~*~
The three had been driving for a while, not talking much as they were just taking in the ability to drive and not have to look back behind them. Ivy would make sure they got to and from their destination safely, and get back to meet Viktor with the briefcase by the time the meeting was over.
"This actually isn't so terrible," Five said, nodding slightly.
"See? Told you," Klaus said with a smile.
"Come to think of it, my whole life I've been under the gun," Five stated. "Missions for Dad, working for the Commission, trying to survive the apocalypse. I was always looking around every corner, just waiting for the other shoe to drop. It's nice to just breathe."
"Good for you, man. Retirement is suiting you," Klaus said, nodding at him.
"Oh! Uh... All right! So, I've circled all the roadside attractions along the way," Five said, pulling out a map with a few circles on it.
"I'm not sure we're gonna have time-"
"We have the Brownsville Big Nickel. Oh, Ricky's Bakery has award-winning pies," Five said, smiling as he started to circle it.
"If you just let me explain for like two seconds-"
"Or there's this Cow Henge. That's it -- don't..." Five looked over at Klaus.
"Listen to me. Just shut up for two seconds, okay?" he said quickly. "Just two seconds? All right?"
"Okay, I'm all ears," Five said, holding his hands up in surrender.
"We are going to Pennsylvania to find my birth mother," Klaus said. "Yay!"
"Excuse me?" Five asked.
"Plot twist," Ivy said from the back, the two glancing at her having not spoken the whole ride. She shut her book, sitting up and leaning forward.
"I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry," Klaus apologized immediately. "I just needed somebody to come with me for emotional support."
"Oh, emotional support, like a Schnauzer?" Five asked sarcastically.
"I knew you wouldn't come if I told you, so what was I supposed to do?" Klaus asked.
"You're goddamn right I wouldn't have come, Klaus!" Five yelled at him. "You know why? Because I am supposed to be retired!"
"I know!" Klaus said.
"This was supposed to be a carefree road trip," Five spat at him.
"Well, it still can be, babe," Klaus smiled.
"Ball of Twine? Klaus, turn!" Five yelled, grabbing the wheel. "Ball of Twine! Turn!"
"What? Five!" Klaus yelled, the care swerving. "Five!"
"It is one of the best ones!" Five shouted, Ivy gripping onto a seat to not fall. "Come on!"
"Five, we're gonna die!" Klaus screamed, the car swerving in the middle of the road still.
"I don't care! Let go!" Five said, the car turning left. "You know what? No twine, no birth mother!" They turned into the lane, Klaus groaning as Five let go of the wheel. He started to drive straight again, glaring over at Five who was sitting back proudly.
"I feel like I was just in a Fast and Furious movie," Ivy said, leaning from them after falling in the backseat. "So, I'm sensing some tension."
"Klaus lied to us," Five said.
"Technically, he just asked you to go on a road trip with him. He did not specify the destination," Ivy told him.
"Yes! Thank you, Ivy!" Klaus said, glancing back at her.
"How are you siding with him?" Five asked, turning to look at her.
"If you would let me finish," she said, "Klaus, it was messed up to not tell him about this as Luther totally would've gone with you, too."
"Yeah, well, Luther wasn't at breakfast and Five is so easy to lie to," Klaus defended himself.
"He just admitted he lied!" Five said, Ivy rolling her eyes.
"You're getting your Ball of Twine, so let's calm down," she said, reaching forward and placing a hand on his shoulder. He sighed as she rubbed his shoulders, Five leaning back in his seat. "Everybody deep breaths. It will be okay."
"Gosh, you're so good at being a mediator. I'm glad you're here," Klaus said, smiling and nodding.
"Don't push it," Ivy snapped, Klaus nodding. They began to pull up to the twine, being the only people there. Klaus parked, Five immediately getting out and walking to it. He shoved his hands in his pockets and admired it, the other two still in the car.
"Is he mad?" Klaus asked.
"That's possibly the dumbest fucking question you've ever asked me," Ivy said, Klaus looking back at her.
"I couldn't do this alone! I mean, what if she resents me and I made her a disgrace to her village or something?" Klaus asked.
"I understand why you want support, but you've got to just ask," Ivy said, climbing into the passenger seat. "Five... He's not a bad guy. He's had a long three weeks. He just wanted to breathe."
"I know," Klaus said.
"I'm gonna go stand there and admire the.... twine I guess," Ivy said. "Join when you feel like it." She got out of the car, walking up next to Five.
"What did you say to him?" he asked, Ivy looking over.
"To just be honest next time," she said. "And that you wouldn't have actually said no, but you've just had the worst twenty days of your life probably." Five nodded slightly, not taking his eyes off of the twine. "You get to play the 'I'm only caring about myself' card for the next two weeks, okay?"
"That's a lot longer than I thought you were going to say," Five joked. The car door shut, and Ivy looked back to see Klaus standing by the car.
"Yeah, you know. I don't know why, but I thought it'd be a lot bigger," he said, taking a few steps forward.
"Seems pretty big to me," Five said. Klaus hummed, beginning to pace. "How do you know your birth mother is in Pennsylvania?"
"Well, because I was on the ass end of a two-week bender, and I can't tell you the exact date because we were boofing Xanax and the whole business, but Amy Whinehouse was at the top of the charts," Klaus informed them. "So that puts us somewhere, where? In the mid to late August? I helped myself into Dad's office, looking for the key to his safe 'cause he had Pogo lock up all the stealables. But instead, I found a treasure trove of our family history told in expired check stubs. I was too messed up to, uh, do anything about it, too scared to look her up. But always in the back of my mind, I wondered why she sold me off for three grand. I mean, come on, she couldn't have held out for five? Six?"
"You see anything about my mother?" Five asked as Klaus stood next to them now.
"No. Sorry," he said, Five frowning.
"Why now?" he asked.
"Well, duh. Dad disowns us. Grace isn't Grace. Ben's... gone," Klaus said, looking at the ball again. "Now just felt like a good a time as any to find out who I could've been if I didn't grow up in this stupid family."
"Well, can you really call what we had a family?" Five asked, looking at him.
"No. It's more like a -- Institute for Snarky Delinquents," Klaus joked, the three of them chuckling.
"And not a good one at that," Five added.
"But what is family? What is it?" Klaus asked, sounding concerned. "It's like some kind of giant... ball of twine that can never be untangled."
"A giant ball of obligation I've been pushing uphill my entire life," Five said, looking up again.
"And the older you get, the bigger it gets. And the more you try and untangle it..." Klaus trailed off.
"You watch it roll down the hill," Five nodded.
"And what's the point?" they said at the same time, looking at each other.
"Hey, I'm glad you came long," Klaus said, smiling. "You're a good brother." It was silent as the two looked at each other, Klaus looking as if he'd regretted it because of the silence. "All right, all right. You say nice things about me now."
"Let's go find your stupid mother," Five said, turning and walking back to the car.
"Love you too, tiny dancer!" Klaus called, running after him back to the car.
~*~
They began pulling up to the address, slowing the car down as there was people walking along the road with animals. Klaus parked the car, all of them getting out and looking around.
"Son of a bitch, Klaus is Amish," Five said, looking around.
"This explains everything," Klaus said, turning and looking everywhere.
"How does this explain anything?" Ivy asked, furrowing her eyebrows.
"Because look! Look at this place!" Klaus said, motioning to the farm. "This is everything my childhood was missing."
"Hey, uh, Klaus?" Five asked, making him turn. "Wait up a minute. Doppelgänger check. You feel anything strange? Uh, itching, sweats, gas, anything like that?"
"No. No, I feel great," Klaus smiled. "Apart from the old rash on the tackle, but what can you do?"
"All right, good luck," Five said, hitting his shoulder.
"What? Wait, you're not coming?" Klaus asked looking confused.
"This one you gotta do alone," Five told him, Ivy nodding in agreement.
"Alone?" he asked, both of them nodding again. "Yeah, okay. Yeah, I can do that, sure." He turned and walked away, the two looking around.
"Klaus... Amish," Ivy said. "Hilarious."
"Where do you think I'm from?" Five asked, making Ivy scoff.
"You're definitely from like Chicago or something boring," she said, making him glare at her.
"Oh, like you're going to be much fun," he said.
"I've always assumed I was Irish," Ivy said as they got back in the car.
"You're right, that's so much cooler," Five grumbled.
"Where we going?" Ivy asked.
"Somewhere more private," he said, Ivy raising her eyebrows at him. "Not like that... but it could be."
"Hm, whatever you say," Ivy said, leaning back in her seat. He pulled the car away and went out to the field with cows, looking to see no one else was around.
"How upset do you think the Amish would be if they caught us having sex on their land?" Five asked, Ivy raising her eyebrows at him.
"I think Klaus would be more upset if he came back and we were having sex in the car," she told him, Five rolling his eyes. He leaned forward and turned the radio on, a song playing quietly. He leaned back and patted his thigh, Ivy leaning her head down onto him. He began to play with her hair, humming to the music as he was analyzing the road map. Ivy just listened to him sing and hum the lyrics as she had her head leaned on him and eyes shut.
"Hey," Five said, making her open her eyes and look up at him. He leaned down and kissed her, Ivy returning it as he ran his fingers through her hair. When he pulled away, he smiled. "I love you."
"I love you, too," she said, rubbing her thumb on his arm. "You okay?"
"Yeah... Just felt the need to say it," he said. She nodded, reaching up and running her thumb across his jaw. There was a slight gust of wind, Five leaning down to kiss her again. Right as their lips connected, an even bigger gust of wind blew his hat off and made the map fly to the window. They both looked up quickly, Ivy turning over and looking out to see the cows were gone from the field. "Oh, can't I get one fucking day off?"
"Maybe it's nothing serious and we were just hallucinating," Ivy suggested, Five sighing as he shook his head.
"To be continued," he said, pecking her lips.
"Oh, no," Ivy protested as he got out of the car. "Not another doomsday."
"I'm sorry, Ives, I really am," he said, leaning in to look at her as she sat up. She placed her hands on each side of his face, leaning to him. "Come on, don't do this."
"You can calculate at the hotel," she said quietly. "I didn't kiss you for four years."
"Oh, you can't play that card. That's not fair," he said, Ivy pouting at him. "I love you, I love you, I do... but I can't just let that go unnoticed." He pulled away, Ivy groaning as she fell back in the seat. Five began to do calculations with the marker on the other side of the car, whispering to himself the entire time. Ivy read the road map to pass the time until Klaus got back and was growing restless. She sighed, getting out of the car and going around next to Five.
"Five, really, this is ridiculous," she said, and he shook his head at her.
"If it's another doomsday, I'm not going to let this one go," he said. "I am sick of it, but no one else is going to, so I probably should." Ivy slowly slid her arms around his waist from behind him, Five tensing up as she leaned her head against his back.
"What happened to retirement?" she asked.
"That was before an entire field of cows went missing, and three lobsters!" Five exclaimed, Ivy groaning as she let go of him.
"Five!" Klaus shouted in the distance. "Five!" He was sprinting at the car, Ivy perking up as she saw him.
"Oh my..." Five turned and saw was she was looking at.
"Five! Start the car! Five!" Klaus kept yelling. Five sighed, going around the car and getting in the drivers seat as Ivy got in the back.
"Why can't you just get along with people?" Five asked as he opened the door.
"I tried. Really, I did. I tried!" Klaus defended himself.
"Wait, wait, wait!" a woman yelled, Klaus turning and running to her. Ivy and Five watched him, starting the car as he was talking.
"Klaus, it's now or never!" Five yelled. "Klaus!" He turned and ran to the car, getting in and Five gassing it away. They were a couple minutes away before Klaus started reading the diary the woman gave him.
"This whole timeline's chock-full of riddles. Get this. My mom died here before I was even born!" Klaus exclaimed. Five hit the brakes, Ivy falling into the seat as Five turned to look at Klaus.
"What did you just say?" Five asked.
"Yeah," Klaus nodded.
"Oh, we're fucked," Ivy said, the two looking at her. "Totally fucked."