Camilla White
Two weeks have gone by and my mind is still reeling from New Year's Eve. Mostly because Vincent's words are still playing over and over in my mind, like a broken record.
I'll find a way.
Find a way to what? He can't possibly mean about us being together, could he? How can he find a way? There's no way.
It messes with my brain and my heart. Ever since I've admitted to myself, my feelings, everything has heightened in me.
Simple gestures, like a ghost of a hand in the small of my back, or when the tip of his fingers brushes my skin, bringing my hair out of my face... Even the little stolen glances or the bolder and lingering gazes... have been feeding on it. Every little moment makes me fall harder, consuming me in such depth that once it stops I'll be nothing but wrecked. Empty.
And if that wasn't enough, watching that royal painting only added to the stress.
That painting hasn't left my mind. It's not like I can find any similarities with him, physically. But have I tried? Maybe. The fact that I never knew who my dad was, makes it all the weirder. In the end, my mother had contact with the Duchess' late husband.
My eyes widen in realization as a specific thought runs through my head. What if... Were they... lovers?
No!
Ignoring, Primrose's whimpers the moment I rush from the kitchen to my bedroom, I hastily open my bedside drawer, digging through my underwear until I find the letter I have avoided so far.
My hands tremble in anticipation, just as I look at the still unbroken sealing wax with the family's crest. Primrose settles right on my side, with her head resting on my leg just as I break the seal.
Taking a deep breath, I open the folded paper, coming across her neat handwriting. I can't help but gasp at the sight. All of the nostalgia hits me like a truck, reminding me of how much I miss her. All the walks through the gardens, all the gossip she'd tell me to keep me up to date. Our tea and biscuit dates...
She was my second mother.
This letter in my hands brings that reality veil down on me, once again. Reminding me of how much I miss and need her. Both of them.
My eyes blur with stubborn tears, as soon as I spot the first three words, but I hastily swipe at them while starting to read the letter.
"My sweet Camilla,
I am hoping this letter is finding you well. Knowing you as I know, you'll keep this for a moment when you can't bear the feeling of missing us anymore. It's understandable for someone who might feel as alone as you do. Fear not my sweet girl, you might not have us with you in person but all three of us are with you in spirit.
As you might know by now, Vincent is my official heir. The only one I trusted enough to let you stay and keep your work if you wish as much. Remember that you are free to spread your wings and fly away if you want but... this will always be your home in more ways than one.
You might not have been my child through birth but I am proud to say that you were my adopted child. I loved you as if you were mine and have no regrets in that department. On others though...
I tried to let you know many times while I was still alive, but I couldn't because, in the end, your mother and I robbed you of something very important. The truth about your ancestry. The truth about your father.
I know you never knew who he was and never really showed a wish to do, you have always seemed happy and satisfied with the little that has been given to you. That trait was both admiring and heartbreaking. Because a sweet and pure girl like you deserved more, so much more.
You still do, and that is why I have taken it upon myself to leave you the option. Let you decide to bring justice to yourself if you want it... Or let things be as they are if you prefer to have the life you've always had.
My late husband, Joseph is your biological father. As you know, we were never in love but we were close friends. Like brother and sister. He and I had an agreement. We were to never hurt each other with public scandals and disrespect but we were free to love someone else. Our marriage was a contract anyway.
And that is what happened. Joseph fell in love with your mother and they had a wonderful love life until his premature passing. He was the happiest I have ever seen him when he held you in his arms for the first time after you were born.
Unfortunately, that happiness bubble burst when he died of a heart attack just a couple of months after your birth. It was at that moment that I realized I loved him as well. Who wouldn't? Joseph was charismatic, intelligent and kind—just like you. It hurt deeply to say goodbye to him but at least I had a clear conscience that I had let him be happy.
In the end, you were the gift. To him, to your mother and also to me. Love was never on my cards, and having my own children neither. In the end, all of this has always been meant to be given back to my brother's offspring.
But it's not fair...
You are their children, born out of an impossible love story that found their common ground and worked with that God gave them. But it's not fair that you have to live in the shadows too. They did it by choice and if you are to do it as well, you deserve to do it by choice too.
You are Camilla Gotta, daughter of Joseph Gotta and granddaughter of the late King George. That makes you a direct heir to the throne if Charles ends up not bearing children. That will make you second in line, right in front of my nephew.
My lawyer, Harry has all the documents, birth certificates, DNA tests, and your mother's letters to you, telling you the entire truth. This is for you to do as you wish but just know that it's all yours.
If you want it.
I deeply regret the fact that I never got the courage to tell you this in the flesh, to be there to ease your heart and pain and be able to hug you until it all went away. But I couldn't, just the thought of you reading this is breaking my own heart. But I couldn't let you live an entire life without knowing the truth.
You deserve the truth and you deserve to take everything that is rightfully yours.
No matter what you decide, I am on your side and I want you to be the happiest you have ever been.
Eternal love,
Elizabeth Hawthorne
My breath hitches as the letter crumples in my fist. The same words are playing on repeat inside of my head and still, I can't find it in myself to believe them. The gravity of these claims written on the piece of paper before me, tear at my heart. Not only that, but they destroy everything that I thought was true.
My whole life was a lie.
All those times where I wished this was all mine instead of it just being borrowed in kindness and chance. To now, find out it indeed is... mine.
It's turning my brain upside down, tying knots in my stomach as I finally realize the consequences of this truth.
Taking all of this as mine means Vincent loses it.
But he... I couldn't-
He doesn't deserve to.
I can't even think of it. I couldn't. I wouldn't. I won't.
"What a bloody mess," I mutter to myself and Primrose whines in distress as if feeling exactly what I am experiencing. "What do I do sweet girl? This is a ticking time bomb, waiting to explode on my face."
Her yellowish doe eyes stare back at me. If only I held all the answers of the universe in my hands. Little does everyone know, I can't even take a breath in without doubting myself.
"Whatever path I choose, no one wins. I certainly don't."
Petting her gives me some sort of comfort. And while this has just been too much all at once, I can't help but block the most emotional parts about the truth of my parenthood and focus back on what it means to Vincent and us.
It's unthinkable for me to even consider hurting him in such a manner.
I'd rather live for the rest of my life as the stupid and insignificant housekeeper than take all of this from him. The place where he's made a home. The place where I can see him happier than I've ever noticed in the past, or when he moved here at first.
To take that away from him, would also hurt me.
And I'd rather be poor and on the side-stage and be happy than have it all and be empty on the inside.