You're no better than a goddamn man, Rachel. Even after all these years, you really froze up around him and still only thought with your thirsty ass p—
"Uh, newbie?"
"—pussy." Oh, dear god. Shoot me, please.
David furrowed his brows with uncertainty, and likely discomfort.
I slapped a hand over my face and inched away, hoping desperately to find a rock to crawl and hide under. When I found only a rough brick wall that jabbed me in the back, I winced. "I'm so, so sorry. I didn't mean...I don't...I just..." I sighed. "I'm really sorry."
With humor in his eyes and a twinge of pink hinting in his cheeks, he bit back a chuckle and cleared his throat aggressively. "I was saying that a bunch of us are heading out for drinks later once we're all set up here. I said you can join if you want."
"Oh! Uh, sure, sure. I could honestly use a drink after what just happened." David laughed again and nodded, likely assuming I meant my unfortunate outburst—which was half true. But the louder half was speaking of the immediate tension that had plagued my body without warning at the mere sight of my ex. I hadn't even had a second to catch myself before falling head-first down that damned rabbit hole. So, yes. I was desperate for a drink. I glanced back up to the blond. "Where?"
"Ernie's. It's—"
"—just a few blocks down. I used to go all the time with—" I stopped myself. "Nobody. Anyway, I'm gonna head in. I'll see you later."
"Do you want me to drive you there later?"
"Hm? Oh, no. Thank you, but I can walk."
David's voice dropped in skepticism. "If you're sure..."
I laughed awkwardly, wondering why the stranger I'd met mere minutes before was so adamant. "I am. See ya!"
When he turned with seeming disappointment, I sighed in relief and shoved my entire body into the heavy ass door separating me from the peace of my lecture hall. I let it slam shut behind me and took in the large room I stood in. A heap of pride washed over me and I welcomed it, knowing that the years I'd busted my ass had finally paid off. When my bag hit the scabbing-over scrape on my thigh from earlier, my moment of happiness turned to a fit of uncertainty and unwavering reluctance. I made a beeline for the empty desk in front of the large board. Throwing my bag up onto it, I flopped down into the chair with little grace.
"What..." I let my hands fall onto the oak top. "The..." I dropped my head onto it with a bone-splitting thud. "Fuck!"
Moving back was already a hellacious decision in itself. I'd known that when I took the job three months ago. Being back in the town where my past had murdered my last remnants of sanity was hard enough, but I'd assumed Caleb would've moved elsewhere by now. Or at least I'd engulfed myself with wishful thinking that I'd never have to cross his path here again.
I had never moved on from Caleb Ryker. I'd festered. I'd cried. I'd screamed. And I'd moved, but not on. Never forward. Rather, I'd found myself circling a path that had been drawn in a vicious mockery from the inking pain of my past. And I knew that when I took the job. I knew it when I packed up my little apartment. When I boarded my flight.
So why had I gone to the beach the moment I'd landed—the one where I'd planned to marry the man I loved? Why had I spent the entire day there on my first day back?
"Seriously, how pathetic can you be, Rach?"
I groaned to myself and readjusted my head on my hands, getting more comfortable. Taking a deep breath, I gave myself a second to relax before I'd make myself get up and actually do what I needed to to prepare myself for the first day of classes. I unzipped my bag and pulled out the syllabus I'd typed up, then the textbook for the class to boot. I ran my fingers over the letters on the cover with a reminiscent smile. It had been my own nearly a decade prior, and when I opened it, a note on the inside was a clear reminder of that.
Have fun in Calc, my hot little nerd. I love you.
- Caleb
I let the cover shut immediately, though I couldn't help but laugh at the memory. Was buying your fiancé a college textbook romantic? Not necessarily. But when they were over a hundred dollars each and we were broke students?
I'd given him head for it. And it had ended with me bent over the desk in my dorm.
Vivid as ever in my deviant brain, I squeaked and pushed the heavy book away, cursing my body for growing aroused at something so stupidly simple for the second time today. I let my head fall back to the desk with a thud.
I groaned. "What the fuck is wrong with me?"
"Well, you're sleeping instead of working, for one." Caleb's voice popped into the room, its waves reverberating off the empty walls.
Caught off guard, I lifted my head to see him leaning casually against the entrance with the door shut at his back. I blinked and let my hands fall from the wooden desk, placing them to rest on my thighs. It was only then that I realized how high the hem of my leather skirt had risen in my seated position.
I cleared my throat, wincing at its desert state. "Caleb, do you need something?"
His lip curled up in a smirk. "It's Caleb now, huh? I must admit, hearing you say 'sir' in my office was...something else."
My lips parted. How was he tens of feet away and still able to make me feel like a deer in the headlights? I felt like a teenager stuck in the janitor's closet with her high school crush—not that that wasn't a fair enough comparison. But I was a grown woman, dammit. And the man was no longer my crush, rather the ass that stomped on my heart.
So why was my body betraying me, and why wasn't I mad that it was?
I forced my backbone to harden. "To be fair, I was expecting Dean Williams. Not you."
Caleb stayed silent a moment, pursing his lips at my explanation. When he pushed off the doorframe and took slow steps towards my desk, my spine turned back to jelly much to my dismay. I held my breath and spun the chair slightly to make sure my legs were hidden under the desk, but it didn't stop the throbbing in my clit that synced with the steps he took.
When he halted at the corner of my desk, his body heat and cologne immediately engulfed my senses. Leaning across, he used his long arms to grab for the textbook I'd shoved away. Holding it, he looked it over with a knowing glint in his gaze before setting it back on my desk. He hadn't even opened it and still knew what it was. My cheeks flared with fire under the embarrassment of having kept it all these years despite our story.
Caleb's body turned so he could half-sit on the ledge, kicking one foot over the other. His eyes lowered, studying me, and though I wished so hard to contain it, my face was like molten lava under his stare.
"It's funny, you're different and somehow still the same."
Just as I opened my mouth to ask what he meant, another woman I didn't recognize pushed the door open without so much as a knock.
"There you are, Cal! You missed me earlier, I came by your office." She walked into the room with her clacking heels so high they made mine look like flats.
Who the fuck would wear those to work?
I grimaced and twinged my toes in my own stilettos, feeling like a pot judging the kettle. Then again, maybe it wasn't the shoes that had tipped me off, rather the purr in her voice when she'd spoken to him.
"Ms. Pierce, yes, one second. I need to finish my conversation here with Ms. Hall and then I'll join you in my office."
The woman pouted and stopped her advance, leaning against the large board a few feet away. When she snapped her gum, I saw Caleb's hand twitch.
"That means leave, Ms. Pierce."
She rolled her eyes and snapped her gum again but pushed away from the wall and dragged her feet back to the door. Caleb picked at the cuffs of his suit's shirt before kicking away from the desk. Before I could help myself, a scoff escaped.
"Something funny, Rachel?"
Something so simple as a name on a tongue shouldn't sound like sex. But it did when it was my name falling off of his tongue. I pushed the shivers aside and sat back in my chair in an attempt to appear unbothered.
"It's just funny to me that you say I'm different, but you haven't changed a bit. I guess you two have met before today, huh?"
"We have."
That hurt more than it probably should've.
My eyebrow raised and I felt my lips curl into a judgemental sneer before I could keep up with my unbothered facade. When I couldn't stop myself, I hid my face behind my hair instead, staring down at the scratch on my thigh.
Caleb was silent for a moment, and I wished I could've seen his face, but before I found the will to look back up, he'd already turned and started to walk away. He paused with his hand on the doorknob.
"You know, I stand corrected. You haven't changed at all. Have a good day, Rachel."
When the door shut behind him, the room felt empty. Hilariously enough, even when he stood beside me it still had been in retrospect. But now without him, it was cold and much too big for me alone. I stared at the door, wondering if he'd come back in. I hoped he would.
"I stand corrected. You haven't changed at all. Have a good day, Rachel."
I sat back in the chair and let my head fall onto the wooden surface yet again. Was I still bad for judging and jumping to conclusions based on no information at all? Yes. But it's easy to sit and reflect when the conversation is over. And just as I'm bad for that, I couldn't help but harp on the pang in my heart that he was still so quick to walk away. To leave everything unspoken and unresolved.
I closed my eyes, reminding myself that he owed me nothing. That we weren't together as we once were. And then I had to remind myself to keep my eyes shut and not check the door over and over, wondering if maybe, just maybe, he'd walk back in on his own for the first time.
But the door never reopened.
_
"What the literal fuck was I thinking?" I whined to myself. Shooting pains were stabbing me in the balls of my feet, circuiting up my ankles to my calves.
Stupid heels. I need to have a word with whoever invented them.
I squinted against the sun still shining bright from above, hoping I'd made my way nearly to the bar, but I was wrong. I'd only just rounded the edge of campus. I still had a few blocks to go, which doesn't sound like much, but that's a hell of a walk around the foot and car traffic. Add in the standing between street crossings and I wanted to sit down and cry. It'd been way too long since I'd been in heels all hours of the day and I'd picked a shit time to reintroduce my feet to it.
I half-stumbled to the first crosswalk and stopped at the corner, leaning against the lamp pole to let it bear some of my weight and give my aching feet a moment's relaxation when a sleek, overly expensive car slid next to the curb beside me.
"Get in."
I froze, holding back the immediate eye roll and sarcastic laugh that threatened to bubble past my will. I blinked slowly to remember my manners, but before I could, the overly familiar voice spoke again.
"Rachel, have you lost your hearing, or is it just selective now? Get in the goddamn car."
I let my hand fall from the pole to smack down against my thigh before turning, literally, on my heel. Which was stupid, because my ankle gave out and went sideways, a nice little pop to follow. "You and your domineering attitude can go fuck yourselves, Caleb."
I swallowed my whimper. Ouch.
But he'd noticed anyway. He shoved the car into park with a glare and got out, ignoring my half-assed fight. Picking me up bridal style, he strode around the back of the car and cradled me carefully so he could pluck the passenger door open. Setting me in, he waited for me to get situated with an impatient look on his face.
"You're a brute."
He rolled his eyes at my comment and slammed the door before I could mutter another word. With immature irritation, I clicked the lock and reached over to roll his window up as he made his way back to his door.
"Very funny." He pulled the handle. "Rachel, open the goddamn door!"
I crossed my arms over my chest and looked around the backseat in aimless hope of finding some shoes I could change into. In my already acting-out brain, if I found a pair that fit, I had a reason to get out of the car. Because it would mean a woman was in his life, maybe the one from earlier. And that would make this inappropriate. If I found a pair that was his own, then I could slip them on and walk my ass the rest of the way. Either way, I could get out and away from the temptation that was Caleb Ryker.
But the door opened much to my own displeasure.
Caleb's face was a sheet of impatience and anger. "What the fuck was that about? I'm trying to help you, you spoiled, stubborn little brat."
"Fuck you."
"You know something, Rachel? I wish you would."
Shit. Did he just say that?