Mondays. I hate them. I mean really, who actually likes Mondays? Sure, there's those few people that are like, Hey it's the beginning of a new week that is filled with new opportunities; however, I am not one of those people. I will forever and always hate Mondays.
"Hey, Nol, it's time to get up." I heard a deep voice whisper.
I reluctantly opened my eyes, blinking away the blurriness in them before focusing my eyes on Matthew, who was kneeling down next to my bed.
"I don't want to go to school." I mumbled into my pillow, pulling the blanket over my head as I nestled deeper into bed.
After we got back from church yesterday I had ended up throwing up 3 more times and laying on the couch all day. I thought I felt better by the time I went to bed, but I was proven wrong when I woke up in the middle of the night with a nauseous feeling in my stomach.
Let's just say I didn't sleep the best, and I definitely wasn't feeling well enough to make it through the whole school day.
"Nol— ," Matthew chuckled, grabbing the blanket and gently pulling it off my head, "—you're not going to school today."
I finally removed my face from the pillow, looking up at him with a confused expression etched on my face.
What did he just say?
"Remember, you have a doctors appointment at 10:30." He reminded me.
I groaned in response. I'd rather go to school then the doctor. At least at school I could see my friends.
"I know you don't want to go, but you need to." He said softly, bringing his hand up and brushing my brown curls out of my eyes.
"I know." I replied dejectedly before asking,"Do I have to go back to school after?"
Matthew shook his head. "No, I pulled you out for the day. I though we could hang out after and make a day of it."
A smile pulled at my lips at my brothers words. Since school started we had all been busy, and I missed hanging out with him.
"That's okay right?" He asked.
"Yeah, of course. Thank you." I said, the smile on my face growing ever so slightly.
He smiled back at me for a few seconds before looking over to the clock on my bedside table, which currently read 9:42am.
"Okay, you're appointment's at 10:30, so we need to leave by 10 to make it on time." He said, placing his hand on my nightstand and pushing himself up off the ground, groaning in the process. "Uhg, I'm getting too old for this." He complained as he walked toward the door.
I laughed, slowly pulling the covers off of me, ignoring the small throb in my head as I got out of bed and made my way to the bathroom. I quickly brushed my teeth and washed my face before returning to my room to get dressed. I grabbed a random hoodie and pair of blue jeans, quickly throwing them on before slowly making my way downstairs.
When I finally made it down to the kitchen it was already 9:59. Just on time, I thought right as Matthew walked in, his keys in one hand and a coffee cup in the other.
"Okay, ready to go?" He asked as I made my way over to the medicine cabinet.
"Uh yeah, just a sec." I said, digging through the messy pile of different medications.
I searched each and every shelf in the whole cabinet and couldn't find it. "Do you know where the Advil is?" I finally asked, my patience running thin, but instead of an answer I was met with silence.
I paused my search, turning around to face Matthew, who just so happened to be standing there with a smirk, Advil in hand.
"This Advil?" He asked, his voice laced with amusement.
I closed the cabinet, huffing in annoyance as I made my way over to him and snatched the Advil out of his hand.
"Why didn't you just tell me where it was?" I asked, popping 2 pills in my mouth and washing them down with water.
He shrugged, "How was I supposed to know what you were looking for?" An innocent look overtook his features, but I could still hear the amusement in his voice loud and clear.
"You know you can be really annoying sometimes." I grumbled, my voice filled with annoyance.
He laughed, ruffling my hair, despite my protests. "That's what older brothers are for." He said, a grin appearing on his face. "Now, hurry up or we're going to be late."
"We wouldn't have to worry about being late if you would of just given me the Advil." I mumbled after Matthew's retreating form.
I was about to follow, but then I remembered the other thing I had come to the kitchen for. Food. I turned back towards the cupboard, rummaging through the assortment of food, smiling as I finally found what I wanted.
"Gotchya." I said, pulling the cookies and cream Pop-tart out of the cupboard just as Matthew yelled at me to hurry up again.
"I'm coming!" I yelled back, heading towards the door.
I was just about to head outside, but then turned around for the second time. My eyes zoned in on the Advil still sitting on the counter, I quickly grabbed it.
Just incase.
Then, for the third time that morning I walked to the door, but this time I finally walked through it.
*******
Hospitals. A lot like Mondays in the sense that everybody hates them, well except the doctors and nurses of course, but I have a feeling that even they get sick of this place sometimes.
I looked around the small examination room that they had put us in. It was standard, 2 chairs against the wall, table in the middle, and a countertop with cabinets surrounding it.
I took a deep breath, trying to calm the anxiety in my chest, regretting it almost instantly as the sterile smell of the hospital filled my nostrils.
We had been waiting in this room for about an hour and a half. After signing in and doing a quick examination the doctors had taken me back and did blood work to check my blood cell count.
They checked it every time I had an appointment, but it normally didn't take this long to get results. In the past the longest that we had to wait was an hour. I tried telling myself that it was fine, they were probably just super busy, but I couldn't help feeling like something was wrong.
I could feel the anxiety clawing at my chest as my mind began to conjure all kinds of different explanations to why it was taking so long, one in particular scaring me more then the rest, and causing dread to settle in the pit of my stomach like a gigantic boulder.
I guess Matthew must have noticed my distress because eventually he got up from the chair he was sitting on, walked over to the table where I was currently seated, and placed his hand on my shoulder giving it a reassuring squeeze.
"Hey, just breath okay? I'm sure everything is fine. Stop overthinking it." He said, his blue eyes scanning my identical pair.
I nodded, letting out the breath that I hadn't known I was holding. After taking a couple of deep breaths I looked back over at Matthew, raising my brow slightly.
"How did you know I was overthinking it?" I asked with a small smile.
He shrugged, returning the smile, "I guess I just know you better than you thought." He paused, a mischievous look sparkling in his eyes as he continued, "Who knows, maybe I know you even better than Nic does."
"Oh please, you know we both know each other almost better than we know ourselves." I said, rolling my eyes.
"True, but—" He started to say; however, he was cut off by a knock on the door.
There was a moments pause before I heard the sound of the doorknob twisting, causing a small click to resound through the room. The door opened, revealing none other than Dr. Monroe, in her long white coat, laptop and papers in hand.
"Hey guys, hope I'm not interrupting anything." She greeted, her eyes lingering slightly on Matthew's hand which was still on my shoulder.
"Oh no, you're fine." Matthew replied, giving my shoulder one last gentle squeeze before removing his hand, and returning to his chair.
Dr. Monroe took a seat as well, setting the laptop and papers she was holding down on the counter before spinning around in her chair to face me, the same bright smile she always wore plastered on her face.
"So, how have we been feeling lately Nolan?" She asked, looking at me expectantly.
I swallowed, "Um, good." I said with a small shrug.
Matthew caught my eye, giving me a hard look that clearly said: Tell her the truth. I bit my lip, looking down at my hands nervously as I turned back to Dr. Monroe.
"Okay, maybe not so good." I said, raising my blue eyes to meet her deep brown pair, which held a look of something between concern and curiosity.
"Care to expand on that?" She asked after a couple moments of silence went by.
I dropped my eyes back to my hands, absentmindedly picking at a loose string
on my jeans.
"Well, I just finished my 5th cycle of chemo on Saturday, so I obviously wasn't feeling the best last week." I said, looking up at her.
She gave me a small nod, silently telling me to continue. "But then yesterday I still wasn't feeling good, and I don't know, that hasn't happened before. Normally I wake up on Sunday feeling slightly drained, but overall better." I said, taking a deep breath as I felt the anxiety in my chest grow with each word I spoke.
She nodded again before asking, "How do you feel today?"
"Um, my head hurts, I feel exhausted, and I'm kinda sore." I said. "But definitely better then yesterday." I added.
She turned around, quickly typing something on her laptop, before turning her chair back around, facing us.
"I'm glad that you're feeling better than you were yesterday. I think that you feeling bad could possibly just be because with each new cycle the dose gets stronger, which is harder on the body, and, in turn, can cause more severe side effects." She said, her eyes moving between both me and Matthew.
"However, the results from your blood test this morning show that your red blood cell count is pretty low, not low enough for you to need another blood transfusion, but low enough for it to be concerning. And as you already know, a low red blood cell count can make you feel pretty lousy. But—" she started, hesitating slightly before continuing, "—what was really alarming to me is how high your white blood cell count is."
She turned around once again, shuffling around the stack of papers that she had brought in. "Ah, here it is." She quickly turned back around with a single sheet of paper in hand.
"So, these are the results from your blood test, and as you can see your red blood cell count is low, but right here—" she said, moving her finger to the bottom left corner of the page, "—this is your white blood cell count."
I followed her finger to where it read, White blood cell count: 215,000
My eyes widened at the number, and I had to hold back a gasp.
215,000? Why was it so high?
My eyes traveled over to Matthew, who was also staring at the page with a baffled expression decorating his face.
"As you both know the average white blood cell count in a healthy person is normally somewhere between 4,000-11,000, so you can clearly understand why this would alarm me."
I gulped, nodding just as Matthew spoke up, "So, uh is there anything we do to lower it?" He asked, worry clear in his light blue hues.
Dr. Monroe turned to him, the small look of sadness in her eyes causing my chest to tighten.
"Well, what these results tell me is that the treatment isn't working as well as we would like it to, so my recommendation would be to up the dosage for the last 3 cycles of chemo. This will hopefully attack the cancer with more force; therefore, lowering the amount of white blood cells." She said to Matthew.
Then she looked over at me with a serious look on her face, pursing her lips together for a moment before speaking, "Unfortunately with this more intensive treatment, the side effects will also be more intense on your body Nolan." She said, her eyes never wavering from my face.
"It's-it's okay. I can handle it." I said suddenly, even though I felt like I was on the verge of a panic attack, and I wasn't quite sure I believed the words that had just come out of my mouth.
She smiled slightly, "I know you can, but I just want you to understand what this will
entail." She said, the serious expression returning.
I nodded, urging her to go on.
"First of all—" she began, holding up 1 finger, "—with the higher dosage there is a great possibility that you will not be able to go to school because of how awful you will feel."
That was fine, I could handle it. Sure I would miss a few days of school, but that was okay, Nicole could just bring home my work, and that way I wouldn't fall too far behind.
"Second of all—" she continued, holding up a second finger, "—I don't want you playing sports or doing any sort of physical activities while on chemo because it could potentially end in you passing out, or worse getting seriously injured. And again, you probably wouldn't be able to anyway because of the side effects."
That was fine too, football season would be over after this Friday, and I wasn't planning on playing any winter sports, at least not this year.
"And last but not least—" she said, holding up her ring finger, "—your immune system is already pretty weak from the leukemia, but this will make it even weaker, so I need you, and your family—" she said, looking at Matthew, "—to be extremely careful around germs or people who are sick. The last thing we need is for you to get sick. Even the smallest infection can cause serious issues." She finished.
I thought about her words, nodding slowly, "Okay, that should be fine. No school, no sports, and no getting sick while on chemo, I can do that." I said looking over at Matthew for reassurance, his eyes met mine, and he nodded his head in agreement.
"Yeah, we can do that." He said, giving me a small, encouraging smile, my chest loosening slightly at the sight.
Dr. Monroe looked between the two of us, "Okay then, I just need to make a prescription for the new meds, and then you will be free to leave." She said, grabbing her laptop.
After a couple minutes filled with silence, except for the sound of Dr. Monroe typing, she finally looked up, "Okay, I put the prescription in. You should be able to pick it up at the pharmacy later today." She informed us, standing up.
Matthew nodded, standing up as well. "Sounds good. Thank you for your time today." He said extending his hand out to her.
She accepted it, her bright smile returning. "Yeah, no problem."
Then she turned back to me, and surprised me by placing her hand on my shoulder. "I hope you start feeling better Nolan. You're doing great so far. Just know that everyone has setbacks, and you are still undefeated. This is not the end." She told me, squeezing my shoulder lightly.
I smiled at her kind words of encouragement. "Thank you." I said, smiling back at her.
She nodded before removing her hand, and making her way towards the door.
"Okay, well call me if you need anything, and I will see you both at the beginning of next month."
She lead us out the door and down the hall, back to the waiting room. Matthew thanked her one more time before we left, making our way towards the parking lot.
Once inside the car I rested my head on the headrest and closed my eyes, swallowing hard as everything that had just happened seemed to crash into me all at once.
"Hey, you okay?" Matthew asked, looking over at me from the drivers seat.
I nodded slightly, "Uh, yeah, just-just a lot to take in, that's all." I said, trying to take a deep breath as I felt my lungs start to squeeze, my breath quickening.
Matthew noticed and reached over the center console, gently grabbing my hand.
"Hey, look at me. Focus on me." He said.
I did as he told me, opening my eyes and looking over at him.
"Good. Now, deep breaths remember? Everything is going to be alright." He said, rubbing small circles on the back of my hand.
I nodded, keeping my eyes trained on him while I began to mentally count my breaths.
In two three, out two three. In two three, out two three. In two three, out two three.
I did this for a few minutes, Matthew held my hand the whole time, and offered small words of encouragement until my breathing regulated.
"Thanks." I said, my voice sounding tired, I briefly closing my eyes for a second trying to shake the exhaustion. "Sorry I freaked out."
He turned to me immediately, almost looking angry as he began to speak, "No, no. You don't get to apologize. You're right, that was a lot to take in, and you handled it extremely well. You have done nothing wrong. So, no apologizing okay? Because there is nothing to be sorry about." He said, his voice stern but somehow still soft as well.
"Okay." I whispered.
"Okay." He whispered back, suddenly looking like he was about to cry. "I'm so proud of you. You know that right?"
His words surprised me for reasons I didn't know. My heart swelled, and I couldn't help the smile that appeared on my face.
"Yeah, yeah I do." I replied, squeezing his hand.
He smiled back at me, "Good. Now where do you want to eat lunch?" He asked as he let go of my hand, turning back to the wheel and putting the car in reverse.
All the emotion in his eyes had vanished. If I didn't know any better, I probably would of thought that I had imagined the tears, but I knew my brother as well as he knew me, and as you saw earlier he knew me pretty well.
He rarely ever showed his emotions, he was always, Mr. tough-guy, and if he did let his emotions come into play, they were only there for a short amount of time, and before you knew it they were gone again.
That's my brother for you. I thought, shaking my head.
"Um, Is Chick-fil-a okay for lunch?" I asked, quickly buckling my seat belt as Matthew turned out of the hospital parking lot.
He nodded, "Sounds great. Chick-fil-a here we comeee." He yelled out the open windows of the car, which for the record, I didn't even know why they were open.
It was like 40 degrees outside, but in that moment I didn't care. I didn't care that I was cold or that my brother had just let everyone know where we were heading.
Because in that moment I was with my big brother. Not my guardian or someone trying to be my parent, just my older brother. And for a moment it felt like old times, before the accident, before the anxiety, before the cancer. For a moment everything felt okay. Everything felt like it was normal.
For once, I felt okay, I felt like my life was normal.
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Hey! So... as a surprise, and partly because I haven't updated in like 3 weeks, I decided to do a double update! Yay!
Anyway hope you enjoyed this chapter. Sorry if all the medical stuff was boring, but don't worry because the next chapter is pretty entertaining in my opinion.
Vote, comment, and follow if you haven't already🤍
Word count 3388