All my anxiety-ridden experiences had weighed down on me, and the tiredness of them had started to impact my body physically. Therefore, I resorted to staying home and skipping university for the day. My body felt heavier than ever, and despite the coolness of the early morning, I felt sweaty and uncomfortably hot.
Grumbling under my breath, I shifted to the other side of my creaking bed, trying hard for sleep to embrace me, but the last night's nightmare flashbacks had taken a toll on me. The stomach-aching waves of hurt brimmed in me while I struggled to force sleep.
Finally, after uncomfortably shifting and turning, I dragged myself up, and against the wooden panel of the bed, leaning lazily. I pulled my bag towards me, which was also messily tossed on the comforter, and fished out some cigarettes, to drain off the occupying unwanted emotions. I grabbed my phone, diving into teen fiction stories online for the sake of a distraction, accompanying the eerie silent surroundings, with some cheery music.
Somehow managing to pass a few hours hurdled in books, my phone battery almost passed out. I huffed loudly, finally bringing myself to drag out of bed. Plugging my phone into the charger, I decided to read what Marilyn had given me instead. I heard the birds chirping lightly outside, indicating late morning while the day lightened. The rays seeped through the windows from my translucent curtains, forming a light glow in the room -- promising to fade all the darkness with the slightest of light.
Minutes later, I got myself some water to drink to hydrate and skipped my usual morning routine of cleaning myself. I hadn't showered for days and couldn't bring myself to do it. It felt too much like a big chore to do, and so skipping it seemed relieving.
The afternoon passed in a jiffy -- mainly because of how calm and stress-proof it was -- and I heard Mum come home early, the door clicking unlock from the outside. I sighed in relief, grateful for her presence in the ghastly aloneness I was in. I was partially starving for the first time -- since the feeling of anxiety wasn't there to obscure it -- but couldn't bring myself to make anything. I was too sick and tired.
"Shelly!" She yelled from the other room, her voice sounding strained and somewhat, tired.
"Coming," I called back, knowing well she couldn't hear me. I quickly unscrambled myself from bed and rushed out of the stuffy room to find her sorting the living room. "Yes?"
"Are you alright?" She looked up at me, a small frown creased on her exhausted features.
I was a little surprised at her out-of-the-blue question, and quickly managed a bright smile. "Of course I am. What would happen to me?" I chuckled, a little too uncertainly.
"What were you doing all day?" She asked again, whilst clearing the mess on the couches.
"I was sick," I choked, partially lying. If I wasn't sick physically, I sure was emotionally and mentally. I was sick of feeling emotions that ticked me off. "That's why I took an off,"
"Is there something going on in the university?" She asked again, closely watching me as she tiredly perched on a seat.
"What? No." I instantly replied, shaking my head and pretending as if I didn't know what she was talking about.
"I got a call from your department's chairman," She huffed, still looking very upset, her curious eyes trying to look through me. The realisation sank inside me as I made sense of what could've happened next.
"What? Why would they call you? They do have my number-" I begun explaining but she interrupted.
"They said you hadn't been receiving any calls, so they had to call me," She chirped, demanding an explanation from me.
"I was sick, and my phone must be on silent," I lied. I thought the unknown calls I was receiving were from Edward so I didn't bother picking them up. "W-what did they say?" I voiced, feeling unsure of wanting to know the answer.
"They told me you have been accusing some students of threatening you and that they have been trying to cause physical abuse, for which you had no evidence," She gasped while explaining, looking concerned and sorrowful. Her long fingers frustratingly rubbed her temples, as her face was etched with every shade of worry. "Is that true Michelle?"
"What's true? The part where I accused or the part where they tried to threaten me to kill me?" I scoffed, my eyes glazing at the thought. It was as obvious as a clear day that he didn't believe me in the first place, all just because I had no proof.
"Both?" Her voice shook.
"Both of them are true Mum," I mumbled, struggling hard to hold back my gathering tears.
"Why didn't you tell me about it before?" She shook her head, her expression that of pure shock and probably unbelieving. "And what happened? How it happened?"
"I don't know mum, I didn't think you'd believe me either." I sniffed back my emerging tears, not making much eye contact with her to give access to my ridiculous state. I now seemed to have this newfound fear of not being believed in and thinking that my feelings and thoughts were invalid. That's what everyone had been telling me lately, and that triggered me.
"You can tell me anything Michelle, you know it," She consoled, her soft voice seeping inside me and I almost broke down in front of her. I hated the vulnerable state I was in, but I just couldn't help the overflow of emotions, and bottling them up seemed harder than before now.
I had been suppressing everything ever since college, thinking I was independent enough to get my problems in check and face them alone. I hated taking help, but always felt better in offering it to others infinitely, especially when it came back to define my worth through approval. My inner people pleaser felt satisfied and valued by the approval of others, and putting up the façade of braveness always made me feel like the better person. But now all of that seemed to have flickered to an end and wasn't working anymore. Maybe, just maybe if I told Mum all about it, I might get something. Perhaps she would actually believe me, unlike anyone else.
I didn't know I was silently weeping, my face buried into my hand, until she came towards me, and slowly embraced me into a comforting hug.
It made me feel more pathetic about myself.
Angrily, I wiped my tears, with hasty motions. Finally composing myself and my breath, I looked up at her, pretending as if I never cried, but I was sure my reddened eyes told otherwise.
And that was when I finally let it all out. From my happy rainbow-and-unicorn relationship with Edward to him ending up cheating and lying to me with Hannah, all along with threatening, and spying on me. I told her about my new friend Hayden, and how he has been supportive of me. I even explained to her about my and Hannah's terrifying encounter where she threatened to kill me.
I saw her listen to me intently and with every revelation, her features transformed to sheer surprise and emotionality. At some points, she looked puzzled, and confusion was written all over her face. Maybe it was a lot of information for her to absorb, and I understood why. It all sounded like a plot of a mystery thriller story.
"I know you might not be able to believe me... because..." I finally voiced my fearfulness, but she shook her head in response, pursing her lips in concern.
"How did this guy, Edward blackmail you? I mean what does he have against you?" Mum finally managed to speak.
"He's hacked my phone mum! I had to go all the way to cover my cameras, just so he wouldn't spy on me. But he has all my private information, my pictures, everything that I have in my phone."
She slowly nodded, trying to put two and two together, and shifted her stare back at me. "How did you know he hacked your phone?"
"He just did, I know it. He has hacked other girls' phones before. Hayden told me about it," I elaborated and her frown only grew.
"That's just... that's shocking," She simply stated, probably at a loss for words. "But we need to find some evidence before we report them both to the police,"
My relief was soon replaced with frustration. "I'd rather not talk to anyone about it, or take any serious action, because last time I did, they thought I was making everything up. No one will ever believe me otherwise, but only I know what I experienced and what I saw was all real."
I warily continued when I saw her struggling to understand the situation, "He even sent Drake to send me a birthday gift, that had a spying device! That enough should be evidence, at least for me," I exclaimed.
"What?" She gaped, blinking several times as she watched me closely. "Can I see that?"
I nodded, quickly getting up from the couch, rushing towards my room, and pulling out my nightstand drawer. I took the golden bracelet out, fiddling it with my fingers. I could already tell the pierced holes in the chain of the piece, affirming my suspicions of how there was some camera fit inside of it. I sprinted back, out of the room, and gave it to her.
She took the thing from me, her eyes narrowed and brows furrowed, as she deliberately felt the warm piece between her fingers. She checked it closely, looking at every inch and corner of the jewellery.
After a moment of long silence, she spoke, "Are you sure there's some kind of spying thing in here... I don't know but I think, it just seems like a normal-"
"So... Even you don't believe me now?" I asked, sounding upset more than I intended to.
"Michelle, I do believe you but I don't-" She explained but I interrupted by turning away from her and not wanting her to see the effect of her disbelief in my vulnerability.
"I just don't want to talk to you anymore," My fragile voice cracked while I spoke, without looking. I slowly walked back to my room and shut the door with a loud thud, and turned my back towards it while leaning, releasing a deep breath I didn't know I was holding.
I looked up, my eyes beginning to get wet again, and I tried blinking them back. I bit my lower lip, cupping my face to stop me from sobbing. I made my towards the welcoming bed, dropping myself on it and wrapped my arms around my body protectively, keeping up steady breathing to not break down again. I laid back, thinking about nothing in particular and feeling numb while staring at the ceiling, unfocused.
After evening dawned, I heard a knock at the door, which caused me to shift from the bed, and from my paralysed position. Mum entered my room slowly, bringing me a tray of food, which of what seemed like some pasta.
"You should eat something, I don't know how long have you been hungry," She silently muttered, placing the edibles on my messy nightstand table. I had been starving since yesterday, but I chose not to reply to her back.
I just mumbled a small thanks in return, and she left the room after looking around it one last time, probably internally criticising how messy and unorganised it looked.
I laid back again, sprawled lifelessly on the bed, and nibbled on some food, my stomach hurting at the sudden intake of it. Gulping down the small bites, I distracted myself with my phone again, having nothing to do in particular instead. I tapped it unlock and checked to find several missed calls from some unknown business numbers that I assumed were my university administration, and some old and recent missed calls from Hayden.
Before I could call him back myself, he called me again. I quickly swiped the phone screen, picking up the call.
"Michelle... Are you alright?" He asked, sounding breathless as if he was running.
"Of course not," I numbly said, my voice leaving no trace of emotion.
"I'm coming over to your flat," He assured. "Don't worry."
"Wait," I stopped him. "Don't come from the house entrance. Just climb in from the window please,"
"Oh okay, got it," He spoke and with that, I hung up.
I quickly finished my food, clearing the mess from the room, which didn't seem to budge despite my futile attempts. I decided to fix my appearance a bit, so I grabbed my comb and brushed through my hair. I was hoping to look less deadly, but all I saw in the reflection of the mirror was a lifeless soul, staring right back at me. I shook my head at the distressing sight and turned away, picking up the lying wrappers and tossing books on the bed comforter.
I heard a faint tap on the window intervening my work, and I quickly locked my room door, before drawing away the curtains and unlocking the window.
I was met with Hayden's familiar friendly face, his dark eyes looking welcoming. I smiled appreciatively at him and let him step inside. He apparently looked as if he ran a marathon, considering his ragged breathing.
He got inside, walked towards my bed, and took a seat. He tried catching up his breath yet smiled kindly at me nonetheless. I reciprocated the smile, feeling slightly guilty for asking him to come over.
"Why didn't you come to university today? You had me so worried in the morning," He muttered, his voice sounding thick than usual.
"I... Well, I was sick, and didn't feel like coming." I shrugged.
"You weren't even picking up my calls in the morning, and it got me so worried, wondering what if you..." He trailed off, his eyes reeking with concern, as he searched for mine.
"...Got killed?" I completed his sentence and he closed his eyes in fear, at the thought of that. "I'm so sorry." I gave him an apologetic smile. "I was asleep all morning and woke up late afternoon,"
"It's fine, don't worry." He simply shook his head in assurance. "So... Did you do it? Did you make a complaint against Hannah and Edward?"
"Oh don't even ask about that." I let out a dry scoff, pursing my lips. "The university administration doesn't even believe me, just because I didn't have any proof. And guess what, they called my mum to break that news,"
"Seriously?" A serious look of dismay was marred on Hayden's face.
"Yeah... I don't know why I was even expecting anything else." I sighed, scowling at myself.
"I'll talk to them if I have to," he offered and I shook my head.
"Nevermind. Just leave it for now. I think it'll only make things worse for me," I said, my paranoia clouding my thoughts.
"Michelle-"
"Even Mum doesn't believe me anymore!" I partly exclaimed, tiresomely.
"What? What did she say? What did you tell her?"
"Since they called Mum, I had no choice but to tell her everything. I told her about everything Edward has been doing and about Hannah as well. She seemed concerned until..." I paused hesitantly, before continuing the disturbing thought. "Until I showed her a bracelet that Drake gave me, which I was sure, Edward sent it to him and had fitted a spying camera on it, to spy over me. All of that just because I covered my phone cameras." I glanced disapprovingly towards my phone, which was covered in black tape from front and back.
"I believe everything you say because I'm a witness of it. And I believe whatever Edward did, is all true because that's what he is. He is crazy," Hayden said, emphasising the word, crazy. "I'm here for you, Michelle and I will not let him hurt you,"
"Thank you, Hayden, you're the only one who believes me," I croaked, staring randomly into the distance.
"I will do anything to protect you from it, even if it means that I'll have to escort you elsewhere," He admitted, passing me a serious look and I returned him a weary gaze. "Look, Michelle, Edward might have control over everything, but trust me if you just try to stay away from him as much as possible, you'll be fine,"
"I am... I've been ignoring him for a week now,"
"And I don't get why your mother wouldn't believe you," Hayden begun, frowning at the very thought.
"I feel like he did do something to Mum. She wouldn't behave like this otherwise," I concluded, feeling suspicious again, as Hayden quickly nodded in agreement, his eyes wide. "Maybe he talked to her already behind my back?" I suggested, not knowing what could be the underlying reason.
"Did Edward ever get your mum something?"
"What do you mean... They barely ever met," I paused, contemplating my mum's previous interactions with Edward. "He did help her with some groceries. They were vegetables and some medicine, for her,"
"I feel like I have a bad feeling about those... probably the meds," He proposed, his dark eyes filled with worry to the brim.
"I don't know... I just don't understand why..." I continued, thinking deeply. "You know... I had a scary dream last night." I finally voiced my most bothering thought.
"What was it about?"
"Edward... He was dressed in all black... And he... He wanted to kill me... With an axe. And I was in a dark room... alone," I recalled, reminiscing the terrifying nightmare I had seen.
Hayden came to me and placed his hand firmly on my shoulder, making me look back at him. "Just know that when you're at a cliffhanger in your life, it indicates that it's the end of that chapter," He replied, looking me in the eye. "It'll all be over soon, and I'll help you with that,"