When I arrived at La Promenade that day, I had never been so relieved to spot Jackie in her usual booth corner by the front of the cafe.
As soon as I changed into my half-apron uniform and put my hair up, I made my way over to her. If there was ever a day when I needed her, it was that day. I needed her warm smile that could melt anything bad in its presence. I needed her voice, clear and smooth, calming my every nerve. I needed to see her eyes crinkle when she laughed, making me want to laugh along with her, no matter what it was about.
When she spotted me approaching, she smiled and then tilted her head. "Violet?" She said, her eyes searching mine. "What's wrong?"
I had to bite my lip to stop it from quivering, taking in a sharp breath to pull myself together.
"Is it my son troubling you again?" She asked, a sparkle of amusement in her eye.
I shook my head, chuckling a bit despite myself, dropping my gaze to the floor. "I wish it was just him."
Jackie looked at me, then at the rest of the cafe. "Tell you what," she said. "Why don't we wait until some of the others clear out, and then you can tell me all about it. Or, at least, as much as you want to." She gave me her signature warm smile, filling me up just a bit, giving me a torchlight, however small, that peeked through the dark tunnel I felt I was crawling through.
I nodded, grudgingly leaving her table to tend to the other customers. I go about the work automatically, not thinking as my hands found cups and plates and papers and pens, writing down orders and taking them back to the kitchen and preparing coffees and milkshakes and teas. The work doesn't keep my mind preoccupied enough, and I find myself drifting back to Ethan's words in the hallway, the wound still stinging as fresh as it had been this morning. You're a fake. What good is a musician who can only perform for herself?
By the time six o'clock rolled around, most of the other customers had already left, leaving only Jackie in one corner and Poppy the college student in the other, tapping away on her laptop and sipping her cafe latte. I ducked into Jackie's booth across from her, slumping down in the seat.
Jackie didn't say anything, just looked up at me, waiting. Somehow, she didn't seem like she necessarily expected me to say anything. I suddenly felt like I could just sit there for a moment without having to speak a single word, and that would have been all right with her. That's how it was with Jackie. I never felt obligated to talk. She just made you want to talk to her because of her cordial presence.
I rolled my thumbs over each other. "I don't even know where to start."
Jackie nodded in understanding. "I would say the beginning, but that might be a bit lengthy. I would suggest skipping the Big Bang."
I looked up at her, spotting the familiar crinkle of her eyes. Will really does get his humor from her. The thought made warmth flood through me.
So I started to talk, only able to get out little snippets at first, then lengthening to several sentences at a time until I was practically dumping a whole rant on her; telling her about Ethan, our past and present, the contest, and all that lied ahead of me. Everything I was scared of — Ethan using my song, the live performance, and what that would mean for me and ECHO — all came to the forefront as I talked. I felt like a sandbag with a poked hole, depleting my contents until I had no more, but still, with Jackie, I didn't feel hollow and empty when I finished and she looked at me thoughtfully.
"So you've never played in front of anyone else?" She asked curiously.
I stared at her, realizing that if I shook my head no, that wasn't technically true. Sure, I had played the piano in front of Willow and Evelyn before when I was younger, and yes, obviously Olivia, Ryder, and Danny heard me — they didn't have a choice in the matter when we practiced. But there was one other person who had listened to me play. One other person who had sat across from me as I played chords on a small keyboard and sang along to one of my favorite songs, my heart pounding uncontrollably in my chest as I did, looking up and see the expression on his face as I finished...
"Will," I said. "I played in front of Will once."
The smile that spread across Jackie's face brightened the whole space, a beacon of light illuminating everything around her far better than the sunlight that was streaming in through the windows. I felt my face flush, but before I could say anything else, Jackie spoke again, her voice soft and quiet.
"I always knew. I knew from the moment I met you, Violet."
"Knew...what?" I asked, lost on what she meant.
Something is off about her expression. Although her smile could still light up any dark crevice, her eyes were without their usual twinkle, looking almost sad as she spoke. "I knew that you would be the one to help Will. And him, you."
I shook my head slightly, still not understanding what she meant. She took my hands in hers.
"I knew you would be there for each other when the other needed it."
Warmth crept into my bones as I stared back at her. I felt like I could sense the emotions rolling off her — as if just by taking my hands, I had a direct connection with her and was feeling exactly what she was feeling: the loving care towards her son and the fondness she seemed to have for me, paired with the strange, deep melancholy that appeared in her eyes, darkening them however slightly. The two emotions seemed to melt together perfectly in that moment as she clasped my hands, and I got the sudden sensation of her looking right through me. As if I were the cleanest glass or the clearest sea, and she was seeing everything, knowing everything, understanding me through and through.
The sensation is so sudden and sharp that I pulled away, Jackie's hands still on the table in front of us. "I...I haven't even gotten you anything," I said to her as I stood up so fast I felt the blood rush from my head. "I'm sorry. Let me go get you a coffee or something."
"It's alright, Violet." Although Jackie's eyes still held the same suppressed sorrow, her smile was as warm as it always was.
"Please, I insist. It'll be on me since I've been keeping you. I'll be right back."
I rushed to the back, my cheeks burning, feeling somewhat flustered, though I couldn't quite figure out why. Something about Jackie's demeanor disconcerted me. Something must have happened. I mulled it over as I pulled out a mug, hastily making the cafe latte I was planning on bringing over to her. She always listened to me about my problems. Now it was my turn to listen to her. If something was wrong, I wanted to help her. But even as I pour the milk in, letting the tendrils of white swirl around in the foam, I felt her eyes on me, looking through me, just as easily as if I were transparent before her. It was hard to explain what it felt like. But at that moment, it seemed as though she could see me for who I was, and she didn't just accept it — she welcomed it. Cherished it. As if even in a room full of gold and diamonds, I was the most precious treasure that she had found.
I turned and headed back to the booth once I was done, the mug of coffee in my hand, but when I looked at the booth, it was empty.
"Who's that coffee for?" James asked as he came out of the back, glancing at the steaming latte I held.
I was still staring at the empty booth where Jackie had been just a minute ago and shook my head. "No one."
I stood rooted to the spot as James walked away, the latte warming my hand through the ceramic mug, the air in the room feeling colder than it had just moments ago. She was already gone. I hadn't even heard the door creak shut behind her.
And that was the last time I ever spoke to Jackie Hawthorne.
another chapter down, eleven more to go! we're getting into more intense territory from now on, and i can't wait to share the rest of violet's journey.
what do you guys think is going on with jackie?