The serum wears off five hours later. I, sadly, felt the lead like blood in my veins for those five hours, but slowly my body became more and more tired, and I stopped being able to care about it. I was so embarrassed, and my embarrassment slowly rose every time I pretended to sleep in the medical beds as Tobias came to see me.
Even though my body still felt as if it was being held down by a ton of bricks, I was determined to sneak out of the medical hall once Tobias left again. I would rather lay in my own bed that smelled of lavender, for once, than a second longer in these back breaking beds.
I used these last few moments to rest my eyes and brace myself to move my legs. The moment I hear the chair beside me scrape against the floor, and footsteps echo away, I swing my legs over the bed and quickly close the blinds around my bed. I take deep breaths and take turns rubbing both of my forearms.
I place my hand on the bed and push myself up, holding in my groan as the pain in my ribs felt worse than ever. I walked around the bed, holding myself up, and moving my legs as much as I could. When I got around to the other side, I sat back down again as my back began to ache. I looked at the clock on the wall and I had three minutes till the next nurse does her rounds, that was three minutes to get from my bed, to the hallway.
I nod and realise I won't be able to make it with the way I walked around my bed. So, holding myself up with both of my hands behind me on the bed, I count from three to one, before taking a deep breath and moving as far and as fast as I could before my legs began to give out. When my legs buckled I grabbed onto a metal tray and gave myself a moment, I could not hear any nurses approaching or anyone that wasn't a patient.
I done the same thing again, deep breath, three; two; one, and ran. This one was easier and I got slightly further, but I wasn't close enough to grab the door. I looked at the clock as my body bashed against the wall, my legs were beginning to fail and I couldn't hold myself fully upright anymore, and I only had a minute and a half until the next nurse done her rounds. I only needed one more push to get to the door, then I would swing myself round, throw myself into the bathrooms, sit and wait until the nurse entered the medical hall.
When I had managed to do so, my legs had never felt as if they were going to break more than they did now. I sat on the toilet, closing the door as to not arouse suspicion. I ran my hands down my face as I waited for the sound of footsteps to pass, and then I could make my merry-way to my room.
I managed to get to my room with no one seeing me. Sliding down my door as my knees buckled from the pressure, I was happy to fall asleep here, not daring to attempt the walk or crawl to my bed. The sickly lavender seemed so inviting to my tired brain. But the misty feeling in my head that caused me to sway disappeared as someone knocked on my door.
"Go away." I mumbled, but it rattled my head and my throat burned. They knocked again, clearly not hearing me. I grimaced as I pushed myself up, raising my voice. "Go away!" My voice cracked multiple times as the burning feeling didn't leave.
"Y/n?" I sighed as Tobias' voice rang through the room. My legs shook as I pushed myself up, my hand cramping as I enclosed it around the door handle before pulling it open slightly. I looked at Tobias through the crack in the door.
"What?" I couldn't push my voice anymore, it came out meek, as if I had been crying for hours. Which I suppose I had.
"Can I come in?" My eyes narrowed slightly as my embarrassment rose, dusting my face with red from the thought of the idiotic last few hours.
"No." I went to close the door, slightly annoyed from my, now squeaky, voice. The door jammed as Tobias place his hand as far as he could in the door.
"Come on." I stood there for a moment, wanting to slam the door and go to bed. Wanting to be alone at the moment. I looked down at my feet before taking a deep breath.
"Go away." His hand slipped away, and I closed the door. I took this moment of energy and made my way to my bed, stuffing my face into the sickly, yet comforting, smell of lavender. The pillow bounced as my arm went under it, under where I lay. A small smile came to my face as my body sank into the bed slowly drifting off to sleep.
Swift knocks woke me up, but I could barely tell where they were coming from. My brain felt foggy as I tried to figure out where I was, and what I was supposed to be doing. The knocking stopped and instead a loud creaking rang through the room, before quick steps made their way to me. My eyebrows furrowed as I turned over, seeing Tris. "Get up."
"What?" I groaned as I sat up.
"We need to go to dinner." She kept looking out the window as she shook my slightly to wake me up faster. I waved her off.
"I'm too sore." She nodded and looked down.
"Yeah, Four said. Come on I'll help you." She started to slowly lift me up and onto my feet. My legs still shaky and tense from earlier.... Actually, how long ago was earlier? I couldn't tell how long I had actually slept.
"Four told you?" A flash of worry went through Tris' eyes as she kept sending glances at the window and down to her hands, one on my arm, and another on my lower back, holding me steady.
"Yeah." She walked me to the dining hall, both of us too focused on making sure I didn't fall to notice the glances or small remarks made as we passed by tables. I was too sore to care, and too tired to snap back.
Tris sat me at the table, peoples conversations stopping as Tris sat beside me and placed her hand on my lower back to stop me from falling. "Would you mind telling me what is going on now?" My head hurt, my throat burned, and I wanted to be in bed.
"Erudite are coming." Everyone sat up straighter.
"Here?" Tobias looks around at everyone as Tris' nods.
"No, they're going to the dance club, what do you think?" Tobias narrowed his eyes at me as I smiled. "Sorry." He nodded and everyone looked back at Tris. The Abnegation had started to pay attention, gathering around us. "Can we run?"
"I don't think so, plus with how sore you are, I doubt we would make it far." I sighed and put my head in my hands.
"Why do we need to run?" Susan asked. "The Amity established this place as a safe house. No conflict allowed."
"Do you know who the Erudite are working with?" I put my hand up to keep the remaining sun out of my eyes. "Dauntless. In case if you haven't noticed, conflict? Kind of their thing."
"Y/n is right." I went to put my middle finger up at Marcus but Tris grabbed it and put it back down. "How can you stop conflict without conflict?"
"But we can't leave, we don't have time. They'll see us." I looked at Peter and nodded.
"Tris and Y/n have guns, we can try and fight our way out." I shake my head.
"Mine is is my room, I can't make it back there." Peter looked down the table at me.
"Even if we can fight, or run, or hide. What are we gonna do with her? In case if you haven't noticed, her legs? Don't work!" I point and nod.
"He's not wrong. This is your fault by the way." Peter furrowed his eyebrows.
"Well if you hadn't kicked me!"
"You shouldn't have been in my room!"
"You shouldn't be hiding things!"
"Clearly I am not hiding things, if you know about them! Checkmate, shut up!"
"Okay both of you stop." Tris breathed heavily. "I have an idea. Disguises. The Erudite don't truly know that we are still here, we just have to pretend to be Amity." I chuckled slightly.
"Easier said than done." Peter covered his mouth as he tried not to laugh. I look around at everyone else. "My ego isn't feeling too good right now." Marcus shook his head before saying.
"Those of us who aren't dressed like the Amity shall go to the dormitories, then. The rest of you put your hair down, try to mimic their behaviour." I watched as the group of grey left, travelling to the dormitories. Tris stood up and put a hand on my shoulder.
"Where is yours?" She quietened down a little as a group of Amity passed, looking at the Abnegation with confusion as they pulled down their hair.
"Under my mattress." She nodded and rushed out of the cafeteria. I stared at the door as I played with my waistband, a dropping feeling in my stomach made me scared. And I finally understood why I had a bad feeling when I woke up from the serum, I looked down at my clothes, looking at my jeans. Different jeans than when I was in the room. I started patting down my jeans even though I knew it wasn't there.
"What's wrong?" I looked at Caleb and smiled.
"I am very itchy." He nodded with a raised eyebrow. "I'm gonna check on Tris." I laughed nervously as I stood up, wavering slightly. Before anyone could help me, I staggered off, keeping my focus on the door, knowing I could grab onto the wall once I was through.
I leaned on the wall and looked down the hallway. Where would they put my old clothes? The wash? Was I supposed to pick them up before I left the medical? It was at this moment I realised, I had never stayed for anyone to help me afterwards, no one tried to find me afterwards and give me back my stuff.
I smiled slightly to myself, nothing really changes does it? I shook my head and pushed myself forward, ignoring the burning in my legs and I smiled again when I realised they weren't hurting as much as before, and I might not be totally useless. The medical was closer than I thought, I never went back here voluntarily so I never realised that I thought it was farther because of how sore I was.
I pushed through the doors, wanting to slide down but knowing I had to keep myself standing. "Y/n?" My back straightened as I looked at the doctor in front of me. I lightly touched my rib as I looked at her as small smile making it's way onto my face.
"Hi." I looked at the nurse from the Dauntless medical. "I never caught your name before."
"Emily." I smiled. "Do you need your rib checked again?" I was about to agree until I remembered why I was here.
"No, I need my clothes I came in here with." Emily put up a finger as she walked to the back of the room, rifling through drawers. She came back a few moments later with baggy shorts and a shirt.
"How do these fit you?" She chuckled slightly as she passed them over to me.
"They don't." We both laughed as I grabbed them, but stopped when something metallic hit the floor. I chewed on my cheek as I looked down and saw the hard drive. "You aren't an Erudite spy are you?" Emily shook her head, bending it up and handing it to me.
"I saw nothing." I nod and click my fingers. She puts an arm under mine and helped me out of the medical. I nodded as a thanks before she went back inside. I threw the clothes into the washing basket, before walking into the bathroom.
"Y/n?" I peaked my head out and saw Tris. She passed me my gun which I placed into the back of my jeans. "What are you doing?" We both walked into the bathroom.
"Nothing." I smashed my hand against the wall causing Tris to gasp. I looked at the hard drive before smashing it a few more times until it was breaking up in my hand. I smiled and threw what I could into the bin. "Let's go." I grabbed her arm as we made our way back to the dormitories. "You need to get changed." She nodded as she caught up with me.
Tris and I split ways as she went to change her clothes. I walked past Susan taking the clips out of her hair as I walked past, she smiled and thanked me. I looked at Tobias, well more at his clothes. "Wow." I looked at the red collared shirt and the jeans that were losing their colour. "I have never been more attracted to you." I said looking him up and down.
"Yeah, yeah. I know it looks stupid." He wrapped his arms around my waist. "But it was the only thing that covered my tattoo." I smirked slightly.
"I don't have that problem." Tobias pushed at my side with the tattoo on it causing me to giggle from the tickly sensation. I ran my hands through Tobias' hair.
"Will they lie for us? The Amity?" I nod.
"To stop conflict? Of course they would, it's the only thing they can truly say they do for everyone." I looked around when I heard the sound of cars. Five cars pulled up all black with silver roofs. I backed up slightly, hitting Tobias' chest who put a hand on my arm. I watched as Dauntless climbed out of the cars, blue ribbons tied around their arm to signify their loyalty to Erudite.
Tobias takes my hand and takes me back into the dormitories. I ran my hands through my hair as I felt my chest clench. All of those people were under the influence of the simulation, yet they still decide they want to kill us anyway. "I don't know if I can do this." I pull at my hair as I start to feel my clothes become tight. "I can't be Amity enough, I can't, I can't, I can't." I turned around and looked at Tobias before flinging a hand to my mouth. "I'm going to get us all killed."
"No you aren't." He put his hands on my arms as he ran them up and down calmly. "You've lived around these people for most of your life." He placed a kiss to the top of my head. "You know how they act." He placed a kiss between my eyebrows. "Just act like the delicate, breakable, scared, thing that you aren't." I smiled as I cup his cheeks and pulled him down. We stood there for a moment before the three bells for summons to the dining hall sound. They do that for not-as-important-meetings. Tobias and I walked into the group of Abnegation-turned-Amity.
I looked at the kids who stood as if they didn't know what to do. "Hey, Susan." She turned and looked at me. "Get them to play tag, they need to be having fun." She nods going to tell them to start playing. A few moments later kids started running all around us.
"I got you!"
"No you didn't! That was my sleeve!"
I watched as Caleb nudged Susan in the ribs causing her to laugh. I took a deep breath and thought hard on how I could pretend, but I didn't need to did I? My faction test said I had Amity in me. I took another deep breath before adding a small skip to my walk my arms waving lightly. I put a smile onto my face as we catch up with everyone else, we all disperse into the Amity groups. Tobias and I sent one last smile to each other before we began to mingle, or at least pretend to. The Amity never asked any questions and let us be part of their faction, some seemed to enjoy that there were more of them now.
I looked at the Dauntless traitors who stand by the dining hall doors, gripping their guns tightly. I almost stiffen, feeling as if I was going to be shot any second. I took a deep breath and continued moving around with my smile. But my heart beats faster the closer we got to them, and faster, and faster, and faster- It's about to burst. I stop as Caleb loops an arm with mine. He smiles down at me.
"I'm telling you a joke you find utterly hilarious." I didn't need to pretend to laugh, I was so relieved I happily began laughing, patting him on the arm. We both look at the Dauntless and begin to giggle again as Caleb makes hand gestured to pretend he is explaining something to me. I put my hand over his and shake my head slightly.
"We don't explain things." He nods as we continue giggling to ourselves. Once we were inside we kept a hold of each other and start laughing once we realise we made it through. "Thank you so much." He smiles.
"You're welcome." We sit down at one of the long tables, Tobias, Tris, and Susan joining us a few moments later. We all stay quiet as my legs starts jumping up and down, I pretended to listen to the Amity girl beside Tris, but I couldn't focus on anything. My leg stopped as I felt someone's hand get placed down. I instinctively brought my leg up and kick them in the shin. I watched as Tobias puts his hand on his knee and lean over slightly trying not to make a sound.
"Oh my God, I'm sorry." I lent over and began to laugh a little.
"No you're not!" He spoke in a hushed voice as he rubbed his shin.
"I am!" I laughed more as he glared at me, once he put his hand back onto the table I held on to it, rubbing circles with my thumb onto the back of it. "I'm sorry." I smiled. A small smile came onto his face as he gripped onto my hand. Susan patted my back and gestured to Johanna who just walked in with an Erudite woman.
Someone banged a table, causing all of us to jump slightly.
"Our Erudite and Dauntless friends are looking for some people." I watched Johanna closely, noticing she didn't look at us for too long. "Several members of Abnegation, four members of Dauntless, and a former Erudite initiate. In the interest of full cooperation, I told them that the people they were looking for, were in fact here, but have since moved on." I felt like I could breathe again. Johanna looked at me and nodded subtly. And I remembered everyone was here, I quickly scanned the hall not seeing my mother. Where is she? "They would like permission to search the premises, which means we have to vote. Does anyone object to a search?"
There was a seriousness in her voice I hadn't heard in a while. Others must have picked up on it since no one objected to anything. "Three of you stick around." The Erudite woman talked to the cluster of Dauntless around the entrance. "The rest of you, search all of the buildings, if you find anything report back immediately. Go." I suddenly felt sick and as if I couldn't breathe again. They could find so much, the hard drive in the bin, or what's left of it. The clothes I threw into the washing instead of the bin, the lack of anything happy in our rooms.
A Dauntless walked past us; Susan, Tris and I watched as they went past us, making sure not to turn our heads. Susan started to play with her hands under the table, a Dauntless soldier noticed and started to walk over. I turned towards her, Susan turned to me as I brought my hands up and she copied me. Worry still etched on her face. "Patty cake, Patty cake," She caught on quickly and began to play with me, I watched the solider out of the corner of my eye. He stopped and turned around still watching us. I smiled and laughed, "I told you, you would remember how to play!" She smiled and laughed with me. We both watched as the soldier walked away.
"Thank you." We turned back around as I nodded. I looked at Tobias with a smile until I noticed the way he was sitting, proud. My back relaxed as I lent backward shaking my head at him. He looked at me confused before the Erudite women walked towards him. I put a smile onto my face.
"Your hair is pretty short for an Amity." I tried to communicate without her knowing, but I didn't know how to.
"It's hot." I sighed. It would have been a believable answer if he hadn't said it with a snap. My face falls as I watch her pull back his shirt to try and look at his tattoo.
"Oh my god!" She looked back at me, pulling her hand away from Tobias. "Monica!" I stand up and walk around the table, standing beside Tobias with a hand on his shoulder. "I knew I recognised you from somewhere." She looked at me confused.
"Do I know you?" I smiled and nodded.
"Remember before the water filtration system could do it itself, you would work with me to sort it whenever it broke down?" I guided her into the seat, and she tried to stand to stand back up, but I grabbed her arm and pulled her down with me. "Do you really not remember me?" She shook her head.
"Not really. Listen I've got to do work." She went to reach to Tobias again but I grabbed her hand.
"You know, I'm kind of hurt now. You were, what I considered, a good friend." I watched as her eyes narrowed.
"You really remember me that well? From that long ago?" I nodded. "What do you do now?"
"I work in the... fields." I realised my mistake. I should remember none of this... from the serum. I laughed lightly and put on a sheepish smile. Her eyes narrowed more.
"One of the people we are looking for has a damaged rib." I put a hand over my mouth.
"Oh my god, that's horrible. I hope-" I stopped as she jabbed at my side, I grabbed her wrist and pulled her down, causing her to hit her head off of the table and fall. "Shit." Across the room a gun gets shot, someone screams and everyone dives under the tables. I go down and grab the women pulling out my gun, and pass her to Tobias. I look at Tris as Tobias begins to shoot over Monica's shoulder. "Tris!" She snaps back but stops again when she touches her gun. I groan and climb over the table standing in front of her, shooting a soldier in the arm as he went to raise his revolver.
He screams and drops his gun, Tobias takes the chance to shoot him in the head, I watch as he drops and I stop for a moment. My chest clenches again as I look at my gun that is still held up in the air. I felt dizzy, I was going to be sick. "Y/n!" I look at Tobias before I hear a bang beside me, I looked to see Caleb shooting a guy in the leg who was facing us, or me. And before I know it, people are yelling and running, Caleb grabs me and Tris and we start to move.
I watch as a women pulls up a gun at a man in a yellow shirt. Tris pushes him down causing the bullet to miss, and I bring mine up shooting her wherever I could, and I hated how natural it felt. It felt so normal, my body knew what to do, but I felt like I should be crying, having shaky legs, something. I look back at the man and realise it was Peter, I shake my head and start running with everyone else. We run through so many things that I can't register, I hear sounds that I don't understand. I want to keep running, but I know I will run out of breath soon, and I could slowly feel the pain rising back into my calves.
I tripped slightly and felt my legs give out. Someone hooked their arm under mine and we kept running, I looked to my side and groaned. "You again?!" Peter let go of me once I got my footing back.
"You're welcome!" More people started to surround us, and the gunshots only got clearer.
"Split up!" I got confused as I heard Marcus shout, looking back for a second, but when I looked back I had lost Peter. Involuntary worry bubbled up inside of me.
"Peter!" I had half a mind to stop running, he could be shot, or dead. "Peter!"
"Y/n?" I looked around relieved for a moment until I saw Tobias holding open a fence, Caleb, Tris and Susan had already passed through. I looked around once more before running towards Tobias. We both went through the fence and continued running with everyone else. We stop once we realise Susan is having an issue with running for so long. She looked around.
"Where is everyone else?" She looked back at me. I shook my head as she gasped and placed a hand over her mouth. We move away from the dirt road and keep moving. I notice Susan shaking and run forward as she falls to the ground. "I can't....keep going." She buries her head into my shoulder as begins to cry for the lost Abnegation and any other person who might have died.
"It's okay." I ran my hands through her hair until I saw Tobias looking between me and Tris with a glare. I furrowed my eyebrows as I passed Susan To Caleb. "Do you want to explain why you are looking at us like that?"
"You almost got yourselves killed, what was that about?" I crossed my arms and clicked my tongue.
"Don't raise your voice at me." Tris looked between us.
"Well explain why the fuck, one," He pointed at Tris. "You didn't do anything, and two." He pointed at me. "Why you just stopped suddenly."
"I panicked." I looked at Tris and put my hand up.
"Don't explain yourself to him." I looked back at Tobias. "Cause I think he is forgetting he is no longer our trainer!" Tobias began to walk over to me when I raised my voice.
"I would at least think I done a good enough job that you two don't need someone else saving your life!"
"Oh cause god forbid anyone, but you, have problems!"
"And what is that supposed to mean?"
"I tried to confide in you about something I found worrying but all you could hear was your father's name! You didn't even try to hear my thoughts, he is making it more important than it seems, Y/n! Why should we care Y/n! Well maybe for once in your life realise some other people have problems and that we all have different ways of dealing with it! She panicked, I panicked, we were all fucking panicking because guns were pointed at us, and now we have someone crying and missing people, and all you care about is mistakes!" I took a deep breath and ran my hands through my hair. "I told you I thought it was important and now we have been attacked by Erudite cause you wouldn't listen to me and help me understand what was going on." Tobias stayed quiet, staring at me with his arms crossed.
"We have to keep moving, they'll be looking for us especially, including Marcus, if he isn't already dead." Tobias begins to walk off without us, no sadness or enthusiasm about Marcus in his voice. I thought there would be something, but there wasn't. I go over to Susan and hold her up, thinking for a minute to leave and walk away from all of them, but I couldn't.
Tris walked over to me. "Are you okay?" I sighed and nodded.
"I'll be fine. I always am."
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