed with joy. The little girls adored their mother and never understood why their father couldn't function the same way.
"Soso please don't cry." Beyoncé mumbled, as her younger sisters sobs echoed louder by the second.
"Beyoncé why the hell are you still sitting there? Put her down and bring your little tail through this door." Mathew demanded.
"B-But Soso's cry—"
"NOW BEYONCÉ!" He yelled, proceeding to punch the wall near the front door, triggering the two girls to jump.
Tina soon rushed into the living room, shaking her head at her husband antics. She picked up her younger daughter who began kicking and screaming for her sister.
"BB!! WANT BB!" She cried at the top of her lungs, as Tina swiftly carried her tiny figure to the kitchen.
"Why can't I stay home daddy?" Beyoncé asked inserting her sock covered feet into her favorite velcro light up shoes.
"Are you questioning me?"
"No sir." She murmured.
Climbing into the backseat of the black Tahoe Chevrolet, Beyoncé buckled her seatbelt trying to suppress her cries. She hated seeing her baby sister pleading for her, and she not be able to do anything about it.
After riding in the vast SUV in pure silence for the past twenty minutes, Mathew finally spoke up, plunging his pride aside.
"You alright back there sweetie?" He inquired, glancing at his oldest daughter through the rear view mirror.
"I'm okay." The six year old replied, fidgeting with her fingers as she counted the trees they'd pass by, through the tinted window.
Goosebumps soon covered her melanated canvas due to the blasting of air conditioning in the vehicle, prompting her to cross her arms over her chest, brushing her hands against her arms for heat.
An additional ten minutes surpassed and Beyoncé occurred getting impatient. She concurred up enough confidence to ask her father a question that's been weighing on her mind since they departed from their home.
"Daddy?"
"Yes sweetheart?"
"Um." She gulped. "May I ask where we're going?"
She didn't receive a response right away but after some pondering, Mathew mustered up the decision to reply.
"We're on our way to a friend of mine's house. We tend to have a private bible study session sometimes." He said, leaving his response brief.
Beyoncé had many follow up inquiries swarming through her head but she knew if she'd ask, what the consequences would be.
"Don't worry, she has a son you can play with. Just remember to be nice and never give out too much information."
Silently sighing, she responded, "Okay daddy."
Mathew's friend resided in the lower class area of Houston. As they were driving through the neighborhood, Beyoncé wondered if the atmosphere was safe, considering the dirty clumps of litter on the road, multiple police sirens not being far in distance, and stray dog roaming around.
Most of the time when Mathew had an errand to run, he'd force Beyoncé to tag along. He never brought Solange, unless it happened to be a family outing. Beyoncé of course hated being requested but ultimately had no say so, or choice. The six year old consistently wondered why her mother never intervened, why she allowed her father to make every decision for her, hell, for them.
"We're here. Remember what I said." Mathew voiced, parking his truck. Leaving out the vehicle, He reached his hand out for Beyoncé to hold as they traveled to the blue two story residence.
Ringing the door bell, they were soon presented with a mature brown skinned woman, and her son who appeared around the same age as Beyoncé.
Beyoncé watched as Mathew wrapped his arm around the woman's waist as they embraced one another into a lingering hug. She really didn't favor him touching other women the exact way he did her mother. She knew it wasn't the proper way to conduct himself.
"Natalie, this is my sweet daughter Beyoncé. Beyoncé, this is Ms. Natalie."
"Hello honey." Natalie greeted.
Mustering up a pretentious smile, Beyoncé acknowledged the older woman back. "Hi ma'am."
Upon entry, Mathew and Natalie immediately disappeared leaving the two children to accompany themselves.
Folding her arms and shifting her small figure to one leg, she finally let go of the facade that she was forced to emit, per her father. "Who are you?" She asked the young boy.
"I'm Nas. What's your name?" He reached his hand out for her to shake.
She eyed his hand for awhile and walked away, leaving it untouched as she plopped onto the white leather sofa.
"I'm Beyoncé, but you can call me Bey."
"Be-yawn-say?"
"That's what I said, ain't it?"
"Your name is weird." He said, placing a seat on the opposite end of the couch.
Beyoncé instantly rolled her eyes. "Coming from a boy named Nas. What's it short for? Nathaniel?"
"No!"
"Don't care anyways. You got some snacks or somethin' ?"
"No."
"You poor or somethin' ?"
"No I'm not poor. I just don't want to share with you."
"Well that's rude."
"You would know." He mumbled.
A few chaotic thuds vibrated throughout the home, clasping their attention. Nasir was use to it, but not—at the same time. He knew once Mathew left, his mother would be either passed out or barely able to function. He always expected a new imprint on her face from the abuse his mother encountered. Each time, the beatings gotten worse, and being at the young age of six, traumatized eventually turned into normalized.
Beyoncé was completely oblivious to what was occurring in said household. She figured maybe Natalie had caught the holy ghost.
She sensed Nasir tense up, as he stared off into space.
"Hey. You okay?" She began to worry for him, seeing the same look in his eyes that looked identical to the expression Solange does. A look she recognized not even an hour ago.
He didn't answer so she slowly scooted closer to him, sliding her hand into his, hesitantly clasping their fingers together. His hand was a bit fidgety, prompting Beyoncé to place her unoccupied hand on top of their clasped ones, hoping it brought Nasir to be still and alert him she was there.
Beyoncé's love language has always been physical touch. She could communicate to anyone with the simplest form of contact. A natural born healer, if you will. She didn't really understand at her age what she was doing, she only truly hoped her tactility worked.
And in most bearings, it did.
He eventually laid his head on her shoulder and Beyoncé turned on the television to tune out the noise. The series they monitored appeared to brighten his mood which ultimately made Beyoncé feel better as well.
"Thank you, Bey." Nasir finally mustered up.
Removing her gaze from the cartoon, she glimpsed down at Nas. "Why are you thanking me?"
He lifted his head from her shoulder, returning the same attention. "F-For consoling me. Usually I'm the one to console other people. It felt nice to be asked if I was okay, for once." He spoke, mumbling at the end of his statement, but Beyoncé heard him clearly.
She was slightly stunned at what he said and even caused her to feel bad for him. "You're welcome." She replied, issuing a small smile.
Nas pried himself from the comfortable sofa, leaving Beyoncé confused because she was actually enjoying the company of someone her age for a change. Although he was a 'icky' boy, something about his demeanor felt familiar.
He returned to the living room, giving Beyoncé a sense of relief. "Close your eyes."
Beyoncé scrunched her face up. "Why? I don't know you like that. For all I know you could be trying to ki—"
"Kill you? What would I gain from that?" She shrugged. "I'on know."
"You just gonna' have to trust me, Bey. Close your eyes and hold your hands out." Nasir instructed. "And no peaking."
Rolling her eyes, she complied with his request, shutting her dark hazel pools and lifting her hands out in front of her.
"I know Taekwondo." She warned, making him giggle.
He placed a wrapped glazed honey bun in the palms of her hands, while keeping the other one for himself.
"Okay. You can open now." He said planting a seat next to her.
Beyoncé smiled, glancing down at the sweet savory snack. "I thought you said you didn't wanna share with me." She mocked.
"I guess you could say, I change my mind."
Beyoncé and Nasir continued smacking on their snacks and conversing with one another. Beyoncé repeatedly teased him about her being ten days older him, and Nasir would rebuttal implying he was taller than her.
She replayed in the back of her mind what her father uttered about not over sharing, so she kept a lot of information to herself, only sharing small fun facts like her favorite color or food.
"Banana's are gross, unless I'm eatin' my mama's banana puddin'."
"That's how I feel 'bout peanut butter. I absolutely hate it, but I love eating Reese's cups."
"That's probably why your stomach so chubby, eatin' all them snacks and candy. Eat a carrot for once." Beyoncé teased.
"Why should I eat a carrot? You're the one with the big rabbit ears."
Beyoncé scoffed, hold up her first three fingers. "Read between the lines." She sassed, causing him the gasp. "Awwww!"
"Oh shut it."
About an hour later, Mathew appeared in the living room informing Beyoncé it was time to leave. Nasir didn't want her to leave and it showed on his face. He was use to it only being him and his mother, and he sorta grew attached to Beyoncé in the short time spent with her.
"W-Will she able to come back, sir?" Nasir inquired, hoping he'd receive a yes in response.
"Uh, we'll see." Was Mathew's way of saying not likely.
At the time, Nasir was completely clueless that the older man was his father. He actually didn't know if he had one or not. He assumed Mathew was his mother's 'friend'—of some sort. Mathew never actually expressed any attention to the young boy. He pretty much acted as if Nasir didn't exist, using one word response in most of their encounters.
"O-Okay." Nasir replied with a saddened smile. "Bye Bey. I enjoyed spending time with you." He spoke, rushing over to give her a hug.
"Me too! I hope to see you again." She whispered the last part in his ear before they released from their embrace.
"Let's go Beyoncé. It's already getting late."
Before fully leaving through the door, Beyoncé turned around waving Nasir goodbye, not knowing that would be their last in final goodbye.
In her mind.
"When we get to the house, you are not to tell your mother where we were. If she asks, we went to visit Pastor Bines church for bible study. Understood?"
"You want me to lie to mama?"
"You either tell her what the hell I just said, or you can choose the thickest extension cord in the house, and it'll be a lot worse than last time." He said sternly, staring at Beyoncé through the rear view mirror. "Do I make myself clear?"
"Yes dad." She sniffled, wiping the tear the fell with the ends of her green colored shirt.
By the time they arrived back to the Knowles Residence, it was time to eat the dinner that was prepared by Tina.
"Hi sissy!" Solange yelled, running over excitedly, to her sister.
"Hi Soso." Beyoncé spoke in a dull tone.
"BB sad?" Solange questioned, cupping Beyoncé's cheek with her small hand.
"I'm okay Soso. Go sit in your seat so we can eat."
The silence was utterly loud at the dinner table, other than Solange's singing of the famous, 'Jingle Bells', in the middle of June.
The tension was very profuse.
Tina could read Beyoncé like a book, observing something was wrong with her. She barely ate her food, not leaving her eye contact from her plate full of supper.
"Beyoncé baby?"
Finally lifting her head, she gulped meeting Tina's gaze. "Yes mama?"
"Come help me bring out the desert from the kitchen." Tina spoke, nodding her head in the direction of the kitchen doorway.
Beyoncé's eyes instantly travel to her dad's whom not surprisingly was already watching the entire encounter. She was searching his eyes for an okay to go assist her mother with her request.
Tina noticed but didn't say anything.
"Come on, Bumble. I made your favorite." She said softly, reaching her hand out for her daughter to grasp.
"BB don't leave me!" Solange said, running after her mother and sister. The last thing the four year old wanted was to be left alone with her mean spirited father.
Tina placed Solange onto the counter before removing the freshly baked peach cobbler from the oven.
"Ouuu!!" Solange clapped in excited, inhaling the cinnamon scented desert.
Removing the red plaid colored oven mit, Tina turned towards Beyoncé, creasing her eyebrows. "What's the matter honey?"
Beyoncé shook her head, leaving her mother unconvinced.
"Look at me." Tina demanded, generating Beyoncé to glance into her mothers light Hazel eyes. "You know you can talk to me right? Tell mama what's the matter?"
"I-I can't."
Tina could sense Beyoncé putting up a wall and shutting down. "Beyoncé, you're only six years old and is already consuming a bad habit of holding things in. I'll be the first to admit that's not a good thing to endure honey, because it can and will hinder you in the long run.
When you tend to withhold how you feel often, it'll consistently eat at you until you eventually blow up at someone, not even intentionally doing so. So tell me mama what's going on with you?"
Beyoncé just couldn't rally up the words to say, knowing deep down she didn't want to lie to her mom, which triggered her to tear up as her bottom lip quivered.
"BB why you cry? Mama, BB's cryin'!" Solange muttered, concerned.
"I know, I know. Mama's here." Tina cooed, picking her daughter up to console her.
Ultimately, Beyoncé still decided not to inform Tina of what was truly bothering her. She only notified that she wasn't feeling well, getting the opportunity to get ready for bed early.
As soon as she began to drift off to sleep, she heard a squeak coming from the sound of her wooden door opening and closing.
"Get your ass up Beyoncé!" She heard, making her eyes shoot open, recognizing the deep daunting voice of her father.
"You told her didn't you?! What the fuck did I tell you to say in the car? You don't fuckin' listen! SIT UP!"
Sitting up, she rubbed her eyes. "I didn't s-say anything daddy. I-I promise I didn't!" The notion of fear, shot through her body, now seeing before her what Solange already perceived him to be—a monster.
"LIAR!" Her yelled, gripping the thick black leather belt tighter around his hand.
"You know the routine. Strip!"
••••
Comment & Vote pls
•I've had this chapter planned for a few months because there's never been a flashback of Beyoncé's childhood/up bringing. So with the upcoming chapter surrounding the relation of Bey & Nasir, this needed to be put out.
Thoughts?
Mathew's parenting?
Solange fearing her dad?
Tina?
You think Tina already knew of Mathew's 'affairs'?
Beyoncé and Nasir meeting for the first time?
Mathew forcing Bey to keep the secret?
🥂
🥂
3014 words.