❝ALRIGHT, EVERYBODY!" MISS JENN shouted, bringing everyone in. "Opening night is next week and I just want to thank you all for the incredible work you've been doing. I am so proud of all of you and this musical is going to be our best one yet. Now, I know nerves can get in the way so close to the big night, so I want us to engage in an exercise that expands our minds and calms our souls..."
A confused murmur went around the room, but the loud chatter around didn't stop Ricky and EJ from staring at each other from across the room. Everything Ricky wanted to say was written in the other boy's blue eyes, simple and complete, looking right back at him. To him, their mutual affection was obvious, so obvious that he was completely certain if he reached out and kissed EJ right there, he would kiss him back━he had the smallest feeling that EJ was feeling the same.
He bit back a smile, Miss Jenn's words went unheard, and his tongue darted over his lips, giving them moisture.
EJ knew him like no one else did, or ever had, or ever would. He was familiar with him in a way he never would be with Big Red, or Nini━a connection that transcended interests or meaningless words. EJ was his first. He thought about it a lot. The realization had long dawned over him━that he wasn't waiting anymore.
He wanted more. He wanted the kind of relationship where he walk up to him and shower him with kisses he felt like it, where he didn't need a reason to spend time with him and he could tell him words he had been so terrified to say long ago. More than anything, he just wanted to be able to tell him everything.
There was so much he wanted to tell him, and it was all so vulnerable and real and terrifying. He couldn't go a fraction of a second without thinking about it, then feeling it, feeling his breath quicken, and a fluttering in his stomach━he was going mad. When he checks to see if anyone was looking at him, how mad he was...and no one was, but EJ was.
Suddenly, he didn't feel so mad, because he was looking at him the same way.
"Alright! Get into pairs!" Miss Jenn's shout cut off his thoughts.
Before Ricky realized what was going on or he processed that people were getting into pairs━Nini walked up to EJ. He watched as she smiled in his face, and suddenly, he understood what EJ felt when he watched Nini put a hand on his bicep.
Nini tried not to let it bother her when the senior rolled his eyes at her and squeezed his arm.
"Hi there," she greeted him, unsure what else to say, she chuckled. Looking down at her feet straight after. "Sorry..."
"What do you want?"
Nini shook her head, her smile vanishing. "I think we should talk."
"We've already talked, and you made it very clear how you felt about me...and Ricky. And, honestly, I don't want to hear anything from you again." EJ looked down at her and watched her nose flare up.
"Look, I haven't told him, but you should know that I'm going to..."
"What?" Nini's eyes widened. "You...can't."
"Actually, I can."
"No, Ricky will never speak to me again. EJ, it was a...mistake." Nini twisted her heel into the ground, a small squeak-like noise came from her lips before she grabbed onto his arm. The same way she did when she was about to say something desperate, but then she fixed her posture, letting it go. "I never meant it."
That stung them both.
EJ stepped past her, "I don't give a shit, Nini. Leave me alone."
"Wait—"
"Okay, now we're all in our pairs! Let's start our first position, come on, let's all follow Ashlyn...oh━Nini, EJ, Ricky, Marcus━sit down!"
Ricky looked over his shoulder to see Marcus smiling at him. He hadn't even noticed that he was standing there. And, now they were partners. He threw a sorry look in EJ's direction.
"Hey, Bowen," Marcus enthused, swinging an arm around his shoulder. "Have I ever told you how much I love your singing voice?"
"Only a few hundred times..." Ricky snickered, walking with Marcus who pushed him along. "But, sure, why not a hundred and one?"
"Exactly." Marcus flashed a look over his shoulder, in EJ's direction. He smiled over at him before swinging a hand over his shoulder, "We're going to be great...partners."
"Oh, um..." Ricky's eyes wandered behind him, and Marcus snapped a finger in his face. Marcus looked straight past him, to where he had stared at EJ. He craned his neck to see him once more, and he was staring Marcus down now, clearly vexed. The other senior pulled his attention towards him once again,
"Isn't it weird how we never see each other outside of school?" the senior brought up oh-so-casually.
"I guess, but we've been kinda busy with everything━the musical...you're graduating..."
"That's true. Since we're talking about graduation...do you think you'll know what to do when EJ and I graduate next year? Have you guys talked about what will happen with everything? You know, you two?"
"Um..." Ricky blinked. "No. I guess I haven't even really thought about that." All of a sudden, the thought seized him and he felt his heart thunder.
Marcus simply smiled. "Oh well, you know I'm sure it will be fine. You know, Caswell loves to hold on to things as long as possible. He's a hoarder like that. When he's made his mind up about something, he's gonna commit a thousand percent. As long as you know he cares about you, you'll be fine."
EJ, a hoarder? No chance. That boy had the cleanest room he had ever seen, kept cabinets and cupboards in complete order and he probably kept a checklist of his to-dos and collectibles.
The worst of anything was that EJ's temper was fickle. His anger waned. He didn't want to continue with anything that couldn't be great. But, he wasn't a quitter, he knew he would fight for something he considered important and valuable.
What if he wasn't important to EJ? What if he had this all wrong?
"Okay, I want you to hold your partner's hand." Miss Jenn guided the group, showing them an example━Carlos, her loyal volunteer. "Try to feel at peace with them. Meditation is a deep non-verbal form of communication. We need to open our minds, clear them and try to be one with the safe space we have created in our little haven of the thee-ay-ter."
Nini opened her eye a little, trying to take a peek at EJ. His eyes remained tightly shut, head locked straight forward. His eyes were closed, yet he still wasn't looking at her.
"I am sorry, EJ," Nini whispered, squeezing his hand tighter.
"I have nothing to say to you..."
"Psst! EJ, Nini━no talking!" Miss Jenn scolded.
There was a few seconds of silence, then Nini whispered quieter, "We can't just let this go..."
"You seemed perfectly fine doing so."
"I was blindsided. But, I mean it. I'm sorry━"
"I don't care..."
"Please..." Nini moved her hand to his thigh.
"EJ! Nini!" Miss Jenn whisper-shouted again. "Quiet...everyone, eyes closed!"
EJ got straight onto his feet and walked straight out of the room.
"EJ..." Miss Jenn looked as concerned as Nini did. "Everything alright with EJ?"
"Um, yeah, I think he's just a little uncomfortable with the exercise," Nini tried her best to say it with a smile, but her voice sounded shaky, "uh, is it alright if I take a minute too?"
She got up before asking but practically sprinted out of there when Miss Jenn nodded.
The mood of the silence changed when the two left, but they all continued, led by Miss Jenn as they held hands.
Ricky opened his eye a little, looking around the room, he saw Kourtney and Ashlyn holding hands smiling then glanced across to see the space next to them empty. EJ and Nini had disappeared. He hoped to catch a glimpse of their faces, to make a deduction as to why they had left in such a hurry after barely one minute of yoga.
Marcus, too, had his own suspicions and didn't waste a second sharing them. "Must be something going on between those two," he whispered. Ricky saw the smile on his face, he looked like a devilish pup, grinning with his head back and his eyes closed. "Getting up in the middle of a warm-up? Disrespectful, really."
He wanted to go after him right away, and his body was miles ahead of him because Marcus' snatched his arm and opened his eyes to send him a scolding glare right after he jumped up a little. So, Ricky shut them again with a dreary sigh.
Ten more minutes passed before the activity was over, and EJ and Nini trailed back in one after the other. Ricky looked to EJ, smiling, and he gave him an uneasy stare.
Marcus blocked his vision again. "So, will I see you again soon? Are you up for ditching after fourth period tomorrow?"
"Sorry, I have a maths test fifth."
"What about today?"
"I'm pretty busy."
"Really?" Marcus scoffed, spinning Ricky around, purposefully giving EJ another look behind his back. He was staring at him down now, clearly vexed. "I hope you know I'm only asking because we're friends."
"I know." Ricky smiled politely, dipping under his arm. "We are."
Ricky made his priorities clear as he glided straight back to Caswell. Marcus glared at them, punching and teasing each other━it took three words until they started laughing. EJ's hand brushed Ricky's shoulder, trying too hard to look friendly. But, he knew exactly what that touch meant. More importantly, he knew what it did, watching the way Ricky chuckled and blushed after EJ whispered something into his ear.
A hand crawled onto his shoulder, making him jump a little. He turned to see Gina. "You alright there, dude?"
"Yeah, you just caught me off guard. I'm just...I'm━"
"I know. They're totally in love. I'd say we didn't even need to help them. They've figured things out all by themselves." Gina turned, her proud smile made Marcus' teeth clench━he glared at them. She waited until he was looking at her again, then said, "We don't need to help them. Got it?"
"Yeah." Marcus turned again, looking at the two boys laughing, then back to Gina with a smile on his face. "I got it."
The truth is, that Ricky lied to Marcus. Now that weekends with his mom and Todd were gone, he knew he had more time and he could hang out with him if he wanted to. But, he didn't want to. For EJ.
He knew that kind of boundaries weren't normal, and that EJ hadn't asked for them. After what had happened the last time Ricky had no more than mentioned Marcus, EJ had stormed off with little explanation. To be fair, he didn't know anything about Marcus, other than the fact he was EJ's friend and that he was co-captain of the Water Polo team. Although, Ricky had also made EJ uncomfortable by crossing a similar territory with Nini. And, if it felt anything like how he just felt seeing EJ and Nini together, staying away from Marcus was probably best.
"You feeling okay?" EJ had leaned in to ask. "Because of...you know."
"Uh, y-yeah," Ricky nodded and smiled nervously. They'd never spoken this openly in school before. "I think I'm still processing. I don't know if you know this about me, but...my mom."
"You're upset." EJ put a soft hand on his shoulder. "It's okay to still be sad about it...or angry?"
"I know. But I think I'm good." Ricky smirked. "And I think I'll be better when I get you to myself."
"Oh, is that so?"
"Why don't you come here and find out?"
"Why don't you come here and help me find out?" He scuffled an inch closer, leaving a gap between them, it was small enough that EJ would only have to move his head an inch for their foreheads to be touching.
"Are you challenging me, Bowen?"
Ricky leaned in. "When have I not?"
EJ flashed his teeth, grinning, and he could feel Ricky's breath on his face. Their noses grazed together before he caught himself, pulling back, and grabbing Ricky's hand. "Come on."
EJ told him this question was easy.
Calculate the value of angle X in triangle DEF, correct to one decimal place.
"So, do you know what you do to find a missing angle in a right-angled triangle when you only have two sides?"
"Uh...something with the two sides?" Ricky's cheeks started to redden, and his eyes darted straight to EJ, expecting to see a look of disgust on his face. Instead, the senior kept unwavering patience, nodding his head.
"Yeah," EJ started to explain, "but it's a right-angled triangle so there's a specific equation that you use...called?" Ricky looked completely blank, in deep thought as he tugged at his curls. He waited for him to try and figure it out before interjecting, "SohCahToa...it's really good to remember that..."
EJ even took time to explain what 'SohCahToa' meant after he asked what the hell it was. But, after he did, Ricky caught on quickly—they both knew he was a fast learner.
"So, then you use tan."
"Exactly, which is diving the opposite side by the adjacent. Then, to find the missing angle, use your calculator to find the inverse of tan."
"Oh, yeah," Ricky let out a sigh of relief.
"When's the test?" EJ asked, taking a look through his notes to see how many empty pages he had.
"Like...next week."
"Then that gives us plenty of time to work on it all. Don't worry. You're doing good."
Ricky's smile grew, "Am I doing good enough to get...a little kiss?"
"Uh, I think you already know the answer to that question, Bowen..."
Ricky had seen and heard myths about fuck buddies. There were tales of it being torturous, lessons that taught it never worked, advice that warned you should never catch feelings. He refused to listen to it. Not a single outcry, not the cruelest of admonishments, not even the harrowing reality that his mom would probably never love him again, could've torn Ricky away from being in that bed, with EJ Caswell, committing the unholiest of crimes yet again. Because, if listening to common myths and seeking repentance meant he had to give up this feeling, having EJ's hands in his hair, EJ's lips on him, having EJ's naked legs intertwined with his own, he wouldn't give it up for anything. Myths meant nothing when the feelings he had for EJ were only spoken of in the greatest of legends.
Ricky breathed down his neck, and he tipped his head back, savoring the feeling of his soft lips against his neck. He scattered kisses along EJ's collarbone, right back up his Adam's Apple and on his lips.
Was he crazy? At this point, he had traveled too far into the depths of indoctrination that it didn't matter. All that was left was for him to sink or swim. Sinking would be drowning, losing━and he couldn't have that. However, in actuality, there was another option. To call for help. That would be telling EJ his feelings. And, he wasn't ready for that. So, he kept on swimming.
"I can't believe..." Ricky paused to peck on EJ's lips, "this..." he planted another kiss on his cheek, making the senior chuckle, "is my life now..."
EJ ran his hands down Ricky's back and squeezed his cheeks, pulling him on top of him. He kissed him again, smiling, "Me too."
Ricky's fingers sprawled across EJ's nape, pushing him closer, trying to force out any space between their lips.
Ricky couldn't suppress a laugh, falling on top of the other boy willingly, and grabbing ahold of his torso. Lying on top of each other, he could feel his placid dick press against his. And, the idea of going further excited him. His hands went down his waist, palming EJ's crotch.
"Ah..." He encouraged him, squeezing his ass tighter━his hands already under the denim jeans he was wearing, touching his skin. He kissed Ricky's lips, because he could, exploring his mouth and sending a satisfying jolt down his legs.
EJ pulled him tighter so that their dicks rubbed together. It made Ricky gasp harshly, turn pink, and he pressed his nose into his neck. They were still learning from each other. But, EJ kissed a spot on his neck that he knew would make Ricky moan out, and the sound of his throaty whine made his cock jump.
When EJ touched him, he'd noticed, it was nothing like touching himself. He'd tried but it wasn't the same. Everything felt so much better━amplified by a million. His heart beat faster, his blood rushed quicker, and he had to use everything inside him not to finish in five seconds. Sometimes, how inexperienced he was floated around his mind━and he wondered why EJ wasted time with him.
But, EJ made him feel like he deserved every bit of it. He worshipped him with kisses, pressing his lips gently against any patch of skin, giving bountiful attention to the insignificant bruises he had. Ricky's neck twisted when the senior grazed his nipples, feeling them harden under the heat of EJ's wet tongue.
His heart was pounding. His whole body was on fire.
A dangerous red colored his skin.
Ricky rolled onto his stomach, drawing his knees up, his pale knuckles already squeezing the silk sheets in anticipation. But, he remembered control, and breathed hard, waiting expectantly for EJ to touch him. Contemplation didn't do anything, however, and he still bit back another moan when EJ's tongue rolled over his entrance.
Suddenly, Ricky's bones were tense, and EJ knew exactly what it was. He moved his mouth to one of his thighs, kissing them gently, using his hand to smooth circles around the other one. Ricky's excitement tended to distract him.
"Stop it," EJ ordered, placing another gentle kiss on his lower back. "You can relax."
That nickname thrilled him━the fact he'd said it so casually, the way he said it, the fact that he even had. He couldn't help but let out a groan at the intensity of it all.
"No, E..." He screamed silently, open-mouthed pants escaping his lips when EJ pushed a finger into his ass. "I'm not gonna last long."
EJ ignored his plight, curving his finger so he could stretch his asshole even more. He drew in and out of Ricky's hole, provoking more noises from him. He felt his cock leaking, and if they didn't go quickly, he would end up finishing in his pants.
"Just fuck me now," Ricky groaned.
"Hold on. I need to get a condom."
"I don't care...just do it now. Please."
Out of all three boys EJ had been with in his life, none came close to how Ricky made him feel━pure desperation and madness, and like every part of him ached. So, a wild part of him came close to listening to the boy's words, and lust burned through his abdomen and an image of Ricky on his hands and knees for him, ass up, like he was now, screaming through pleasure and pain as he fucked him dry, mercilessly scorched into his brain.
But, he knew Ricky was desperate and delirious, and saying it just to drive him insane. And, it was working, but he kept his calm, and instructed, "Be patient and stop tempting me, Richard." Leaning over he grabbed the lube and a condom from under his bed━his dad had been peeking around his room lately━then tore the condom open, rolling it onto his dick.
The familiar case of butterflies and nerves cascaded around Ricky's stomach, but he focused on EJ's wet finger swirling around his hard cock. His mouth opened and he released a loud, exasperated moan when he felt himself squeeze around EJ's lube-coated fingers.
"Shh," EJ clapped a hand over Ricky's mouth, "your dad's probably in the other room."
"I don't care."
They'd done it enough times now that Ricky's ass was looser and accepted his dick excellently when he slipped inside. He grabbed his hips, then dug his cock into his ass, pressing up against his prostate, slowly rolling his hips.
"Shit," Ricky whispered harshly. He wrapped a hand around his dick, needing something to ease the intensity, pleasure pricked at him like rapid tingles. "Move, move, move...Caswell."
"Don't be a stubborn ass, Bowen." EJ gripped him, digging his nails deeper into his flesh.
He fucked him properly, increasing his pace as he slammed deeper into his welcoming heat. Pre-cum already dripped from him in ridiculous amounts. Ricky felt the crashing wave of pleasure come too quickly, and his body stiffened, as he jerked in a panic frenzy. He was so close to finishing, but couldn't quite get there.
"Can you touch me?" Ricky asked, and EJ's hands slipped back around his chest, thumbing his nipple. "No, ugh..."
"Just ask for it, Richard..."
"You know what I want," he groaned, squealing when EJ twisted at his sensitive beads━entertained by the way Ricky grumbled, desperately squirming on his dick.
"I don't think I do," he flicked at his nipple again.
"EJ."
"Tell me..." EJ whispered, dragging his tongue along the back of Ricky's ear, egging on another clean moan from him. "Unless you want to come dry."
"Touch my dick!" Ricky bit down on his lip. "Fuck! Just fucking touch me."
EJ clasped a hand around his length, letting him thrust into his fist. He gave his dick firm strokes, pushing him closer to the edge. Ricky felt all his muscles go taut, his toes curled, and he shook forcibly, grabbing the linen as a line of cum spewed from his tip.
His legs were still wobbly when EJ's strong hands wrapped around his chest, and kissed his neck, making him go completely weak in the knees.
The older boy was still desperate for release, and he could feel it. The way the boy's legs humped, rampant, against his own. EJ always finished after him. He needed encouragement, Ricky had discovered. And, he was glad to give him whatever he wanted, as long as he kept him sedated━drowsy after his high, paddling through the euphoric ecstasy of orgasms and hickeys.
"Come for me, darlin', come on," Ricky coaxed. "Come, E." He ground his hips back into him, taking more of his cock inside him.
"Say it again, baby..." EJ gripped his hair and slammed two more thrusts into his ass, skin slapping against skin desperately.
"Come!"
EJ's thrusts muted, and he heard the slick of lube as he pulled out of him. Ricky twisted around to see the senior unraveling the condom, a sick delight prodded his stomach at the sight of evidence of the other boy's finish at the bottom of it.
There was something unusual about the way he tugged it off though like he was grasping. Ricky watched as EJ wiped his brows and a spotty rose color flushed his gorgeous chest, and his neck, up to his cheeks. Even when he went to the bin, then returned to the bed, he didn't do his happy dance.
"Are you okay?" Ricky asked, reaching out a hand. "It—is this all getting too much for you?"
EJ sat next to him, joining their hands, and giving him a firm kiss. "No," he insisted. "I'm good...what? Are you?"
"No, no, no." Ricky shook his head. "You just look a little weirded out, dude. Did I do something?"
"Nope," EJ said, giving him a perfect, dazzling smile. But, it wasn't enough to convince him, his voice wavered when he added, "I'm great."
"Yeah?"
"Mmhmm." EJ nodded vigorously, going straight in for a bracing kiss.
Ricky kissed him back, gripping the back of his neck. When they pulled away for a second, EJ grinned at him again with eyes that shone as dark and blue as the depths of the shipwreck of bliss he was lost in.
Then, he returned his soft lips to his own, kissing him for enough time and with enough warmth to put him back in a daze and banish all undesired thoughts. "Good."
author's note!
okay so this is the last chapter that
i've actually posted on ao3 so i'll be
posting them at the same time now.
can't wait to share next chapter,
so hopefully soon ☺️