I hope to arrive to my death,
late,
in love,
and a little drunk.
—Atticus
Rain
From all the crap I've taught you so far, you must have memorized a line or two.
Pop quiz, what's the most important piece in a chess game?
Correct. The queen.
But why?
Because in chess it's the queen's job to protect the king at all times.
So, spoiler alert for the near future, aka, these Sokomob-related, following chapters, just letting you know beforehand,
In this case, I did a hella bad fucking job.
Suga had avoided me like I was a deadly plague carrier since our short meeting, leaving me no choice but asking RM if I was still going with them.
RM had no clue why shouldn't I, so I took it upon myself and assumed myself invited, and the plan, still ongoing.
Tomorrow was the SokoMob meeting.
Location: Min mansion.
Chin-Hae's place was our way to slap Suga's legacy on those other leaders' faces.
Even the carved walls screamed old-as-the-fucking-empire money. The carpets singed we're-having-tea-with-the-Rothchilds money. Money. Money everywhere. You get the point.
If Pimp-my-ride and Buckingham's palace had a child, it'd be this place.
And in a few hours, this place was gonna be swarmed with criminals like we were going to film a new Prison break season.
We went all there from the night before to have a head start. Get a good sense of the place. Prepare.
So of course I couldn't sleep. I don't think any of us did.
We went 100% prepared for a victory, however...
The slight possibility that something can go wrong, that one of us could get hurt or worse was setting a weight on my chest that was making it hard for me to breathe.
What if one of us died?
What if I died?
What the hell was the protocol for this kind of shit?
Should I say my goodbyes just in case?
Was this how clan life was for everyone else?
Constantly worrying if everything was going to go wrong and if anything happens to the people you cherish the most?
My head was spinning as I sat next to the fireplace in the suite I was given for the night, right on a white carpet that Jon Snow would wear for a coat, downing vodka straight from a bottle I sneaked from Chin-Hae's study. I had no other way to deal with my anxiety and I had this whole place mapped in my head from the first time I was here.
Right before I was about to take another swing my phone beeped.
I don't know why, but I decided to ignore the message. Didn't feel like dealing with anyone right now.
Ten minutes later, it beeped again.
And I ignored it again.
The third fucking time, I was equal amounts of pissed and curious, so I reached for it. Thankfully.
S: You ok?
S: answer for fucks sake.
S: If you're not answering because you're in the shower without permission, I swear to god you will regret it.
Shocked and grinning, I remembered that I had changed his ringtone after Jin's threat. I must have been so thrilled that he texted me, that I kept staring at my screen for a few seconds. He has been avoiding me since I called him a mess. And I wanted to say that I was sorry. That I didn't mean it. That I was probably projecting.
And if you know me just a bit, you obviously know that I can take down a whole country on a Tuesday before brunch.
But to say sorry to Suga?
Of course, I haven't found it in myself yet. Not even the impending doom of possible death hadn't pushed me enough to do so.
RR: Regret it how exactly? What kind of misfortune will fall upon me now?
S: I would say normally none but it's time for me to take drastic measures. You leave me no choice except punishment.
RR: Unfair. After all the stress I've been through? Now I have to succumb to your tactics?
S: You poor thing. I was worried sick and you left me all waiting for your reply with no explanation. I just wanted to see how you're doing and you want to...
What exactly you said that you want, again?
Bastard. I was this close to shooting my phone into the fireplace.
I started typing, I want to ki_ _ you. Answers may vary.
Pathetic at the least. I erased it.
I wish I could. I wish I had the balls. To say it out loud. All the things that you want to hear, and even more things that I want to say. I erased that too.
I downed a few gulps straight from that bottle, the alcohol burning through the heaviness on my chest.
What do I want?
Hearing you laugh. Seeing you smile. Being with you.
Nothing could explain the irrational fear of admitting my feelings.
S: You wouldn't happen to know anything about a missing bottle of vodka from my father's study, now, would you?
I love you.
And not only because you are changing the subject for me, because you know it made me uncomfortable.
And not only because you're sending stupid things you normally wouldn't bother with, just to take my mind away from tomorrow.
But because of the way you looked at me from the first time.
A stupid tear spattered on my phone screen. For all the things I wanted to say but couldn't.
At least, not yet.
RR: That's outrageous! I know nothing of that poor, stolen bottle of vodka. What has our society turned into? We must inform the village elders!
How bad is it that I know he would laugh at my reply but if I could see him he would hold it in and pretend it's not funny at all?
S: How do you feel about tomorrow?
RR: Prepared.
A few more moments passed. And I haven't mustered the courage to say anything more.
I drowned under the monstrous waves of words I wasn't saying.
S: Sweet dreams then Rei.
Again, I wished and expected that my door would open soon.
I stared at it for a few minutes.
I felt so sad and lonely that I was tempted to finish the bottle and go find him.
Maybe I should have.
When the morning came, of course, I haven't slept, and of course, I had finished that bottle.
I may have reminiscent of that time when we made sangria with Jin. Or that time we got so shitfaced with V that I couldn't remember a thing. But I remembered vividly the time J-hope took me to the beach. And every time Jimin would keep me company and share cigarettes on the balcony. And taking care of Jungkook when he was still recovering from getting shot. I remember exactly how my heart was beating the first time I went to RR. And how committed and loyal and confused with everything RM was when he was trying so hard to do his best, when he was internally, still mourning Nanami's loss.
But I took a deep breath, willed myself to focus, and got up to get ready, ignoring the shipwreck that my life has turned to once more.
Today's arrangements included breakfast with my two beloved clans and I wouldn't miss it for the world to witness Jungkook attempting to kill Chin-Hae with a croissant or RM trying to pry JB's eyeballs out with a golden spoon. #myfamilyisweirderthanyours
Violet had stayed back. She wanted to help and be part of this but Suga was hell, no, so J-hope was texting her to check if she was ok. I smell clan drama there.
I had asked her in the past days how she felt here, and of course, the subject came around if she liked anyone. She had answered no.
Which was a big fat lie, considering there were times she would sign me things like, "God, Jimin is so dreamy," in front of everyone because she knew they couldn't tell.
I would sign back shit like, "I thought J-hope was your one true love."
And grinning, she would reply, "Can't they both be?"
We managed to get through breakfast unscathed. Almost.
It definitely will be on my top ten list of funny moments of my whole life though.
Get this, Chin-Hae sitting on the head of the enormous table that hosted the Last supper, smoking his cigar like the hot-shot maffia daddy he is, RM throwing him murderous glares in some kind of proverbial dick measuring contest about who is the better Saiko kommon, JB sitting next to V, talking about god knows what, something like the benefits of blowjobs to society I guess, Jungkook scraping butter on a toast, smiling like a serial killer, I don't wanna know what he was thinking, J-hope feeling like out of place and time because the fanciness of the place intimidated him, Jimin hitting on the girl that served coffee, Jin hitting the back of Jimin's head every time he flirted, Suga having a stroke every time Chin-Hae called me daughter, Jin restraining himself from hitting Chin-hae every time he brought up Nanami, Jungkook accidentally knocking over his cappuccino to JB's lap, Chin-Hae scolding Jungkook that his parents didn't teach him manners, Jungkook replying that he had teached his parents manners instead and that Suga should do the same, Suga telling them to shut it, everyone resulting to holding someone from hitting someone else.
Me starting to chuckle uncontrollably because: a) I was probably having a mental breakdown, b) I kinda was still a little drunk c) I was thinking that we are here to show how strong we are all together and that we are a united, unbreakable force.
I excused myself to go smoke 3 cigarettes, taking my coffee with me.
I was still laughing five cigarettes after, completely determined on getting lung cancer today, when I noticed from the balcony I was standing, two cars with tinted windows approaching. They waited three seconds, before the large metallic fence doors pulled on the side, granting them entrance.
I waited, wanting to see who will come out.
I counted four people. All from the Kwon clan. Not their leader. He probably send them before him to test the waters.
Three dudes with suits and earpieces,(Chin-Hae's guys) instructed them to follow them inside, while two others were running to the back quarter where a private helicopter was landing.
I was tempted to stay here where I had the first and best view, watching everyone arriving.
But I had to get ready.
I couldn't wait to get in the dress I chose.
Heads up, it was lethal.
J-hope opened his mouth. Closed it. He looked at RM for help.
RM crossed his arms. He pressed his lips in a way that screamed we are fucked.
Jin looked up at the ceiling and shook his head.
V signed the cross over his chest, murmuring Father, Son, and house of Gucci.
Jungkook just stared. Probably porn music was playing in his head.
Jimin had both his palms over his mouth. Then mumbled, "this is exactly what dreams are made of."
My dress was the tightest, shiniest, unholiest, most scandalous black latex thing you've ever seen.
It was custom-made for tonight— V had hooked me up with a designer that he knew, that would make anything you can dream of in exchange for three bags of MDMA.
It was like liquid night, patterned after a kimono, with the difference that the neckline was so open that the sides hugged my shoulders, draping down to wide kimono sleeves, the bust was low and tight, wrapping under the chest on the waist so tightly it could crush my ribs, and from the waistline and down it was flowing down long and straight, but with openings in both sides from my hips all the way down. TMI or not, it was obvious I wasn't wearing any underwear because if I would, you would probably see the sides of the elastic bands over my hipbones.
My hair was pulled back in the shiniest high ponytail.
My black platform heels were higher than Snoop dog in the VMA's.
My eyeliner was sharper than Jin's knives.
My lips were blood.
And for tonight, I had to channel the OG Rain energy to get through.
"I want to know how the hell you got into that dress without ripping it with those nails." V crossed his arms like the math wasn't mathing in his head.
With cocaine. The answer to everything when everyone is wondering how someone did something that looks impossible, is always cocaine. But I wasn't gonna voice that.
"I'll tell you later. It's something that rhymes with Rain."
"Just to be clear." RM narrowed his eyes, trying to understand. "You knew the whole place is gonna be swarmed with every criminal and their leaders from around the whole country. And you chose to wear that." He kept staring me in the eyes. Unblinking. Probably afraid to look accidentally souther, in case he offends me or his Oyabun or the president.
"Exactly," I grinned. And I knew from their reactions that the half mission was already accomplished.
"I need to go get dressed, RM looked at the time on his Rolex, making his way out of my room.
"I need a cold shower," Jimin murmured and followed him.
"I need to move all my crypto because we are obviously going to war because someone is going to kidnap your ass," Jin murmured as he walked out.
"Thanks, Jin. Just a reminder, last time I was kidnapped, it was your Oyabun." Burn.
He stopped on his track, smiling like Dexter. "Just a reminder, last time I was kidnapped, it was you." Ouch.
J-hope followed him murmuring that we're definitely gonna get in trouble now.
V crossed his arms and stared at Jungkook. "Take a picture. It will last longer."
"What's your problem?" Jungkook crossed his arms too, blowing away a piece of blonde hair that was falling over his eyes.
"My problem?" V chuckled humorlessly. "Nothing some weed and a blowjob can't fix." He was unbelievably crude when he wanted to be. "Why were you late at breakfast?"
"I just was... busy," Jungkook said.
"With whom?" V pushed.
"Last time I checked," Jungkook said with a smirk, "I didn't take orders from you, V. Or report to you. You're not my boss. So where I was and with who I was with, is none of your fucking business."
Daamnn, son.
Huh, look at that. Jungkook is looking at V ready to start a fistfight, yet pretends he wouldn't give two fucks about him.
"Thank fuck for that. you would be a nightmare to tame." V shook his head with distaste.
But why would Jungkook—
His behavior reminds me of someone, but I can't exactly figure out who...
BIIITCH
That's me.
Little JK is a fucking mastermind and we are all falling for his shit!
He doesn't even care about how I look. He is doing it to spite V. Because he doesn't know any other way to get his attention.
BIIIITCHHH.
Oh my god. He went as far as stealing my underwear so V would get mad when he would find out. MY UNDERWEAR. He is literally pulling the same shit I did in reverse.
That's why Suga hasn't punished him. Because he knows!
Oh, god. He pretended to like Violet to make V jealous!
I don't know why this realization made me so happy. It definitely shouldn't.
"I forgot!" I faked shock. "Suga was looking for you!" I took Jungkook from the hand, pushing him out the door, "something about Chin-Hae. He wanted you to apologize!"
"No, I won't!" He protested as I slammed the door in his face.
I fell with my back on the door.
And mouthed to V like screaming, HE LIKES YOU.
V looked at me like I was totally insane. Maybe I was.
"I'm telling you because you deserve to know it." I swallowed. "And because we might die tonight or tomorrow and I love you. And because it will take him like, seven years or more to admit it. And because I don't have the guts to tell the one I'm supposed to how I feel, so I know it's hard—"
V squashed me into a hug, sandwiching me to the door. "Shut up or I'll cry," he already was crying. "I love you too," he sniffed.
"You know, Suga had implied it too. That Jungkook... has feelings. For me. But you know, nothing I could grasp on."
"He did?"
"Yeah...That night, right before he announced that he was the Oyabun! Fun times." He sniffed. "But I thought he was just mocking me. He said a lot of random shit, like, that you had made a promise. To him."
My eyebrows shot to my forehead. I blinked multiple times. Was I still drunk from yesterday?
I knew I was high, but nothing dramatic to mess with my head.
And that statement definitely did.
Was Suga talking about our promise from like, 3,5 years ago?
Why?
And why a voice inside me was whispering that this info had definitely something to do with his secret?
I took a sharp inhale and added it to the list of things I would think about later.
Tonight was definitely the worst time for that.
"Anyways, I don't think it's true." V sniffed, pulling back. "Jungkook acts like—"
"Like he hates you! Duh!" It was so fucking obvious, it was practically blinding.
I went to the other side of the room, lighting a cigarette as I sat on the couch. I could definitely get used to this kind of fancy comfort of this house. "Remember that time we got shitfaced? And you said that I like Suga? What have I said?"
V narrowed his eyes at me, as he drawled, "You said that you hate Suga."
"Exactly! When in reality, I was doing everything I could think of to get his attention and spend time with him. And the asshole would reject me and ignore me. Huh. I didn't know I was still bitter about that." I murmured in realization. "But the more he would do that, the more I wanted to win that game. And make him admit that he likes me."
"You're saying that Jungkook has gone drunk-with-power-Rain-mode?"
"I was not drunk with power!" I scoffed.
"You threatened to kill me with a katana in my sleep." He deadpanned.
"Regardless," I waved a hand, "Jungkook too did like a ton of crazy shit for your attention! He literally just burned JB's dick with cappuccino!"
"Why are you saying it like it's normal?" V tilted his head to the side. "I can totally see your nipples through that dress, btw."
"Because he doesn't know any other way to express how he feels. He probably is confused by it as well! And I know!" I blew out smoke like I couldn't care less about my nipples. I actually didn't.
"So what should I do?" He yelled in frustration crossing his arms. "Why can't he say something? Or, let's say, god forbid, imply it somehow like a fucking sane person? And how the hell do your nipples in that dress look so good they should have their own tiktok account?! Suga will kill you." He grinned. "Then he will bring you back somehow, and kill you again. As your Oyabun, the second time," he grinned harder.
I started laughing.
"He is showing it, but you are not seeing it! That's his way of saying hey dickhead, I like you! A lot! What have you done to show it to him? Have you ever thought of, I don't know, telling him? And stop reminding me! Suga had sat me down and made a clear order, that I would wear a bulletproof vest at all times in Sokomob. Of course, I had already ordered the dress, so I looked away and lied in his face, so now, if he wants to be a dick about it, these nipples could cost me a finger." I took a long drag. Honestly, I didn't know what was his reaction going to be. And I was an equal amount curious and afraid to find out.
"Okay, these two subjects have way too much info to be squished into the same conversation. But it was fun as long as it lasted." V deadpanned. "And of course, I would never tell Jungkook! Are you crazy?"
"Oh, no, telling him would be outrageous, but doing all sorts of stupid shit like preventing him from having sex or anything of that kind with anyone is okay, as is you taking up Violet for a roommate," I narrowed my eyes ironically. "As I'm sure you have done a fuckton of other shit like that and hiding it."
He didn't answer. And his silence was enough to answer for him.
"Though so." I crossed my arms, after crushing my cigarette on a crystal ashtray. Or maybe it was from a diamond. I couldn't tell. All I knew was that it was heavy as fuck. "Why would it be so tragic if you told him?"
"He could hear me!" His eyes widened. "And— and..."
I rolled my eyes. "And he can say oh great, I like you too, now let's go fuck behind that tree because if I wait more to have sex they could change it," I pretended to do Jungkook's voice. V didn't find it funny.
V mimicked my smile. "You give very good advice." Then dropped it. "You should try following them."
I exhaled humorlessly, tired of being judged.
"Thanks, but I find myself to prefer sticking to avoiding telling Suga how I feel at all costs. Now if the free therapy session is over, you have a true love to chase, and I have several mob kingdoms to take down."
I reapplied lipstick carefully in the mirror.
The mind games, the chance, the strategies, the danger.
All of those were the things I loved. Things I thrived at. Things, I lived for.
So how come, for the first time in my life, the idea of death scared me?