The sun had already set, yet Jung Jae hadn't stopped looking dejected. He sighed all the time, reading official reports but kept on pausing. not touching his meals and even paced around the room many, many times.
"Forbid him to go, if you're this disturbed with him leaving."
Jung Jae halted and looked at Lady Jeon.
"He has the right to choose his own destiny. He's been my pawn for too long. He suffered enough."
"What about your suffering after he leaves? Who will you share your mind with?"
Jung Jae roamed his eyes into the wide, well tended lawn. The yard of the emperor's chamber. The place where he and Min Ho played as children.
What did brotherhood mean?
Was it about being together in every stages of your life?
Was it about supporting each other loyally, putting yourself below the other's dream?
Or was it about being honest and hiding none?
Maybe it's time to let your brother have his own dream.
He knew. Oh, he knew it better than anyone else how Min Ho craved for a peaceful life, free from complications and sacrifices.
After all his brother had done for him, should he block his way now, using his authority?
No. If he did that to Min Ho, it would be an unforgivable sin in his life.
You need to know when you have to set a soul free.
"I'll share my mind with him through letters. And I'll bless his departure. It's the least I can do to repay him."
Lady Jeon touched his arm, looking straight at him with a concerned face.
"Your Highness. You will be very lonely. Have you realized that?"
".......maybe at the beginning. And then I'll adapt. This time, let me be happy for his happiness."
Whenever Jung Jae decided on something, though it took time, it's like watching heavy oak gates closing. It's immovable.
Lady Jeon knew, it would be useless to say anyting else.
****************
He had lived all his life in Hanyang, yet he had no regret in leaving the city. True, he was born there, growing up and became the man that he was.
But Hanyang had long ceased to be a place that he could call home. It's been too long since he viewed the town as something other than the headquarter of traitors and greed, villains and sinners.
Only those who swam in the politic world, he knew, but how could he think otherwise?
The last time Hanyang was home was when his father was still alive. After that, it was a mere area of suspicion and exhausting scheme.
Yes, his brother was the emperor, and he meant a lot for Min Ho. But he had long dreamed to leave, even before the plan to annihilate Park Hae Soo was finalized.
Meeting Kim Go Eun didn't make him want to stay. It made him more determined to leave. She did give him comfort, but he felt their relationship would be tainted if they stayed there.
Tainted by his restlessness and fear of the darker side of his title.
He could see it in the sudden support people were showing to him. The praises got more pronounced, bolder, and more obsessive. He foresaw the upcoming turn of preference. Soon, there would bound to be some people who try to lure him to dethrone the Emperor.
And things would repeat themselves, all over again.
He was abhorred with it all. He needed to get away.
He could feel his brother's grief for his decision.
For once, he wanted to put himself as his first priority.
"Have some tea, My Lord."
He turned to see her already beside him, he didn't know when she arrived.
"You look so upset, My Lord. I just have to interrupt your thoughts."
He received the porcelain cup, liking the warmth of the liquid that seeped to his cold hands.
"I didn't bring it for you to stare at it," she smiled.
He drank up, feeling the warmth traveled from his throat to his stomach.
"What's bothering you on this lovely day, My Lord?"
He sighed as she gave his used cup to Eun Seung and she left to put it away.
"My usual nightmares that I see when I'm awake."
She reached for his hand.
"Your nightmares have ended. You have solved the case. Let your demons stay in the past, My Lord."
"......some demons never die, Go Eun-ah."
She reached for his other hand and grasped them.
"I know this is hard to do. But please, I beg you, try to live in the present. You need to stop thinking about the worst. Think about the best that you have. See just the obvious, instead of always probing deeper. If you don't try to live like that, you'll never find peace."
He smiled. His wife was fit to be a philosopher. People should write down her words and pass it to many generations to come.
"I am trying. It's far from easy. I am trying to see the better sides of this world. This life."
"Think of the best, My Lord, instead of the worst. That's naïve, I know. Still, it's not wrong to be naïve again. At least for you."
"Think of the best, instead of the worst," he repeated, "Being near you, you mean?"
She blushed, "Aniyo! I am serious, My Lord!"
"And me too! You are the best part of my life. I'm glad I made you mine!"
She tried to subdue her wide smile by biting her lips.
"You're a walking sanctuary, Lady. You radiate peace for me. I cannot imagine a life without you anymore."
She couldn't see his eyes then, trying to look anywhere but straight at him.
He reached her chin and made her face him, allowing no room for shyness to hide.
"Share your naivety to me. I need it."
"Algesseumnida," she whispered.
"Help me believe there are still good things in this life."
"Life is good, My Lord, but you need to trust it."
"Life is not entirely bad, I understand that recently," he said, pulling her by the waist.
"Because the Park Clam is no more?"
"Ani, Lady. Because you are within reach."
He lowered his lips to capture hers, fusing his longing with her softness, losing himself in her embrace.
Around them, the snow was pouring.
******************
The clinic set up by the Grand Princess was busy all winter, as the citizens of Hanyang asked for medication of flu, coughing, rheumatism, and fever. All the female doctors and nurses worked hard, willing to impress the Royal couple who never stopped sending herbs and food for them.
"Aigoo, even though I've only seen her once, I feel sad because the chance to see her again is diminishing now," the Head Doctor, a middle aged woman with blunt words, complained that late afternoon.
"Ne. She would follow the Grand Prince to Busan. What else can we do? A wife must follow her husband, right?"
The sound of a wooden bowl falling to the floor surprised them all.
Their newest helper apologized profusely, wiping the spilled porridge quickly.
"Yah! Can't you be more careful? I know the food is always enough here, but that doesn't mean we can waste food like that! How will we face Princess Kim if she heard?"
It was always like that in the clinic. They worked with pride, because they were the extended hands of Princess Kim, the benevolent Goddess who cared for the poor more than any other wealthy royalties ever before.
"Mianheyo, it will never happen again," the new nurse said with a trembling voice.
She was a new addition. The youngest, prettiest nurse they had. One morning she came to declare she wanted to work there, saying she'd do anything they asked her, in change for food and a place to sleep.
In need of extra help with the winter sickness, they readily took her in, though not without wondering why a pretty girl like her couldn't get a better situation than there.
Im Jin Ah finished wiping the floor clean from porridge stains and got up to fill a new bowl and feed the infant she was tending.
Her hands were shaking so much she felt grateful that the little one didn't choke.
Busan? He's leaving Hanyang with his wife?
Her eyes blurred with tears.
How long will it be to reach Busan?
I have to go there.
It's alright if he doesn't know whether she existed or not. But she must live in the same city with him.
Or else she felt sure she wouldn't be able to survive living day after day.
***************
Min Ho entered Go Eun's chamber just after she finished bathing that night, the room smelled sweet with flowers extract. It was intoxicating and consuming. The last time she heard of him was that he was busy with Jung Il Woo in his study, discussing about who were the most capable scholars that would apply for the highest position available in the government. She wasn't expecting him, so she took a long time in freshening herself.
He didn't want to see her in that state. Not then.
She was sitting on her bed, drying her hair with a cloth, wearing only a layer of robe.
In his eyes, she wasn't covered at all.
He averted her gaze and took a detour to her sitting room, "Let's eat dinner together
after you're done."
Go Eun frowned in confusion. He had been acting strangely since the banquet.
She appreciated his chivalry in letting her recovered from the wound caused by the spear in her belly. But it had been a month. If he wanted her, she was ready enough to receive him. She felt no more pain from the wound, except a little tingle.
He used to just take off her clothes at moments like this. The longest time he could survive not taking her was three days.
Before the banquet.
She had been wanting to ask. She had wanted to tell him that she could serve him again, but he had been such a gentle lover these days, talking to her until she fell asleep in his arms, telling her amusing stories about his childhood, and the memories he remembered best about his father.
Most of the time, she forgot that being in bed with him could mean more than having a heart to heart talk.
However, his attitude earlier reminded her of what she had been depriving him for some time lately.
Or was it him who had lost interest?
Not wanting to wonder by herself, she walked to the sitting room.
"My Prince," she called.
He hated her at that very moment.
He hated her soft voice. He hated how he could smell her even from afar. He hated how
she was comfortable enough to approach first.
He hated that despite her condition, he wanted her so much that night.
"Lady," he acknowledged her presence curtly.
She stood in front of him, reaching for the end of his sleeve.
"Did I do something wrong?"
"Ne?"
"What have I done? What makes you unwilling to touch me for so long?"
For a while, he lost himself in staring at her, eyes roaming to every inches of her
figure, dreaming to shed her silk robe off to reveal the fair skin he had missed so
much, lying her on the floor right where she was standing to have her again and again
and again.
"Aren't you going to answer me?"
He snapped back to his senses.
"Ani. You've done nothing wrong."
"Then why.........haven't you......Have you lost interest in – in me?"
He laughed bitterly. "Of course not."
"What is it then? If you think I'm still wounded, I have recovered........you don't want to see me with a scar? It's not.............that hideous. Young Ae-ssi, the doctor, she gave me a salve that will erase the scar. Soon my skin will be clean again.........."
She was rambling, they both knew that. It was an embarrassing monologue to say, but he had once told her he needed their lovemaking. He said he wouldn't survive without it.
She was concerned that he was deprived of his right, his needs, and his release.
Min Ho took a deep breath for strength.
"It's not like that at all. There's a reason. I'm just afraid...........it will break your heart."
"Mwo?"
How should I tell her? Why do I need to tell her? Why should she know?
"Do you want to know?"
"Yes."
"Do you really have to?"
She was confused, and starting to feel afraid. Something was not right.
"Come, let's get you to bed. Not because I want to take you, but because there's no better place to fall than on your own bed."
"I don't understand............"
He said nothing while he held her hand, leading her to her bed and sat there, asking her to sit on his lap.
Hesitantly, she obeyed him.
"Lady, I've told you a spear tore into your belly during the attack at the banquet, right?" he began, reaching for her belly, pressing his hand there as if he wanted to undone the wound.
"You were sitting, but you fell. Do you remember?"
"I remember the fall," she nodded.
How else to tell this without finishing it as fast as he could? It had been his deepest grief too. Maybe after she knew, they would start recovering together.
He was literally already holding her tight anyway.
"That night, Lady, we have lost our unborn child."
She stared at him, uncomprehending. Her mind refusing to believe the direct meaning of his words.
"W—what do you mean?"
"You were pregnant. Four weeks pregnant. The attack made you lost the child. You had a miscarriage."
She gasped painfully, tears starting to fall, hands pressing her own belly.
"I was pregnant?"
"Ne."
"I didn't know. I – I was carrying our child?" she asked brokenly.
"Yes."
"But – but I don't have it anymore? I lost it?"
"Yes. You had a miscarriage. The doctor suggested me to let you heal completely before I could touch you again. I am sorry, Lady. I'm sorry that you have to experience it."
He sounded sorrowful too, but it was nothing to what she was experiencing.
She had grown to love her husband completely, deeply,and thoroughly. She had been dreaming to have his child, raising the baby with love, holding the baby in her hands. She had thought she would do it when the situation was safe.
She remembered now. He had forgot to give the anti pregnancy potion during their stay in the Imperial Palace.
So she was already carrying his child in her body, only to lose it before she even knew its existence.
She was torn in grief so deep she couldn't breathe at all.
"No! Please..........I want that child back..........give it back to me............I swear I'll take a really good care of it this time........" she sobbed, hitting his shoulders in her pain.
"So – unfair! I want it! I want to have our child.......my baby.......why?"
"I'm sorry.....Go Eun-ah......I'm sorry. I'm sorry you must be the victim of this. Jeongmal mianhada......mianhe, Sarang-ah, mianhe........."
Her cries grew louder and louder, buried by the knowledge of losing a part of her and him.
"Oh, my child.......please come back to me. Come back to me..........."
He let her cry, holding her in his embrace, caressing her hair and back to soothe her, feeling his eyes got wet too, witnessing her mourning.
He wanted a child too.
Ever since he saw his brother having Jin Dae Goon, he wanted to have his own too.
Furthermore, when he married her.
But he had thought the situation was so unsafe to have their child. Maybe later when they were more ready.
And yet they actually had the chance, but lost it without even knowing it.
If he could, he wanted to turn back the time. He would prefer to know, to hide her somewhere safe, to make her first pregnancy bloomed to be their first child.
It was not meant to be.
It was not the right time.
Their unborn child did not go unloved.
The couple who conceived and lost it mourned deeply for it.
That night, Go Eun curled in bed, arms crossed on her belly, wetting the bed with her tears, crying until she fell asleep.
He dried her tears afterwards, praying she would be alright despite the grief, covering her with the blanket, wishing her a good, healing rest.
****************************************
Humans were born with the ability to adapt through all kinds of aches, either mental or physical. No matter how horrible it was, as long as a human still had a breath in her, she would find herself recovering from it.
The same thing applied to Go Eun. She needed another month to overcome the heartbreaking news. She cried, she had nightmares, and she felt like she didn't want to see what else life had in store for her.
However, she was not alone. As she was suffering, Min Ho was suffering too.
She had promised to be a strong, good wife for him. He also kept on asking her to hold on.
And so she did. Gradually, her tears dried, her energy returned, and so did her will to live and to move on.
What would she get from being desperate and giving up? Nothing. On the contrary, in accepting and letting go, she gained the strength to face her new day.
***************************************
"Princess Kim's parents are waiting for you, My Lord."
Min Ho just got home from the Ministry of Law, and was surprised to hear the news his housekeeper gave him.
"Where's the Princess?"
"In the garden."
"What are you waiting for? Go get her."
"We already called her, My Lord. She's changing, her dress is damp from the snow. But her parents did not come for her, they come to ask for your time."
"Ah, jeongmal? Very well, then. I'll go see them. Which sitting room?"=
"The eastern one."
"Ahrasseo."
Her found his parents in-law sitting comfortably with drinks and snacks in front of them. But the moment they saw him, they bowed and greeted him.
"How have you been? The winter doesn't give you bad health, I hope?"
"We are in good shape, Your Highness, thank you."
"I heard that you want to talk to me? If it's about Lady Go Eun, she's recovering from her wounds, you'll be able to see her shortly."
"No, Your Highness. We are here for another purpose."
"And that would be?" he asked, never a man for useless chat. Always straight to the point, that's how he liked conversations.
Still, he didn't expect to see her parents to suddenly kneel in front of him.
"Kim In Ki-ssi! Madam! What is this?"
"We are here for an impertinent request, Your Highness. Please allow us to move with you to Busan."
He was aghast with the unexpected plea.
"But Kim In Ki-ssi! You're the Head of Sungkyunkwan university!"
"I am getting old, Your Highness. We care deeply for our daughter. If she lives in Hanyang, though married, we still can know about her condition, even maybe meeting her only every few months. But we couldn't bear to think of her so far in Busan, of which maybe we couldn't see her again."
"Someone even better than me could replace my position in the university. We only have one daughter. If we are allowed we wish to be near her."
He was silent for a while, trying to remember who can replace her father as the head of the main institute in the country, the one that produced many great men in history.
Mistaking his silence as a rejection, her father added.
"We swear we won't intrude your respectable household. If you allow, I will build my house from my own capability. Rest assured, it is not from corruption. I have enough to build a moderate house, hopefully close to your palace there."
"......and your son?"
"He opted to stay here. He wants a part in educating the younger generation, and would take a teaching post soon."
He said nothing for several seconds and it made her mother almost began to beg.
"Of course you can," Min Ho finally said. "She will be so happy, I'm sure."
Her mother couldn't contain her feelings anymore and bowed repeatedly on the floor, murmuring "Gamsahamnida." and so did her father.
"Abeoji? Ommoni?"
Go Eun entered the room in confusion, seeing her parents' kneeling to the prince, very similar to the scene between them before she was married.
"What could be the matter? My Lord?"
He smiled.
"Tell her," he urged her father.
"My daugther, your husband has allowed us to move to Busan too! We will live near to each other, instead of being so far apart!"
She beamed in happiness.
"Jeongmalyo? My parents will go to Busan too?"
"They don't need my permission. I don't own them."
He was beaming too, obviously elated with the turn of events.
Busan seemed better and better with each day, indeed.
**************
Moving an entire household of a grand prince from Hanyang to Busan was not a simple matter. At the end of winter, Min Ho ordered his servants to start the process, taking an entire month to bring all his furnitures and possessions, setting up the residence in the heart of the town as his new house.
Min Ho spent as much time as he could with his brother before he left, having lunch almost everyday at the imperial palace. Their last day together was not spent with overwhelming words and over emotional gestures. They just wished each other well, hoping for a great year ahead.
So he was completely taken aback when the announcement of "The Reigning Emperor of Joseon has arrived!" was heard from his gates.
It was the first time his brother ever visited him in his own palace. He didn't blame him. He was the emperor. The emperor never left his palace complex unless he went for an introspection visit to the temples or the countries to gain better health for awhile. Some emperors lived in the palace forever, managing his country behind the tall walls.
He hurried to welcome Jung Jae, Go Eun right behind him.
"You're here?" he asked, bewildered to see his brother there, with Lady Jeon and Jin, stepping down from their palanquins as if it was normal to visit like this.
"Ne. Wae? Can't I?"
He never second guessed his choice for leaving Hanyang, until that day. He was ready to go, but seeing Jung Jae came to send him off made him stood hesitantly in his yard. All his servants and guards were ready to accompany him in the journey. His palace was empty while the one in Busan was fully-equipped.
Yet, in his brother's sad eyes, he saw his past swirling, memories of their laughter, pain, and struggles fused into one enormous lump in his throat.
And Min Ho, the Grand Prince of Joseon, fell to his knees, face down on the grass, giving his sincerest respect to his emperor.
"Your Majesty, please give me your blessing"
If he could, Jung Jae wanted to close the gates of Hanyang that Min Ho would pass. But he couldn't. Before being an emperor, he was first a brother. He would miss his presence terribly, yet he's the person who knew what his brother had been through all these years.
If it's freedom that Min Ho yearned for, then he deserved it.
Jung Jae pulled Min Ho to stand and said, "Be happy in Busan. Don't worry about me. I'll make our couriers busy with news from me."
For once in his life, Min Ho couldn't find the strength to answer his brother.
"Go. You have my blessing."
Min Ho bowed deeply one last time.
The two shared one more smile.
And the journey to Busan began.
Annyeonghigyeseyo, Hanyang.
************************************
Busan was a city at the southeastern tip of Korea. On the west, there was Nakdong River, on the North there was Geumjeongsan Mountain.
Some of the people worked as farmers, some as fishermen.
The city gave a dynamic vibe, even during Joseon era. The trade between Joseon and Japan was centralized in Busan.
The mountain was pretty, and the sea was inviting. People were excited about their work and everything was a lot simpler than in Hanyang.
However you viewed it, Busan was new, fresh, and full of new adventures.
To Min Ho, it was everything he hoped for.
He arrived with his group of servants, maids, and guards in early spring, when the grass began to appear, light green color appeared shyly on trees everywhere, and cherry blossoms began to bloom.
Knowing the Grand Prince of Joseon was arriving, the citizens came out from their little homes and knelt for him and his wife on the roads, all the way to his palace at the heart of the city.
In the later months, Min Ho had strictly forbid anyone to kiss the ground he was passing, and they turned to only bowing low to respect him.
One glance and he saw people with honest faces. Not too thin to know that they were all well-nourished, meaning they had a decent state of prosperity, but no one was too fat too, indicating they were all mostly hard-working people.
His palace there was basically a widely spaced house, built four decades ago when his father suddenly wished to make the building his spring sanctuary when he was still a crown prince. Throughout his father's life, the palace was used thrice. Twice before he was married, and once after he had his two sons, Jung Jae and Min Ho.
He was only there once, yet the image of the unpretentious, honest city remained in his mind for the rest of his life.
He remembered his father talking to the farmers, reading books in the library, and even walking around the city without his formal robe.
There were no complicated discussions about politics and no lavish wealth unnecessarily displayed.
Just homes, real people, and real life.]
When Jung Jae gave the city to him, he was overjoyed, for the sweet memory of that visit a long time ago which he still cherished in his heart. Owning the city meant he owned acres of lands and farms there, making it his number one income as a prince.
Through out the years, Min Ho had made sure to collect only enough, and letting the farmers had the rest for their own consumption.
He wanted no irrational high tax to pay from the people who literally were the ones who provided for his life.
He had walked around his new palace with Go Eun the first day they arrived. It was enormous in size, but not in decoration. Each room was moderately furnished, but not to impress anyone, only to fill its function.
"What do you think, Lady? Is it good enough for you?"
".........this is more like my parents' house than your palace in Hanyang, only a lot bigger. I like it. This doesn't feel like a prince's palace, but a man's home."
For reasons unknown to him, her answer made him smiled in satisfaction.
They settled down easily.
Their days were like holidays, dwindling away but teaching them simple lessons of gratefulness.
Her parents lived within walking distance, and they met often, if not every week.
Min Ho had taken the habit of walking around the city everyday, accompanied by no other guard besides Jo Yeong, talking to people.
He had always wanted to do that. To have real conversations with the people. Not because of his title, but because he wanted to learn about their lives. Ordinary people fascinated him, always.
It was something impossible to do in Hanyang, yet possible in Busan. After a few weeks, people had managed to stop falling to their knees when he greeted them, and answered his questions, albeit in stutterings and not daring to see straight to his eyes. Within a few months, they were able to converse with him decently, sharing their thoughts and views to him.
For Min Ho, it was like discovering a long-lost dream.
His guards, idling with the peace, was finally sent to build.
Go Eun asked him for another free clinic, and he readily granted that.
Concerned with the experience of almost losing his wife in the last autumn, Min Ho had insisted to bring the doctor who saved her, Lee Young Ae-ssi, to Busan. She was actually the one of the head doctors of the Hanyang hospital, but he said he needed her to take care of Go Eun's health, and Jung Jae agreed, saying he would find someone else to replace her.
Lee Young Ae-ssi was the most intelligent and advanced student of the Hanyang Medical Institute, daring to try new healing methods like surgery rather than healing only through acupuncture and herbal medicine.
Go Eun said it would be such a waste for her to only tend for her, so they should built a clinic for her to heal more people.
Through the years, it grew to be the first hospital in Busan. Min Ho asked for more doctors from Hanyang, establishing a free medical help for anyone who needed the service. It improved to be the place where people from faraway cities, even China and Japan, came to cure their illnesses, since they grew to be able to heal even the most uncommon diseases.
The best doctors, mostly the males, stayed in Hanyang. Some of them were sent to Busan. Min Ho had made sure that Lee Young Ae would be the head of the doctors, and the male doctors must obey her, whether they wanted to or not.
Kim In Ki, missing his teaching job, had begun to teach the farmers' children to read. It was a trying occupation, but he was still satisfied. From three students, it grew to thirty students, and besides reading, he also taught simple Confucius principles and counting to the children.
One day, after a visit to her parents' house, Go EUn asked to the Grand Prince,
"My Lord, how about building a school?"
He had laughed loudly hearing the request, saying, "I knew you'll ask that sooner or later!"
And so the public school was built, The Busan Hyanggyo.
Specializing itself in Confucius noble principles, the school also taught reading, counting, and character building for children. It gradually developed to advance studies as the children grew older. With the help of the retired teachers of Sungkyunkwan university, which were Kim In Ki's best friends, the public school then grew to be the Busan University, one of the most prestigious education center of their era.
Maybe this was why he was destined to meet his lady on that one summer day by the lake.
With her, he grew to his full capacity, helping people to be better.
****************************************
Author's Note:
The grand prince finally found his freedom, and built an awesome new life with his princess.
It was sad that they lost their first baby, but their life is still long, they will have other children, without forgetting the one that they lost.
We're down to one more chapter of this story.
Please give me your comments. See you soon!