i cant put my thoughts into words.
my skin is warm, but i feel so cold.
all the time.
all i feel is that my head is heavy, but there's nowhere for it to fall. there is nowhere to rest, and nowhere to rest safely. it's always there. it's waiting for the moment i blink awake, and it'll be staring back at me, ready to taunt and criticize.
the first thing i feel in the morning is dread.
i jump awake from the nightmares that haunt me in the night, yet i don't have the relief of escape.
it's even worse afterwards.
here, the fears are real, and i'm forced to face them everyday. the ghosts can even touch me here, and they can capture me, too.
"there's nothing to be scared of," they say.
then why is everything so scary?
i'm scared of:
being forgotten.
never having a purpose.
the love being artificial.
disappointing people.
never living up to anyone's expectations.
being alone.
i get a sinking feeling in my chest and realize that i have to do everything, all over again. the first thing i feel in the morning is dread.